


Dark Paradise, Part II of I'll Be Waiting

by theornament



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Marvel Avengers Movies RPF, Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) RPF, Real Person Fiction, The Deep Blue Sea (2011), Unrelated (2007), War Horse RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 111,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theornament/pseuds/theornament
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her ill-fated adventure of handling Tom Hiddleston at her friend's convention, Rebecca Wright returns to her normal life.  But life without Tom has proven to be harder for Rebecca than she counted on.  Months later, when she gets the opportunity to work at another convention, at the request of an unexpected friend, can she do it without the ghost of Hiddleston haunting her?</p><p>*This is a complete work of fiction.  Some of the names of places and things are completely pulled out of my head.  ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark Paradise, Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> This is Part II of IBW, for those of you who enjoyed my little story. :) I hope Part II meets and or exceeds your expectations. Questions and comments are always welcome, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Music for Chapter 1:
> 
> 01 – Sidney Joseph Bechet – Si Tu Vois Ma Mere - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmVTnLR02Nc

It had been a few months since the convention. It was a new year; winter had finally run its course and was beginning to ebb into an early spring. When I got back home, I found it hard to continue working at my day job. I was so frustrated with my employment, and the position in my life, that it showed in my performance, and I was let go. I didn’t care really; I hated my job, and I was ready to move on. I moved back in with my parents before the holidays, which was fine, since they were never home. And they were grateful I was back. I could keep an eye on the house for them when they were away, and I enjoyed the quiet. I toyed with going back to school, but I put the kibosh on that idea. I didn’t want to commit to something if I couldn’t follow through. I spent most of my time reading, or on the internet. I made sure I didn’t stay in my jammies for more than two days in a row, and I watered my parent’s plants. I collected my unemployment and casually looked for another job. I knew I was going through a depression, so I took it one day at a time and didn’t berate myself for feeling the way that I did. I saw my parents intermittently, in between their trips, and they worried about me. But I assured them I was quite alright, despite all of my moping around the house.

I never texted him. I thought I would after he got back to London, but I found I couldn’t do it. I had boxed up all of his gifts and goodies that he couldn’t take with him on his flight, but I sent nothing personal of myself along with his parcel. No note of inquiry, no letter thanking him for my tiny gift and the letter he had written to me. I only sent what belonged to him from his adoring fans. I wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to hear from me. Of course all of this was fear and resentment at the situation, but I just didn’t want to interfere in his real life. He said he loved me, in his own way, but many things are said, and not truly meant. Not like I wanted them to. Then again, I told him I loved him and meant every letter and syllable, so who knows what that means. Perhaps he did mean it; I never got an answer. Not even after his package left my house, with my return address emblazoned on the front, there was no acknowledgement of receipt. He never messaged me. I hadn’t expected him to. Again, he was busy living his real life. The five days we had were stolen from reality, and that was it. I wasn’t going to throw my hope into a love story that had already ended. 

 

When Thor 2 was released, I waited until it had been out for a few weeks. I purchased a matinee ticket and went on my own. I sat in the back of the theater and watched as best I could. I didn’t remember much of the plot, but every scene he was in, my throat would get tight, and I pushed away the tears that wanted to come. It was so strange to see him on the big screen when I had seen him in some very compromising positions only a few weeks before. And I didn’t have the fortitude to see Only Lovers Left Alive. I knew that would be a numbing exercise in futility, so I stayed away from it, despite having both of my favorite things; vampires and Tom. But I knew better. I missed what we had for the short time that we had it. I thought it would be too hard to scroll on my Tumblr, seeing all his photos and interviews from the press junket for his movies, but I found it strangely cathartic. Watching him smile and flirt and say the same things over and over again in interviews, it was comforting. Almost. After the first month or so, I had reached a point of accepting that whatever it was we had, was indeed truly over, and I would have to hold on to the memory of what it was, and expect nothing more from him.

 

The convention season was slowly opening up, and I had heard from a new promoter in Arkansas that wanted me to come to their event and work sometime in late April. It was a multi-genre convention again, and I double checked the guest list. Thankfully, there were a few actors I had worked with before, so no drama. But, I hadn’t worked a show since the one in October with Tom, and my knee jerk reaction was NO - don’t do it. But, I loved what I did, and I couldn’t let one dalliance stop me. And it wasn’t as if I felt that I would fall into a similar situation with someone else; Tom was an anomaly, an absolute fluke. He was definitely the one celebrity on the planet that I should never, ever, have handled, and I felt I had paid my price.

 

It was a very late chilly evening in early March, and I was enjoying what I knew would be one of the last late night cups of tea I would have. I decided to curl up in bed with the rest of my tea, my netbook, and the remote. After turning on the TV and flipping through the hundreds of channels my parents paid for but never watched, I landed on a movie channel showing the end of an old 90’s romantic comedy for background noise. I fired up my laptop and sipped my tea quietly. It was late, sometime between one or two am, and I automatically did the time conversion in my head. Seven am London time. I wondered if he had risen with the dawn to go for a run. I thought idly if it was as chilly there as it was here, and I admonished myself for the hundredth time in the past few months, yet again catching myself doing this. Dammit. I needed to cut it out, but it was an automatic response within me and it was a hard habit to break.

I arranged a pillow behind my back and slid another pillow onto my legs with my laptop perched on top. I could hear the credits rolling on the movie as I got signed into my Facebook and opened up a tab for Tumblr. I scrolled my Facebook, getting caught up on the handful of friends I had on there. Seems Julie was getting ready to fly out to California to work a convention that her “true love” Edward was appearing at. Bless her, she never gave up. When it was all said and done in the end, if anyone was keeping count, I won and she lost. Thinking about it in such petty terms was really a shame, and seeing that her little defeat in October hadn’t deterred her, I supposed it was a positive thing. She was living the dream, travelling around and doing what she loved. I envied her, but not maliciously. I didn’t have it in me to be malicious about the whole thing. It did no one any good in the end. And did I really win anything? I didn’t have an answer for that.

As I commented on a few photos posted by another friend, I heard the opening clarinet of “Si Tu Vois Ma Mere”, and I went very still. I glanced up slowly and I saw the unmistakable first scenes of “Midnight in Paris”. I closed my eyes and released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Dammit again. This was stupid. I patted my bed, reaching blindly for the remote. I didn’t know if I wanted to turn off the TV, throw the remote, or just keep watching. It wasn’t like he was in the damned movie very much. But he was in it, wasn’t he? I just sat there, unable to turn it off. It was a small piece of him, and I would take it, despite my reservations. I took a deep breath and held onto the remote.

 

I watched up to the Fitzgerald’s party and then switched off the TV. I couldn’t deal with it any longer, and that was his last scene anyway. I shut off the lamp on my nightstand, shoving my laptop to the other side of my bed, and burrowing deep in my covers and hoped for sleep. Chance Tom sightings had popped up like mushrooms since I had gotten home. They happened mostly on my TV, and after tonight, I decided I wouldn’t turn it on again. All it did was get me into trouble, and do nothing but confuse me. At least with my Tumblr, I had some sense of control over seeing him. But that didn’t mean certain new photos of him didn’t take my breath away, despite how much control I thought I had. 

 

I slept fitfully and dreamed broken, disjointed dreams. Strangely enough, I didn’t dream of him often since returning from the convention, but when I did, they were quite vivid and emotionally disturbing. When I would wake the next morning, I couldn’t remember many details, but I could feel the emotional impact of what I had slept through. And this dream had awakened me in a cold sweat with my heart pounding frantically in my chest. All I could remember was an intense feeling of claustrophobia, like I was under many layers of earth, and I could hear Tom yelling and screaming, trying to find me. It was scary and heartbreaking, and I was glad I was awake. I rolled over to check my phone for the time, nine thirty seven am. I had only been asleep for about six hours and I didn’t feel rested at all. And it looked like I had missed a text. I unlocked my phone and opened it to see who it was from. “Hey kiddo, go check your email. :)” It was from Brian. It was a bit early in the year to be hearing from Brian about his show, so it must have been personal.

 

I pulled myself out of bed, walking bleary-eyed to my door, bumping into my desk for the thirty seventh time since moving into my old room, making my monitor spring to life and showing my screensaver, which happened to have a slideshow of the photos from October. My desk was almost too long to be against the wall in my old bedroom, but with all of my worldly possessions still packed in boxes and totes stacked along my walls, it was a bit cramped, and I had to remind myself not to run into it if I was in a hurry. I made my way downstairs to start the coffee pot and make some toast, rubbing the muscle of my thigh. Whatever Brian needed from me this early in my morning would have to wait. I had no idea what it could be, frankly. And I was still shaken from the dream that I had had. I prepared my coffee mug with its sugar and creamer, my mind wandering aimlessly to someone else who happened to be in another time zone, most likely enjoying a late afternoon tea in his back garden, or running long fingers through his curly hair as he read a new script at his kitchen table, or something. I shook my head, forcing Tom out of my head, and I poured my coffee, taking it, and my toast, back upstairs to my room. I had done so well keeping him shoved away from my brain over the holidays, and I had even reached a quiet peace within myself about the entire situation, but as spring arrived, along with the convention season, it became harder and harder to keep random thoughts of him at arm’s length. I sat down at my desk, drinking half of my coffee and downing my first piece of toast before I launched my email.

 

“Hey Becca!  
How’s it goin', honey? I hope you had a great New Year’s. Listen, someone you and I both know contacted me about your handler credentials and I wanted to give you a heads up. I sent them your email address, so you should have something coming for you soon. She said she had been considering you for a position, and I wanted you to know that I gave you a glowing review! :) I told her as far as I was concerned; you were the best in the business. ;) I’m so excited for you and I hope you get the job!  
Stay in touch! Love you!  
Brian”

 

Well, this was interesting. I had been filling out a few applications here and there for the sake of my unemployment, but a handler position? Maybe it was another convention? I thought back to all the job applications I had filled out, and I couldn’t recall anything for a handler. There wasn’t much call for that where I lived, so I was confused and intrigued. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Should I ask who it was? Would it look like I didn’t know what this was all about? My mind was muzzy and numb, as was the usual these days, and I decided to let it go for a while before responding. Then again, it could be the new convention in Arkansas gathering references or something like that, who knew.

 

I pittered around, going to my usual websites and looking at the same old things as I sipped at my coffee. As I scrolled Facebook, I choked on my last bite of toast. Tom had posted from his Twitter: “Off on an American adventure!” This little post was accompanied by a fuzzy photo taken from what could only be the view from a seat on an airplane. I felt my heart unwillingly skip a beat. He was coming back to the States. Oh god, where was he off to? I hadn’t seen or heard anything to indicate what in the world he could be doing. And there was no news that mentioned anything that he could be attending that was Marvel or awards related, at least nothing that I had seen. Captain America wasn’t out for a few more weeks, so that couldn’t have been it. The only other thing I could think it could have been was his small role in the new Muppet movie, or perhaps his turn at Capt. Hook, but I just didn’t know. I didn’t stalk him as a rule, just allowing the public news from his posts on Facebook, Twitter, and the occasional magazine article. Which to some may have looked like I was stalking him, but I wasn’t, truly. I tried my best to keep him at bay, despite going to Tumblr and not removing him from my Facebook or Twitter feeds. But I sure as hell didn’t mark his every move like I had before October, before there was an us. And I reminded myself there was no us, there never was an us. 

 

I spun the silver ring on my right thumb, thinking about his new American adventure. We had had quite the little adventure, albeit unplanned, and completely on accident. But it was an adventure to be sure. I didn’t cry much these days; sometimes I thought it hurt too much. I enjoyed a numbing calm, doing my very best to keep everything in perspective, and knowing in my mind that we had had was, in fact, over. Now, I had spent the weeks following the convention doing my fair share of crying, but I felt I was cried out. And I still hurt, and the hurt was deep. But it was so deep that it had just reached an eerie point of detachment, and it made it easier to ignore. Except when he posted something or tweeted anything. Then it would reach up and strangle me all over again. And I would think casually about unfollowing all of his social media sites, but in the end I knew I couldn’t do that. Despite everything, I was still a fan. As I sat at my desk, sipping the remainder of my coffee, I got a new message in my email:

“Becca!  
Hello, Stephanie Hale here! I wanted to know if you’d be interested in being my personal handler for a convention that I’m appearing at in the next few weeks? I contacted the promoter of the show we did together in October to get your contact info, and I’d love for you to come hang out with me! The convention I’m going to wants to assign someone to me, but I wanted you, if you can come! I’ve included my mobile number, so please call me if you are interested. Dmitri and I would love to see you again!  
Regards,  
Steph”

 

And the plot thickens. Why in the world would Stephanie Hale want me as her handler? True, she had seen me handle Tom at Brian’s show, but this didn’t make any logical sense. Why wouldn’t she want to have just a regular handler from the convention help her? Weird. I didn’t know her very well, and I wasn’t aware she had been paying any attention to me, or what I was doing at Brian’s event. And it wasn’t as if I was handler famous or anything, like Julie. I was curious and suspicious. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number. I had no idea what time zone I was calling, and it didn’t matter. I wanted to know why she wanted me.

 

Stephanie’s phone only rang twice; I could only assume she must have been expecting my call. “Hello?”  
“Stephanie? This is Rebecca Wright, how are you?” I asked, trying not to sound as suspicious as I felt. I watched my desktop photo change from Tom and me at his autograph signing, to us standing in each other’s arms after closing ceremonies, and I spun in my desk chair, putting my back to my monitor. I wasn’t in the mood to see that tender and heartbreaking moment this early in my morning.  
Stephanie giggled into the phone and said, “Oh Rebecca! Hi there! Wow, that was quick, I take it you received my email?”

 

“I did, that’s why I’m calling. Listen, that is really kind of you to think of me coming to help you at your show, but I’ve got to know, is there a reason why you are asking for me in particular? I mean, usually when you go work a show, the convention assigns someone to you, unless, of course, you bring your spouse or your publicist -” I said, unwittingly faltering on the last word. I squeezed my eyes shut, my mind spiraling to images of Luke and Tom, which lead to Tom and me, and I cleared my throat as quietly as possible.  
There was a muffled shuffling sound and then the line cleared. “Yes, this is true, but Dmitri and I are invited to a really big show in Nevada, and when the guest relations liaison was telling us that they would assign someone to us, I thought, well, what if I want to bring my own handler? They were completely fine with the idea, so I thought, well, why not Rebecca? You did such a wonderful job with Tom last year, and I’d love to have your help.”  
I winced and grit my teeth. Hearing her speak so casually about Tom stung me out of the blue. I didn’t want any memories of that show to come pouring in, and I knew if we chit-chatted about it, then it would open a floodgate that I had been spending months doing my best to dam up. And I would be damned if I was going to let it all crumble into a pile of unnecessary and unwarranted feels.

 

“Well, goodness, I’m not sure what to say...” And I didn’t. I was still recovering from her bringing up my wonderful treatment of Tom, and a few of my errant memories leapfrogged over my dam. 

 

“Then just say yes, silly! Here are the details. It’s in Vegas at the end of the month. Dmitri and I will be arriving Thursday morning, and will be flying out Sunday morning. We’re both scheduled for things Friday and Saturday, but the convention wants us in early for some private industry event on Thursday night. But the main event doesn’t get started until Friday afternoon. Would you be available to come on Thursday? I’d like to spend some time getting to know you better, if you’d like.”

 

Las Vegas, last weekend of March...OH MY GOD. “Wait, Stephanie, is this for Galaxycon!?” Galaxycon was the Vegas answer to San Diego Comicon, and it was huge. And by huge, I meant its lowest attendance was no less than one hundred thousand attendees. And it attracted huge industry guests. It would be the largest event I had ever worked; I was glad I was sitting down.

 

“Why, yes it is, how did you know?” Stephanie asked innocently. I rolled my eyes and tried my best not to smile. Goodness, anyone who couldn’t get to Comicon in the summer made Galaxycon their vacation destination in the spring. Their attendance was growing by leaps and bounds each year, getting major studio support and endorsement after many years as a small fan-run convention. 

 

“Lucky guess. But, I’ll tell you, Vegas is so far away from me; if I drove, I’d have to leave on Wednesday morning or something...” I replied, thinking about the eighteen hour trip and calculating all the gas money I shouldn’t be spending, due to my lack of employment. I had some money in savings, left to me by my grandparents, but I conveniently kept forgetting it existed. I was saving it for god knows what, but I refused to touch that money for anything frivolous. 

 

“Nonsense, Dmitri and I are flying you in. It’s the least we can do on such short notice. And you’ll have a room as well. The convention booked a room for each of us, but I won’t need mine,” Stephanie said with a knowing giggle. I was glad she and Dmitri were still together; they made a cute and striking couple. I had a brief memory flit by in my mind of her riding piggyback on Dmitri and bouncing merrily down the hall of the hotel...and I stopped that line of thinking again quickly. That had been a horrible night with too many emotions and too many memories that I needed to keep sealed away for my own good. “So, anyway. We’ll get you here and you’ll have a place to sleep, will you come?”

 

I swiveled in my desk chair again, facing my computer screen, casually watching the photos of Tom and myself on my desktop, change from one to the other over the course of our fateful stolen weekend. Dammit, could I work another show? Could I spend time with Steph and Dmitri and not think of Tom? I sighed. I was a professional, and it seemed she needed me. “Of course, how can I say no?” I said.  
Stephanie giggled again. “Oh, that’s the best thing I’ve heard today! Thank you so much, Becca. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. I’ll have Dmitri send your e-ticket info as soon as we ring off.”

 

“No problem, I’m looking forward to it. And Stephanie? Thank you. I do appreciate it,” I said, and I meant it. It would be good to get out of this house and get back to doing what I loved. I just hoped I could handle it emotionally.

 

I could hear Stephanie smile on the phone. “Oh no, you are doing me the biggest favor, and don’t thank me until you get here. Speak with you soon!” And with that, Stephanie disconnected the call.  
I set my phone on my desk, continuing to watch our photos flip by in their desktop slideshow. The photo from the dance faded into the photo of us at the dinner for the stars, and my heart squeezed. Could I do this again? Could I take a chance on working an event that he...? Oh no. I felt my stomach drop and I immediately launched my browser. I could feel the small hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I googled Galaxycon and waited for the page to load. He couldn’t possibly be going, could he? This wasn’t part of his Great American Adventure, was it? No way, it would have been announced if he was, there was no way I wouldn’t know if he was attending. I clicked on the guest list and held my breath.

I scrolled through the guest page and saw nothing. It was the regular gamut of video game, anime, comic book, and animated feature voice actors, and no mention of Tom. The only thing I did see was a special Marvel preview release event for the Captain America movie, but it was for the video game, and nothing more. I breathed a sigh of relief; my nerves stood down and I relaxed. A tiny part of me was quietly disappointed, but I was cautiously relieved. I would be able to concentrate on my two charges and do the best damned job I could. And I was pleased that this convention didn’t have anything to do with Tom’s new American adventure, whatever the hell that was. My coffee had cooled, so I went back downstairs to fill it up again, shoving my thoughts of Tom back inside his box and taping it shut.


	2. Dark Paradise, Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 2:
> 
> 02 – Lana Del Ray – Dark Paradise - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSz43AHM2EU  
> 03 – Madonna – Take A Bow - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDeiovnCv1o  
> 04 – Placebo – My Sweet Prince - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_NME1Iu79U  
> 05 – Elvis Presley – A Little Less Conversation - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoSAm4t334M

The two weeks before I left for the convention went by as normal. I tried to get out of bed at a decent hour, made sure I ate, filled out applications for employment, and made sure I prepared myself for my upcoming job. Stephanie and I were in constant communication, along with Richard, the individual in charge of guest relations for the convention. He sent me Steph and Dmitri’s schedule, and I got their events loaded into my calendar in my Drive. Their schedule was going to be pretty light, which confused the hell out of me that the two of them had requested that I come work for them. Thursday was a private cocktail thing that Marvel was having, and Stephanie and Dmitri were both invited. It seemed her LA vacation back in October had paid off. After staying with Dmitri for a month or so, he had been able to introduce her to some of the top voice casting directors in LA, and she had landed a tiny role on the new Captain America game. She was so tickled when she told me over the phone. It wasn’t much; just some additional fill-in voices, but she was going to be credited, and it was the first video game role for her resume. She had also shared in confidence that she was up for a few other big projects, and I was really excited for her. 

Friday afternoon of the event they had a panel together, and then an autograph session. Then a few Saturday morning panels, an autograph session in early afternoon Saturday, and that was it. They would both be finished no later than three pm, and then had nothing else to do. Since my job would be finished after that, I toyed with leaving Saturday night. When I shared this with Stephanie, she insisted that I should stay on until Sunday, and that they would find something fun and amazing for the three of us to do on The Strip. I felt like I couldn’t say no to her, but to be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to being a third wheel. I had resumed my involuntary spinsterhood when I got home from Tom, and I wasn’t on the lookout for anyone to be in a relationship with. I subconsciously knew I was holding out for him, but I didn’t allow myself to pirouette down that path. I knew what waited for me down there. And as for something fun and amazing to do on The Strip, I didn’t know if I’d be in the mood to sit and nurse my whiskey at some loud bar, watching the two of them have a smashing time, but I needed to keep an open mind and just work on getting over my present lonely situation.

I pulled out my trusty carry-on and got everything packed the night before my flight, listening to Dark Paradise playing softly in the background. My musical tastes had turned morose since coming home, and I took solace in the familiar music from my youth, along with a few modern gems that cleverly reflected my mood. I tried not to roll around with my dear friends, depression and regret, too much. At the very least, I hadn’t taken up my bad habit of smoking cloves and writing bad poetry in a corner, but I had irritably enjoyed finishing Tom’s abandoned bottles of Jameson on my own. And I had only allowed myself a month to wallow in the despair of losing him, and then I decided to just cut it out. It was what it was, and it was over. His silence had sealed the deal on that, and it was best for everyone that I just move on with my life. His lack of communication with me had certainly told me that he had moved on, and I had chosen to do the same. Mostly.

I’d be leaving around lunchtime the following day, and I still had a few things around the house to take care of. My parents were currently enjoying a cruise in the Mediterranean, and they would be back either the Monday or Tuesday after I returned home. I phoned our next door neighbor and let her know I’d be out of town for the weekend, and to make sure to pick up the mail. Mrs. Mackenzie had lived next us for as long as I could remember, even when the house belonged to my grandparents. She had immigrated around the same time as my grandparents, being a new war bride, and they were fast friends all the way up to my grandparents passing. After my grandfather had passed away, she had kept an eye on my grandmother up until my parents moved us into the old Victorian four-square to care for her ourselves, and she held a soft spot for me. I let her know of my upcoming trip, and she promised to pick up the mail and water the plants when I was away, letting herself into the house with the key she had in her possession since the dawn of time. I spent the majority of Wednesday cleaning the house and getting all of my laundry washed and packed. I also went through the fridge and cleared it out of all the things that I knew would go bad before I got home on Sunday afternoon. It wasn’t much, thankfully. I took out the trash and rolled it to the curb for the morning pick up and then came in and put my kettle on.

I sipped my tea, standing in the hall leading to my kitchen doorway and staring at my carry-on and my messenger bag sitting innocently in the foyer near the front door. Seeing my familiar luggage sitting inconspicuous and prepared to leave, I felt hollow inside. I took a deep breath, thinking about the last time I had packed up my luggage, and about the last time I had unpacked it. Memories of my sweet prince had imprinted themselves on my travelling companions, and I felt my throat clench unexpectedly. I shook my head to clear it of the memory of his face, and I left the hallway of my kitchen, shutting the light off and thrusting my bags into the darkness. 

I trudged up the stairs to my bedroom, trying not to allow my thoughts to wander to Tom. With each step I took, I could feel the familiar ache of sorrow doing its damnedest to claw its way forward, and it had quietly begun to reform into something resembling resentment. I tried not to be sore at him, but as the months rolled slowly along, and still no word from the man, it was hard not to feel some sense of frustration towards him, even if I had talked myself into moving on. I went through all the lists in my head. Was I not pretty enough? Did I not make him laugh? Was I not a good enough listener? Did I not exude a quiet strength or whatever the hell it was he was attracted to? In my jaded heart, I knew the answer to all of these things. At least I believed I did. He thought I was beautiful, he had said so himself. I had also made him laugh quite a bit actually in our short time together. And I was always there to listen whenever he needed me. And I think we all know how the whole Julie fiasco was handled with quiet strength and all of that, even though he did lose his shit, but I had handled it with calm and grace under pressure. So it couldn’t have been any of that. I had no idea what it could have been. I had decided that I needed to stop second guessing myself after a few weeks of rolling around in torment over all of those questions, and more. But his silence was deafening, and part of me really just wanted to know why. But I knew that I wouldn’t get any of the answers I wanted, and I had to be alright with that. 

I sat down with my tea and checked my email to see if Steph had reached out to me. She hadn’t. No matter, I would see her tomorrow afternoon when I arrived at the airport, and I was more than prepared for it. I turned down an old Madonna song playing on my Pandora as I went and shamefully checked Twitter for any news on Tom’s Amazing American Adventure. I had seen a few new photos of him a few weeks earlier at the Muppets premiere, and I had noticed he had cut off all of his hair again, much to my dismay. But there was nothing since his first tweet, just radio silence. I sighed, annoyed with myself that I was even checking. I needed to leave it alone, to save what shreds of sanity I had left, but I just couldn’t help myself lately. Having Stephanie reach out to me, going to work a new job, it brought back many of my old memories, and I felt as if my subconscious was doing its best to thwart anything my brain or common sense wanted. I finished my tea, shut off my computer and crawled into bed, pushing Tom away for the hundredth time since Steph’s email.

I woke from a faceless nightmare sometime in the night. My heart pounded against my chest, and I was in another cold sweat. I had dreamed about Tom again, I could feel it. I didn’t know the circumstances, yet again, but it was definitely about him. So much screaming and torment and heartbreak, I was glad I woke myself from this one. I was sick and tired of the nightmares, and I had no idea why I kept having them. I rolled over, clutching my pillow, two unexpected tears squeezing from my eyes. My breathing had quieted and I burrowed deeper under my covers. I glanced up at my alarm clock and it read three thirty three am. I did the LA conversion in my head, and I hoped whatever he was doing, he wasn't staying up too late. I clenched my teeth, admonishing my brain for, yet again, thinking about things that were none of its business. It didn’t matter what the man was doing, he sure as hell wasn’t doing it with me. Thinking about this, I had worked myself almost completely awake, and I decided I needed to get back to sleep, and soon. I had a big travel day ahead of me, and I needed my rest. I threw off my covers, creeping over to my desk in the dark, grabbing my MP3 player, and shoving in my ear buds, turning it on and putting it on shuffle. I laid in the dark, listening to Brian Molko sing me quietly on my way to sleep. It was an older tune, and as I listened to the words, Tom unwittingly materialized slowly behind my closed eyes. Not like his normal flitting in and out of my thoughts, but an elusive, disquieting Tom that only crept in and visited me late at night. Flashes of memories played disjointedly through my mind; watching his eyes flutter closed when we were in his tub, his face pressed against mine during our final joining, his frowning lips as he turned and walked away and out of my life forever. Despite what my head desperately wanted, my rebellious heart wanted to remind me of what I had had, and of what I had lost. I breathed deeply, wiped my tears, and went back to sleep.

My flight was leaving at one fifteen pm, so I had set my alarm for nine am so I’d have time for a shower, get the house closed up, and load up my MP3 player with some new music for the flight. I wasn’t going to take my dark and gloomy tunes with me; I was going to try and listen to music that would keep my spirits high through the weekend. I pulled off my dark music and replaced it with selections of high end techno, my beloved new wave, and a few of my favorite seventies tunes just for good measure.

I shutdown my computer after a quick breakfast of coffee, toast, and a final check of their schedule, closing my bedroom door, and made my way downstairs to the waiting cab. I did a quick walk through the house, making sure doors and windows were locked, and that any unnecessary electronics were unplugged. I gathered my keys, dropping them into my messenger bag, along with verifying that my passport, e-tickets, and wallet were in there from when I had placed them from the night previous. I gathered my luggage, left the house, locked the front door, waved to Mrs. Mackenzie, who was cleaning out her flower bed, and piled into the waiting cab for my drive to the airport.

Luckily, the town I lived in, the airport was small, so check-in was not a hassle. And I had opted to only bring my carry-on and my messenger bag, so no bags to check. I wasn’t going to take a chance on losing anything on the flight there, being stuck in my Dancer Prancer Loon shirt, a pair of jeans, and my converse for the weekend. I had packed away most of my Loki/Hiddles shirts after I got home; I didn’t have the heart to wear any of them anymore. And I had debated even if I should’ve worn this one, but something in me wanted to wear the same shirt I had worn the last time I had been to an airport. I was feeling darkly nostalgic.

I made my way through the ticket line, my e-tickets and passport ready for ID. I didn’t like to use my driver’s license for ID when I flew, so I had packed the passport. And besides, perhaps a tall British gentleman would surprise me and whisk me away on a whim. I rolled my eyes with that thought, and the TSA agent looked at me strangely. I smiled weakly, turning embarrassingly red all the way down to my toes, and handing her the grey bucket carrying my shoes and assorted miscellanea that were in my pockets. I walked through the scanner, reminding myself to keep my face in order while in public as she gave me another strange look as I gathered my things. 

After waiting for thirty minutes in a hard plastic seat in front of the gate, I got on board my plane, getting my carry-on stowed away and my bag under the seat and holding onto my MP3 player, staring out the window, ready for takeoff. A small smile crept over my lips, thinking this looked vaguely familiar. Tom had tweeted a photo from the beginning of his American adventure, and now, I was looking out at a similar view, on my own separate adventure, courtesy of Ms Stephanie Hale. I certainly hoped that it was a good weekend, and I shoved my Tom thoughts back into his box, this time nailing the lid shut.

The flight into McCarran was uneventful; I listened to my music and began reading the latest installment in my favorite book series. Luckily the ticket Steph and Dmitri had purchased for me had no stops, so it was a straight shot to Las Vegas. As I flew over the Grand Canyon, listening to a little Elvis Presley to get in the mood, I started to get excited. Working such a large event in Sin City, I couldn’t help but feel a little optimistic, and I was smiling like a fool. I had been to Vegas before, when I was younger. My parents had taken me when they were selling the whole “family friendly” shtick, and we went to take in the sights at Circus Circus and Treasure Island. Luckily, Vegas had quietly done away with all of that PG rated nonsense and had gotten back to doing what it did best. It was going to be interesting to be there as a grown up. Perhaps I would take Steph up on her offer of going off with the two of them for some night time fun on the Strip. 

Steph had informed me that they would be waiting for me near the front doors near baggage claim. After disembarking and finding where the front exit of the airport was located, I pulled my carry-on behind me and scanned the busy airport, looking for my ride. It was unusually busy, many people arriving for the convention, and I did my best to stay focused and following the signs that would take me to my destination. I was surprised that Steph wanted to pick me up, rather than have Richard, the convention liaison, get me, but Steph was young and hadn’t known the proper etiquette of being a semi-famous actress. I hoped she held onto that as she quickly got more and more important. 

I took the escalator down to street level, spotting my ride in the crowd and laughing unexpectedly. Steph and Dmitri were standing, holding a simple cardboard sign with my name on it, and anxiously looking over everyone that was walking in the dense crowd with me. She had a golden glow about her; her sun kissed skin was striking, very different than when I had seen her last. And she had cut her hair into a cute bob that fell around her jaw line in natural blonde waves. She looked beautiful. And very much in love.

I walked towards them, waving, and Steph’s eyes lit up, and she squealed as she ran over to me. She crashed into me, her thin arms wrapping around me and squeezing me tight. This show of affection was completely unexpected and I unexpectedly laughed with her, wrapping my arms awkwardly around her as my messenger bag was squished between us.

“Oh, Becca! I’m so happy to see you! Oh god, you have no idea how thrilled I am!” Steph said into my hair. Her voice was strained and exasperated, and curiously relieved. I was surprised again, not knowing exactly why she would be so happy and excited to see me.

“Wow, it’s good to see you, too! How have you been?” I asked, pulling back and smiling politely. Dmitri had chosen to come join us, and Steph disentangled herself as Dmitri gave me a half hug in greeting. 

Steph rolled her pretty dark blue eyes skyward, her face falling into a perfect smile of giddiness. “Oh, I’ve been fantastic! Busy, oh my god...very busy,” she said, giggling quietly. “But I’m SO glad you’re finally here. Have you got everything?” I nodded, and the three of us made our way into the warm spring Las Vegas air to the car waiting for us outside the airport.

The drive was short; we were staying at the Bella Stella Las Vegas, and it wasn’t but a few blocks away. Good thing the convention center was across the street, and within reasonable walking distance. I snorted quietly, hearing the name of the hotel, and tried not to think of hearing Tom’s voice pronouncing it in my head. Fabulous. I shoved that honeyed voice, which must have escaped thru an air hole, back into my Tom Box as we drove through the busy streets. Being around Stephanie was causing Tom to leak unexpectedly into each of my thoughts, and I tried to keep him contained, but I was failing. Steph chattered most of the short trip, trying her best not to talk about her upcoming projects, all the while Dmitri smiling quietly at her as she spoke. 

We got to the hotel and I gasped. It was a beautiful building, mixing old style Italian architecture with shiny curtains of glass. The grounds were surrounded with palm trees and large urns of exotic blooming flowers; their perfume was heady as we walked to the sliding front doors of the hotel. The lobby was lush, filled with flashes of purple satin, crystal chandeliers, gleaming dark wood, and smooth white leather. It was the most sumptuous hotel I’d ever stayed at, and I felt like a dirty hillbilly. As I stood, looking around at the beautiful interior, I tried not to gawp, but Steph grinned and grabbed my hand, dragging me to the elevators. I was staying on the eighth floor, and as we exited the elevator, I kept ogling the interior of the hotel hallway. It was modern and sleek, and I fell in love with the decor. The elevators were nestled in the juncture of the V-shaped sleeping towers, and I followed Steph and Dmitri to the right and to the last room at the end of the hall. She pulled out the hotel key, swiped it, and walked in with Dmitri and me trailing behind her.

My room was simple, but elegant. The flashes of purple had made their way into the rooms, including the lilac circle pattern in the carpet, the dark purple sequined accent pillow on the white bed, to the lavender satin accent chair in front of the window. I placed my bag and carry-on on the mattress and walked to the window, opening the drapes to take in the view. I smiled, looking at the ass end of the Wynn, and I took a deep breath.

“It’s really beautiful. Thank you, Steph, for bringing me in. I feel like I owe you one,” I said, turning to face her. I could feel the quiet build up of excitement of the beginning of the show thrum thru me, and I smiled, eager to get unpacked and start the weekend.

Steph was standing next to Dmitri and smiling mischievously. “No worries, we’re both glad you’re here. We’re going to get out of your hair and let you get settled. Here is your room key,” Steph said, walking to me and handing me the little plastic card. I took it and slipped it in my back pocket. Stephanie watched me for a space of moments, watching me, her eyes glittering. It was enough to give me a small pause, until she launched herself in my arms again, hugging me tight, her apparent desperation startling me. “Really, you have no idea how happy I am that you are here,” she said, whispering.

I frowned as she squeezed me to her. And as I was about to ask her about her strange behavior, she unwrapped herself from around me and pulled Dmitri out of the room with her, leaving me alone with a few suspicious questions. I had to remind myself that Stephanie was young, and perhaps she was still working on mastering every emotion she felt. Who knew.

I began unpacking; hanging up my clothes in the closet and stowing away the things that didn’t need hangers. I loaded my toiletries in the bathroom and put my shoes in the bottom of the closet. I zipped up my carry-on and stowed this away in the closet. I also pulled out my laptop from my messenger bag and got this plugged in. All of this took only thirty minutes and then I was finished. Steph didn’t need me until much later in the evening, so I had hours alone to myself to find something to do.


	3. Dark Paradise, Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 3:
> 
> 06 – New Order – Thieves Like Us - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc1ldXDJicY   
> 07 – OMD – Forever Live And Die - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veMz87KkLZA  
> 08 – Moby – Porcelain - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1Fcaro25Ek

I decided I would do a walkthrough of the hotel and get an idea of the layout. I wanted to make sure I knew the location of any and all exits that lead outside, along with the quickest routes to and from the convention center, along with any points of interest I would need to know about ahead of time. I grabbed my ID, room key, my phone, the small notebook and pen that was stashed in my messenger bag, and took the elevator to the hotel lobby. 

The lobby was teeming with attendees checking in for the weekend, and I maneuvered my way through the throngs of lines and to the left, leading to the ballrooms and meeting rooms located on the main level of the hotel. I peeked into some of the open rooms, making notes in my notebook. I had not received Steph and Dmitri’s guest packets yet, and I made a note to contact Richard when I got back up to my room so I could get a copy of the program to match them up with the room events. After I was finished making notes about the layout of the hotel, I planned to head across the street to the convention center and see if they’d let me in to do the same there. But, I would most likely need my event badge to gain entrance, which I had not received yet, so I would have to include that in my message to Richard to get that sorted as soon as possible.

The hotel boasted many large meeting rooms on the main level. Most of the doors were open and the hotel and convention staff was scurrying about, setting up chairs, tables, drops, small raised stages, and sound equipment. Seeing the prep for the show sharpened my focus even further as I made notes in my notebook. I would be dumping all of the information into my Drive to include with their schedule, along with any other event that would be taking place that may be of interest to either Stephanie or Dmitri. It was good to get back to work, and I was pleased with how I had slipped back into my old role with relative ease.

As I rounded the corner, I noticed across from me an area of restrooms, and as I scribbled this information down into my notebook, I felt myself crash into a tall wall of someone. I felt strong hands gently grip my shoulders to steady me as my notebook got crumpled between us and slipped out of my hands, falling to the floor. I recovered, stepping back and away from him, as the wall of someone was indeed male, and he had already recovered and was bent over and retrieving my notebook.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry, I should have been watching where I was -” I said, my voice trailing off into nothing as the dark haired man stood up and handed the notebook to me with an embarrassed smile. As I looked into his deep brown eyes and pixie face, I could feel my own eyes slowly widen in complete and utter shock. I froze.

“No, I apologize. I wasn’t paying attention. Here, I think you dropped this,” said the man in front of me, smiling impishly at me. And I knew this man. I knew immediately who he was. I had watched enough YouTube videos and gif’s to know just exactly who I was standing awkwardly in front of, and I wanted very much to evaporate. I blinked, still in stunned silence, as Luke Windsor stood in front of me, smiling politely. 

I recovered, somewhat, and I laughed nervously, taking my notebook from him. “Thank you,” was all I could get out in a choked whisper, accompanied with a lopsided and forced smile. Luke grinned again, excusing himself, and walking past me and down the hall I had just come from. I turned slowly to watch him walk away, and I felt my knees go weak as I began to quietly shake. I couldn’t think straight as my eyes followed him down the hall. Luke was dressed in dark skinny jeans, a vintage Sex Pistols t-shirt, and his Converse. He was casually peeking into some of the rooms and scanning the doors that lead outside. My god, he had to be doing the same thing I was... My stomach dropped and I clutched my middle, walking to one of the smooth white leather chairs that were positioned along the wall outside the hall of bathrooms. I took deep breaths, trying to get it together. But as I was doing my best not to have a mental breakdown, curiosity got the better of me, and I leaned over the arm of my chair to look back down the hall. Luke had disappeared. I sat back and glanced up at the ceiling, a deep flutter threatening me with nervous nausea. Holy shit, what was Luke doing here? And if he was here, did that mean...? Oh, dear god, NO... I began to quietly tremble more so now than I had been. I kept blinking, getting my breathing back under control, and I began to think back to when I had visited the Galaxycon website two weeks ago. It hadn’t listed Tom at all, no mention of him; I had made sure of that. But Tom was in America at this exact moment, wasn’t he? Then again, that didn’t mean he was here for HIM; Luke had other clients... But it was too much of a coincidence. I got out my phone and launched my browser, resting my forearms on the tops of my thighs to stop them from shaking. The page took forever to load, and I went to the guest link and waited. My exasperation, coupled with my own negligence, and the slow wifi connection in the hotel, heightened my anxiety as my anticipation began to rise. After a few moments, the page loaded, and I scrolled down the page. I didn’t have to scroll much. I inhaled sharply through my nose and clenched my teeth, my stomach falling down to my knees once more as I stared at the new black and white headshot of Tom effing Hiddleston. I exhaled slowly, scrolling a bit more. Seems he was added as a surprise guest during the time I had originally checked the damned website to right now. He had been added two days after I had checked, two days! I dropped my phone in my lap and face palmed. Why, goddammit, WHY hadn’t I checked the website again after Steph invited me to this bloody event!? I knew better than that, and I admonished myself for being an absolute idiot. 

So. Tom was at the same event I was, and Luke was with him. And, this time, I wasn’t his handler. I would just be me. But, I was still a handler for Stephanie and Dmitri, so there would have to be some kind of etiquette to this. Oh lord...wait. Did Steph know? This dreadful suspicion spread thru my chest like drunken fire, and my chest burn with my nervousness. She had to know, there was no way she didn’t know. I sat in the leather chair outside the bathroom of the hotel, and all of the pieces slowly started clicking into place. I looked up at the ceiling again, both angry as hell and astonished beyond belief. But wait a minute, Stephanie had no idea what happened between Tom and myself; we had both been extremely cautious with our public appearances, and even when the convention had finished and he held me in the wings after closing ceremonies, she was on a plane to LA. She couldn’t have known, and I was pretty sure Tom hadn’t gone around London sharing the oh-so-tragic story of his little American tryst to everyone he knew. Despite all of the nasty rumors I had read of the man, he and I had been very discreet. There was no way she could know. It had to be some weird coincidence, it had to be. I had to believe that. And if it wasn’t? I wasn’t sure how to answer that, at least not yet.

I recovered enough to get up and finish taking my notes. I walked around the remainder of the main floor of the hotel, scribbling in my notebook, and watching where I was going. Once I had everything mapped out in my notebook, I went back down the hall, keeping a wary eye out for any random Luke or Tom sightings. I was too dazed to head across the street, and it didn’t matter anyway; I didn’t have my badge yet. Luckily, as I waited for the elevator up to my floor, I saw neither Luke nor Tom. I got to my room, shutting the door, throwing my notebook on my bed, and sitting down heavily. I didn’t know what to think or how to act. Tom was here, and possibly in the same hotel as I was, at this exact moment. My nerves erupted once more, double sided and conflicted as hell. I was both excited and cautious, and I had no idea how I was going to proceed through the weekend. Being Steph’s handler, I wasn’t even sure we would cross paths. But, as the panels finished, and if there was any night time activities in any of the hotel rooms like Brian had at his event, it was a definite possibility. I didn’t know how the big conventions worked; I had only worked smaller events, and they all followed a pretty similar pattern. But this was a big show, so who the hell knew. Tom was also Stephanie’s friend. This truth stabbed me deep in the gut. I rest my face in my hands; my eyes scrunched up, and shook my head back and forth. I was not prepared for this. Fate was having one over on me, yet again, and I really needed to find out what the hell I had done to her to make her so bloody upset with me. 

I didn’t have time for this; I had to do the job I came here for, and I wanted to think about this later. I had to. I sat up and pulled my phone out of my back pocket, texting Richard about all of the badges and my guests’ packets. I slid my phone back into my pocket and got up, going to the window and looking out at the late afternoon sky of Las Vegas. As I looked out over the trees that were behind the Wynn, my stomach grumbled. I hadn’t eaten since my toast and coffee from this morning, and I really needed to get something small in me before I started getting ready for the Marvel event this evening. I kept the drapes open and went to the hotel room service menu. I didn’t want to chance running downstairs for a sandwich and miss the guest liaison arriving with my guest info, or have an awkward Hiddleston encounter. I placed my order for a turkey club, and then proceeded to plug my MP3 player into my radio. I needed noise to distract me from my thoughts. I put it on shuffle and turned the volume down on “Thieves Like Us” so it didn’t drown out any potential knock on my door. I started going through my closet, looking for what I would wear tonight as I waited for my late lunch and my guest packets. I didn’t bring a lot of super fancy dress clothes, but I knew I needed to find something casual, yet classy. I finally pulled out my slim fit black trousers and a soft emerald green cowl necked top with loose capped sleeves. I laid these in the lavender satin chair next to my window, and then went to pick out my jewelry. I dug around in my toiletry bag, grabbing my drawstring bag of accessories, and came up with a gold collar necklace and the emerald cut aquamarine earrings I bought after holiday clearance. I laid these pieces out on the sink vanity next to my makeup and took a good look at myself in the mirror. I ran my fingers through my hair, staring myself down. I would definitely need a shower after lunch. My hair was a mess and I didn’t have a stitch of makeup on. I looked rough and in desperate need of a haircut. It had grown out quite a bit over the winter, and I hadn’t cared enough about my physical appearance to give much of a crap about how I looked while I was riding the depression train named Tom. I sighed and pulled out my curling iron, plugging it in, but deciding not to turn it on until after I hopped in the shower.

I heard a knock on the door, startling me out of the critical appraisal of my appearance, and went to see who made it first to my door, my lunch or my packets. I answered the door, and the packets with my badges won. I smiled at the volunteer, closing my door and going to sit on my bed to review Steph and Dmitri’s info.

Standard entertainment riders, a bit lighter on the demands than Tom’s was, but there were still a few personal requests like the hotel room, per diem, appearance fee, and personal handler. I shoved these hastily back into the binder and reviewed the legal paperwork. I would make sure to get them to sign this when I saw them next; I didn’t want to put it off like I had the last time I worked. I angrily snapped the binder shut, closing my eyes, and bopped the binder into my forehead, turning my face to the ceiling as OMD began singing softly to me in the background. Christ, I needed to stop comparing all of this to Tom. He wasn’t the first famous person I had ever handled, but he definitely was the one who had made a lasting impression. Yet the ghost of his memory was seeping into each and every aspect of this trip, and I was frustrated. I took a deep breath, opening my eyes, verifying that Steph and Dmitri’s badges were in there as well, and shoved the binder and my own convention badge into my messenger bag. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket to see if I had any messages from anyone, and there were none. So far, handling Steph had been super easy; she was never around for me to handle anything. Hopefully she and Dmitri would make an appearance after I ate and got cleaned up. I sent a thank you text to Richard and shoved my phone back into my jeans. 

After a few moments, another knock on my door, and my late lunch had arrived. I tipped well and took my sandwich to my bed to eat. It was getting close to four pm, and I needed to get this in me and get on with getting ready. I wanted to look as nice as possible, just in case. 

As I chewed my sandwich, I thought about my chance meeting with Luke. Now that I was removed from the situation, I was quietly excited and a little nervous that I would get to watch him work, even if it was with Tom, or if it was with someone else, although I highly doubted that. Tom was a headliner on the bill, albeit only listed for a brief Friday and Saturday appearance; I knew that Tom would want his nanny with him. I snorted as I finished my sandwich and began working on my chips. Even with Tom being here, I found I was still eager to see Luke. I had studied him as I watched Tom at his public appearances; the way he stood when Tom was working the red carpet, being ever vigilant, ever mindful, and ready to take over any situation, be it with a crazed fan or just shepherding Tom somewhere. As a handler, I had also noticed minute things that I would never allow when I worked with someone, but I wasn’t going to think about that. I wasn’t any better than dear Luke, and it was Luke who had the prestigious honor and privilege of handling Mr. Hiddleston for a living, not me. I was an amateur volunteer that was good at what I did, but I didn’t get paid, much to my annoyance. Gah, too many negative thoughts to swallow for lunchtime.

I finished my meal as “Porcelain” began playing, and I took my water bottle into the bathroom with me. It was time to get pretty. I took a swallow of my water, capped it, and then turned on my taps. I showered, scrubbing away my travel grime, and dried off quickly. I spent the next hour fiddling with my hair and getting my makeup arranged on my face to my liking. After I was finished, I pulled on my outfit and sent a text to Steph, asking her if she needed me. I went back to the bathroom, setting my phone on the vanity of my sink, and put on my jewelry. As I was sliding the last post of my earring in, I froze. My arms dropped slowly to my side, and I stared at myself. Oh goddammit... I had Loki’d myself, and I hadn’t even realized it. Dark green and black, with a matching gold collar necklace, emulating his armor. Oh for fuck’s sake...

A knock on my door broke me from saying much worse words to myself, and I went to answer it. Steph and Dmitri blew in with a gust of hellos and hugs, and they went to go sit on my bed. I forgot about how I looked, and it was too late to change; it would just have to do, despite the aggravation at myself.

“Oh, Rebecca, you look lovely tonight,” Stephanie said sincerely. I smiled shyly, still not used to any kind of compliments, and I waved her away. She smiled approvingly at me, her eyes sparkling with mischief again. Her open appraisal and acknowledgement at my appearance unnerved me. Then again, I was most likely reading more into her body language than I should, so I chose to ignore the small spark of suspicion that lit briefly inside of me.

“Thank you. I see you two have gotten ready for this evening already. I thought the party started at seven pm?” I asked, moving my messenger bag and pulling out their binders and badges, along with a highlighter and a few pens.

Steph leaned back on the bed, watching me. She was in a vintage inspired print dress that floated around her knees and nipped her in at the waist. She looked like a fifties housewife going to a cocktail party. “Yeah, but we, uh...showered early and just figured we’d go ahead and get dressed.” She cut her eyes at Dmitri, and he returned her look with a smolder of his own. Their heated glance, coupled with the allusion of the lurid events of their afternoon, threw me deep into heated memories of October, and I scooted them away as quick as they came. I tried not to notice the implication that there had been some serious rolling around before, during, and possibly after their own showering, and I let it go, trying not to feel sorry for myself. 

I sat with them on the corner of the bed and opened the binder, going over the paperwork with them. I explained the 1099, and the convention contract to them, as I had for every other person that I had ever handled. They read through everything and signed on all of the dotted lines. I took the papers from them and thanked them for their cooperation, eliciting a laugh from each of them. After I put their binder in order, I also handed them their badges for the weekend, informing them to make sure they were on their persons at all times when we were on the convention floor. With all of the legal necessaries complete, I went to lean against my desk and wait. I toyed with telling Stephanie about who I had bumped into downstairs, but didn’t know if that was such a good idea or not. If I told her that Luke was here with Mr. Hiddleston, perhaps she would want to go see him. And if she did, would I have the strength to go with her, or would I stay put in my room? Or could I just share with her about bumping into Luke, and then how I had confirmed on the convention website that Tom was here, and did she know about this already? Or should I say nothing and see if she mentions it at all? If she didn’t, then what would that mean exactly? So many questions, all leading back to Tom, and I had no idea which path to run down. 

Luckily, Steph made the decision for all of us, for now. “Who wants an early supper before the drinking?” she asked. Dmitri raised his hand, and then reached for Stephanie, wrapping an arm around her waist, and pulling her against him, making her squeak and giggle. “Becca, you want to go down and have a light supper before we have to make our appearance?” she asked, getting her laughing under control as she laced her fingers thru Dmitri’s and leaned back into him.

I had eaten not an hour ago, but I would at least sit with them and nurse a glass of water for support. “Sure, let me get my stuff together, and we’ll go down.” I slipped my ID, room key, and my phone back into my pockets. I also clipped my convention badge onto the front loop of my trousers, and I was ready to go.

We went down the elevator and into the hotel restaurant. It was dimly lit, and we were shown to a back booth for privacy. I sat across from them, positioning myself so I could watch for anyone that may approach, and waited for the menus to arrive.

“Dmitri, you’ve not said much since I’ve arrived, how have you been?” I asked politely, squeezing the lemon into my newly arrived glass of water. 

Dmitri smiled, taking a sip of his single malt. “I’ve been ok, busy as all hell. Been working on a few titles the last couple of months, so it’s been pretty hectic. I’ve also been helping with the sound engineering on some other games that I’m not voicing, so that’s been keeping me pretty busy.”

I nodded politely, sipping at my water. We made small talk until the waitress came and took their orders. I declined, explaining that I had had a late lunch, and that I was perfectly content with my water with lemon. 

After the waitress left, Stephanie leveled me with a serious look. “Becca. I have something I would like to ask you, but I hope you won’t think I’m being intrusive.”

I stopped fiddling with my straw and folded my hands in my lap. It looked like what she had to ask me was pretty serious. I tried not to let the red lights and sirens go off in my head, and I smiled, encouraging her to continue. “Sure, go ahead.”

Stephanie took a deep breath and began fiddling with the straw in her own drink. “Um, how have you been lately? And more specifically, how have you been since October?”

I could feel my brows furrow. I was confused. What an odd question... How had I been since October? How in the world should I answer this? And what did she really want to know? And why was she asking me this? Wait. Now the red lights and sirens went off willy nilly inside of my head, and I pulled a mask of indifference over my face, just in case. “I, uh - I’ve been alright, I suppose. I lost my job shortly after the convention, and I moved back in with my parents. But it’s ok, I’ve been keeping busy,” I answered warily, shrugging at the end of my statement. I was lying, but I was also being as careful as I could with my answers. I didn’t want to reveal anything that may be damning to Tom, or to me. Because that had to be why she was asking. I couldn’t think of any other reason why she would be asking me such an odd question, especially since we didn’t know each other that well. 

Steph and Dmitri glanced at each other, communicating silently, and then Steph turned back to me. “Look, I, uh - I want you to know that I know what happened that weekend. Not the event, of course. But what really happened, on a personal private level, that is.”

I stared at her quietly and I felt my stomach lurch. I could feel my face threatening to flush quite red, and I did my best to remain calm. Nerves, suspicion, and a quiet simmering anger began to bubble within me. “You know what happened, Stephanie?” I asked, keeping my voice as even and guilt-free as possible. I had no idea how she knew, or even if she knew the truth, and I needed to keep this exchange as innocent as possible.

Stephanie took a deep breath and leaned closer towards me, forgetting her straw and folding her hands on the table in front of her. “I know you may be apprehensive about telling me, in light of what that woman was trying to do at the event, but I want you to know that you can tell me. I know everything, Becca. And I do mean everything,” she replied in a conspiratorial whisper, her voice dipping low, but emphasizing the last of her statement.

I sat back in the booth, and I could feel the color that was blotching my cheeks drain from my face. I blinked, glancing down into my lap, and finally out into the restaurant, not wanting to look at her. It was filling up with many of the attendees in cosplay, and some of the harried volunteers and event staff, catching a quick bite to eat. The buzz of the diners in the restaurant couldn’t match the buzzing thunder in my ears as I sat in my booth, trying to decide how to answer her. I didn’t understand, and my chest felt suddenly tight. “Stephanie, I -”

“It’s alright; you are amongst friends, Becca. It’s ok,” she said, her pretty face looking sad and forlorn. What in the world? Was I going to find a sympathetic shoulder to cry on over losing Tom? And just how had she come to know -? Our waitress had chosen this time to deliver their meals, and Steph sat back, going silent, and began eating.

I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with this conversation. I didn’t know Stephanie well enough to pour my heart out to her, but she obviously had some sort of idea of what had happened. Oh lord...how did she come to find out? I felt a wave of panic as I thought perhaps Julie had something to do with this, and I took a sip of my water, trying not to be nervous. I looked up at Steph as she speared leaves of her romaine lettuce from her chicken Caesar salad and popped them into her mouth, chewing quietly. The silence was killing me, and I wanted to know how she knew, her salad be damned. “Stephanie, I’m not sure what you are on about. And what exactly is it that you think you know?” I asked.

Steph finished chewing a piece of her chicken breast and swallowed, taking a sip of her mai tai to clear her mouth to speak. “Well, to put it bluntly, I know that you and Tom, well... That the two of you got very close over the course of that weekend. And I know it was a lot more than a professional relationship. I know it was much more than that.”

Got close? Is that what we were going to call it? I guess it was something, and her choice of words intrigued me. It was my turn to fiddle with the straw in my water, and I watched the lemon floating at the top of my glass, and I speared it, shoving it down to the bottom with my straw. “I suppose you could say that. But that’s all over now. I haven’t heard from him since the event,” I shrugged, not feeling the nonchalance I was trying to project. I also ignored my stomach trying to twist itself into impossible knots. I cleared my throat and continued, “And just exactly how did you find out? I mean, how do you know for a fact that Tom and I were -” I asked, not finishing my sentence. I was overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions; anger, loss, relief, and most of all regret. I was scared of her answer, but I needed to know. Damn Julie, if she had anything to do with this, all thoughts of pity and peace were about to be thrown out the window if I ever saw her again...

Dmitri glanced at Steph as he cut into his small steak, choosing to remain silent through this back and forth. Steph returned his look, chewing on a crunchy crouton. They remained quiet for a few moments, and I waited, trying to remember to breathe.

“I found out from Tom. And, based on what he told me, I was concerned as to how you were doing. How are you doing, really?” Steph asked, finishing her salad and sipping at her drink once more.

How was I doing? Well, should I be honest with her, or give her some bullshit answer to push her scent off the trail? Did I want to talk about this? Hell, she was sure alluding to knowing quite a bit about Tom and I, and I had no idea how she had discovered this. I hadn’t told a soul, and I wasn’t sure I knew Steph well enough to lay my heart bare to her. I’d have to be careful. I cleared my throat. “Well, I, uh - I’ve been better. And if you must know, I'm not sure I’ve ever felt worse. But why are you asking me this? I don’t understand -” I asked, getting agitated. I set my almost empty glass on the edge of the table, and immediately, a server came and filled it up again for me. 

Dmitri finished his meal and was staring into his almost empty glass of scotch. Steph looked at him, as if for support, and glanced back at me with a shy smile, seeming pleased with my answer. “I was only curious. That’s all I needed to know. Thank you for being honest with me, Becca.” And with that, the topic was apparently closed. No word about her knowing if he was here or not, just nothing. I sat back in my booth, watching them finish their meal and their drinks as I stared into my own water glass, puzzled with Stephanie and this entire situation.


	4. Dark Paradise, Chapter IV

I checked the time and it was a little past six pm. Steph and Dmitri decided they wanted to get to the event early and do a little mingling, and after I signed their meal receipt, we left the restaurant. I was confused and conflicted, and I had no idea what that little line of questioning was all about. I wanted to ask her what the hell, but I knew it would have to wait, for now. I needed to get my head on straight, and mentally and emotionally prepare myself for what was about to come, if anything. It was, after all, a private Marvel event, and with Tom being here, it was almost a definite that he could make an appearance. But then again, he may not, who knew with him. I took a deep breath and walked in front of the two of them, scanning the lobby for their safety. We walked down the hall I had gone down earlier, passing the larger ballrooms, meandering our way thru wandering attendees and staff, finally finding the private room at the end of the hall on the left where the Marvel event was taking place.

The doors were closed with two very large security personnel standing guard, along with a few convention volunteers carrying clipboards and wired with walkie radios. I introduced myself, Stephanie, and Dmitri, and the convention volunteers checked their clipboards. Finding us listed, and after a flash of our badges, we were allowed entrance. The ballroom was already full of people, and was buzzing with chatter and lively techno music. I did a quick scan of the room and saw no immediate sign of Luke, or Tom. I let out the breath I was holding and followed behind Steph and Dmitri as they began working the room.

The ballroom lighting was dim, and had been decorated heavily with Captain America swag, along with a few of the other Marvel heroes, and a handful of villains for good measure, their visages plastered onto huge vinyl wall banners throughout the room. There was also a large open bar on the left side of the room with a line of tables on the right laden with finger foods and steamy hors d’oeuvres. The room was filled with about ten rounds with eight chairs each, and we had to swerve and maneuver our way through them as we walked. As we worked our way around the room, I noticed a huge Loki banner that was hanging on the wall behind to the bar, and my breath hitched unexpectedly. It was the art from the Avengers, and he was lunging forward, his eyes piercing, a clever smile playing about his lips, looking terrifying and menacing in full armor. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my back to the wall art. I couldn’t deal with looking at him, not when I might have to deal with seeing him in the flesh later. I looked back longingly at the bar, wishing silently for a drink, and then laughed bitterly and unexpectedly, remembering Brian’s show. Goddammit, maybe if Tom did show up, I should down a bottle of tequila or Jameson and see what happened. Maybe he’d take me back to his room and do his characters for me again, maybe do a little improv... I shook my head, clearing it of the visuals of Tom and myself in extremely compromising positions, in character, and continued to follow Steph and Dmitri around the room.

They walked around for a bit until they found an unoccupied table, taking a seat, and I sat with my back to the wall to keep my eye on the room. Steph sat down next to me, and Dmitri waltzed off to the bar to get them a few drinks. Before he left, Dmitri asked if I wanted anything, and I regretfully declined, reminding him that I was working. He smiled, nodding in acknowledgement, and went off in search of their beverages. 

I folded my hands in my lap and leveled my own look at Stephanie. She was wiggling in her seat to the music playing in the room, and seemed preoccupied with people watching. Her abrupt end to our earlier conversation was still fresh in my mind, and I wanted very much to find out what she knew. I cleared my throat to get her attention. “So, are you going to tell me how you found out about October, or are you going to just allow that to swing in the wind?” I asked, watching her. I couldn’t bring myself to say “Tom and I”. I had worked very hard to make sure my head and my heart knew, without a doubt, there was no Tom and I, and there was no us. Not since that event, and not ever. 

Steph stopped moving and turned to face me, her face going blank. She finally took a deep breath, her chest heaving a bit under the pretty flower print of her bodice, and she propped her elbows on the table in front of her, resting her cheek against her folded hands. “How do you think I found out?” she asked quietly, sighing sadly. Her lips were turned down into a frown and she looked like a sad pixie doll.

I shrugged, trying not to sound aggravated. “I have no idea, that’s why I’m asking.” Dammit, I just wanted her to level with me and get it over with. I had enough on my mind as it was, and I wanted this bit of business put behind us, and quickly. Especially with the impending potential of having to face Tom in public. I had to make sure I had any and all feelings for that man shoved deep into his box, and secured with iron bands and padlocked good and tight.

Dmitri arrived with the drinks and took his own seat next to Stephanie, pulling her close to him with his arm draped around her shoulders. He had also brought me what turned out to be a ginger ale, and I thanked him. I sipped at my drink, and the topic was closed again. My annoyance was replaced with simmering anger, turning quickly into a full on boil, and I had to table that, telling myself that it was work time and this would have to wait, yet again. Any personal crap I had with or without Tom needed to not affect me and how I was going to do my job for my charges to the best of my ability.

The room began filling up in earnest as it got closer to start time, and my anger did a one eighty turn, and into a paralyzing panic, with my nerves going on alert. I still saw no sign of Tom, or Luke, and I made sure I kept an eye on all of the guests that kept arriving. I was not going to be bamboozled by either of them. Then again, he probably had no idea I was even here, or even recognize me when he was in the same room with me. I had lost a bit of weight, and I hadn’t had a haircut for a while. Forgetting to eat when you are rolling around with a ball of negativity and regret will do that to a person. And would it really matter? He had made sure not to make any sort of contact with me over the last five months, why would it matter to him if he saw me or not? Apparently it had been just a good time for him, a casual fling that he had had, and promptly forgotten, and it sure seemed everything that had happened didn’t mean much to him. It made me sick to my stomach that I had joined the famous list of rumored women he had seduced, and bedded, while out and about at various hotels and events, and I choked off the resentful feelings I had that threatened to erupt. This paradigm shift unsettled me, and I did my best not to think about it. I had many months in which to accept that as the reality of the situation, and also come to grudgingly realize that perhaps his talk of love was, in fact, all a dirty lie. But a small part of me was completely and absolutely still in love with him, and would most likely run to him willingly like a madwoman if he just smiled at me. The dual nature of my feelings about Tom was giving me a headache, and since I had bumped into Luke, they had been in overdrive.

Seven pm, the music was lowered, and the host of the event took to the mic. He thanked everyone for coming and encouraged everyone to take advantage of the open bar and free food. He also mentioned something about the new game coming out, and thanked everyone for all of their hard work. I wasn’t paying much attention; I was on the lookout. Thankfully, he didn’t speak long, and the music came back up, and the mingling began again. Dmitri disappeared to freshen drinks, and Steph got up to go speak with her co-workers again. I sat at the table, finishing my ginger ale and keeping my eyes peeled. There were tiny pockets of people standing and talking, along with people sitting at various tables, laughing and making quite a bit of noise. I began to look from the bar, surveying the room, my eyes making their way slowly across the room. I saw Dmitri and Stephanie standing with a group of people and laughing about something, and I kept going in my search. Still nothing...wait. 

I went completely still as I looked over at the hors d’oeuvre table. Tom was standing and speaking to a man that I didn’t recognize. I felt a sudden and irrational rush of desire to get up and run over to him, but I stayed firmly planted in my seat. Oh my god, he looked amazing. He looked unshaven, shaping his new scruff into a light dusting of a goatee. He definitely looked different from when I saw him last, but he was still my Tom. And with his hair cut short, it elongated his face, making him look a little older and thinner, very different than my Prince Hal in October. My hand began to visibly shake, rattling the remaining ice cubes in my cup, so I set it down on the table in front of me as I watched him. I could feel my eyes burn as I stared at him. I blinked finally, laughing quietly to myself as I recognized his baby blue dress shirt and charcoal grey suit. My god, nothing changed with him... I felt like a creeper, spying on him from across the room with what I could only imagine was a silly look on my face. But as I sat watching him speak to the man in front of him, I felt my breath slow and my body warmed as I kept my eyes on him. He was being rather animated, his hands moving around intricately and making the funniest faces as he told his story. I exhaled sharply and smiled, despite myself. All of the old feelings began seeping slowly back into my heart, and I could feel my neck begin to radiate with heat, and the irresistible urge to squeeze my thighs together. I bit my lower lip, pulling it into my mouth as I continued to watch him.

At some point, Stephanie had slid over to our table and sat back down next to me. I could feel her eyes on me, and she turned towards the direction of my gaze. I didn’t move. I heard her make a quiet acknowledging sound in her throat and felt her tiny cool hand slowly cover my shoulder. With her physical contact, I flinched, turning towards her.   
“Oh, Becca, sweetheart,” she said, reaching up towards my cheeks. Confused, I raised my own hand and felt that my cheeks were wet. For fuck’s sake, I had started crying and I hadn’t even noticed. Embarrassed, I swiped at my face and looked away, sniffling. 

“I’m sorry, I -” I started to say, and then decided not to finish my thought. I had to get out of here; I decided I couldn’t handle this. No matter how much willpower I thought I had, I was not ready. My body was betraying what I had built inside my head over Tom’s months of silence, and I could feel my irritation build inside of me as I wiped at my face, knowing I couldn’t and shouldn’t go to him. I needed some time to process this, and I needed it now.

I turned to Stephanie. “Will you two be ok for a little while? I can’t - oh god, Steph, please. I have to go for a minute. I - I’ll be back, just give me -”

Stephanie’s face looked sad and sympathetic, and she nodded. She rubbed my shoulder, comforting me as best she could. Hopefully seeing the distress on my face would help her understand why I had to go somewhere quiet and get it together before working the rest of the evening. I needed to get to a bathroom or something; I couldn’t just sit here and watch Tom be fabulous on the other side of the damned room, knowing I was unable to go to him.

I scooted my chair back, checked my pockets for everything, and got up. As I rose, Steph’s head jerked suddenly to look behind me, and as I was moving to leave, I walked straight into someone for the second time at this event. I put my hands up in front of me, grabbing the lapels of someone’s brown blazer. I glanced up into familiar beautiful brown eyes, and I said a filthy word in my head as Luke Windsor looked down at me, looking amused.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I -” I started.

He laughed, his eyebrows rising with surprise and his face lighting up with recognition, stepping away from me. I could feel my cheeks flush bright red, embarrassed all the way down to my toes. “My goodness, I think this is the second time that you and I have bumped into the other.”

I stepped away, awkwardly releasing his lapels, feeling my newly vacated chair hit the backs of my calves, and I nodded. “Yes, literally. It certainly seems so. Please forgive me; I’m not normally this clumsy.”

Luke waved away my apology, smiling. Good lord, he was the cutest thing ever, and I felt momentarily star struck. There were no videos or photos that prepared me for this. For Pete’s sake, did beautiful people travel in packs or what? “It’s quite alright. It certainly seems as if there is something that keeps drawing us together.” Oh dear lord, if he only knew...

I nodded stupidly again, attempting to smile, and feeling uncomfortable as all hell. I felt Stephanie move behind me, and once Luke laid eyes on her, his face lit up again, and he went to her with an acknowledging laugh as they fell into a friendly hug.

“Luke! How have you been? I see you have recovered from my mother’s Christmas party,” Stephanie said, leaning away from him, her hands lying on the tops of his arms that were still linked around her tiny waist. 

“Very funny, Stephanie. I wasn’t drinking that much, at least not as much as you, young lady,” Luke said, narrowing his eyes at Steph as he teased her.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Whatever, I wasn’t the one killing it in my father’s study, belting out Eye of the Tiger over and over. I didn’t think you’d ever pass out and spare us from your dreadful singing.” Luke threw his head back and laughed. As I watched the two of them speak, I casually looked around the room, making sure Tom was still in his spot. I found him, still at the hors d’oeuvre table, telling his story. Sheesh, he loved to talk... 

“Luke, I want to introduce you to a dear friend of mine. This is Rebecca Wright, my handler for the weekend,” I heard Steph say. I turned back to the conversation to be polite and to make our formal introductions. 

Luke’s eyes slid to me, and for one split second, I thought I saw his face go quite hard and cold, his jaw clenching briefly, and then relaxing into a polite smile. He held out his hand in greeting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Wright.”

I took his hand in mine and remembered to make sure I was shaking it firmly, as my grandfather had taught me. “Likewise, Mr. Windsor,” I said. I wasn’t going to presume that I could call him by his given name; we weren’t that familiar, and this man had no idea that I knew exactly who he was, and who his employer was. At least I hoped he didn’t. 

He covered our clasped hands with his other and leaned towards me, his face softening a bit. “Please, call me Luke. Mr. Windsor is my father,” he said with a polite laugh. I laughed as well, and I suddenly felt extremely awkward with his ridiculous joke. We continued holding hands, and I would be damned if I would pull from our handshake first. Luke made that decision seconds later, and he let me go. As Luke and Steph struck up a conversation that didn’t involve me, I looked back over at the hors d'oeuvres, and Tom had disappeared. I felt my eyes go wide as I scanned the room and couldn’t locate him anywhere in the crowd. I put my hand on Stephanie’s arm and excused myself from the two of them. I wasn’t going to be caught in this room with him, and with Luke hovering at our table. I wasn’t going to chance it. 

I sidled along the walls of the ballroom, putting groups of people between me and any possibility of bumping into Tom, making sure I had an eye over my shoulder and an eye ahead of me as I made my way over to the door. I had almost reached my destination, when I noticed that Tom had migrated near the door I was trying to escape out of, talking with a group of casually dressed men. And how he was positioned, he was faced directly in front of my exit. I had to be as quiet and invisible as I could if I wanted to leave without him seeing me. I took a deep breath, gathering every ounce of courage I had left inside of me. I knew where he was now, so I decided not to turn around again so he wouldn’t see my face. There was no way he would recognize me from behind, despite how many times he had been behind me, in more ways than one. Another small group of people had taken up residence in front of the door, and I excused myself, having to maneuver through them to get to the exit, and to my salvation. I pushed down the latch, and was about to shove it open, when I heard someone laugh quite loudly directly behind me, startling me. I turned my head to see what the hell was going on and made accidental eye contact with Tom. His eyes met mine, and the giddy smile on his face fell into absolute and complete stillness. I felt a burst of excited adrenaline as I saw his eyes widen and recognition flush thru his face, his lips parting as if to speak. I could feel my own eyes widen, and a shot of panic propelled me forward. I turned, shouldering the door open, and ran out of the room. 

I left, hearing the door bang shut behind me, dodging attendees and convention help, as I made my way hurriedly down the hall. I walked as fast as my heeled sandals would allow me to without falling over. Halfway thru the crowd, I heard a door burst open behind me, and I glanced quickly over my shoulder. Tom was following me. And the look of surprised shock and determination on his face made my heart race. My fight or flight kicked in, and I propelled myself even faster, rounding the corner and ducking into the restrooms I had discovered earlier in the day.

There was a small seating area outside the toilets that had couches and low tables, decorated in the same lavender and purple from the rest of the hotel. I sat in one of the lilac upholstered chairs and taking a deep breath. Luckily, the restroom was vacant for the moment, and I sat, taking deep gulps of air deep into my lungs. There was no way Tom would come in here looking for me, at least I hoped not. I sat with my hands shoved under my knees, and I leaned over, breathing deep and evenly. Once I got my breathing under control, I sat back, covering my face with my shaking hands. I couldn’t believe I ran. All I could think about for the past five months was seeing him again, and when I had the chance, I ran away. Why in the world would I run away? I missed him and wanted to see him, but I didn’t know how he felt about me. I didn’t want any awkward reunion with him to be done in public, where our hellos would be polite and sterile. I wanted it to be private, and I wanted to know why he had been silent for so long after he left. I sat, trying to work out why I was being an idiot about all of this, but I knew my window of safety was closing soon, and if I didn’t want Tom bursting in here looking for me. I had to leave soon.

As a few attendees came into the restroom, I got up and went to the door, listening for noise, and I opened it cautiously. Peeking out the door, I saw no sign of Tom in the hallway. I made my way as quickly as I could to the elevators in the lobby, waiting impatiently with assorted volunteers, staff, and attendees. I tapped my foot, looking thru the crowds for Tom as I waited, and as soon as we got an elevator, I slumped along the back wall, waiting to get to my floor. Once out of the elevator and on my floor, I ran down the hall to my door, holding my shaking hand steady enough to slide my plastic keycard into the electronic lock to allow me entrance. I got in and shut the door, throwing the bolt home, and leaned against it, my breath coming in deep gasps once more.


	5. Dark Paradise, Chapter V

I slipped the phone out of my back pocket and texted Stephanie, apologizing for abandoning her, and that I would be back down if she needed me. I walked to the bed and collapsed onto the mattress, letting the soft down of the duvet cover surround me. I looked up at the ceiling, letting my racing thoughts finally flood thru me.

I was angry with him, true, but it had been so good to see him again. And he had to have seen me, and he must have known who I was. He did chase after me, and I idly wondered what had compelled him to. It couldn’t be for a happy and tearful reunion, I couldn’t hope for that. Perhaps it was some kind of sick curiosity, and he wanted to know why I was here all the way out in Las Vegas. Who knew. Well, Tom knew, of course. I felt angry tears prick behind my eyes, and I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing them away. I had become quite good at doing this over the last few months. I felt the familiar heady rush of love for him reeling thru my veins, coupled with the pain of our separation, and I cleared my throat and swiped at my eyes. Despite all of the anger and hurt, it was unbelievable to see him again, and I couldn’t deny that.

A sudden knock on my door caused me to bolt up on the bed. I filled with dread as I got up, walking as quietly as I could, and looking cautiously out of the peep hole. I didn’t think Tom had been clever enough to follow me all the way upstairs to the sleeping towers, and the man had no idea where my room was located. Then again, if he found Stephanie, she might’ve told him my room number...oh shit. I let out the breath I was holding, seeing who it was. Luckily, it was Stephanie. Relieved, I opened the door and let her in. She looked at me with worried eyes, and she went to sit cautiously on my rumpled bed. I closed the door and went to sit next to her. We said nothing for a moment; I wasn’t sure what to say. I had no idea if she saw me bolt out of the room, or if she saw Tom take off after me. Then again, being the gentleman he was, I severely doubted he made a dramatic scene as he ran after me. He most likely excused himself politely, apologized profusely, and then calmly sauntered out of the bloody room. 

“Becca, why did you run? Didn’t you want to see him again?” Steph asked, breaking the silence that hang heavy in my room. Her voice was quiet and concerned. 

I turned to face her, and she looked sad and worried. “Saw that, did you?” Stephanie nodded. I sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I should see him. I didn’t come here to have a tearful reunion with Tom. I came to be your handler, remember?” I replied, looking at her with blooming suspicion.

Stephanie glanced away, her eyes wandering to the framed art on the wall. She took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “Yes. But that’s not the only reason why I asked you to come,” she said quietly, looking guiltily down at her knees. 

My head swiveled slowly towards her, and my stomach did flip flops, confirming my fears. Oh, now we have it. Now everything began to make absolute and perfect sense. Stephanie contacting me out of the blue to work an event with her, not knowing me very well, paying my way out here, and then surprise! Tom’s here. My paranoia spiked, and I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

Stephanie took another deep breath and began drawing shapeless patterns with the tip of her finger on the white duvet cover. “I wanted to see the two of you reunited. I know you two care for one another very much,” she shrugged, “I was just trying to help.”

I felt my eyes widen and my heart clench. My hand went to my throat and my cold fingers slowly closed around my neck. “What?” I choked out. Why in the hell would she want to do something like this? My god, what in the hell did Tom tell her? Wait. “...you two love each other...” what the hell did that mean?

She turned to me, the desperation plain on her face. “Oh, Rebecca. I’m so sorry for deceiving you. But, you have to understand, I had the best intentions, I really did.”

Stephanie did say she knew everything. I supposed now was as good of a time as any for this conversation. I swallowed thickly, my mouth dry. “Stephanie, I need you to tell me everything, please. Why did you really ask me here to be your handler, and please tell me the truth.”

She got up from the bed and began pacing around the room, teetering a bit in her glossy red four inch platforms, wringing her hands like an old woman. My drapes had been left open from earlier, and the lights from the Strip twinkled and glowed in the distance. Vegas was truly beautiful at night.

I watched her pace a bit, and then she finally stopped, standing near me, dropping her hands to her side. “Alright, here it is. After the convention in October, I stayed with D for a while, but I went home in December for the holidays. My mum throws a holiday party every year and invites all of her theatre friends, and Tom was invited. Rebecca, he looked absolutely wretched. I had never seen him look so bad before,” she said, watching me, her dark blue eyes turned down at the corners, matching the frown on her lips. She continued, “He had started that play of his, and I knew he was most likely preoccupied and exhausted from the shows, but he was quiet and withdrawn, not his normal cheerful self, especially when he’s immersed himself in a new project that he loves. He was acting, to put it plainly, a little weird. So, after supper, I cornered him as he was coming out of the loo upstairs. He denied that anything was wrong, but I kept pushing him and pushing him, and finally I dragged him into my room, and he told me everything.”

I stayed silent as she spoke. I had many questions, and I hoped as she spoke they would get answered.

“Rebecca, you have to understand, what he told me was in the strictest of confidence. I’ve only told Dmitri, and he won’t tell a soul.” She sat next to me again, putting her small hand on top of mine. “He told me everything that happened that weekend. Not so much of the details that I’m sure he wants to keep between the two of you, but he told me enough that I was able to fathom exactly what happened. It was the most romantic story I had ever heard, and I was absolutely thrilled for him. His face lit up as he spoke, so different than how he was acting earlier in the evening. As he told me what he could, he looked like my old Tom; happy and laughing, and just silly and wonderful. But then once he got to the end of his story, he looked so sad and heartbroken once again. Rebecca, Tom loves you so much, and it’s been tearing him up inside since he left you. He wanted so much to reach out to you, and to come see you, but once he finally realized what he felt for you was real in his heart, he felt like it was too late, and that he’d lost his only chance. He said he didn’t want to contact you in the beginning because he didn’t want to interfere, or be a distraction from your real life. But, once time went on, and he missed you more and more, he didn’t think you’d want to hear from him. He thought that the damage he had done with his silence would be inexcusable, and he felt there was no way to even begin to apologize for it. He feels wretched, he really does. But I’m not sure he knows how to take the next step, you know? So...I was trying to help, give him a push - give you both a push.”

I was in complete shock. I couldn’t believe my ears. Tom was in love with me? I looked down at my lap, spinning his ring on my thumb and feeling my eyes slowly filling with a mixture of sad and angry tears. All of that dark time, all of those lonely nights, the both of us had the same ridiculous and selfish thought. Neither of us wanted to interfere in the other’s real life, when in fact, all we wanted was to be with each other. All of those wasted and lonely days; my god, we were such idiots.

“So, when I was invited to this convention, and when he texted to tell me he was coming, I thought, well why the hell not? I wanted to give you both what you truly want, Rebecca. Each other. His story broke my heart, and I only wanted to help. I’ve known Tom since I was little, and I’ve seen him go through a lot of his relationships. He’s never felt like this for anyone, not in all of that time with any of those other girls. I mean, there were maybe one or two, but they always mistreated him, and then left him and broke his heart in the end. Tom is such a kind-hearted soul that needs someone who will love him for himself, someone who can be there for him and take care of him. And you can do that, Becca. I know you can. I saw how well you took care of him at that event. You two really are good together. And if what he told me is the truth, and how you reacted earlier at dinner, well. I think, perhaps, you feel as deeply for him that he does for you.”

I looked up at her, smiling sadly as she frowned sympathetically. I wasn’t sure what to make of all of this. I felt completely numb with this news, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. “So, you mean to tell me that Tom is in love with me, is that true?”

Stephanie laughed. “Yes, you silly goose! Tom loves you, and he’s in this hotel at this very moment, searching for you. Why don’t you go to him?”

I looked away and took a deep breath. Yes, why didn’t I go to him? I got up from the bed and went to the window. I could see her watching me in the reflection of the glass, the lights of the Wynn twinkling quietly in the night. This was a little too much. I didn’t know how to accept what she said as truth. Too many nights, rolling around with regret and rejection, and now, Stephanie tells me it was all in vain. All of those wasted hours, my god, I didn’t know if I could face him. All it would have taken was a text, or a phone call, or an email. Just one. And neither of us would be going thru this dramatic and emotional bullshit. I closed my eyes on the view of The Strip, taking another deep breath. “I can’t go to him, Steph. I’m not sure I can face him right now,” I said, my voice quiet. And I knew I couldn’t face him, not yet. I needed to get my emotions back in check and find out how I felt about all of this. I had endured months of pain and depression, and it had begun transitioning quite nicely into animosity, and I didn’t want to take that to Tom. I had to work through all of the crap and get to the source of what I wanted, and of what I wanted to talk to him about. I worried the ring on my thumb, twisting it around and around. Tom said he loved me, but in his own way. I bared my soul to him, and he couldn’t do the same to me, at the time. It had taken separation from me for Tom to fall in love with me, and I had to examine if that was because he missed me, or just missed having me around, playing my part as his biggest fan and taking care of his every need. I wanted to be more than his handler or a weekend fling; I wanted him to belong to me, and for me to belong to him. I wanted to give myself over to him completely, and I wanted the same from him. And, hearing Steph’s account, it appeared that finally, Tom possibly felt the same as I did. Perhaps absence had made his heart grow fonder, I didn’t know. And I wouldn’t know until we spoke. I wasn’t sure I was ready for that, not tonight. And maybe not even at this convention. It wasn’t the time or the place for my dramatic and emotional baloney. I wanted it to be on our time, and not when we both had a job to do. And since I wasn’t his handler, and he had brought his own with him, I didn’t think we would have as much alone time as we had back in October. 

“Becca, why not? Why can’t you go to him? Don’t you love him anymore?” Steph asked, her voice full of worry.

I turned back to her, doing my best to be as cool and reserved as possible. I had to. I couldn’t let my emotions blind me with this. “I think - I think I just need some time to come to terms with what you’ve told me. And besides, last I knew, Tom said he loved me, but he wasn’t in love with me.” This little admission put me back on edge, remembering our heartbreaking conversation in the darkness of his hotel room on our last night together. I didn’t want to relive that, or the following morning. I had replayed it too many times in my head in our time apart. I had had my fill. “Steph, he didn’t even send me a text telling me he was home safe. He made absolutely zero contact with me for five months. Five months. I’ve been waiting for him to say something, anything, to me, and I got nothing from him. How else am I to take this news that he’s suddenly and magically in love with me? He made no indication of what his feelings were at all -”

“Oh yeah? Well why didn’t YOU reach out to him, eh? He would have loved to have heard from you -”

“How was I supposed to know that?!” I interrupted loudly, surprising myself, and Steph. “Look, I had no idea if I had the right to do that or not. I was just a volunteer handler at some stupid convention, and things just - they just got carried away. And I didn’t know if he wanted to hear from me again.” I tried not to stutter over my words, and if I wasn’t careful, I would. All of the suppressed hurt and anger over the winter was trying its damnedest to fight its way thru my carefully constructed boundaries, and I couldn’t allow that. I cleared my throat and went on, “Falling in love at a convention isn’t real, the convention life is all glitter and glamour and vapor. You have an amazing time with amazing people, and when it’s over, it’s over. That’s it. You have to take that time, hold it within you, but it doesn’t last. It never does. You just go to the next event, and have another amazing time, with different amazing people. But everyone goes home in the end. Everyone goes home after it’s all said and done, back to their normal lives, and you live out your life, waiting for the next show. It’s not real,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince her.  
Stephanie got up from the bed and walked up to me. In her heels, she was as tall as I was. The look on her face bordered on her own anger and frustration. She took me by the shoulders, gripping me hard, her fingers digging into my flesh. She was a tiny thing, but damned if she was strong. “Rebecca, you are being an idiot. Love can happen at a bloody convention. Look at D and me! We’ve been inseparable since that event, and will probably be together for a very long time, maybe forever. Love can happen in a few days, I am proof of that! And do you think what Dmitri and I have isn’t real? How dare you!? And why do you think Tom can’t find a similar love like I have? What, because he’s some famous bloody actor and not a real human being like you? My god, do you really even know him?!” She was getting upset. And she had hit me below the belt and probably didn’t even know why. Heated memories of our first night together, his hands deep in my hair as he worked through his characters for me, obliterating all of them to show me who he really was, just so I could be more comfortable around him as just plain old Tom. All the way to when he had forced me onto my knees in front of him, upset and furious that perhaps I was only with him to get close to the movie star. The memories came back vividly, and stung fresh and deep. 

My eyes filled with sudden tears, and I looked down and away from her upset face. “I like to think I do, Steph. I do think I know him, and I do love him, very much. I love Thomas more than I can ever tell you. But, I just didn’t know if I could allow myself to think that perhaps he would come to love me some day. I’m no one special. I’m some crazy woman he met at a convention. I can’t -”

“Don’t you dare, don’t you dare sell yourself short. You are the most important person in the world to Tom, even if he hasn’t said it to your face. I know what he told me, and I know what he said is true. The man can’t lie to save his own life! Don’t cheapen how he feels about you by telling yourself that you are nothing! Believe it or not, you are everything to him. You. Not some little airhead actress, not some weekend fling with some fan, not that wretched woman from the event, you,” Stephanie said, her voice shaking. I looked up at her, and her face was flush, her own tears shining in her dark blue eyes. She gasped suddenly and pulled me to her, wrapping her thin arms tightly around me. “You are so daft, Rebecca, do you know that? Don’t let your brain tell you what you think you should do. Allow your heart to guide you in what you need to do. Please, go find him. Go find Tom, and just love him. That’s all he needs from you, and he wants it only from you,” she said in my hair. 

Oh lord, I desperately wanted to, but I knew I shouldn’t. Not right now. I would fall into a ball of tears and possibly rip Tom a new one, and I didn’t want that; not for him, or for me. I had no idea how seeing him again would affect me, even though I had thought about what it would be like when and if we reunited. And I wasn’t after a picture perfect scenario, but I sure didn’t want to embarrass him, or myself, with a sudden outburst of violent emotion. I pulled away from her and smiled, thumbing away my tears. “Not yet. Maybe tomorrow night, if he’s free. Let me think about all of this, and then I will go to him, alright? I promise.”

Her eyes shift back and forth as she looked at me and, seeing I wasn’t going to budge on this, she finally acquiesced, nodding slowly. “Ok, fine. But you make sure you do it, ok? I spent a lot of money getting you here, and by god, you better make sure you two get your shit together, alright? This nonsense has gone on far too long.”

I laughed unexpectedly, causing her to laugh as well. She rubbed my arms and then pulled away from me. I went to the bathroom and gathered tissues. I handed her one after I returned, and we both mopped up our faces. Stephanie was feistier than I had given her credit for, and I began to like her more and more. Her tenacity was overwhelming, and the love she had for her dear old friend Tom was touching. She did have the best of intentions, albeit a bit misguided, and I was forever indebted to her for bringing me here, and perhaps attaining some sort of closure, one way or the other, with Tom.

Steph threw her tissue away and took a deep breath, her hands on her hips. “Ok, I’ve got to get back down there before Dmitri drinks all of the single-malt. You don’t need to come back down; I think we can take care of ourselves tonight.” I nodded; relieved that she was going to leave me alone with the bomb she had just dropped. Steph hugged me one last time and left me alone in my room. 

I got undressed shortly after she left and pulled on a plain white oversized t-shirt and a pair of black shorts. After getting into my jammies, I went to the window and closed the drapes. It was early still, and I wasn’t entirely ready for bed, but I grabbed the remote and burrowed deep under my covers in the dark. I flipped through the channels, not finding anything of substance to watch. I needed something to distract me from my racing thoughts. I wanted to fill my head with nonsense so my brain would slow down and begin to organize itself into some sort of logical thought pattern. As I flipped thru the channels, my stomach grumbled. I threw back my covers, turning on the bedside lamp, and retrieved the room service menu again, trying to find something inexpensive for my late supper. Deciding on a grilled chicken sandwich, I placed the order and sat on my bed, waiting for my dinner to arrive.

I had exhausted most of the channel options, and then stopped on the local PBS. Fate had made my decision for me, and I froze. Tom Hiddleston was on my screen, in sumptuous burgundy velvet, making a fragile alliance with France in Henry V. I snorted, throwing my remote down on the bed and crossing my arms in front of me. It seemed Fate and I needed a lunch date to discuss why she had it in for me, and I hoped she would take my call, and soon.

I watched England struggle with France, listening to Tom’s magnificent performance. It was hardly the distraction I was looking for, and I reminded myself that I had decided a few weeks ago to stop watching TV, and how much it had gotten me into trouble. But things had changed since that decision. Tom was many floors beneath my bed, and I was relatively safe, watching what he did best. Well, maybe second best, I thought wickedly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around me as I waited for supper. I was being childish.

“Fair Catherine.” I heard Tom say on my screen, and my eyes popped open. “And most fair.” Ugh, his voice was honeyed and smooth, and I bit my lower lip. Maybe this wasn’t such a hot idea, especially knowing now what Steph had told me. I wasn’t sure I could watch Henry woo Catherine, when I knew the man himself was downstairs, and that this scene could possibly become my reality. I didn’t move to grab my remote; I continued watching, being borne on his words and doing my best to disconnect myself, and yet putting myself on the other side of that screen with him. Watching this back and forth made my insides quiver, and my heart began to thump loudly in my chest. I got caught up in the play, seeing his shy, yet firm advances, and I yelled loudly when Henry stood in front of Catherine, tipping her face gently to his, and kissing her softly. I scrambled for the remote and shut off the TV. Nope, I was done. No way. I wasn’t going to watch this anymore. I got up from the bed, and began to pace over the plush aubergine carpet. I was struggling emotionally, and I couldn’t admit to myself that Tom could, in any way, shape, or form, love me. My dual arguments were at war within me, and I had no idea who would win in the end. My logical grown up was railing at my softer and more forgiving side, and my stomach hurt with this fight. Why was it so hard for me to believe that Tom had come to love me? Why would I even think that it was even true? Is what Steph said true? Or had Tom told her this sad story, and she was compelled to take matters into her own hands and force the both of us to face what we felt in our hearts? My god, who even knew. And the only one who had the answers was Tom, and myself. A delicate and frank conversation needed to take place, and I had no idea if I was ready for it.


	6. Dark Paradise, Chapter VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 6:
> 
> 09 – The Temper Trap – Sweet Disposition - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxKjOOR9sPU  
> 10 – Placebo – Special Needs - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HClZwFNNMKs

I fell asleep a few hours after my supper of tasty grilled chicken and horrible internal dialogue. I had spent quite a bit of my time railing within my mind, while my body and my heart sat smugly on the sidelines, waiting for my head to get its shit together. It was two against one, and my mind was slowly losing. I slept fitfully and kept waking up, thinking I could hear his voice or smell the scent of his skin in the darkness of my room. In the predawn hours, I had pulled one of the plush pillows from the other side of the bed, clutching it tightly to my chest; my Las Vegas Tom Pillow. Clutching this to my chest, I slept deeply until my alarm went off around seven thirty.

I woke to the sound of “Sweet Disposition”, and I knew I had to get my ass into gear. Richard, the guest liaison, had sent me a text in the middle of the night, letting me know where I needed to take Stephanie and Dmitri for breakfast. We were going to meet in one of the larger VIP suites located on the top floor of the hotel that the convention had set aside for guest-only dining. I had never heard of a hospitality suite like this, and I thought it was a brilliant idea to keep the talent safely away from the public dining options downstairs. 

I dragged myself to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, taking another shower. I had fallen asleep with my makeup on, and my face felt sticky and misused. I washed up quickly, scrubbing until I was shiny and pink, and got out, blow drying my hair and letting it fall around my shoulders. I then applied minimal make-up, and then went to my closet to figure out what I was going to wear for the day. I decided on a white cowl neck knit top, paired with my black jeans, black blazer, and converse. I was in a black and white mood, and my outfit reflected exactly where my head was at. I finished dressing and sent a text to Steph to make sure she was awake. I looked at my messenger bag, deciding not to take it with us to breakfast. There would be plenty of time for me to lug it around once the show kicked off this afternoon. 

I went to the window and opened my drapes, letting the bright desert sunshine into my room. My eyes squinted shut, and I groaned. I hated sunshine as a rule. But it was a beautiful March day outside, and I watched the sun glint off the outer walls of the buildings in the distance as I listened to “Special Needs” play softly in the background. I just wished I had slept better. I was not looking forward to working all day today on my lack of rest, especially in the possibility of my eventual meeting with Tom. I knew I needed to speak with him, but I just didn’t know how to approach him. And besides, even though he chased after me last night, it may not have been ME he was chasing after. I had no idea if he had recognized me or not. But, as I thought about it, and replayed the scene in my head, I knew I was lying to myself. The look he had on his face, the naked truth of knowing who the mad woman tearing ass out of that room was, was evident on his face, and that he had to have known it was me. And I ran away, like a coward. I could only imagine what was going thru his mind as I ran away from him. But I truly had no idea. At least not until we spoke. And at this moment, I had no idea when that would be.

A knock at the door heralded the arrival of my weekend charges, and I opened the door to let them in. Stephanie was alone, minus Dmitri, and looked absolutely adorable this morning. She was in her ever present four inch platform sandals, tight black trousers, and a delicate pink silk close-fit button up.

“You ready to get some breakfast?” I asked, smiling and leaning over to shut off my music.

“Yep! All set. I told Dmitri I would come grab you and we’d go on up. Thank you for letting us know, by the way,” she said, smiling. Her eyes were a bit bleary this morning, and I wondered just how late those two had stayed out last night. It wasn’t any of my business, so I kept that question to myself. As long as I could get them to their scheduled events on time, it didn’t matter what those two monkeys got up to when they were off the clock. I slipped my phone and room key into my blazer pockets and grabbed my convention badge. We left the room and made our way to the hotel elevator. 

As I punched the button to go up to the next floor, Steph began patting her pockets, looking terrified. “You ok?” I asked, worried that she might have forgotten something.

“I think - I think I left my key in the room. Bugger. We need to go get it,” she said, her face scrunched up with worry.

“Well, how are you going to get in your room if you don’t have your key?” I asked, trying not to giggle at her. I really should have had a copy on me for moments like this, and I decided to tell her so when we got the extra key.

“Dmitri may still be in there, we can go check?” she asked, looking hopeful.

“Do you want to phone him, or-” I started, reaching for my phone.

Steph waved me away and interrupted, “No, I’m sure he’s still in there. Let’s go.” And with that, she grabbed my hand and tugged me hurriedly behind her.

I followed Stephanie down the hall, and I made a mental note that she and Dmitri were staying in the same wing as I was. She hadn’t told me their room number last night, and I had never met her at her door. I would verify that with her later, and continued to follow. Once we arrived at her door, she knocked quite loudly, and we waited for Dmitri to answer. After pounding on the door a second time, this time much louder, she moved away from the front of the door to stand behind me, bending over and beginning to fiddle with the ankle strap on her four inch high platform sandals. I just hoped for her sake Dmitri hadn’t gone up to breakfast already. Then again, if he had, we could forgo this little trip and go on up, and she could get back in her room if he had his key with him. I turned to tell her so when the door opened suddenly, and I turned back. 

I felt all of the air in my lungs squeeze out of me as Thomas freaking Hiddleston stood in front of me, dripping wet and gripping a towel at his waist. I could feel my eyes widen impossibly, and I was beyond speech. He stood in the shadow of the open door, the look on his face matching my own, with a furious blush racing up his naked and wet chest, over his neck, and settling nicely onto his cheeks. I couldn’t move when everything in my body screamed and seemed pulled and stretched in two different directions. I simultaneously wanted to run away as fast as I could get, to jumping on him and tackling him to the floor of his hotel room. But I was frozen to the spot, my lips parting slowly, and trying to remember to breathe. 

Suddenly, I felt a very firm, small hand fall heavily in the middle of my back, shoving me forwards and knocking me off balance. I cried out, putting my hands out in front of me to break my fall, when I felt strong, moist arms wrap around me as I fell clumsily into Tom’s hotel room. My cheek crashed into the middle of his chest, my arms going automatically around his wet shoulders, my fingers digging into his skin, and I continued falling forward until all I felt was a wall of freshly showered Tom. I heard the soft click of the hotel room door being closed, and I squeezed my eyes shut. I was going to kill Stephanie.

His room was quiet, and I decided I needed to face the inevitable. This was not how I wanted to meet Tom again; with my face shoved awkwardly in the middle of his very warm and freshly showered chest. I could smell his body wash, and I swallowed thickly, trying to calm my racing heart. I pulled my face away from him and looked up slowly. Oh dear god in heaven, help me... He had changed, not so much that a casual observer could tell the difference, but I could see it in his face. The lines near his eyes were a little deeper, and he almost looked gaunt, like he hadn’t been eating well, and his body felt thinner, but stronger. But it was still Tom looking down at me, in complete shock, through the same beautiful blue green eyes. My breath was caught in my chest, and I swallowed again, trying to think of something to say. I smiled weakly, a short and embarrassed laugh escaping me. “Boo?” 

Tom’s face transformed from shock and surprise, relaxing into a small unbelieving laugh of his own. His chest heaved against mine as he exhaled and blinked unbelievingly at me. “Boo back,” he replied slowly, “Rebecca?” 

I shut my eyes; I could feel them burn, and I was determined not to cry, dammit. Not to mention that I was getting a painful kink in my neck with how my head was angled as I was mashed up against him. I was still in his arms, leaning precariously against his chest with his arms up under my shoulders. I began to wiggle and shift, trying to get my feet back up under me. Tom mumbled, “Sorry," and pushed me back gently so I could stand up straight. I got my feet under me as he lift me up in front of him, neither of us removing our hands. We just looked at the other silently, taking in this awkward and forced moment. 

I was torn. I wanted to rail at him, and strike out at him for ignoring me for five months, but as I looked up into his very familiar blue eyes, I didn’t have it in me. I could feel all of my frustration begin to slowly evaporate, leaving me only with the questions that I had fought with over the time that we were apart, and even those were becoming incoherent in my brain as I felt his smooth skin under my fingertips, and I was swiftly taken back to October. God, give me strength...

Tom pulled his arms from around me, his hands slowly reaching for my face, continuing to watch me in cautious disbelief. I could hear his breathing began to get deeper and even, his nostrils flaring and his lips pressing into a thin line as his eyes searched mine. I slowly detached my arms from around him, sliding my shaking hands over his as he stared at me. As I placed my right hand over his, pressing my fingers tightly thru his, his eyes shifted, glancing at my hand. The coolness of the metal against his skin must have surprised him, and he let out a short quiet gasp, his eyes squeezing shut, and he nodded. Oh no...of course. He saw his ring. Now I was going to cry. Tom opened his eyes after a few moments, the blues and greens melding and shifting as they misted over. Yep, there it was. Two tears slid unchecked down my cheeks as I smiled and nodded back.

“Oh god...Rebecca, I - I thought it was you last night, I -” was all he got out before I stood up quickly on tippy toe and pressed my lips firmly onto his, silencing the rest of his statement. He moaned in his throat, surprised, and his fingers gripped my cheeks, pulling me closer to him. It was my turn to steal the kisses. I removed my hands from atop his and wrapped them around his warm, moist neck. I felt Tom move us quickly backward, walking me hurriedly to the wall in front of his door, crushing my body against it. Oh lord... Crushing me up against walls sent a familiar thrill down to all parts unused for so long, and I returned the moan into his mouth. It was as if no time had passed as our kiss deepened frantically, our tongues thrusting forward into each other’s mouths. He pushed his body into mine, shoving his hands deep into my loose hair as I unwrapped my arms from his neck and slid them around his waist, my fingers digging into his hips, pulling him in to me even closer. I wanted to consume him, take him into me and never let him go, and if his lips and the heartbreaking noises escaping his throat were any indication, I’d say he felt the exact same way. 

Tom tore his mouth away and pressed his forehead into mine. I released a short gasp of my own, and my tears began in earnest. So much time had passed between us without a word to the other, and we may as well have been back up against the wall in his hotel room in October. “I - I don’t understand. Rebecca, my god, what are you doing here?” he asked, swallowing awkwardly and continuing to take deep breaths.

“Steph, it was all Stephanie,” I said, trying to explain, my voice wavering with emotion and cracking as I tried to stop shaking in his arms. “She - she asked me to come handle her for the weekend. I had no idea that you’d -” I trailed off. I couldn’t finish my sentence. It didn’t matter. I was with Tom. And I wanted him.

Tom looked away from me and at the door, his eyes closing; he looked exasperated, and then finally shifted into a knowing smile. He shook his head and turned back to me, nodding. “Good lass, it figures.” He took a deep breath, his hands still in my hair, and returned his forehead to mine. His eyes blended into an ocean of blues and greens once more and I smiled shyly. Tom closed his eyes, kissing me again; this time slower, taking his time, exploring the inside of my mouth with his tongue, and I felt my knees go weak. I could feel my body soften against his, and I was more than ready for him to pick me up and throw me on the bed in his suite, where ever it was located. I slid my leg around his and hooked my ankle around his knee. He continued kissing me lazily until I felt myself sober up unexpectedly. My brain had other ideas, and I ended our kiss, our breaths mixing and mingling as he looked down at me again with a pleased smile on his face.

I couldn’t let him kiss me senseless in the entryway of his suite. As much as my body very much wanted him to, we had to talk first. My brain was looking for answers, but as he pressed the length of his very naked chest into mine, I was close to telling my brain where to shove it as I shoved him to the floor and had my way with him. I took a deep breath, shooing that visual away, and getting down to the task at hand. “Hello, Tom. It’s really good to see you again,” I said as politely as I could without any twinge of my overly emotional state. 

He laughed his ehehehe quietly, setting my heart aflutter, and smiled, breaking my heart, and almost breaking my resolve. “It’s really good to see you too, Rebecca.”

I sniffled and nodded at him. Seeing that my face was a mess, he stepped away from me and looked for what I might have presumed was a tissue. I sniffled again, swiping at my face, and he turned from me and walked into a bathroom located directly in front of us, stark naked. His towel must have fallen off when I had been pushed unceremoniously into his room, and I saw that it was lying in a white puddle in front of his door. I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from gasping too loudly, and my eyes went wide. Oh Christ, seriously?!

Tom sauntered out of the bathroom with a few tissues and handed them to me with a shy smile. I took them, averting my eyes from the splendid display of naked Tom, and did the housekeeping on my face. I brushed past him and into the bathroom to see how much damage I had done to my makeup. I dabbed at my eyes; luckily my mascara was waterproof, and there were only slight smudges under my eyes. I could repair it, but I’d have to go back to my room. Which just so happened to be across the hall...dammit again.

Tom followed me into the tiny bathroom, wrapping his arms shyly around my waist, watching me in the mirror. Seeing our reflection, together again, was glorious and heartbreaking, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. So many long nights, dreaming and wishing that he was with me, standing as he was now, with his arms around me, and never letting me go. But he had let me go, and I had no idea if he knew just how much it had shattered me. And I wasn’t a simpering fangirl anymore; I was a woman who wanted answers from a man who had broken her heart.

Tom’s head rest against mine, his chin close to the top of my head. He had a serene smile on the corner of his lips as he pulled me closer to him. Oh, this was going to be awkward, and difficult, but I had to do it. I had to do my best to keep my head on straight and not allow his nearness to deter me. “Five months,” I whispered. Tom’s eyes widened slightly and I felt his jaw clench against my temple. Uh oh, I struck a nerve. Good. I just looked at him in the mirror, both of us standing still and unmoving. His eyes dropped closed, and I could feel his body sigh against me, his fingers gripping my waist tightly. I turned slowly, resting my hands on his forearms, and looked up at him as seriously as I could. Tom opened his eyes and swallowed thickly. “You didn’t even text me to let me know you had arrived home safely. I figured that was the least you could have done. But five months and nothing?”

Tom was quiet. He began rubbing my back up and down, and he seemed nervous. Tom looked away from me and up at the ceiling, as if to find his answer scrawled on the tiles above our heads. Part of me felt I was being too abrupt, bordering on rude. But I wasn’t going to have anymore of his silence. I had endured five long months of it; I wanted an answer, and I wanted it now. “Thomas. Tell me, please. Why didn’t you reach out to me? Not even an email? Why -”

“I couldn’t...I -” he interrupted me and then halted speaking. He swallowed visibly again, his throat moving nervously.

“You couldn’t what exactly?” I asked, trying not to let my temper rise, but damned if it was hard. He looked like a child in trouble, and boy howdy was he in trouble with me, and he knew it.

Tom took another deep breath. “I just... Rebecca, I tried. But when I got your number dialed into my phone, I found I just couldn’t -”

All of the couldn’t’s were beginning to piss me off. I glanced up at him, and by the look on his face, I wasn’t looking very happy. His hand rose for my cheek, his fingertips brushing my skin feather light, sending a shiver down my spine and straight up my inner thighs. No, body, cut it out, no time for that bullshit, my brain needs answers.

Tom opened his mouth to speak when suddenly the door to his room opened, and Luke entered. We both looked guiltily at the other for a split second before Tom backed quickly away, but it was too late. Luke stood in the short hallway leading into the suite and right in front of the open door of the bathroom. I wished as hard as I could that I could evaporate into thin air as Luke glanced from a very naked and slightly aroused Tom, and then settling on me, eyeing me as if I was a bug that he very much wanted to squash under his foot. Luke was silent as he bent over and retrieved Tom’s forgotten towel on the hall floor. He handed this to Tom, his eyes shifting between the two of us slowly, his eyebrow slowly rising in question.

“Luke! Thanks man, uh, this is Rebecca. I told you about her last fall. She was my assistant from the event last October,” Tom said, wrapping the towel hastily around his hips. 

Luke looked at me and smiled wanly. “Yes, we’ve been previously introduced. It’s nice to see you again, Ms. Wright. Tom, I really need you to get dressed. We have to get upstairs for breakfast, and then I need to get you over to the convention center.” 

I glanced at Luke, put off by the tone of voice he used with Tom. He was treating him like a petulant child, and this put me incredibly on edge. I kept my instinct of telling Luke off at bay, and I looked away from both of them and into the shower stall directly behind Tom’s shoulder. 

Tom glanced down at the floor. “Absolutely. Will you...give me a moment, and then I’ll get ready straight away?” 

Luke smiled politely again and inclined his head, “Of course.” And with that he went deeper into the suite, leaving us alone. Tom was running his free hand through his short hair. He looked amazing, but part of me really missed all of his glorious curls. What the hell was I going to grab onto when we...STOP IT, seriously...

Tom came close to me, his free hand wrapping slowly along my waist and pulling me gently towards him. “I want to see you after I’m not busy. You still have the same phone number? Can I text you?”

I nodded. “Yes, it’s the same number. If you had phoned me, you would have known it hasn’t changed,” I said, the smile on my face strained. 

He sighed quietly, glancing up at the ceiling again, pulling me in tighter, and kissing my forehead. “I know, I know. I have a lot of explaining to do. But trust me, the answers are coming. I’ll speak with you later.” 

I pulled away and went to his door. As I pushed on the handle, I felt a hand at my elbow, pulling me backward. Tom spun me around and kissed me hard and quick on the mouth. 

“I’ll text you when I get a chance,” he whispered, and then he let me go, backing into his room and blowing me a kiss. I bit my lip and turned, leaving his room and going back to mine.

I repaired my tear stained makeup and ran a brush thru my tussled hair quick as a flash, and then took the elevator to the top floor of the hotel to join Steph and Dmitri. Once I arrive on the floor, I was met by two security sentries, and they verified that my badge and name were on the list, and then allowed me entrance down the hall to the large suite. The large room had been cleared out of all of the regular furniture, and had long buffet tables lining the walls, ladened with steaming chafing dishes, overflowing serving platters, and full coffee service, along with hotel staff standing and awaiting service. As I entered, I saw small rounds with chairs scattered around them. I also saw that my guilty guest was sitting at a table with Dmitri, smugly sipping at her coffee. After I located them, I went and got my own breakfast and coffee. I loaded my plate down with breakfast quiche, a bagel smeared generously with cream cheese, and a huge coffee. After the restless night I had, I was going to need it.

Dmitri looked away innocently as I sat to break my fast with the two of them, getting my cream and sugar in order, his eyebrows raised and filling his mouth with a large bite of sausage. 

I turned my attention away from him and finally to Ms. Hale. “Find your key, Steph?” I asked, my voice dripping heavily with implication, shaking my sugar packets and tearing them open to pour into my cup.

Stephanie smiled and set her fork down on her plate. “Oh, I sure did. Speaking of finding things, did you find anything that you may have lost?” she asked casually. Her eyebrows wiggling dramatically and grinning smugly, her chin raised with her question. 

I finished pouring cream in my large cup and set the little porcelain pot in the middle of the table. “I suppose you could say that,” I said, stirring my coffee, and then proceeded to eat. I wasn’t going to give her any of the sordid details. I ate quietly as she continued to stare at me.

“Well!?” Steph said, her voice rising in anticipation.

I tried to look as serene as I could, working on my quiche and picking up my bagel, and beginning to chew silently. I cut my eyes at her and saw her face; her eyes were wide and expectant. I wasn’t going to give in. If she was going to play matchmaker, I wasn’t going to make it easy on her.

“Rebecca! What happened!?” she finally hissed. I was silent, chewing on my bagel and saying nothing. Luckily, I didn’t need to say a word. As Steph waited with baited breath, I was silenced even further as I saw Luke and Tom enter the room to take their own breakfast. I cast my eyes quickly down at my plate as they surveyed the room, but not before I saw Tom’s eyes light on me. I set down the last half of my bagel and cleared my throat, taking a sip of coffee. Dmitri saw them as well, and nodded to Steph, indicating that they had entered. Steph turned, and seeing Tom, tossed her napkin onto the table and going to him, throwing her arms happily around his neck. He greeted her as he had greeted her back in October, and I smiled quietly at that memory. Such a long time ago, and I had been so very jealous. Little did I know what would happen the rest of the weekend, and where it had brought me to today. I sighed heavily, setting down my cup, and contemplating if I had the stomach to finish my meal. 

Steph had pulled away from Tom and was dragging him over to our table. I really needed to consider strangling her sometime this weekend. The desert was vast; no one would ever find her. Dmitri stood up as Tom approached; shaking hands and making small talk. I didn’t pay too much attention. I spied on Luke as he stood sentry behind Tom, keeping an eye on his own guest. I decided I did have a stomach for more breakfast, and I picked up my bagel again, hoping that would deter any awkward “first” introductions with Mr. Hiddleston. After the niceties, I could feel the three of them turn in unison, their eyes on me. I knew Luke was in here, and what he had seen, so I decided I had to play it cool. 

“Becca, I think you know Tom,” Stephanie said, her voice permeated heavily with friendly sarcasm. I did my best to appear as polite and disinterested as I could, swallowing the mouthful of bagel in my mouth and wiping my hands on my napkin. I didn’t get up. I leaned over and held out my hand in greeting. Tom grinned at me, his lower lip was tucked into his mouth as if he was biting down and holding it in, and he looked as if he was trying not to laugh. He moved to stand in front of me, taking my hand and leaning down towards me. Tom greeted me with a proper European kiss on each cheek; the rasping of his soft beard against my cheeks gave me goose bumps all the way down to my toes, and I blinked up at him. Dammit...

“It’s good to see you again, my dear Rebecca,” Tom said, his voice deep and rich. Aargh...stop it, body, cut it out. My attempt at playing it cool was cracking once again in his presence as he gently squeezed my hand.

“Yes, it’s good to see you. How have you been?” I asked, looking up at him innocently. Ooh...let’s see if he gives me a real or a bullshit answer in front of his nanny. 

“I’ve been well, but I’m better now. How have you been?” he asked, his thumb turning and caressing the tops of my knuckles softly. I inhaled sharply, my insides quivering, and my eyes rolled up at him, my tongue sliding over my bottom lip, trying not to bite down. His right eyebrow lifted slightly and his eyes widened suggestively. Goddammit again...

“I - uh, I’ve been great. It’s good to see you again,” I replied, stammering with my answer. His thumb kept rubbing slowly over my knuckles, and I felt my breathing begin to deepen. I squeezed his hand briefly, and then pulled away. I couldn’t have him make love to my hand in front of a room full of people, especially knowing each one of them was observing me for their own reasons. I returned to my breakfast, flashing a polite smile up at him, and he stood back up, grinning smugly. He wasn’t going to make this easy on me, and I had no intention of allowing him to affect me before I got my answers out of him.

Tom excused himself, and he and Luke went to gather their own meals. Steph and Dmitri sat back down, and I finished my bagel. I glanced at Stephanie, and she had a pleased smile on her face. I cleared my throat and she looked over at me finally, almost dancing in her chair.

“You are absolutely ridiculous,” I said, sipping my coffee and giving her some serious side eye. This set her off a bit more as she chewed on the rest of her kiwi, humming quietly to herself and giving me a knowing look.

“Yes, yes I am. I am also brilliant, and smart as hell. Seems you two did find something you were looking for. Oh! This is going to be great fun,” Stephanie said, giggling to herself and finishing her breakfast. 

I rolled my eyes at her and got out my phone and launched my Drive. It was coming on to nine thirty, and I needed to check to see what their first event was. As I scrolled to their Friday schedule, I felt Tom brush past me and sit with Luke at a table located behind us. I did not turn to watch him sit, and it took all I had to keep on task. Knowing he was in the same room with me was making me fidgety, and I cleared my throat, and my mind, getting down to business. 

“Ok, you two. It looks like your first panel doesn't start until this afternoon at two pm, and luckily for me, you’re doing it together. That runs from two to three, and then looks like an autograph session for both of you right afterwards until five pm. And then that’s it for the day,” I said, looking up at Stephanie. Sheesh, if it was going to be this light all weekend, I’d have a whole lot of nothing to do. “Did you two plan on eating up here for lunch before the panel, or -?”

“Probably up here. Some of the serving staff said they are going to have food in here twenty four hours a day, so we’ll just come in here and eat,” Steph answered, smiling. 

I watched her and frowned, setting my phone in my lap. This was ludicrous. I was going to have hours of down time at this event, and I began to feel sore that she had spent a large amount of her own money getting me here to handle her. “Stephanie. Your schedules for this weekend, you and Dmitri hardly have anything going on. Are you sure you need me to handle you? I mean...you brought me in to do this, but I’m not sure you’re going to get your money’s worth. And I KNOW you had ulterior motives, but -”

“No, I’m getting my money’s worth, believe me. You’re handling our schedule, making sure we eat, and you’ll make sure we get to our events on time. I have faith in you that you are going to do a marvelous job, trust me. And, if we all have down time, well...I guess that means we’ll have to find someone, er - I mean, something fun to do, yes?” Stephanie replied, and winked. She placed her napkin on her plate and leaned towards me. “Besides, perhaps you-know-who may not be busy when we aren’t. And I’m sure you’ll want to spend some of your time with him.” I narrowed my eyes at her, and she giggled. And with that, Steph stood up, wiggling her fingers in farewell, and Dmitri followed her out of the suite. 

I sighed. I had four hours of down time. I looked around, not knowing what to do. I had never worked an event when I wasn’t busting my ass from dawn to dusk, trying to get a guest to eat, or hustling them to a panel, or running on an errand for any little thing they needed. I decided to see if there was any fruit left that I would like to finish off my breakfast, and I got up, taking my coffee cup with me, topping it off again, and grabbing a banana. I sat back down, setting my fruit on the table and doctoring my fresh cup of coffee as I double checked their schedule for Saturday. As I was waiting for the tab to load, I received a text. I swiped the alert, and it was from Tom. It had been such a long time since I had seen his number show up on my phone. I had to shove the unexpected thrill that shot through me as I saw his name, with the accompanying screen cap of him at NerdHQ, come across the screen.

“Hello, beautiful, is that for me? ;)” I was, at first, confused at his question, and then it dawned on me. His bananas. I looked up at the ceiling and shook my head. I replied, “No, darling, it's mine. Go get your own, you know where they are.” I cleared his message and began going through the Saturday schedule once more. I tried not to think of his text as I distracted myself with work. 

Dmitri had an eleven am panel, then Steph had a noon panel right after, and then they would both be at the Marvel booth, signing autographs from one to three, and then they were done for the duration of the event. I exhaled, annoyed. The money Steph paid for a flight couldn’t have been worth only seven hours of work. As I sat, wondering if I should find a way to pay Stephanie back for the plane ticket, I got another text. “This is true; however, I would enjoy it immensely if you got it for me. ;)”

I rolled my eyes at this, and I replied, “I am not your handler, sir. You should ask Mr. Windsor to assist you in your quest for a banana.” I cleared his latest message and began opening said banana, going through the online program in the event app. I was going to do my best to munch on my banana and ignore Tom. 

And speaking of Mr. Hiddleston, I casually checked his list of appearances in the online program. I was curious for scientific reasons, telling myself it was only to make sure we wouldn’t bump into each other unexpectedly, but I knew deep down the real reason I was checking. My brain was waggling an admonishing finger at my emotional side, as my soft spot for Tom was giving a rude two-finger salute to my brain. It seemed Tom wasn’t doing anything until one pm today; he had some industry panel in the main events hall, and then he would be at the Marvel booth for the autograph session with Steph and Dmitri. This didn’t make sense since he had nothing to do with the Captain America video game, but it seemed Marvel was grouping all of their talent together for their public signings. I sighed, hoping he would be placed somewhere away from my guests. I wasn’t sure I was ready for heated looks today.

I finished my banana and I received another text. For so much silence in the past five months, he was sure making up for it over breakfast. “I’m not sure Luke has the right equipment to help assist me in what I need at the moment, Madame.” 

I slapped my hand over my mouth, stifling a burst of giggles. Dammit, really? I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head, and it took everything I had not to turn around and shoot him a dirty look. I sat up straighter in my chair and gained my composure. I was thankful he couldn’t see my face. I replied, “Sir, stop flirting with me, or I will have to ask my employer to have words with you.” I hit send and placed my empty banana peel on my plate. I sat back, sipping at my coffee, and opening up the Saturday page of the program. Tom didn’t have anything scheduled for Saturday, but he would be back in the Marvel booth at the same time as Steph and D for autographs. There was no escape from the man. If I was going to try and do the job that Stephanie had asked me to do, with any kind of sanity or clarity, it was going to be difficult to do so if Tom was going to be flitting around at the same events as they were. 

As I closed the online event program, I received another message. “I’m sure if you had words with your employer in regards to anything I was saying or doing that offended you, she would most certainly side with me in the matter. And besides, milady, who said I was flirting with you? A bit of wishful thinking, my dove? ;)”

I balled my hand into a fist, my nails digging into my palms. Tom was, in fact, flirting with me. He knew he was, and he knew exactly which buttons he could push with me. I toyed with not answering him, but it seemed we were communicating better through text, yet again, and I couldn’t allow him to one up me. I would be damned before I would allow that. I replied, “Nossir, I am a professional, and I find your missives highly inappropriate. And besides, if you think you can successfully flirt with me, perhaps you will cease being a coward and attempt your flirtatious remarks to my face. Actions speak louder than words, my darling, isn’t that something you always say?” I hit send and smiled smugly. There, let him chew on that. 

It was time for me to get up and head over to the convention center to start mapping out where I would be taking Steph and Dmitri, and I wanted to do this before I carted the two of them over there. I got up, grabbing my coffee, topping it off once more, and finding a lid to cover it. As I walked out of the door of the suite, I glanced casually over at Tom, and he was leveling me with a look that shot all the way down into my belly. He must have received my snotty reply. His eyes were smoldering with challenge, and his right brow rose slightly as his eyes narrowed. I inhaled sharply, but I smiled innocently at him as I exited the room and walked to the elevator.


	7. Dark Paradise, Chapter VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the late posting, I was working at a convention this weekend. ^_^ 
> 
> Music for Chapter 7:
> 
> 11 – Thompson Twins – If You Were Here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGczIFg8Yy4

I went back to my room to grab my handler bag, and then headed over across the street to the convention center. The volunteers let me in the building after I flashed my badge, and I grabbed a few copies of the glossy event program that included the map. I began walking the halls and making notes in my notebook and on the program map in regards to exits, restrooms, other rooms of interest, and where the Marvel booth was located in the huge hall dedicated to industry guests. It looked like they had put all of the main panels in the Central Hall, the secondary panels in smaller meeting rooms, and the industry booths were located in the North Hall. I made more notes on my map, wondering idly if I could find a scanner so I could PDF my altered map to save on my Drive, when I received a text. I had shoved my phone into my jeans pocket as I worked, and when I pulled it out, I noticed I had missed quite a few messages from Tom. I stopped walking and found a place to sit along the wall to see what he had sent me. I set my bag down and opened the first text. “Madame, I am not a coward, and if I could locate you at the moment, I would show you my definition of proper flirting.” 

I grinned, knowing he could, in fact, do just that, and then I chose the next message. “And besides, I’m not sure flirting is what you want from me, is it?” I bit my lower lip, trying not to laugh wickedly to myself. It appeared that I had gotten under Hiddleston’s skin a bit. Good. I could feel my cheeks flush red with saucy pleasure as I chose the last text. “I will have to take by your silence that your beautifully vivid imagination is working overtime, thus making our next meeting quite entertaining. ;)” 

I took a deep and shaky breath, trying not to grin like an idiot. I was still angry with him, but damned if he was making it hard not to be. I was enjoying being difficult with him, and I was tickled that he was rising to the occasion. I cleared my throat and sent my reply, “Interesting, I’m not quite sure why you’re so positive there will be a next meeting?”

Ha ha, two can play at this cat and mouse game, and I stood up, shoving my phone back into my pocket. I finished mapping out where everything was in relation to where Stephanie and Dmitri needed to be and when, and then trotted myself back across the street to the hotel in search of a scanner. After I was able to tailor my maps according to the separate day’s events, one of the hotel staff at the front desk scanned them, and then emailed them to me. I thanked them profusely and went back to my room.

I sighed heavily as I entered, surprised the hotel staff had already refreshed my room, and I dropped my bag next to the desk. I turned on my laptop so I could drag the maps into my Drive. As I waited, I sat down, shrugging out of my black blazer, and pulling out my phone. Oh for Pete’s sake, another message from Tom! He was killing me, he really was. “Oh ye of little faith. Sooner than later, my darling. I certainly hope you will be ready for me ;)” I glanced up at the tacky hotel art on the wall. Now what in the hell did he mean by -? My felt my eyes widening, stunned, and I looked back down at my phone. Oh, he didn’t mean what I thought he meant, did he? I shook my head and closed my eyes. Of course he meant exactly what I thought. Every single time we had been intimate, I was always more than ready, and he had to know that absolutely nothing had changed during our separation. Damn him for knowing me too well... I was exasperated with all of Tom’s texts, and I chose not to respond.

My computer finally loaded, and I checked my email, sending the attachments to my Drive and embedding them into the schedule. Getting all of this finalized, I was finished with work until lunchtime. I sent a text to Steph to see if she wanted me to join them for lunch or not. I checked the time, and it was only a little before eleven am. I still had an hour or so to kill, and I had nothing to do. Steph answered my text, informing me that they were planning on lunch around twelve thirty pm, and I was welcome to join them if I wasn’t already occupied with someone else. I laughed, exasperated that Steph just did not know when to quit, and I responded that I would meet them upstairs for lunch, and to cut it out.

I decided to put on some music and drag my laptop to the bed and see what kind of trouble I could get into on the internet. I put my MP3 player on shuffle and was met with a Thompson Twins tune as I opened up my browser. As I got my Facebook loaded, I heard a soft knock on my door. Immediately suspicious, I shut off my music, walking my laptop back to the desk and going to see who my visitor was. I chanted quietly, “Please don’t be Tom, Please don’t be Tom,” as I approached, and peeked out of the peephole. And as if I had been weaving a spell, I had summoned Mr. Hiddleston, peering dramatically at me through the hole in the door. I stifled a giggle, my insides thrumming with contained excitement, facing the inevitable, and trying not to say an extremely filthy word to myself as I opened my door.

Tom was standing with his hands behind his back, smiling smugly down at me. He was attired in his white shirt of sex and his dark blue trousers, and I chose to ignore this detail. I kept my hand on the door, not allowing him entrance. “Mr. Hiddleston, may I help you?” I asked, looking up at him with a polite smile. I could smell him faintly from where I stood and my insides went from a warm thrum directly into overdrive. I blinked, yelling at myself in my head for the eighty fourth time today.

“That, my dear, is an excellent question. “Can you help me?” I would have to say yes. Yes, absolutely you can help me, may I come in?” he asked, giving me one of his heartbreaking smiles. I was conflicted between kicking him in the shins, to throwing him on the floor and letting him inside in all kinds of creative and imaginative ways.

I cleared my throat. “Sure, come in.” Moving out of the way, I opened the door wider, and Tom entered my room. I tried to remain nonchalant about this, especially while closing and locking the door, subconsciously doing the math in my head about how much time there was until lunch. I scrunched my face, biting my lip and admonishing myself yet again for stupid math equations in regards to Tom. He was standing next to my bed, his hands in his pockets, casually looking around my room. I approached him, but not too close, my own hands deep in the front pockets of my jeans. 

“Ok, so what is it I can help you with?” I asked, sounding as aloof as I could muster. 

Tom smiled his self-deprecating smile, his eyes half-lidded, and shook his head. “Are we going to continue with this for the entirety of the weekend?” he asked. 

Answering my questions with his own questions, yet again… That familiar detail swirled casually in and out of my head as I stared at him, my emotions churning black and white, always touching and never bleeding into the other. I wanted him to take me in his arms and make the last five months disappear, but I refused to forget how he had made me feel as he ignored me, and had ignored what we had. “Continue with what?” I asked innocently, playing his game of question for a question. I knew I was being pedantic, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want Tom to think I was just some party favor he could enjoy whenever we worked a show together. I had read all about the rumors of girls in each of his frequent ports, and I would be damned if I was going to be a feature attraction on that list. I had told the man I loved him, and I had meant it. That hadn’t changed at all. He had said he loved me, in his own way, and after five months of nothing, that just wasn’t good enough for me, not anymore.

Tom’s face softened and he pulled his hands out of his pockets, approaching me. “This cold shoulder routine. Rebecca, I thought -”

“You thought what exactly?” I asked, taking my hands out of my pockets and crossing my arms in front of me. Tom halted in his approach, correctly reading my body language, warning him to stay back. He dropped his arms to his sides awkwardly, and stood still. “Tom, nothing has changed with me. I know exactly where my head and my heart are at. I just don’t know where yours are. Do you expect to just pick up where we left off?”

Tom may have stopped his advance towards me, but he was still standing close enough that I had to incline my head to look up at his face. He looked stricken and at a loss for words. Well, that was certainly new...and unexpected. 

“No, I don’t expect that at all. And I know you must be absolutely gutted, but please understand, I -”

“Gutted? Well, I guess you can certainly call it that,” I replied, shouldering around him and going to the window of my room. I wasn’t going to look at him anymore. I could feel my temper begin to rise, along with a familiar ache in my chest, and I didn’t want him to see that. I didn’t want him to see how much he had hurt me in forgetting about me. I knew that Stephanie had told me that Tom loved me, but I couldn’t think about that right now. I cleared my throat, “All I want from you right now are some answers please, if you can give them to me. I don’t care how horrible the facts may be; I want to know. I would like to think that I deserve that at least,” I finished, my voice trailing off at the end. 

I didn’t turn to face him, but I could hear that he was moving about in the room. I could also hear Tom sigh as he sat, the mattress giving way under his six foot frame. I imagined he was looking everywhere in the room but at me, running his long fingers through his hair, making his short curls stand madly on end. A fleeting memory of those long and talented fingers floated through my mind, and I felt an immediate rush of heat travel up my neck and feel my lips part with that vivid thought. I closed my mouth, my teeth snapping shut on that memory, and trying my damnedest to focus on right now. 

I could hear him breathing behind me, saying a whole lot of nothing. I had had enough of this. I wasn’t going to be alone in this room with him being silent. I turned to face him, finally, taking a deep breath and trying my best to keep my voice steady. “Tom, for god’s sake, man, all of this silence has gone on long enough! Do you have anything to say to me, or is it just going to remain some grand mystery? Do you want me to guess? Because I can make something up if I need to, I have months of doing -”

“No, you don’t have to make up anything,” he interrupted, looking exasperated and worrying his thumb. For someone who was so well-spoken, he was truly sucking at this. I was tired of standing, so I went to the lavender satin chair and sat down, crossing my legs and arms in front of me. I felt like some strange therapist, waiting on a difficult patient to get his shit together to say something of substance.

Tom finally glanced up at me; his cheeks were splotched red and his brows were furrowed. He just watched me, taking quiet breaths, the corners of his mouth alternating between sad smiles to heart wrenching frowns. It appeared he was having his own shade of internal dialogue with himself, and I wished he would just spit it out already. But based on what Steph had shared with me last night in regards to Tom and his own revelation and torment, my heart fluttered with a small sort of sympathy. As I continued to watch him struggle, I decided that perhaps I was approaching this all wrong. I couldn’t let the walls of my anger continue to keep him shut out; I had to try and relax and be open to him, and anything he needed to say. Despite how I felt, and how I wanted to react, I had to allow him to express himself as he saw fit, in his own time, and I knew he wouldn't say anything if I was being negative with him. I stood up, walking the short distance to the edge of the bed, and sat cross-legged near the pile of pillows. Tom turned immediately, sliding his knee up onto the bed, and continuing to look down at my duvet cover, still quiet.

“Tom. I’m sorry if I seem a bit harsh. It’s not my intention to yell and scream at you and act like some crazed lunatic,” I said softly. He kept his head down, but his eyes rolled up at me and they lit with a small smile. Seeing that he was beginning to relax around me, I went on. “I just hope you can understand that I just want to know why is all. Five months is a long time of a whole lot of nothing, you know? Especially since I thought we had become friends at the very least. It’s not nice to ignore your friends.” 

Tom nodded, glancing away from me to the wall. “I know, and I have no good excuse for it, other than my own fear. I did want to reach out to you, though. I want you to know that.” He was still faced away from me, but his eyes rolled slowly back to me, and I felt my breath hitch in my throat. Ugh, with the kicked puppy look...kill me now. My hands itched from wanting to take him into my arms, so I squeezed my laced fingers tighter together in my lap.

“What were you afraid of, exactly?” I asked. I couldn’t think of anything that he could be afraid of, other than me going all dejected ex-girlfriend on him or something. Or perhaps he thought I had become some obsessive fan and would have begun to stalk the poor man. But he hadn’t disagreed with me when I had mentioned that we were at least friends, so I hoped he felt the same. Who knew with him though, I certainly had no idea, not until he said so himself, despite anything Stephanie had said to me in the contrary.

Tom’s eyes rolled back to look at the wall and he gave me a half-shrug. “Me, actually. I was afraid of me.” He went quiet again; his shoulders were slumped and tense with this conversation. He appeared extremely uncomfortable, and I felt a pang of regret at this awkward topic. I sat back against the headboard, watching him. “Why were you afraid of yourself?” I asked. Now, I really felt like a therapist. But if this was how it needed to play out to get him to talk to me, so be it. I wasn’t going to sit here and fill in his blanks, so I sat and waited. I had become an expert at waiting.

Tom suddenly pushed himself off of the bed, and began walking the floor, one hand on his hip and the other rubbing his neck. Nerves, that’s what it was; his little gestures of touching himself when he was thinking. I was curious that he was nervous around me; I was the most unthreatening person I knew, but I’m sure Tom had his own reasoning, whatever it was.

“I don’t know, I suppose I was afraid that if I reached out to you that I wouldn’t be able to keep things in perspective,” he said, continuing to pace about. 

Keep things in perspective, what in the hell did that mean? “Perspective?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even and not echo my thoughts for fear of my own rudeness.

“Yes, perspective. Rebecca, I just - you see, I, well. You recall what I had shared with you that night, when you told me, well, you know what you said.” Tom gave me a sad and knowing look, and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Are you referring to when I told you that I loved you? Is that what you are referring to?” I asked, not scared of admitting this to him out loud and to his face. I had gotten over feeling guilty or ashamed of how I felt for the man. Especially seeing him again; this did nothing but solidify my feelings for him, despite his cold treatment of me over the past few months. Yes it hurt, and yes it killed me inside, but my love for him never wavered. I had told myself I would wait for him, and by god, I had done a lot of it.

Tom nodded and swallowed visibly. “Yes, that. Do you remember what I said to you, later?” he asked, stopping in front of me, his hand worrying his neck something fierce. His skin was red and irritated, and I wished he’d stop. I nodded, saying nothing and hoping it would encourage him to continue and relax. But I had no idea what he was going to say, so I ignored his little idiosyncrasies and listened. “I didn’t lie to you that night. Or the following morning. I did, and I do, feel love for you, but when I got home, and as time went on, I didn’t want to think that it was only because I was alone. You don’t deserve that.”

I frowned, not understanding what that meant. He looked at me, and seeing my face, he went on. “What I mean is, as the weeks went by, and I was off with the press junket, the premieres, and preparing for Coriolanus, I was busy and distracted, but I did miss you terribly. I didn’t want my feelings for you to be tied to just being lonely and wanting your company. I wanted it to be real, you deserve that. You deserve something real and honest and true, and I didn’t even know if I was being honest with myself.”

I inhaled, my chin rising with understanding. Oh my, was he saying what I thought he was? “So basically, you wanted to work out how you truly felt about me, and you wanted to do this, not speaking with me or texting me. For what reason exactly? Did you think it would help with your decision by NOT talking to me for months on end, or perhaps, I don’t know, getting to know me better? I know we talked a lot after the event, but did it occur to you that perhaps we should continue to stay in contact, to find out if maybe there was something there? I’m not sure I understand -”

Tom stopped his pacing in front of me, and sat on the bed in front of me again, this time much closer, and taking me by the shoulders. “Rebecca, please. You deserve to be loved and adored, completely and absolutely. You have no idea how special you are to me. I didn’t want to give into my baser feelings for you without putting some real thought into it, without knowing that I was worthy of you, isn’t that fair?”

I just watched him, his face stricken and full of concern. Worthy of me? Worthy of ME? My mind boggled with his last statement. I had struggled for months with whether or not I was worthy of him, of feeling if I was good enough for him to love, and now he admitted to going thru the same feelings as I had. And was any of this fair...? I didn’t have an answer for that. “Dammit, Tom, I don’t know! I had no idea that while you were busy jetting around the world, giving your adorable, flirty interviews, and drinking gallons of celebratory champagne, that you were trying to work out if you really loved me or not. How would I have known that? Last I checked, I couldn’t read your mind, sir. How could I have known that you were trying to work out that equation?” I tried not to sound upset, but as the words burst out of me, I could feel my throat constrict and my voice began to pitch higher with my exasperation. 

“I know you can’t read my mind, and I know I should’ve contacted you. Believe me, I wanted to. I missed you terribly. But I had to be sure. I had to be sure that what you and I had built over those few days was, in fact, the real thing. You know what I said about my past relationships, and how I had jumped into things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want that to happen again, not with you. I had to be sure. Please, at least give me that,” Tom said, searching my eyes. I had forgotten just how blue green they truly were with the tiny flecks of gold, like mine, but a lighter shade. As we stared at the other, saying nothing, I could feel my body warm up to him again, his hands gripping my shoulders, and I very much wanted him to take me in his arms and make the last five months disappear. I needed to stop thinking about that.

He was right, damn him. I couldn’t ask him to just drop everything and have me move into his life. Not only had he had failed relationships in his past, but I was still one of his adoring fans, and he had to be sure that I was more than that, for himself. I finally began to see the wisdom in his silence, and I felt like an imbecile, much to my shame. Oh, it still stung like mad, but I understood. I cleared my throat, “Yes. Yes, Tom, I can give you that. I’m - I’m sorry. It was just - it was really difficult not hearing from you. And I didn’t understand why you couldn’t have at least texted me, you know? My god, I would have taken any small message from you, and not pushed for anything more. Despite my feelings for you, I thought you and I had at least become friends.” I could feel my breathing beginning to speed up, my throat straining against unshed tears. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of him again. I didn’t want to show him how much it hurt not seeing him, or hearing him laugh, or having him hold me as I slept. I didn’t want him to know how I had crumpled into a miserable heap in my old laundry room, clutching a silly t-shirt, holding onto his smell and weeping like a lost child. I didn’t want him to know about all of the lonely winter nights I spent, waking in the middle of the night with my heart pounding from a terrifying nightmare, and feeling his loss over and over again. I didn’t want him to know any of that, but all of those memories came flooding over the top of the intricate dam I had built, and the tears came anyway. “I just missed you so much, oh god, I didn’t think I could live through it! You have no idea how hard it was - how hard it was to go back home and not be with you any longer. Not that I thought you’d come running after me or anything, but just not to be near you. Tom, I was so happy when it was just you and me, I haven’t felt that kind of happiness with anyone before or since we were together. And even if it was just a few stolen days, it meant more to me than you will ever know. And then you left and I -” I stopped my teary explanation and got up. I couldn’t sit with him anymore, I had to get away. It was all fresh and raw for me again, and I didn’t want to succumb to the pain any more. It was overwhelming, and I wished I could curl into myself and disappear. Despite what he had said, about trying to work out if he had loved me or not, I gave into all of the old ache and anguish anyway. I guess I needed to. I needed to waltz down that dark path one last time, to finish my grieving with him, and get on to whatever the hell would come next with the two of us.

I stood in front of the lavender chair, trying to get my shaking under control, crying as silently as I could, and I muttered angrily under my breath, damning the sniffling that was surely giving me away. I swiped at my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, hoping some of my tears would go away and cease slipping down my face. As I stood, trying to get myself back under control, I felt Tom’s fingers slip along my collarbone. He turned me gently to face him, and I closed my eyes. I wanted to shut him out, I wanted to deal with the pain on my own; it was what I knew how to do best. I felt his crooked finger under my chin, and he lift my face. I could feel my lower lip begin to wobble as I opened my eyes slowly, my unshed tears escaping and continuing to roll down my cheeks. He frowned down at me, and his own eyes were red and raw, and this set me off once more. Tom just looked at me, his lips compressing and shuddering as well. He nodded, as if to confirm that he knew all of the pain I had endured in our time apart. He blinked at me, smiling sadly, and then slid his hands around me, bringing me in close. I gasped, wrapping my arms quickly around his waist, finally yielding to him. I took a deep breath, my body shaking quietly as he held me tight. Oh god, it felt so good to be in his arms again, and I let go of my agony and sorrow, giving it all to him. Tom held me as I wept, saying nothing but quiet comforting sounds, as if I were a lost child that had just been found. He was gentle with me, rubbing my back and occasionally humming against my hair. 

I had no idea how long we stood there, holding each other, with me having a complete emotional breakdown in his arms, but my legs were getting tired, and my face was a runny mess. I had gotten my breathing under some semblance of control, and I pulled away from him, and my weeping had dissolved into a quiet hiccupping whimper. Tom smiled at me, brushing my hair out of my face, kissing my forehead, and walking away from me and into my bathroom. I swiped at my nose and sat on the bed. I was exhausted, and it was only approaching lunchtime. I needed to get my shit together; we both had jobs to do this weekend, and it was time to get this emotional mess over and done with so we could both move forward. In what direction, I had no idea. At the very least, I knew I had to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get a grip for Steph and Dmitri. 

Tom returned with a handful of tissues, and I burst out laughing, thinking how all I had done is have him hand me tissues all damned morning. I took a few, wiped at my eyes and face, and blew my nose. He sat with me and reached around me to rub my back again. He was being very kind to me, and I had to get over my inclination of rejecting his comfort, and to just accept it. I balled up my used tissues in my hand and took a deep breath.

“I am truly sorry, for whatever it’s worth, Rebecca. I did have the best of intentions, though,” he said, looking at me sadly. I nodded, wiping my nose once more, thinking how ironic it was for all of the British persons I knew to always have the best of intentions.

“I know. I don’t think you’d try to hurt me on purpose,” I replied, exhaling quickly and blowing my long overgrown bangs out of my eyes, looking out the window of my room.

“No, I would never, ever, hurt you on purpose, you are absolutely right about that,” he said quietly. 

I nodded again, still not looking at him. I was glad he had told me what he did. And I knew it wasn’t the whole story, but a small part of me felt that I couldn’t push him. But something inside me really wanted to know everything. As I continued looking out at the Strip, I felt his hand slide slowly to my tear-stained cheek, and he turned me to face him. There were no more tears, thankfully, and he just watched me quietly. He leaned slowly towards me, and as his eyes closed, he placed his lips gently on mine. His kiss was slow and tender, with no demand, just a simple apology. But whenever his lips were on mine, nothing was ever simple. I returned his kiss, taking his lower lip between mine. I felt his body shift closer to mine, placing both of his hands on my cheeks, and deepening our kiss, taking his time. His tongue entered my mouth cautiously, the tip touching mine in a shy hello. I answered, sliding mine against his, and he moved his hands into my hair, pulling me closer to him. I reached up, placing my hands on top of his shoulders, my thumb rubbing over the raised freckles on the left side of his neck. And as my thumb slid over his neck, all of the old feelings broke free within me, but a small piece of me began to scream inside my head. This was too simple, too easy. All I could think about was him taking me within his arms and making all of that lonely and painful time disappear, and now that I had it, I wasn’t sure I wanted it. He hadn’t shared everything with me; he never said he loved me. Even his explanation of why he had done it, why he had withdrawn from me, he never said what I truly wanted to hear, what I needed to hear. A dark suspicion crept into my mind, and my brain took this up as a banner, waving it behind my closed eyes. I felt Tom was still hiding his feelings from me and using his body as his best defense, knowing the effect he had on me physically, and distracting me from getting to the truth. 

I pulled from him unexpectedly, sliding my hands away from him and pulling in my bottom lip, holding onto what I assumed was his false kiss. I leaned back away from him and glanced away, struggling with my thoughts. This was not how it was supposed to be. This was not some glorious fairy tale where the prince rides in on his noble steed and kisses the lowly beautiful peasant girl and whisks her away to live in the shining castle on the hill, and damn the consequences. Tom was just a man, and I was just a woman, and he had hurt me. I couldn’t forget that. And I found I was not prepared to let that go. I knew I was being a girl about this, but I also didn’t want to be manipulated into a falsity and allow him to get away with his treatment of me. This was not about me being the simpering fangirl any longer, excusing and dismissing his behavior. If he was adamant about being just plain old Tom, then by god, he needed to account for his negligence and come clean with me.

I felt Tom’s hand slide along the column of my throat, his thumb flicking my earlobe gently. “Rebecca, what is wrong? I don’t understand. Why did you pull away?” He asked, his voice soft and confused.

I rolled my eyes to him, not moving. His was bewildered, his eyebrows frowning and doing overtime with the kicked puppy routine. Good lord, he was a good actor...but was he acting? Exasperated, I got up, moving away from him. I thought I could let it all go, and I had broken down in his arms and had given him my pain. And now that he had some kind of idea of how I felt, I was only left with an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. He never said he loved me...the words never came out of his mouth. I needed that from him. I needed it so we could begin somewhere and build upon it realistically. And if he couldn’t say it, despite everything else he had expressed to me, what did that mean? My insides tore in two once again, and I felt ill.

I felt Tom move behind me, sliding his hands along my shoulders, bringing me close to him, and I pulled away, walking to the other side of the bed. I didn’t want him touching me, not now, not when I was embroiled in conflict again. I needed time to think. I needed answers from him, but my dark suspicions didn’t think he was ready to give them up to me, not yet. I wrapped my arms around my middle, closing myself off from him.

“Rebecca, I don’t understand, is it something I’ve -” Tom started. 

I looked up at him, and his voice went quiet. I blinked, my face screwed up in suspicion and hurt. What was this? My paranoia spiked, and all I could think about was if he was even being honest with me. The man was an actor, and he had said to me that all actors are liars, even though he was a bad liar himself. And the rumors of all of the countless women, and how it was possible that I could very well be on that bloody list, despite what Stephanie had told me, and how he had claimed what he felt about me... So many conflicting thoughts chasing each other in my head, and I wanted to scream.

“Yes, it is something you haven’t said to me, and I think you know what I’m talking about. Godammit, I got so caught up in being near you and giving in to the excitement of seeing you again that I forgot something very important,” I began, trying not to let the frustration of my anger get the better of me. “Dammit, Tom. I know you had to work through your own demons and issues to see if you could actually love someone like me. But while you were working all of that out, all I could think about was what I had done to make you forget about me? Did anything that happened between us mean anything to you? Or was I just another conquest in yet another city you were at? I had nothing to go on; all I had was what had built up inside my head. And here you are, thinking a kiss can make it all go away? That you can just touch me and make all of those feelings just disappear?” I asked, letting my anger come forward again.

Tom watched me, his face going from hurt puppy to very still and emotionless. “Rebecca, please understand. I told you that I needed to -”

“Oh, I understand, believe me, I do. But do you know what it’s like having to feel like you don’t even have the right to contact the man that you love, to reach out to him, to think that you can’t even talk to him? Yeah, I’m guilty of not reaching out to you as well, but I didn’t think I had the right to do so, because of who you are. But then it occurred to me that you may be some goddamned famous movie star, but what I feel for you isn’t about Hollywood glamour and magic. Not anymore. What I feel for you, Thomas, is real. It’s real to me, and I hoped and prayed it could be real for you too. But I didn’t know that, and I didn’t feel worthy of finding out. Do you want to talk about feeling unworthy? HA! I know exactly how that feels, my love, trust me. There I was, all wrapped up in conflict and darkness, feeling very much alone with what I wanted, and not even knowing if you remembered my name. And thinking that perhaps I was just another one of your weekend flings? My god, you have no idea how that feels, do you? I guess thinking that about you makes me a selfish bitch, but you know what? I don’t care. I do not care anymore. I want to be selfish when it comes to you, but I can’t, now can I?”

He stood very still as he listened to me rant, the corners of his lips turned down, and he looked away from me. “Rebecca, I don’t think you are selfish at all -”

“I am selfish! I am a selfish fool, and I am jealous of the entire world when it comes to you. I may be your biggest fan, goddammit, but that doesn't change how I feel about Thomas William Hiddleston, the little boy who used to dress up and perform plays for his parents in the back garden, or whose heart broke when his family was torn apart with divorce, or who lost his shit outside of a pub when he finally, finally, after years of auditions and bitter disappointment got a break in one of the biggest movies of 2011, or the man who went to Africa on a quest to save the world one person at a time, or who had confusing feelings for a silly woman whom he had met at some stupid convention and he unknowingly changed her life forever. THAT’S the man I’m in love with. And you think you can waltz in here, charm me with your words and your lips, and count on me to just fall back into my step as your adoring fangirl?! No. I don’t want that. I don’t want that from you, or from myself. I love you for who you are when you’re not in front of the goddamned cameras, setting everyone’s panties on fire with a clever remark or a cheeky fucking smile. And I’m not just one of your girls that you can ring up just because you are in town for the weekend and you need a quick fuck! I’m in love with the man that goes home at the end of the day and wears the same damned black cardigan and t-shirt every day, and happens to have the smallest bloody kitchen I’ve ever seen. I want THAT man, but I’m not entirely sure you are willing to give him to me. Not until you show me differently and tell me that you love me, and make me believe it.”

I stood and stared at him, feeling emotionally and mentally purged. I had told him everything I had ever wanted to say, and my chest relaxed. He was not looking at me, his jaw was clenched, and one of his hands was rubbing his neck again. I didn’t want to have this out with him, not like this, but I felt he had forced my hand, and now, here we were.

Suddenly, I heard a loud knock on my door. His eyes flew to me, his throat moving with a strained swallow. “Expecting someone?” he asked, panicked.

I sighed with my frustration, turning and going to the door to see who it was, and when I peeked out the peephole, I saw Stephanie and Dmitri standing outside.


	8. Dark Paradise, Chapter VIII

I opened my door, trying my best to look calm, and my two charges breezed in without invitation. “We thought we’d swing by early and go to lunch before it got too busy up there. Did you want to go -” Steph began, her voice halting as she came deeper into my room. I closed the door quietly behind them, hoping that Tom had gotten his face under control after my little outburst. He had moved to stand in front of the window, and he turned casually as he heard Steph and Dmitri enter. Oh thank god...

“Oh, I see,” Stephanie remarked, her voice lilting with accusation and absolute joy. I held my breath, hoping to whatever god was listening that Stephanie was going to behave herself. I could feel my face flush with embarrassment, and I cleared my throat to get her attention.

“You’re a bit early for lunch, Steph. I thought we were heading up there around twelve thirty?” I asked, trying my best to distract her from this awkward situation. I knew what she had to be thinking, and I knew what conclusions she would most likely jump to. If she only knew...

Stephanie glanced over at me, grinning mischievously, and I widened my eyes at her, mentally telling her to shut the hell up, hoping she wouldn’t say anything she might regret. I would fill her in later, but not now, if at all. And definitely not in front of Tom and Dmitri. “Well, we thought it better if we went up a little earlier. However, it does seem that you are quite busy. You don’t have to join us -”

“No, no. I’m not busy, and I’ll be happy to go up with you. Tom had just stopped by to -” I began when Stephanie cut me off.

“Stopped by for what exactly?” She inquired innocently, her head cocked to the side with her question. The boys were watching this exchange between Steph and me; Dmitri was frightfully amused at the back and forth between us, and Tom was composed and quiet. There was an obvious tension that hung heavy in the room, and I hoped that my two charges for the weekend didn’t mistake it for something that wasn’t there. 

I said nothing, crossing my arms in front of me and turning to Tom, and my heart clenched noticing his eyes were still haunted. He looked up, hearing Stephanie’s question. I wasn’t going to be the only one in Stephanie’s hot seat.

“Oh! I, uh - I was stopping by to see what Rebecca’s lunch plans were,” he mumbled unconvincingly. My god, he was a bad liar... A small smile and knowing smile crept over Steph’s pretty face as she looked back and forth between the two of us. Her appraisal of this situation had me on edge, and I really needed to find some time to throttle her. The desert was looking better and better...

“Is that what the young kids are calling it these days?” She asked, her left brow rising with her cheeky inquiry. I shot her a dirty look as Tom reached into his pocket suddenly, startled out of this uncomfortable line of questioning, and checking his phone. His face fell as soon as he unlocked his screen.

“I - uh, I need to leave. I’m late meeting Luke. I guess I’ll have to chat with you lot later?” Tom muttered, suddenly frantic. He walked to the door, sliding his phone back into his pocket. I opened it for him and he paused in front of me, touching my arm cautiously. He leaned towards me and whispered, “We are not finished, you and I. I’ll text you when I become free, alright?” Tom looked down at me, his eyes wide and determined, and my breath caught in my throat. He didn’t appear angry or upset, thankfully. But he did look very serious. His eyes blinked once, and with a short nod, he left.

I shut the door behind him, feeling dizzy. I really needed to sit. What with the tension of the day, to having an irrational and emotional outburst, I felt wrung out. But I didn’t have time for sitting or thinking about the last hour or so. I excused myself to the bathroom to repair my face for the second time today. As I wiped away my smudged eyeliner, and then did a little touch up, my mind ran thru my horrible conversation with Tom. I was appalled that I had emotionally vomited all over him, but I was also grudgingly pleased with myself for being honest. I wanted honesty between the two of us; if there was even a future for us. And after that little tirade, I really had no idea. I could have said everything better; I could’ve expressed myself gentler. I pulled out my compact, swiping powder over my cheeks and over my nose. I stared down my reflection as I brushed away the excess powder, feeling a stab of regret at what I had said to him. I could’ve been nicer to him, dammit. I loved the man, and all I did was whine and bitch at him. He did try to explain himself, albeit very awkwardly, and all I did was reject him. Fuck, I really wanted a do over. But I couldn’t deny that what had happened was necessary for us to move forward; whether it was us only being friends, something more, or nothing at all. And after my stellar performance, I didn’t know where we stood. He did say we weren’t finished, and hopefully I would get a chance to apologize for being a shrew. 

I left the bathroom after making sure I didn’t look like I had been bawling my eyes out, and repairing the damage to my face. I went out into my room to pull my jacket on and grab my bag. I could feel Steph’s eyes on me, and I didn’t check to verify if I was correct. I made sure I had everything with me, slung my bag over my shoulder, and followed a smirking Stephanie out the door.

We took the elevator back up to the suite to have lunch. Luckily, it only had a handful of other guests in there, and I went with Stephanie to grab a few sandwiches as Dmitri went to say hello to some of the Marvel sound engineers that he knew. We sat at a vacant table together, and I finally glanced over at Stephanie; her face was red with excitement, and she was grinning at me like a fiend.

“So, how did that go?” She asked, taking a bite of her sandwich.

I shrugged. “How did what go?” I wasn’t really sure what to say to her. I didn’t know how detailed she wanted me to get, and I knew I wasn’t going to share every detail. That wasn’t any of her business. Especially since everything I had said to Tom had not been answered, and I had no idea of what he thought about me now that he knew the truth of how I felt.

“How did what go…really? You aren’t going to tell me anything, are you?” She asked, mocking me and looking disappointed. Her crestfallen face was pitiful, and I wasn’t in the mood to give in to her interrogation.

“Stephanie, I’m not sure what you want me to tell you. He came by my room uninvited, we spoke briefly, I started crying my eyes out, he got me tissues, and then I gave him a hefty piece of my mind. Nothing has been settled. I have no idea where we are right now; I haven’t had much time to think about it since. Does that help with your curiosity?” I replied, taking a bite of my tuna salad sandwich. 

Her face transformed from pathetic to alarmed, then finally settling into excitement, and she took a sip from her soda. “Oooh...yes it does. That’s good news, then. At least it’s a start. And what do you mean you have no idea where you are right now? What does that even mean? And why were you yelling at him?” She asked. Dmitri had chosen this time to join us with his own lunch of roast beef and rye, and he winked at Steph as he sat down to eat with us. 

I shrugged again, swallowing my final bite. “It means I don’t know where we are. And why do you think I yelled at him? And besides, it doesn’t matter. We both have a job to do this weekend, Steph. I’m not sure I have time to work out where I stand with him; that ball is in his court now. And even if he gives me some answers, it’s something I’m going to need to give some thought to, you know? He took his sweet time to work out whatever it was he needed to work out, perhaps I need to do the same.” 

Stephanie finished one of her sandwiches and looked at Dmitri over her cup as she sipped at her soda straw. “You make no sense sometimes, you know that? I mean, all this time away from each other; I would have thought you’d be thrilled to spend some time alone to talk and get things worked out, and you tell me that you have no idea where you stand?” Stephanie asked, setting her cup back on the table. “Did he say anything to you at all about what he shared with me back home? About how much he missed you and cared about you?” 

“Sort of. It was mostly me talking and blubbering and then finally losing my temper. There was some kind of explanation, but nothing concrete. It was just the same old indecisive bullshit he shared with me back in October. I can’t give you a definitive answer when Tom hasn’t done the same for me,” I responded, taking a sip from my water as Steph watched me, saying nothing more.

We each finished our lunches in strained silences, all for our own reasons. I checked the time. It was coming on to almost one thirty, and we needed to get across the street. I had no idea how busy it was going to be, or how long it would take to get them hustled to where they needed to go, but I was pretty sure we needed to scoot soon. I gathered our lunch plates and disposed of them as we got our little group together and headed downstairs and across the street.

The lobby was teeming with people, but we darted through the crowd with minimal fuss and outside to the street. I inhaled sharply, seeing the masses of attendees that lined the sidewalks of both sides, and I felt a quiet sense of panic at all of the throngs of people. I had never worked a show this large, and I swallowed nervously, hoping I could keep the two of them safe. I was thankful I had spent time getting to know the layout of the building earlier, and we headed out. I flanked Steph on the left as Dmitri held her hand on her right. We walked with purpose towards the back right entrance to avoid walking through the crowds that were packed into the building. Their panel was going to be in the Central Hall, and it was quite a walk from where we were. After going around the long convention building, across a busy parking lot, and then finally finding the back doors, we entered the middle building, and the buzz from the interior was almost deafening. I made sure to keep referring to my tailored map on my phone to guide us. I took them through a short hallway, a set of double doors, and then back down another back hallway to the large conference room their panel would be held. Their first panel was for the Captain America video game that both Dmitri and Stephanie had parts in, and I wondered idly if I would know any of the other voice actors that had done any of the parts. 

I got us delivered to the back staging area, and I noticed some of the other talent mingling around and waiting. This wasn’t quite like the setup at Brian’s show with a full proper stage with wings and sound technicians. It was a huge room with a raised stage that had been draped to section the panel area from the backstage. The convention crew had also set up tall black privacy drops for the wings area to shield the talent from any prying eyes of the attendees. There was another panel going on, and I made sure I was quiet as I left the two of them to do a quick scan of the backstage area and noticed the convention had set up a table full of water bottles and assorted packaged snacks. Excited, I grabbed four bottles and shoved them into my bag for Steph and D, and grabbed one for myself. I crept over to the wings area and peeked through an opening in the drop to look out at the house. 

The hall was enormous, compared to what I was used to. Two wide rows of thirty chairs across and thirty chairs deep, separated into four sections with rows separating each block section, and every single chair was filled with someone. I did quick math in my head and blinked, my eyes going wide. Over three thousand. I let my breath out as I watched the crowd; the queue in the rows waiting to ask questions was quite long. I was glad I wasn’t some huge important star; I wasn’t sure I’d have the guts to sit in front of that many people and speak.

And speaking of huge stars, I gripped the fabric of the drop suddenly as I heard Tom’s unmistakable ehehehe. Ah, that’s right; he had a one pm panel. No wonder he had left my room in a hurry. I felt a twinge of guilt about that, and I hoped that Luke wasn’t too upset with him that Tom had been running late. Dammit, it would have been no big deal if I was handling him, but we had both forgotten I was not running on Tom’s schedule at this show. 

I finished with my spying, and went to Steph and Dmitri, who were sitting and talking with another voice actor. I quietly handed them each a bottle and smiled, advising them to stay hydrated. They each took one, continuing with their conversation. I found an empty folding chair next to the refreshment table in the back, and I sat, shoving my bag under my chair. We had some time to kill before their panel began, so I decided to check my phone, and lo and behold, texts from Tom. I could still hear him answering questions from the stage, laughing and flirting with the attendees, and I shook my head. I didn’t need to hang onto every word he said to the huge room, I was only interested in what he had to say to me.

I grimaced as I read the first message, “I’m sorry I had to cut our time short, my darling. I had to have a spot of lunch before my first panel. I’m finding I’m missing you handling me, in more ways than one. ;)” I snorted unexpectedly and covered my mouth to keep my sudden giggles to a minimum. So, it appeared I hadn’t offended him or made him upset with my emotional outburst. I supposed that was a positive thing. I slid my thumb to his next message. “If you aren’t busy, I have an hour free until autographs at the booth; do you think your dark overlords would let you free?” I rolled my eyes at this. My dark overlords were currently trying their best not to make too much noise backstage as they talked and laughed with a larger group of other actors and engineers that had recently showed up. 

I responded to his text, “My dark overlords have a panel directly following yours, sir. I’m not sure I should leave them while they are on stage. What exactly did you have in mind?” I hit send and pocketed my phone. I knew he wouldn’t respond until he was finished with his panel, so I put it away with a clean conscience and waited with the others for the panel to wind down and the prep for the next one to begin. I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes and listening to the end of his session. He was being quite long winded about something, and I smiled despite myself, hearing him drone on and on. I had no idea what question he was answering, but his explanation was detailed, concise, and made no real sense, as per usual, bless him. From what I could gather, someone had asked him about wrapping up his new play, and he was explaining about his love and joy for Shakespeare and live theatre and how excited and thrilled he was having the opportunity to get back to the raw truth of his acting roots, or something like that. He finally wrapped up his thought, and there was time for one more question. 

The young lady’s voice was nervous and wavering as she spoke, and she went over the list of all of the things he had accomplished over the last few years, since becoming such a huge star, and finally she asked if there was something that he would like to do in the future that he hadn’t had a chance to do yet? Tom hmmm’d into his microphone, declaring this an amazing question. He was quiet for a moment, until someone from the back yelled, “Loki getting his own movie!” He laughed for a moment, along with the rest of the room, telling everyone that wasn’t up to him; however, if Marvel did decide to make a movie starring himself, he would be happy to be a part of it, if the script was proper, sending half of the room into mad squeals and whoops of hysteria. Once the room got quiet again, he repeated the young lady’s question, and then answered sincerely, “Out of all of the wonderful and amazing opportunities and blessings that I have had over these past few years, I think I would like to do something quite personal for myself. I apologize if it seems a bit selfish, but I would very much like to find the right girl, marry her, and start a family. I haven’t done that yet, but I would like to sometime in the near future. There you go.” His charming confession about his sincere yearning for domesticity sent the women in the crowd into what sounded like the vapors, and I also heard many frenzied shouts of “I volunteer!” bleeding into each other. He laughed into the microphone again, and the crowd erupted in raucous applause, with a few screams here and there. I sighed sadly to myself, feeling my cheeks go quite red, and I glanced down at my lap, spinning his ring on my right hand, and whispering quietly, “I volunteer...”

And with that last rousing answer, Tom’s panel was finished, and I jumped up from my chair, grabbing my bag, and going to stand with Steph and Dmitri. One of the backstage volunteers shuffled us out of the way of the departing panelists, and I noticed as we were being moved, Luke appeared backstage as well. I felt a sudden stab of embarrassment at seeing him again, knowing what he had witnessed between Tom and me earlier this morning, and I diverted my attention to my charges. He walked to the corner of the draped stage, glancing around casually backstage, and began waiting for Tom to exit. I forced myself to look away, opting instead to shrink away from the actors and blending into the background to stay out of the way.

Tom exited the stage; his face was flushed and smiling, and he began looking around as he came down the steps. Luke immediately took him by the elbow and directed him past us and out into the corridor, and he was gone. I didn’t expect him to see me; I had done my best to obscure myself. We had ten minutes until the next panel to allow clearing the room of the attendees that didn’t want to participate in the next panel, and for new seating to take place. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, holding onto it, silently waiting for it to vibrate with Tom’s response to my text. I knew he had an hour of free time, but I didn’t know when I should expect a response from him. 

We all stood and waited as the house filled up with new attendees, and for the panel to begin. As the time ticked by, there was still no message from Tom. I tried not to feel disappointed, but my default mode of waiting on more of his silence shifted back into me, and I tried not to feel annoyed. I didn’t want to feel annoyed, but I was. 

Straight up two pm, the panel host took the stage and began his intro, and then began introducing the video game panelists. I whispered, “Break a leg,” to both Steph and Dmitri, and they walked on stage with the other voice actors and game engineers, waving and smiling amidst wild applause and cheers. After they began, I went to sit in my original seat and wait for them to finish. I unlocked my phone, still with no text from Tom, and I launched my Drive with my maps. I wanted to see where the Marvel booth was located in the next hall, and see if I could map out the quickest route. As I worked over the map, I received a text. I felt a sudden, girly thrill, seeing it was from Tom, and I closed down my Drive to read what he had to say.

“You must think I didn’t see you lurking in the shadows backstage, but you’d be mistaken, my dove. Exit the panel hall, turn left and keep going until you reach the back corridor, make another left and go to the last door on the right, I’ll be waiting... ;)” I looked up, glancing around and seeing only a handful of volunteers scurrying around quietly, and I quietly stood up. No one was paying any attention to me as I crept to stage left to see if Stephanie or Dmitri could possibly need anything from me. They’d be on stage for a good forty minutes, and I didn’t really need to just sit here... Everyone at the panel table had water bottles and was deep into introductions and entertaining the crowd, so I backed away and left the panel hall, breaking yet another rule of mine for Tom.


	9. Dark Paradise, Chapter IX

I double checked my phone to make sure of Tom’s instructions, and I left the panel hall. It wasn’t as populated in the outer corridor as I thought it would be, but I kept my eye out as much as I could without looking suspicious. I could feel my nervous anticipation begin to rise as I found the hall he was referencing, and I turned to my left. It was deserted, and I looked back over my shoulder one last time before entering. The corridor was lined with a handful of closed doors, and the one Tom mentioned was indeed on the right at the end. I took a deep breath, exhaling quickly to quell my nerves, and I pushed the door lever.

The light from the hall shone brightly into the blackness of the room, and I felt along the side of the cool concrete blocked wall for a light. I held the heavy metal door open with my foot as I leaned around the corner, but I couldn’t locate a switch. Suddenly, a warm hand circled around my wrist, pulling me inside. I let out a strangled yelp as the heavy door clicked shut, and I was plunged into darkness. My captor pulled me quickly against him, and for a split second I was scared as hell, but as he pressed his body into mine, I could smell that it was Tom being creepy in the dark. 

He wrapped strong arms around my waist, his cheek rasping against mine as he leaned in to whisper, “So, my love, do you always make a habit of following strange men into dark and dangerous places?” He took my earlobe between his teeth, biting me gently. 

His teeth on my flesh sent an immediate jolt down the insides of my thighs, and I had to remind myself that I was not here for this. But I had answered his text by showing up, didn’t I? Dammit, it’s like I was some lost bird, steering to true north after a long winter away from home. And my inner compass kept bringing me back to Tom. 

I placed my palms on his chest, leaning away from him. “Tom, wh - what exactly are you doing?” I asked, my voice staggering over my words. 

I felt him lean towards me again, his lips dipping and finding my collarbone, his teeth nipping my flesh, and my eyes fluttered closed. I could feel the breath I was holding leave me in a wanton pant as I could feel myself relaxing against him, my body warming against his, and then I remembered. This was not alright, and he had to know that. We still had things to work out between us, and I refused to be distracted by his physical attention towards me, regardless of what my body desperately wanted.

“Well, I thought I’d lure you into a dark corner and show you exactly how much I love you, my beautiful Rebecca,” he replied, his lips moving heatedly up the column of my neck, his voice deep and resonating. His tongue traced the curve of my ear and I moaned breathlessly again, crushing my breasts against him. Oh, the bastard wasn’t playing fair again... As much as I wanted to melt into his arms and return every kiss he planned on giving me, I knew I shouldn’t. Dear god, I was glad he couldn’t see my face...

I sobered quickly, pushing myself out of his arms, and backing away. I felt something push into my thigh, and reaching out in the darkness, I felt what had to be a long table next to me. I took a few more steps away and I leaned up against it. I couldn’t be near him; I didn’t trust myself alone with him in the dark.

“Tom, I’m not sure this is such a good idea. All this will do is confuse our situation, and I don’t want that, please,” I explained, hoping that he would understand. I could feel him moving towards me, but he didn’t touch me, thankfully.

The room was silent, save for the conflicting emotions I was trying to get back under control as they hopped and screamed in my head. I hated how I responded to him. The immediacy with which I was able to react to Tom with just a word or a smile unnerved me. But it was what it was. Of course it didn’t help that I loved him, and wanted him more than anything in the world. 

I could hear Tom approach me, moving even closer to me, and he chuckled quietly. His laugh was sinister, and I inhaled sharply. “Oh, I don’t think there is anything to confuse, my dove. You received my message, and yet here you are. You obviously came to me without hesitation. If you are so afraid of confusing things, then why did you come, hmmm?” 

Goddammit, he was right. I had come to him when he called, and I was aggravated at myself for answering. The man knew me too well... “I just - I don’t know, I...” I stammered, trying to get my voice back. I knew why I came to him. I felt I had no power over any of my good sense or practicality when it came to this man and, in the end, did it really matter why? I guess I’d have to think about that later.

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room, and I could see a faint outline of him as he stood in front of me. Neither of us moved, and neither of us spoke. We were both silent, the sounds of our breaths amplified by the dimness of the room. I heard him take a deep breath after what felt like eons, and he released it in a quiet resolute sigh.

“Alright, my love, here it is. You want to know the truth, so I’m going to tell you.” Tom sounded serious, finally, and I hoped he could give me the answers I needed. “It is true, Rebecca, I do love you. I fell in love with you the moment your lips met mine that first night in my hotel room. I was so very terrifying, and you were so very beautiful as you trembled in my arms. How could I not fall for you? I had been a fool afterwards, trying to talk myself out of what I was feeling. And after my sleepless night after you returned to your room, and the following morning, we both couldn’t deny our attraction for the other. And when it was time for me to leave, after our whirlwind weekend together, I had to rationalize everything, telling myself it would be easier in the end, letting you down, after everything we had shared. I had been lying to myself, and to you. Maybe I was protecting myself, who knows. Fear makes you do irrational things.” 

I could feel him standing directly in front of me, placing his feet on either side of mine, his legs brushing against my knees. He continued, “But when I boarded that plane and lift off, I could still feel your touch on my skin, and my heart broke that I was leaving you behind. I thought about switching flights in Chicago, but I knew I had to go. When I arrived home, I could still smell you all over me, and it was the most glorious thing in the world. It felt like you belonged there, you belonged at my home, with me. This all sounds so sentimental, but it’s true. Rebecca, I want -” his voice faltered as he leaned towards me, his hands sliding along the table top around my hips, his lips whispering softly against my ear. “Rebecca, I love you, with all of my heart, and I want to be with you.”

Tom didn’t move; he stood completely still, the stubble of his cheek rasping softly against mine in the dark. With his words falling around us in the darkness of this room, I felt my lips part and my eyes close, leaning into him. Oh lord help me, there it was... He had said it, Tom said he loved me. He loved ME... And he had loved me even before I thought I could have guessed; even before my clumsy admission on our final night together in October. My mind reeled back to the treasured memory of our first night together, as he worked thru all of his characters for me, and I was stunned with this new knowledge that he had felt for me the same as I had for him. My breath began to quicken, my chest going tight, and my insides beginning to shake and tremble in earnest. I had waited so long to hear this, and I finally felt the heavy weight that had been sitting on my heart and soul lift away. 

I was struck dumb with his words. The sincerity with which he spoke lit within me, and I felt a warm peace surround me, and us. Finally, after months of rolling around with pain and doubt, I had what I wanted most in the entire world. Tom Hiddleston was in love with me, and nothing else mattered. 

I slid my cheek along his, my lips finding his ear in the darkness. “I love you too, Thomas,” I replied, whispering in his ear. I pulled away, trying not to shake. It was suddenly overwhelming, and I just couldn’t hold onto any of my good sense any longer. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him to me in a crushing kiss. Tom moaned, surprised once more, and he reciprocated, crushing me tightly against his chest. He squeezed the air out of my lungs, and I opened my mouth, breaking our kiss to catch my breath. His lips continued along my cheek and my jaw line, and I began to laugh. I was giddy and drunk with the amazing feeling of having his love reciprocated as he kept placing soft, fervent kisses all over my face.

“Rebecca, oh my god, my love, I hope you can forgive me -” he said in between his kisses. Suddenly, he brought his forehead to mine, his hands on either side of my face, his breath mingling with my happy laughter. “I - I got home and I took your advice, to just take what happened for what it was, but I just couldn’t forget you. I went to all of the silly premieres and did all of those insipid interviews, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I kept thinking about talking to you, and sharing my days with you, and it just got unbearable. I even went out with a few women to try and get you out of my mind, but I just couldn’t -” His voice trailed off and I sobered up quickly, yet again. It felt like I had a bucket of ice water thrown on me and I suddenly went stiff in his arms. I reached up, covering his hands with my own.

“I’m sorry, what?” I whispered, my voice croaking on my question. I felt an acute stab of jealousy dive deep within my belly, and I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but I did. He had just confessed his love for me, and now it was paired forever with the knowledge of his failed attempts at replacing my memory with other women when he had returned home. Expecting him to remain celibate was asinine, but while he was spending all of those lonely months trying to work out if he loved me? Godammit, the suspicions of countless other women had been startlingly confirmed by his careless confession, and I wanted to scream. His sudden turn around and talk of love seemed false, and I didn’t know how to feel now, other than rage. I was right back where I had started, only now I didn’t need to imagine and make up lurid stories in my head of Tom with other girls; he had admitted it to me, finally. All of the pain that had danced away as his words of love flowed around me tripped merrily back into me, dragging my heart back down with it.

“Rebecca, I tried to forget, but I failed. Yes, it’s true, I saw a few women when I got home, but I couldn’t follow through. Nothing came of it, that’s what I'm trying to tell you -” he explained, trying to pull me towards him again. I removed my hands and shoved myself away from his chest. He took a step back, and I hopped off the table, trying to find my way out. 

“No. Don’t – I fucking knew it, I can’t -” I choked out, continuing to try to find the door to escape. As I fumbled blindly in the dark, I heard a loud vibrating buzz, and I paused in my flight. It sure didn’t sound like my phone, and I stopped moving towards the door, listening for it again. I could feel him starting to come after me, and then the sound came again. With a resentful sigh, I heard him dig around for the source of the vibration. The light from his phone screen illuminated his face briefly as he unlocked his screen. He swallowed visibly; looking immensely frustrated, and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, answering his phone.

“Yes?...I’m at the convention center...yes, I know I need to get to the booth for the autograph session...no, it doesn’t get started until...no. I know...I thought I had more time than that...” I listened to this one-sided conversation, and I felt a brief stab of guilt, coupled with my wounded anger. It had to be Luke. I couldn’t be here with him right now; I didn’t have the stomach for it. I found where the door was located by the illumination of his phone, and I began to move towards it again as Tom spoke. “Yes, I understand...of course, I’ll be there in a few moments.” And with that, his conversation was over. He turned off his phone and his face was tense. Luke had inadvertently interrupted us yet again, and I didn’t know if I should have been thankful with his timing, or chalk it up to horrible coincidence. 

Tom brushed past me and flipped on the switch that I hadn’t seen on the wall. I shielded my eyes from the bright light and saw he had found a storage room for hundreds of folding chairs and long tables. My god, how had he found this place? I wondered idly if he went off on a quest to find a secluded spot for this little rendezvous, hoping perhaps to revisit our clandestine bathroom scene in October. Tom looked withdrawn and upset, and I knew I needed to leave, and soon.

He came towards me, not touching me, noticing my hand resting on the door handle. “Rebecca, please understand, it was never my intention to hurt you, you know that.”

“I know, so you keep telling me. I understand perfectly, Thomas. But just because I understand, doesn’t make it right. And just for the record? I didn’t fill my bed with faceless men, trying to forget you. I wouldn’t have done that to you. I loved you too much to hurt you like that.” I left the door and walked right up to him, looking him straight in the eye. My fight or flight had kicked in, yet again, only this time, I chose to fight. I stared up at him, my own jaw clenched. “When I got home, and after I had collapsed into tears, smelling you on everything I owned, and after reading your letter and seeing the beautiful gift you had given me, I decided then and there that I would wait for you. I was going to wait for you, Thomas, for however long it took. I had no interest in trying to forget any of it, trying to see other men to work out how I felt about you. I knew exactly how I felt. I struggled for weeks, trying to find a way to cope with not feeling worthy enough to contact you, hoping you would reach out to me, and all I got was silence. But it seems you were just too goddamn busy, bedding any girl you could find in London, trying to work through your own personal bullshit. But me? Nossir, I was at home, alone, hoping and waiting for one word from you. Just one. But that never came, did it? And you know something? You didn’t just take that flight home that day; you took my heart with it. I’m just sad that you didn’t see that in time, or give a real shit about me.”

Tom’s eyes widened at this, his right eyebrow raising and his brow wrinkling. He looked hurt; the color drained from his face, leaving splotches of red stained upon his cheeks, and a tiny part of me was glad. I kept my eyes on him, backing away from him and wrapping my fingers around the handle of the door.

“Come, you are late, and I will be damned if I’m going to be blamed for it again,” I said, pushing down on the handle and opening the door.

Tom’s jaw was clenched and shifting back and forth. He glanced away, running his hand through his hair, exasperated. He took a deep breath, his eyes looking up at the ceiling and blinking quickly. He finally shot me a pained look, and I could see his eyes shining with what looked like unshed tears. I bit the inside of my lip, keeping myself from going to him and apologizing, but I stood my ground. And as the silence fell painfully between us, Tom made the decision to leave, walking briskly past me and out into the deserted hall. 

As he exited, I reached and switched off the light, then closed the door behind me. I followed a few paces behind him. I was not going to let the look on his face affect me, no way... But I felt a pang in my heart as I followed him, watching him from behind, and he reached up, touching his face briefly, as if to swipe at his unwanted tears. I turned the corner of the main hall, with Tom a few steps ahead of me. As I began to turn back into the backstage area, I saw Luke walking towards Tom, his face was calm, but he looked like a man on a mission. I turned to Tom one last time, and he glanced at me briefly. His lips were pressed in a tight line, his eyes full of anguish, and then strode quickly away to meet Luke.

I went into the backstage area, and the panel was winding down. I sat down in my previously vacated chair and ran my own hand thru my hair, exasperated. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to meet Tom; I knew better than that. But I had allowed my feelings to overcome me, yet again with him, and I had almost sabotaged his schedule. And I wasn’t going to forget that. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but this was the third time today that I had been a distraction for Tom at this show, and that would not do. I knew how important it was that he get to events on time, and all I had done is cause his handler unnecessary grief. If it was me, I would have been pissed and annoyed, and I admired Luke too much to be the source of Tom not doing his job. Not to mention the bomb he had dropped, telling me how long he had truly loved me, and then glibly informing me about the women, plural, that he had been with, trying to forget all about me. It wasn’t fair of me to get angry, but dammit, I was. I couldn’t expect Tom Hiddleston to live like a monk, looking for whatever answers he needed, but a part of me was truly disappointed in him. Not that he had done the same as I had, and not sought out the company of another to help get through heartbreak, but that there had been more than one really burned my ass. I knew I shouldn’t be jealous, but I was. I knew I shouldn’t be angry with him, or frustrated with him, but I was. After sharing with me that he loved me, exactly as I had asked him to, to be tied to such a horrible thing, just cheapened what he had said. And it was my own expectations that had gotten me into trouble. I had secretly expected him to pine away and profess his pure and true love for me, and we’d trip happily into the sunset. But, again, this was no fairy tale, and this was turning into a huge mess. I wished I wasn’t here. I wished very much to go back home and forget this weekend had ever happened. To have the hope of a great love, to just be a train wreck of epic proportion, was just my luck.

On the other side of this fiasco, as much as I wanted to get our emotional crap under control, I knew I couldn’t allow something like our little interlude to happen again, not during the show. I also knew Tom had to have social obligations in the evenings, and socializing with him on that level was a no no, despite what he would want. I had no idea when we would be together next, if at all. Even if we did work out our issues, what then? He was in the States for a finite amount of time and then would go back home to London. And when that happened, would I just get months of silence until divine intervention and we worked another goddamned show? I knew what he had said, and I knew how I felt, but what did it mean? I couldn’t just up and leave the States and follow him off to England, and I couldn’t expect him to come live here; I knew he wouldn’t do that. 

I dropped my head into my hands, frustrated and confused. I was at war with myself in my head again, only this time, I had no solid foundation to work off of. I couldn’t just hold onto our tainted love to give me the answers. And the more I thought about it, the sadder and angrier I got. It was so hard to think straight in the man’s presence, and now that I was alone, all of my doubts and fears about whatever the hell it was we were began to overcome me again. The pain of separation was almost easy compared to this. This was sullied hope that was out of reach, and I was trying desperately to grab on and hold on to it as it kept slipping past me. Dammit, I wish I knew what to do, and speaking to Tom any further was out of the question, not yet. All I had done in the times we had seen each other was upset him, and myself, and it was all because of us struggling to be honest with the other. 

I was jolted out of my reverie by thunderous applause, and I pulled my head out of my hands and stood up, grabbing my bag, snagging more water bottles to replenish what I had given Steph and Dmitri, and going to stage left. Luckily, the next few hours would be a no-brainer, as all I had to do was sit and babysit as they signed autographs. I stood out of the way of the exit, but so they could see me, and I waited for them to take their bows and wave at the audience. I opened my Drive to double check their route, and began planning our trip in my head. The Marvel industry booth was in another building, and it would be faster if I took them outside and over. I cringed. I didn’t want to walk them outside, especially since we didn’t have an escort, but it was what it was. Hopefully we wouldn’t get accosted.


	10. Dark Paradise, Chapter X

Steph and Dmitri came off stage, grinning from ear to ear. I waved so they could see me, and we began our trek to their signing. I walked them down the hall to the front doors, assuming our previous positions, with me on Stephanie’s left and Dmitri holding on to Steph on her right. It was crowded with attendees, but I kept my eyes and ears open as the three of us exited and began our journey to the next building. The sidewalks were packed with throngs of people wandering around the outside, and we three walked with purpose. I kept scanning the crowds in front of me to make sure there was nothing that would hold us up, and once we arrived inside, I took a deep breath of relief.

The industry booths were huge, and I was not prepared for that. I blinked, closing my awkwardly gaping mouth, and then remembered the location on the map where the Marvel booth had been set up. Luckily, it would be pretty easy to find; they were located in the back of the building, taking up residence in one of the corners, so I walked them straight across the large and busy room from our entrance, and then took a sharp right, guiding them directly to their destination. I had to halt our journey a few times so as not to ruin cosplay photo opportunities, but I kept my charges on track. After dodging a few groups that had decided it was a good idea to stand in the middle of the walkway to talk, I excused us, and we finally worked our way to the booth. The fangirl in me had to keep it together as I saw the huge display of Marvel comic banners, display cases filled with movie paraphernalia, and booth babes handing out the latest Marvel merch. I wanted very much to go around the little Marvel village and look at everything, but I knew I was not here for fun. I noticed they had set up a line of decorated tables in front of one of the huge displays featuring Captain America swag, so I walked them over to a convention volunteer. We flashed our badges, and we were admitted back behind the huge drop that had been set up for privacy next to the autograph tables. 

There were a few other voice actors and minor Marvel celebrities mingling around with their handlers, and Dmitri went to go speak with a few. Steph stayed behind with me, grabbing my hand, and pulling me into a close huddle next to the wall. “Do you have plans tonight?” she asked, watching me excitedly.

“Well, no, not that I know of. It depends on what you two are up to, and if you need me with you, why?” I asked, confused. I was looking forward to a long solitary soak in my tub, with copious amounts of sweets and liquor, courtesy of room service, in the privacy of my hotel room after the day I had had. I was still smarting from my little interlude with Tom, and all I really wanted to do was drown my sorrows in a hot steaming tub and a bottle of something strong. 

“Well, D and I were thinking of getting dinner after, but there is a concert tonight in the hotel, and I didn’t know if you’d want to join us? You can always drag Tom along as well,” she replied, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Inside, I cringed. Bless Stephanie, doing her very best to shove the two of us together this weekend. I couldn’t blame her; this is what she had planned all along. But Stephanie had no idea about all the very personal bullshit that was happening between the two of us when we were together; I had not shared this, nor had I planned to. Her heart was in the right place, but until I reached a point of forgiveness with him, and myself, I didn’t see it being a good idea of us spending social time together. I smiled politely at her. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Which concert?”

“Oh, it’s part of the Steampunk programming track; I heard of the bands while staying with Dmitri. They’re supposed to be pretty good; would you like to come with us?” Steph asked, looking hopeful. 

My curiosity was piqued. I had worked with a few of the bands in the scene a few years ago, and I was curious to see if I would know any of them. Despite the beckoning call of room service and inebriation, I knew I should probably forgo the lure of my self-imposed solitary confinement, and spend some down time with Stephanie and Dmitri. Despite having been flown here under false pretenses and all of my horrible and regrettable moments with Tom, I owed it to them both to have a little bit of fun with the two of them. With it being such a public event, there was no way Tom would, or should, make an appearance, and perhaps it would be just the three of us having a few laughs. And it might be fun to actually do something other than wallow in my misery about Tom. I shrugged, “Sure, why not?”

Steph grinned, squealing, and shaking me by the shoulders. Her excitement was hilarious and infectious, and I felt my mood lighten despite myself. “Don’t you need to go be important and sign some stuff, young lady?” I asked, using my best schoolmarm voice. 

She sobered up, clearing her throat dramatically and giving me a proper British Army salute. She scuttled merrily away from me to Dmitri, grabbing him and dragging him behind her to the convention volunteer in charge of the signing. I watched the two of them, holding each other’s hands as they spoke with the volunteer, and I smiled sadly, my thoughts unwittingly returning to Tom. I had absolutely no intention of asking him to come with us. I knew Steph was doing her best to thrust us into situations together, but as I thought about it, it was either going to backfire horribly or nothing was going to come of our forced situations. Each time we were together, alone, it had gone badly. I apparently had a lot of negative bullshit to come to grips with in regards to him, and I hated taking that to him each time we were together. On top of the fact that he had mentioned casually that he had spent god only knows what amount of time with other women during our separation, and this still stung me like mad. 

I decided now was not the time to think about it any longer, and I went over to the pretty volunteer to see if there was anything I could assist with. I introduced myself to Elena, the signing coordinator, and she was surprised and pleased that I was offering my help. She didn’t have much for me to do; the stars were normally very autonomous when they signed, and I offered to sit on the sidelines and assist if she needed me. After speaking with Elena, I went to Steph and Dmitri, who had sat themselves down at their table and were getting ready for their autographs. They had no water or pens provided, so I pulled out the bottles I had snagged earlier, giving them each one, along with a handful of sharpies for both. I also handed them a few sticks of gum and a tin of mints, advising them that they needed to share. After getting them settled and ready to go, I left them to their own devices. 

I found a chair in the back and sat down along the wall, keeping an eye on the two of them and the line. And the queue was ridiculously long. I wasn’t sure they’d get to everyone within the two hours they were allotted, but that wasn’t my problem. I shoved my bag under my chair and got out my phone, launching my Drive. As I opened their Saturday tab, I felt a shadow fall across me, and glancing up, I saw Tom standing in front of me. He had his back to me, but he was also quite near, speaking with Luke in hushed tones. I didn’t know if he was there to talk to me or not, so I went back to my phone, not making any assumptions. After my little outburst no more than half an hour ago, and how we had left things, I couldn’t imagine that he would want to speak with me at all. But I wasn’t going to guess; I was going to sit here and try not to think about the mess we were both in. Not to mention how nervous it made me when Tom and Luke were together, so I sat and stared at the screen of my phone, trying my best to look natural. 

After scrolling thru the schedule, not seeing it at all as I tried to give the impression as if I was hard at work, I heard a quiet clearing of throat. “Rebecca,” Tom said softly. I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling my stomach drop to my knees, and I glanced up at him, pulling the professional mask over my face. Tom’s face was sober as he looked down at me. I blinked, trying to keep as calm as possible, and teetering on failing miserably.

“Yes?” I asked, trying not to think about the nastiness that had passed between us in the confines of the storage room. 

“I was wondering if I could have a brief word with you,” he asked, inclining his head to a corner of the back staging area. My eyes darted quickly to Luke, but he was busy having an animated conversation with Elena, so I hopped up and quickly followed him to the corner. We could still be seen, but apparently what he had to say to me wasn’t meant for anyone else’s ears.

“I want to see you later; what are you doing after supper?” Tom asked. His eyes were dark, and I could feel what he was thinking. At least I thought I could.

I swallowed, trying not to let him affect me. I knew what I had to do, and it was for the best. I couldn’t allow him to get under my skin yet again. Not until I had come to terms with the black feeling in the pit of my heart. “I - I’m not sure yet. I think Steph and D -”

“Cancel with them. I need to see you. I want to clear the air between us, you deserve that. Will you meet me at my room around eight, please?” He asked, his right eyebrow raising slightly, his face flushed with hope. 

Oh for pete’s sake, with the eyebrow and the pitiful face... I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I glanced furtively over his shoulder. Luke was on his way over towards us, and I would be damned if I was going to mess up Tom’s schedule one more time today. “I can’t promise you, you know that. And you need to go -”

Tom looked wounded, again. He frowned at me, but I didn't have the time to explain; Luke had reached us, and I stepped away as Luke joined us, touching Tom on the elbow and directing him to the autograph table. I didn’t watch him walk away, I couldn’t. I was getting frustrated at being the object of his distraction for this event, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. Despite Steph’s tempting invitation and my obligation to them, my tub and a bottle of wine was looking better and better. I went back to slump in my chair, finishing my review of Steph and Dmitri’s Saturday schedule. Tom was placed at the end of the signing table, right next to Steph, and as the autograph queue was informed that the stars were ready to begin; he leaned over to her, whispering in her ear. I clenched my jaw. I could only imagine what he was saying to her, especially as she leaned in closer towards him, her eyes shifting over to me briefly. I gave her a dirty look as the attendees began to get their signatures from the others seated with them at the autograph tables. Steph then leaned away from Tom, nodding in the affirmative, and they both got down to business.

I put my phone away and began keeping an eye on the table. Some of the attendees asked for photos and whatnot, and I decided after about ten minutes of watching, I got up to stand behind Steph and D to assist them if they needed me. As I walked over and made them aware of my presence, I noticed Tom had no water and kept borrowing Steph’s sharpies. I narrowed my eyes, glancing over at Luke covertly, wondering how he could have let his largest star go without the essentials. I bit my lip and fought with myself. I shouldn’t interfere, but the handler in me couldn’t deal with it any longer. Frustrated, I reached into my bag and grabbed my remaining sharpies, along with an extra bottle of water, and walked them over to Steph. She was signing the jacket of a DVD, and I casually set the markers and water on the table to the right of her so she could see them. I wasn’t going to give them to Tom directly; that would be overstepping my bounds with Luke, and I refused to do that. As I stepped back to my ever watchful spot, I saw Steph casually gather what I had given to her and slide them over to Tom as she handed the DVD cover back to her fan. I smiled smugly, despite myself, and looked away at the line so neither of them could see my face.

The line kept going at a steady pace, until I noticed there was a rowdy in the crowd. He was a large, boisterous young man, and had zero volume control. He also looked as if he hadn’t seen a bar of soap in this decade. He was barking loudly with some of the others in the signing queue, sharing his expert opinion on everything, and rudely holding up the remainder of the line. I looked around for the volunteers that were working the autographs table, and saw no one of authority to come police this character. I remained vigilant, and as he finished with Dmitri, I stepped forward a bit so I could intervene for Stephanie if I needed to. I looked for Elena, but she and Luke were still chatting. I had no idea if I would have back up, if necessary, so I took a deep breath and waited.

The man came up on Stephanie, his eyes bulged, and he silently thrust a handful of DVD’s towards her. He hadn’t pulled the covers out as I had seen many of the other attendees do for the stars, so Steph had to fight to carefully pull the sleeves for each title so she could sign them for him. I heard her say hello, and he asked her which parts she had voiced in the titles he had handed to her. It appeared he had no real idea just who she was, but Steph responded with a sweet smile, making polite chit chat. He then shared with her about how the sub was far superior to the dub version of the animated feature that she had voiced. I took another step forward, dropping some serious eaves on their conversation. I had an unsettling feeling about this character. I would not allow anyone to harass any star that I was handling, and I wanted to make sure he behaved himself. I didn’t have to play the bad guy often, but I wasn’t afraid if I had to.

Stephanie’s body language screamed her discomfort as she signed, being polite and trying to get the autographs done with as quickly as possible. This guy had me on edge, and I decided I had had enough, so I stepped forward and silently took each sleeve she had finished autographing, and made sure they got carefully slipped back into the DVD’s they belonged in. This icky person was harder to look at up close, and I was glad that I could help Stephanie speed him on his way. 

Steph had finished signing when he asked suddenly, “Hey, can I get a picture with you?” I hastily shoved the last cover into the DVD case as Steph agreed. He lunged over the table at her; his meaty hand reaching out for her tiny arm as he thrust his phone out to face the two of them. I went on the defense. 

“Hey, I can snap that for you if you like!” I exclaimed loudly to get his attention. His jaundiced eyes rolled over at me, seeing me for the first time, and he tentatively handed his phone to me. I smiled brightly, taking his phone, and then moved to Steph’s other side so I could get the shot for him. This gave Stephanie a chance to position herself safely and out of his reach, leaning in towards him, and luckily he kept his pawing hands to himself. I took a few shots, showed them to him, and off he went on his loud and merry way to Tom. 

I knew Steph had someone next in line, but I took the time to give her a reassuring wink as I moved quickly out of the way, and she mouthed “Thank you” at me, turning and smiling prettily at a young Captain America cosplayer with her mother. It wasn’t much, and I had no idea if the man would have done anything to her, but I would rather Stephanie be safe than sorry. I returned to my position to keep watch as I heard the obnoxious man try his damnedest to get Tom’s dander up about how the Avengers sucked, and how Whedon didn’t write his character correctly. I knee jerked, taking a step forward involuntarily to give this guy a piece of my mind, when I stopped myself. I wasn’t Tom’s handler; he had his own personal handler here to deal with this, if needed. Even if his handler was still speaking with Elena, and not really paying much attention to Tom. I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting the urge to go save him, but I knew I couldn’t. And it proved a secret and very private theory I had about Luke. He did allow Tom to be as he was with his fans, to a limit, but sometimes he was truly negligent. And other times when he was over vigilant, I thought he had been unnecessarily over protective. It didn’t make sense to me, but it was how he was. Not all handlers were created equal, and I had to remind myself, yet again, handling Tom for a living was not my job. 

Tom, somehow, got this obnoxious guy to leave, and the rest of the autograph line went pretty smoothly. I assisted with a few more photos for Steph and Dmitri, and did my best to ignore Tom. I felt a small pang as I watched him work his magic with the attendees, and my mind kept wandering to October. Luke had eventually quit his conversation with Elena and kept an eye on Tom, but I never saw him do all the little things I had done when I was in charge. I yelled at myself for the forty seventh time at this event that I needed to stop comparing how I did my job with how Luke did his. 

The signing session ended with Elena announcing that anyone who hadn’t received a signature could do so tomorrow at the next session. All of the talent got up, waving and saying their goodbyes to the fans and to each other, and I slid past them as they departed the table, gathering my sharpies, and shoving them back into my bag. Tom was still sitting in his chair at the table and had managed to cap his last sharpie successfully. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and he continued to sit, holding my markers hostage in his lap. I turned to him, reaching for the markers, and as I wrapped my fingers around them, he kept his grip, not letting me have them. I widened my eyes at Tom, silently asking to give them up, but he pulled me towards him. I felt a shot of panic tear through me, and I hoped to god Luke was not paying attention.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you handing these off to Steph for me. That was unexpected and absolutely appreciated. You always find a way to take care of me, don’t you my lovely?” Tom purred, his eyes narrowing a bit as a smile curved on his lips. I clenched my jaw, feeling my breath beginning to speed up with desire and frustration. “I want to see you, later. I should be free after eight. I’ll text you, alright?” he whispered, one of his fingers sliding over mine, and then finally releasing my sharpies.

I stood up, shoving them deep into my bag, and keeping my eyes on Tom’s face. I said nothing to him, keeping my own face as emotionless as I could, and after a few moments, I turned away. I couldn’t give him an answer; I wasn’t ready to think about yet another clandestine meeting with him. I didn’t know if I had the emotional fortitude to deal with him any more today. I took a deep breath, smiling politely as I walked past Luke, gathering Steph and Dmitri, and heading back over to the hotel.


	11. Dark Paradise, Chapter XI

I made it back to my room after leaving Steph and Dmitri at the elevators. Steph informed me she would send a text when they were ready for dinner, and we said our goodbyes as they skipped merrily towards their suite. Which, incidentally, wasn’t in the same wing with my room at all. Theirs was located down the hall to the left rather than mine on the right. I set my bag on my desk, pulling off my badge, shedding my jacket and shoes, and collapsing face first onto my bed. My knees and lower back were aching from standing for two hours at the autograph session, and I wanted to just lay and do nothing for a while in the privacy and quiet of my room. I had two hours of nothing to do, so I decided to take advantage of it. But any peace and quiet I would hope for would soon be filled with thoughts of Tom, and of what I needed to do about him. He was busy doing god knows what until eight tonight, so I prayed for no visits from him in the next few hours. I wanted to see him, but on the other hand, I really didn’t. I was wary about rehashing all of the pain and anguish of the day, and I was fighting with what I wanted to do, versus what I should do. I wanted to scream with my frustration over this situation, and yet I lay on my bed, my face shoved into the down of the crisp white duvet, lying quite still, and annoyed as all hell. 

As I lay there, trying not to let my mind race, I felt my front pocket vibrate. I flipped over, shoving my hands into my jeans and pulling out my phone. Message from Tom. I sighed heavily, opening his text. “Rebecca, my love, please. Allow me the chance to explain everything; I want to see you, I love you, will you come to me tonight?” His message broke my heart, and I didn’t know if I could respond immediately. I placed the phone on my chest, squeezing my eyes shut and gritting my teeth. This was so fucking stupid... I had Stephanie’s voice echoing in my head about doing what I felt in my heart versus my grown-up self telling me in no uncertain terms that I needed to stay away from him. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I wanted to be with him. Yes, I wanted to tear ass from this room and go to him and never leave his side until the end of time, come what may. But I still didn’t know if I could forgive him for his silence, or for seeking out the comfort of numerous women in our time apart. Yes, he tried to forget me, but at the same time he was trying to work through his feelings, in his own way, and he had come to the conclusion that I was The One. Not to mention the convention and all of our obligations, time, and distance in the real world. I was letting the show get to me. And as I had told Stephanie, working a convention wasn’t real. And what I wanted from Tom was very real. But every time I was in the man’s presence, all of my logic evaporated, and I gave in to how I felt. I had also done a startlingly good job at giving him a piece of my mind. This made all of the time alone without him, due to his busy schedule, leaving me only with doubt, worry, and shame at whatever had come out of my mouth.

I unlocked my phone and responded, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t think this is the proper time to discuss any of our personal issues. I am a distraction, and I refuse to be that when both of us have a job to do. Text me after the convention, and we’ll see.” I hit send, and I felt rotten. I needed a distraction, for myself, that didn’t include Mr. Hiddleston. 

I got up from the bed and grabbed my bag, pulling out the convention program. I flipped to the Steampunk programming track, I gasped unexpectedly when I saw the two bands that were performing at the concert tonight. I had worked with them both on separate occasions, and I felt a sudden thrill of excitement. Finally, someone I knew was at the show. I was giddy, feeling an odd sense of home, and hoping I would get a chance to say hello, and perhaps catch up with them after they performed. 

This was exactly what I needed. I set the program down and went to my closet, trying to find something appropriate to wear this evening to the concert. If I had known I would be going with Steph and Dmitri to a Steampunk concert, I would have packed something more appropriate, but as it was, I only had my handler gear. I chose my old grey ruched blouse, and I matched this with a black stretchy silky knit skirt that fluttered around my knees. I also decided on my black ballet flats; I was planning on doing a lot of dancing tonight.

I took my outfit over to my lavender chair and laid them out for later. I checked the time, and it was only a little before five, so I decided to run a very hot bath, have my promised soak, and try to clear my mind. I stripped out of my clothes and set my phone on the edge of the tub as it filled, just in case Steph or Dmitri needed anything from me. Slipping into the steamy hot water, I lay back and shut my eyes, letting the water do its best to help ease my lower back and sore feet. It was going to be fantastic to see the boys from the opening band again. I remembered the event I had worked with them in Texas a few years ago, and they were all very beautiful frail neo-Victorian boys, friendly and flirty as hell, not to mention up and coming stars in the Steampunk community. Their subtle transition from the Goth scene to the widely accepted current trend of neo-Victoriana made me chuckle to myself. I hadn’t known them when I was in the scene myself years ago, but it was always a secret thrill to see One of Us do so well with the mundanes. I was really looking forward to seeing them again. 

I shift in the tub, sliding the arches of my feet along the top, and wondering idly if I still had the lead singer’s number in my contact list, when the vibration from my phone buzzed on the edge. I opened my eyes, grabbing the towel on the side to dry my hands, and unlocked my screen. I sighed deeply, another message from Tom. “My love, you are not a distraction at all. I’m sorry if you think that you are, but you aren’t. And I want to see you tonight, meet me at 8 at my room, please?” I read and reread his message over and over, until I set my phone down without replying, exasperated that he was pleading with me to come see him. I didn’t want the man to beg me, and it galled me that he was. A leisurely soak to help purge all of the nonsense from the day turned into a failed attempt to not think about Tom. What the hell was I supposed to say? Dammit, I didn’t want to just come running when he wanted me to; I had done that already today. He didn’t speak to me for months, and now? I couldn’t deal with this any longer, and I was getting fed up with having to deal with this. 

I sat up, placing my phone on the lid of the toilet and away from the edge. I lathered up briskly; taking a razor to everything that needed it, rinsed, and got out. I didn’t want to sit and soak anymore; Tom’s message had taken the joy out of it for me. I drained the water, grabbing my phone, wrapping myself up in my huge white towel, and lying back down on my bed. I stared at my phone cradled in my hand, still not knowing how to respond to him. I thought about this afternoon, when we were stealing heated kisses in the darkness of that storage room, hearing him say the words I had desperately wanted to hear from his lips, and then having it all crash down around us in flames. I felt ashamed that I had let him get to me again. Every time I was in his presence, he sucked the IQ points directly out of my skull, and all I could think about was screaming like a shrew at him, or getting him between my legs in any way, shape, or form. Coming to some sort of resolution within me, I reached for my phone and responded, “I have plans tonight. Perhaps after the convention is over we can get together to talk and get things settled between us.” I hit send and held onto my phone. I just hoped I was doing the right thing.

I lay quietly for a few moments, with no response from Tom, enjoying the quiet whirr of the air conditioner and the warmth of my brief bath. I must have dozed off at some point; I know this because I was awakened sometime later by a fervent buzzing in my hand from my phone. I checked the time and it was a little before six pm. I unlocked my screen and it seemed that I had missed quite a few messages. I read the ones from Steph, telling me to meet them in the hotel restaurant around seven pm for dinner. I responded that I would meet them, and then checked all of the messages from Tom. Seems he had sent quite the missive. “I don’t understand, why can’t you cancel your plans? Rebecca, we haven’t seen each other in so long, I think we should spend some time together and get this worked out.”

I rolled my eyes at this, swiping for the next message. “I checked Stephanie’s schedule, and she doesn’t have anything official going on tonight. Are you working, or is it something else?” I frowned at this. He checked the schedule? Goodness, stalker much? I swiped for the next message. “Rebecca, love, please answer me. Are you alright?” This message sent me over the edge. I flipped over onto my stomach and responded, “I am fine. Thank you for verifying that I am not on duty tonight. No, I am not canceling my plans. Please, Tom, for the love of god, can we talk about this later? After everything is over? Please?” I hit send and hopped off the bed. He would just have to deal with my response and let the chips fall where they may. It was time to get pretty.

I took my phone into the bathroom with me, washing my face to apply fresh makeup, and pulling out my braid. I ran my fingers through my hair, and let it fall in waves around my face. No curling iron for me tonight. I left the bathroom and got dressed, pulling on my skirt, my grey blouse, and slipping into my shoes. I pulled my small wallet out of my handler bag, and slipped this into my little black clutch. I also grabbed my con badge and clipped this onto the edge of my shirt. One last check in the mirror, and I grabbed my phone.

I met Steph and Dmitri in front of the restaurant around seven, and after Stephanie exclaimed how beautiful I looked, we went off to dinner. The restaurant was busy tonight, but they were able to accommodate us in the back away from the public. I set my purse on the table, checking my phone one last time. Messages from Tom, again. I chose not to read them, so I dropped my phone on the table, and it clattered, sliding dramatically to the wall. I was going to ignore him. 

Steph watched me, her face wrinkled with confusion. “You ok, Becca?”

I ran my fingers through my hair, and then gave her a false smile. “I’m great. Nothing I can’t handle. I’m starving though; I hope they come with the menus soon -”

“Wait, what do you mean nothing you can’t handle? What’s going on?” Steph asked, interrupting me. I sat back in the booth, crossing my legs and folding my hands in my lap. I was not in the mood to be interrogated tonight, and I wanted to forget Tom was even in this hotel and have some fun for a change.

“Stephanie, everything is fine, seriously. I can deal with this,” I replied, hoping she would cut out her line of questioning. I scanned the restaurant for our server, knowing my weekend charge was looking right at me. I didn’t want to talk about it.

She leaned forward, resting her folded arms on the table and giving me a suspicious look. “Does this have something to do with why Tom was texting me all afternoon asking me what you were up to tonight?” she asked.

“Did you tell him?” I exclaimed, turning to face her. My tone of voice was a little harsh, so I cleared my throat and started over. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it come out like that. Did you tell Tom where I’d be this evening?” I asked carefully, my voice gentler than before.

Steph raised her left brow at me, suspicious. “Sort of. I told him you were spending time with D and me tonight. That’s all I said.”

I nodded, taking another deep breath, and smiling genuinely. “Ok. Thank you. That’s all I needed to know.” Steph’s brows furrowed as she continued to look at me, but she sat back, her eyes narrowing.

Our waitress chose this time to show up with glasses of water and menus. I took mine and began looking for something inexpensive for supper. I had my room and my ticket home paid for, but I was still on my own for meals, and if we weren’t eating upstairs, then I needed to be frugal in my meal purchases. As we were perusing our selections, our waitress came to take our drink orders. As I looked up at the pretty waitress, I rolled my eyes briefly to Steph. “Am I officially off duty?” I asked.

Stephanie’s face slowly lit up, and she grinned, looking around dramatically and working out if I was or was not on duty this evening. “Why, yes, yes you are officially off duty.”

I nodded once, looking back at our waitress, and ordered a Jameson, two fingers, neat, and went back to my menu. Dmitri ordered a scotch for himself and a gin and tonic for Stephanie. After our waitress left, Steph peeked over her menu at me; her eyebrow rose again, giving me a puzzled look. “Becca, I didn’t know you were a whiskey drinker.” she exclaimed, looking astonished.

I burst out laughing unexpectedly and set down my menu, shaking my head and feeling silly. I had brought all of Tom’s bottles of Jameson home with me, and since my father wasn’t home regularly, I had taken to drinking some of the bottles on my own. I had acquired a taste for the fiery, smoky liquor, and I hadn’t even given it a second thought when I ordered it. Damn Tom, again.

“Well, if you must know, I started drinking it right after the show in October. I brought home quite the stash since you-know-who wasn’t able to take it home with him,” I replied, giving her a knowing look and sipping at my water. Steph sat back finally and went back to her menu. I didn’t care. So what, I had had a handful of very hard nights in my early separation from Tom, and I had indulged in emptying a large portion of the very expensive alcohol he didn’t need any longer. I didn’t think he’d come for them, and why let them go to waste? And in my drunken and weepy stupors, I felt close to him, and it had given me cold comfort. 

My phone chose this exact moment to vibrate with a new message, and I ignored it, setting my menu down and glancing around the restaurant for our server. Steph set her menu down as well, stealing a furtive glance at my phone, then back to me. “You are going to see who it is? It might be important,” she said hopefully.

“No. I know who it is, and I’m not going to answer it. And besides Richard, the only two people whose messages are important to me at this moment would be coming from the two of you, and you’re sitting right in front of me. No, I’m not going to check. Thank you for asking, though,” I replied hotly, turning to her briefly and then back to the restaurant, feeling tense as hell. 

Steph looked at Dmitri, exasperated with my attitude, and she leaned forward once more. “What is going on? Becca, you’ve run hot and cold all day, what in the hell?” she hissed. She wasn’t angry with me, but I could tell my actions were giving her troubles. Hell, my actions were giving me troubles as well; I knew how she must have felt.

I watched my fairy godmother across the booth from me, her very blue eyes wrinkling with worry. I know Steph had the best of intentions in forcing this fairy tale to come to life, but at this moment, I wasn’t having any of it. Tom had not turned out to be the pure-hearted prince of this story, and I sure as hell didn’t feel like a clueless princess in trouble. Especially holding onto the knowledge that he had slept with every tavern wench in every village along the way to come rescue me. Well, I didn’t know for sure it was every tavern wench, but it didn’t matter. This princess was pissed, and I had had enough. 

I leaned over the table, folding my arms, and mirroring her. “Ok, you want to know what it is? I’ll try to make this simple so no one is confused. Yes, I love Tom, and he claims that he loves me. Not really sure about that; he’s too busy trying to slip into my pants and flirt his way back into my good graces. But you know what? He finally gets to a point of being honest and open with me about how he feels, and then tells me that during all of that time apart, he had been busy slipping into the pants of other women all over London, so I’m having a really hard time buying what that man is trying to sell me. And I bet you good money he didn’t share that little fun fact with you did he? And at this moment, I’m not too keen on the idea of him doing his best to try and replace me with the aforementioned women while he was trying to “work out” his own personal bullshit, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Nevertheless, right now, we are both working a convention. And every time he and I have had any sort of personal interaction with each other, not only has it been tense and awkward, but I’ve made him late for an obligation every single time. Every time. As a handler, I won't stand for that. I have too much respect for Luke to be the asshole that makes his star look bad. I’ve told Tom this, but he refuses to listen to me. For five months I waited to hear from him, FIVE MONTHS, and now he won’t leave me alone? I get it. We are together at a show, and I’m sure the nostalgia and sentimental bologna has a lot to do with it, god only knows with him. But I have asked to meet with him after so we can work out whatever it is we need to work out, and he’s not having any of it. He won’t listen to me. I refuse to be at the man’s beck and call just because he’s Tom effing Hiddleston. We are both here to do a job, and by god, I’m going to do mine. And that means no distractions, period. You asked me to come handle you, and by god, I’m going to handle you to the best of my ability. Apparently, I’m the best in the goddamned business, and I’m going to do the job I came here to do. If Tom truly loves me, like you say he does, then perhaps he can do a little waiting on ME.” I stopped my monologue, taking a deep breath. The sides of my face felt warm, and I exhaled quickly, calming down from my rant.

Stephanie stared at me; her eyes were round as I spoke to her, but she blinked finally, sitting back in her seat. Dmitri looked over at Steph, his left brow arching at her, as she continued to watch me. Her face was emotionless, and then suddenly her ruby lips curled slowly upward, her eyes screwing shut, and she began to laugh. I reached for my glass and sipped at my water. It was very cold as it slid down my throat, and I wished very much for my drink to arrive sooner than later. Steph got control of herself after giggling for a bit, and she narrowed her eyes at me, still grinning. “Oh my god, that was amazing. Why that cheeky twat. No, he said nothing like that to me at all. Holy shit, ok. I understand now. Oh ho ho...poor Tom,” she said rolling her eyes, her cheeks turning quite pink with her mirth, and continuing to giggle.

I set down my glass, cocking my head to the side, curious. “What do you mean poor Tom? It’s not like he -”

Stephanie waved her hand, dismissing the rest of my sentence and shaking her head. “No no no. Poor Tom, because I don’t think he knows what he’s in for. Ah! This is so awesome. You really aren’t star struck with him, are you? I mean, wow. I was worried that perhaps it may be something like that, but my goodness, I’m glad to see you aren’t willing to take any of his salacious crap. Well done, my friend,” she winked at me, looking excited.

I glanced down into my lap, not sure what to think of Steph’s reaction. She loved her friend Tom, and had been dreadfully worried about him and the situation he had found himself in. So much so that she was willing to shell out the money to bring me here, to reunite the two of us in an epic fairy tale ending, based on his sad tale of woe. And now that I shared with her my knowledge of the other women, she didn’t rise to defend his honor. She didn’t discount any of it, thus making it absolutely possible, and believable, that Tom would have done exactly as he said he did. This point broke my heart into a few more pieces, and drove home the fact that I truly didn’t know him, and that the careless mention of his dalliances had true merit. I wasn’t willing to accept any of Tom’s bullshit answers anymore. True, I had had a few moments when I was absolutely star struck with him, but it was My Tom I was struggling over, not the Tom that belonged to the world. I didn’t want to be upset about this anymore, but the reality of the situation, albeit full of angst, worry, and doubt, was starting to grate on me. I wanted to table all of that, ignore it, and for the first time in months, I wanted to have fun tonight.


	12. Dark Paradise, Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 12:
> 
> 12 – Thievery Corporation – The Forgotten People - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYiTpfnJdrw  
> 13 – Marquis of Vaudeville – Within You/Burn Medley - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ye7CdIwKmY  
> 14 – Abney Park – Sleep Isabella - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aualr0zwKAU  
> 15 – Abney Park – The Wrong Side - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlRCvzkBGwo

Our waitress arrived, and we placed our dinner orders. I had decided on the seafood linguini, and the two of them ordered grilled steaks and chicken breasts. The waitress left, and the bartender delivered our drinks. I took a large mouthful of the whiskey, swallowing and screwing my eyes shut. I exhaled quickly and shook my head, my entire body trembling as the fiery amber liquid slithered to the bottom of my stomach. It was smooth, but the flavor still got to me sometimes. I set the glass down and took a sip of water, helping to cleanse my palate. I was relieved that Steph had pronounced me off duty; I was going to have a drink, or four, have a good time, and forget Tom for the moment.

I decided not to dwell on that subject for the remainder of dinner, so I engaged the two of them in how their day went. I was present for most of it, but I enjoyed getting their perspective. Dmitri told an amusing story; seems during the panel, in which I had missed because of my clandestine meeting with Tom in the storage room, there was a group of young ladies that had decided to serenade him with part of some obscure song from one of his lesser known older anime features. His cheeks went red with the story telling, and I laughed despite myself. Stephanie also thanked me again for saving her from the ham-fisted young man that had been rude to her in the autograph line. I smiled, telling her it was my job to keep her safe. She exclaimed that she owed me one, and we agreed that she could owe me another drink.

Dinner passed pleasantly enough and luckily my phone didn’t buzz again. I certainly hoped that Tom had taken the hint and would not bug me when I knew he was most likely preoccupied elsewhere. I finished my meal, along with my second drink, and I was feeling warm and tipsy. I was ready to dance. Our checks came, with Dmitri grabbing mine, and I kicked his shin softly under the table as he stuck his tongue out at me. I felt like a mooch, and I didn't want them to think they had to pay my way completely. I was told to hush as he signed the slips with a flourish, charging the meals to his room, and we made our slightly inebriated way to the ballroom.

The room was dim with stage lights throwing multi-colored patterns over the entire room. They were playing a wide variety of setup music, but at the moment, they were playing something I recognized from Thievery Corporation. Small crowds had gathered and were mingling on the dance floor directly in front of the raised stage. We scoped out the rest of the room, and noticed round tables and chairs had been set up in the back that curled around the dance floor. I could see the band was still setting up, so I excused myself from Steph and Dmitri and went to make my hellos.

I waited patiently on the side of the stage, and the mohawked drummer spotted me first. His eyes lit with recognition, and as he finished securing his high hat, he came bounding over the stage at me in his neo-Victorian striped trousers. Wrapped up in a huge bear hug, I giggled in his ear, telling him how happy I was to see them here. He leaned away and called to the other three, and they all came over and took their own turns for hugs and hellos. It was good to see each of them, and I was tickled they remembered me. I knew they were busy with set-up, so I left them to it after a few brief moments of innocent flirting and catching up.

I found Stephanie and Dmitri at the back bar located in one of the corners of the ballroom, and Dmitri asked if I wanted anything. I ordered a few tequila shots, and we took our glasses to a back table in the opposite corner to wait for everything to begin. As I slid the strap of my clutch off my wrist to slide under my chair for safekeeping, I saw light illuminating the interior. I slipped my phone out of my purse and unlocked my screen to see many missed messages from Tom. I set my phone on the table, took one of my shots, and read his last text. “I guess I deserve your silence; I suppose it’s only fair play, but I will not be pushed away from you, not now, and not ever. I love you, Rebecca, and this will be resolved, tonight, whether you like it or not.” I bit my lower lip, feeling slightly charitable with the smoky effects of my whiskey and tequila, and I was secretly pleased to see his last message. It may have been all of the liquor making my brain shut off completely, but the fierceness with which he spoke made my insides go quite warm, and I looked forward to seeing just how he would attempt that.

I cleared the rest of the messages, not reading any of the others, and I shut off my phone, slipping it back into my clutch and shoving it deep under the table to hide it. I could see Stephanie glancing over at me with a mischievous grin out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to her, sticking out my tongue.

“Stop it. Seriously,” I said to her, and I turned away as she began to giggle quietly. I slammed my remaining shot of tequila, and sat back in my chair, enjoying the warm buzz of alcohol and Tom’s message, waiting for the concert to begin.

After a few moments, the lights finally dimmed completely, and the boys began with one of their original tunes. I grabbed Steph’s hand, and we all trekked over to stage left to watch their performance. The audience began jumping up and down and singing along, and a few couples began to dance together along the outer edges of the floor. I didn’t know what Steph and Dmitri would think of their style of music, but as the boys performed a few tracks, they were dancing and jumping along with the rest of us.

The boys were in rare form tonight, feeding off of the energy from the crowd. I moved forward away from Steph and Dmitri, pushing my way to the front of the stage, hopping and dancing with everyone around me. The lead singer recognized me amongst all of the faces, and pointed directly at me, his pretty brown eyes widening suggestively, as he sang a particularly bawdy lyric, and I screamed, throwing my arms up in the air and grinning like a tipsy fool. I danced wantonly as the boys performed, having the time of my life, and all of the morose thoughts of my Tom Situation bounced out of my head and rolled off onto the dance floor.

After enjoying a few more songs up front, I was sweating like mad, and I needed to take a break, so I danced my way over to my charges, yelling my excuses to Steph and Dmitri, who were swaying close together at the back of the dance floor, that I was off in search of water. I giddily skipped my way over to the bar, ordered a bottle of water, and then decided I would sit for a bit to cool off. I had burned up a good portion of the alcohol in my body, but I was still not feeling much pain. As I unscrewed the cap and wiggled my way back to our table, their latest song ended, amid raucous cheers, and I sat down heavily and listened as the next song began. I set the bottle on the table and sat forward in my chair, pulling at my blouse, getting air to circulate between it and my sweat soaked skin. After a few moments, I leaned back, closing my eyes, and rolling my neck. I smiled as I heard the intro to one of my favorite covers they performed. It was a medley of “Within You/Burn”, and I began to quietly sing the opening words to the darkened ballroom ceiling above my head. I needed more water, and as I reached blindly for my bottle, I felt cool fingers circle around my wrist. Startled, I bolted up in my chair, my eyes popping open, and I turned, seeing Tom staring at me in the darkness as the David Bowie lyrics flowed around us. For a moment, I was surprised he had come after me, although, at the same time, I really wasn’t. I was also wicked pleased, but I refused to let him see that. My eyes dropped to my enclosed wrist, and then rolled slowly back up at him, challenging him silently to remove his hand. My face was emotionless and my jaw set with a mask of annoyance, but my insides were flip flopping madly with reluctant joy. Tom’s fingers tightened around me briefly, and I could see the shadow of his throat move with a strained swallow. He released me as a wicked smirk danced on his curved lips, sliding his hand slowly off across the table, and then sitting back in the seat that was situated behind mine. 

I swiveled in my chair to face him, and I leaned towards him, wrapping my fingers over the back, looking at him as calmly as I could. “What do you think you’re doing here?” I asked, my voice even, but raised so he could hear me. 

He smiled again, his lips curling into a sexy sneer, and I inhaled sharply, seeing he was letting his Loki out a bit. That simple smile shot all the way down to my inner thighs and my breath faltered. Ooh, the smug son of a bitch... “If Mohammed won’t come to the mountain...” he replied, holding up the palms of his hands in a half shrug, and allowing his voice to trail off as he leaned towards me so we wouldn’t have to yell at each other to be heard. His eyes glittered at me in the darkness; the lights behind me throwing multi-colored patterns over his face, and I tried to keep a hold of the slippery shreds of my dwindling resolve.

“I told you I was busy tonight,” I said, reaching blindly for my water and taking a long swallow. I didn’t take my eyes off him, and I capped my bottle slowly, setting it on the table next to us.

Tom smirked, his face lighting up wickedly. He really needed to cut it out... “I see that. And there is no good reason that I can think of that I am unable to join you, my love.”

“My love?” I spat out, mocking him, and trying not to laugh sarcastically. “You are assuming that you are wanted here,” I said bravely. I kept staring at him and did my best to hold my face straight. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the end of my patience, but I was feeling bold. Bold enough to take him on, and I just hoped that I could keep it together, for both of our sakes.

He glanced away, laughing off my insult, and then turned towards me again, giving me a once over that lit a fire deep within me. “I don’t have to assume anything, I know you want me here, and I can’t even imagine you ever not wanting me, isn’t that true, Rebecca?” he asked, his right eyebrow cocked with his line of questioning. 

Hearing him speak my name, as his lips and tongue caressed the word, I could feel heat creep slowly up my neck and my breath slowed as I continued staring at him. I was not going to let him get to me, dammit... “Taking a lot for granted, I see. But I guess that makes sense. You’ve always taken me for granted. The Fangirl Who Waited. And besides, last I checked, I am but one insignificant little footnote in the epic list of your many conquests, Mr. Hiddleston. I’m sure you could find some other willing little fangirl that would accommodate you this evening, and gladly.”

Tom threw his head back at this last jab and laughed loudly, clapping his hands. Once he recovered, he grinned at me, his eyes narrowing. “A list? My god, you do flatter me. For your information, my lady, I don’t want anyone else; regardless of this mythical list you keep throwing in my face. And, if my memory serves, you have always accommodated me, in all kinds of interesting and creative ways,” he replied giving me a knowing look. His right eyebrow rose again as if to mock me once more, as his eyes roamed heatedly over me. 

I could feel my cheeks flush and my insides begin to warm as I watched him return barb for barb. But all of this was overshadowed with my rising frustration. I had had enough. “What do you want, Tom?” I asked heatedly, trying to keep my voice as hard as I could, trying to ignore how he was watching me, and how he was affecting me.

He leaned in closer; his face a scant few inches from mine, and he tipped his chin down, continuing his heated stare, making his eyes go wide and very blue. “I want you to dance with me.” Tom’s voice was low and determined, and I tried not to physically gulp. He knew how to play me like a finely tuned instrument, and I could feel myself ready to sing.

I took a deep breath, gathered as much of the sanity I had left, cocking my head to the side and giving him a once over of my own. “You want to what - ? Are you so sure about that? Won’t your nanny come and whisk you away so you don't consort with the help?”

Tom smirked, a short laugh escaping his very serious face. “My dear lady, I do not consider you the help. And no, he will not be interrupting us at all this evening; that I can guarantee.” He winked at me, giving me his famous 4000 megawatt smile in confirmation. I wanted very much to slap him.

We stared at each other, neither of us moving. I could hear the last of the song fall around us and tried not to let the words sink into me. I slid my tongue out between my closed lips, and then drew it back in, along with my lower lip, biting it briefly, and then releasing it. Tom’s eyes widened as they roamed fiercely over my face, watching my mouth, and then his eyes flicked up to mine again. I felt his cool fingers slide over mine, and I finally allowed myself to blink. He didn’t say a word as he stood up, unwrapping my fingers from the back of the chair, and I immediately rose with him. We said nothing as I followed him involuntarily out onto the edge of the dance floor away from the jumping crowd. 

I hadn’t noticed, but a few members of the headlining band had joined my boys on stage, and they were performing the latter part of the song with their own instruments, sending the audience into a frenzy. But I didn’t care. Tom and I couldn’t keep our eyes off one another. He pulled me into his arms, but this wasn’t the polite position we had danced back in October. Tom took both my hands, pulling them up together, sliding them slowly up the smooth planes of his chest and wrapping them around his neck. His fingertips trailed softly down my arms, along my waist, and low on my hips, pulling me into him. We didn’t move. We just stood there, holding onto the other, staring each other down as the last song flowed seamlessly into a collaboration between the two bands into one of the latter band's original tunes. I could hear the opening chords of the violin, the drums began their tribal beat, and then I felt Tom’s body begin to move against mine. 

I kept my eyes on him and concentrated on not feeling him so close to me, or the way he was looking down at me, or the way his hands were moving and pressing subtly over my hips. I danced with him in what felt like some bastard version of tango steps, but it wasn’t so much about what our feet were doing, but how his hips were sliding against mine. I did my best to keep up, and I just went with it, allowing him to lead for the first time tonight.

I swallowed thickly, trying to get some of my composure back. “So, how is this going to play out exactly?”

“Play out? How do you mean?” He asked innocently, pulling my hips shockingly close to his and grinding shamelessly against me. I gasped quietly and bit the inside of my cheek. He nudged his knee between mine so that my thighs slid tightly against his as he maneuvered us slowly around the dance floor. I felt like I was going to faint, or grab him by what little hair he did have left and have my way with him on this dance floor. Dammit...

“Well, you got your way. We’re dancing. Eventually, the song will be over, and then what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. I tried to pull away from him and his white shirt of sex, trying to put some space between us, but he held me close in an iron grip, not allowing me to budge an inch.

Tom smiled wickedly at me, his tongue peeking out briefly as he drew his lower lip into his mouth. I grit my teeth, watching him. The heat he was generating between us was threatening to overcome me, and it took all I had to ignore it. But I was failing fast, and I knew it. “Oh, well, I was hoping you would be so impressed with my fancy dance moves that you fall even more madly in love with me, and we would run away together into the night,” he replied, his head cocked to the side, looking at me with narrowed eyes and a heartbreaking smile.

I wanted to throttle him, and I slid one of my hands from around his neck and down to rest on his breast. I wanted to wrap my remaining hand around his neck, shoving my thumb deep into his windpipe, but I resisted. “Run away with you? Ha! You must be joking. You had your chance five months ago, mister, and you blew it.”

Tom did some quick foot work, spinning us around, and then settling us back into our sloppy dance steps, pulling me against the length of his very warm body. My arousal was doing its best to get the better of me, and I was quickly tumbling off the edge. Especially when Tom lowered his face to mine, saying, “Oh, you think so? I’m not so sure I blew anything; I’m not the expert in that arena, my dove.” He leaned back, giving me a saucy wink.

My eyes flew open at his suggestive comment, and my fingers on his chest curled, wrinkling his white shirt, my nails digging into the fabric and, hopefully, stinging the flesh of his chest. He smirked, looking quickly down at my hand, and then glancing back up at me; his smile was truly indecent. His eyes narrowed, and I could feel a quiet moan vibrate thru his chest under my palm. I could feel myself getting angry, despite my sudden arousal hearing his reaction, and I tried to remember I wasn’t going to allow him to get to me. I could feel the angry breath quicken inside of me, and the immediate urge to slap the taunting smile off his face almost did me in. “Well, you certainly would know, now wouldn’t you?” I sneered. This polite jab and parry was doing nothing but heightening my annoyance with him, and I felt conflicted, not knowing what to do, other than something extremely violent.

Tom shrugged off my weak insult, looking nonchalant and smiling cheekily down at me. “If you say so, but if I recall correctly, I informed you that night in my hotel room, floating so delectably in my tub, that if you had kept that up, I’d never leave,” he replied, his self-righteous tone of voice was starting to grate on me, and I tried to remain calm.

The song faded into another of the headlining bands original tunes, and Tom slowed us down into even more shameless dance steps. He had slid his hands up and down my back, dipping them lower and lower along my hips as he moved us carelessly over the dance floor. “I see, so all of those lonely months that you ignored me, doing your damnedest to forget all about me, with your shameless parade of women, it’s all my fault that you didn’t stay because I didn’t continue blowing you until your plane left, is that what you’re saying?” I was beginning to get furious, and my temper was getting very close to erupting.

Despite the song speeding up, Tom didn’t speed up his lead. We swayed back and forth slowly, almost imperceptibly, and he looked down at me, his eyes flashing with anger. His jaw tightened as it clenched, and I felt a dirty sense of satisfaction. Good. “That’s not what I’m saying at all, Rebecca, and you know it.” he snapped, his accent getting thicker with his agitation.

Seeing that I was successful at getting under his skin, I continued with my insults. “Oh, I don’t know, it sure seems like that’s the only thing that seems important to you when it comes to me, isn’t it? You said yourself, you don’t feel guilty over your own pleasure; despite whomever you take it from, and any emotional damage you do, isn’t that the case?” I hissed, feeling cocky and self-assured that, finally, this was going to go my way. Tom spun us violently around, making me dizzy, and then dropping me towards the floor and onto his knee into a very deep dip. He held onto me, bending me back over his raised knee, one hand wrapped securely around my waist and the other shoved deep in my hair, gently cradling the back of my head. His quick and fluid movements made me gasp, and I threw my arms quickly around his neck to keep myself from falling onto the floor. I knew he wouldn’t drop me, but you just never knew. His was taking frustrated breaths thru his nose, and his jaw was good and clenched. He was furious with me, and I could feel it. Tom’s eyes both widened and narrowed, his jaw shifting with his anger. I had only seen this face once, a long time ago, and I knew I had pushed him too far. 

“No, Rebecca, it isn’t, and you know it. But you’re acting like some jealous shrew and won’t allow me to account for any of my actions, or apologize properly. I don’t know why you’ve suddenly decided to shut me out and verbally abuse me, but goddammit, I certainly hope you cut out this bullshit act and just admit to yourself that you love me as much as I love you. And if you can’t accept me for who I am, then perhaps you don’t truly love the real me, and I was all wrong about you. Is that what you want?” he asked, jerking me towards him at his last question to emphasize his point.

Ooh, he cut me deep with this one. My eyes widened and I felt my throat choke with unexpected tears. I wasn’t going to cry, but with his brazen comment, he knew he had bested my shitty attitude and had won this round. The worst of it was, he was absolutely right. I blinked up at him as he held onto me, the both of us holding onto the other and not saying a word. Our chests heaved with our frustrated breaths and I realized I couldn’t do this anymore. I had used up most of my anger towards him, and I had none left to give him, not now; not as I felt his arms cradling me gently as the music beat around us. I felt uncomfortable, and I wanted to leave. I could feel my lips dipping into a sudden and uncontrollable frown, and into the beginning of angry and hurt tears. I shoved myself away from him and stood up, my hands balled into tight fists. We stood in front of the other; Tom’s face flushed with anger at my words, and I swallowed, blinking quickly, and trying to keep the rush of tears that threatened to give me away. I turned on my heel, tearing out of the ballroom as fast as my feet would carry me.


	13. Dark Paradise, Chapter XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 13:
> 
> 16 – Placebo – Centrefolds - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLMev1pO2FA

I sped through the halls of the hotel blindly, trying to get to the elevator as fast as I could. I had no idea if Tom would come after me, and I sure as hell didn’t want to stick around to find out. I had done my damnedest to hurt him as much as I hurt inside, and I had done my best to lash out at him every time we were together since our time in the storage room. Through all of my painful words thrown so casually at him, despite how much I truly wanted to be with him; any remote chance at reconciliation with him may have backfired on me. I felt sick to my stomach, and I mentally forced myself not to shake or have a break down in the hotel lobby. Not in public, never in public.

There was a wait for the elevator, and I tried to look as inconspicuous as I could, blending into small groups and keeping a wary eye down the lobby. After the longest five minutes in the history of forever, an elevator finally arrived, and I took it up to my floor, standing along the back wall of a packed lift.

Thankfully, I was the only one going to the eighth floor, and I disembarked alone. I kept running the last half hour over and over in my head, feeling angry and upset all over again, reliving every heated look he gave me, and hearing each insult I threw at him. I felt another wave of sickness all over again, and I was relieved I would soon get inside my room, so I could finally be alone after this horrible evening. This was not what I wanted with Tom, and I wished I could get a do-over of the last twenty four hours.

I walked down the hall to my room, refusing to look at his door as I passed it, and I reached for my clutch to retrieve my room key. My eyes flew open, feeling a paralyzing surge of panic, when I realized I didn’t have my purse. My hands instinctively flew to the non-existent strap on my wrist, finding nothing there. The key was with my phone, along with everything else, hopefully still hiding under the table that Stephanie, Dmitri, and I had been sitting at. Which meant, of course, that if I wanted to get into the safety and privacy of my room I would have to trudge back downstairs to retrieve them, and possibly have to confront Tom all over again. My panic rerouted, turning into an eruption of frustrated anger, and I gnashed my teeth, screaming as quietly as I could, balling up my fists and pounding the hell out of my door. I could think of about eighty different things I’d rather do than go back downstairs to get my purse, but I knew I had to if I wanted inside.

There was a low white leather upholstered bench in front of the floor length window at the end of the hall, and I sat down, covering my face and trying not to let this circus of terrible circumstance overwhelm me. This had been the most up down, no good, very bad day I had had in a very long time, and I just wanted it to be over. It seemed all I had done all day was desperately love Tom, hate Tom, try to do my handler job, try not to feel inadequate, and try not to embarrass myself, or anyone else. And my exhaustion, mixing with the last dregs of the alcohol, wasn’t helping how I felt. I was irritable and weepy, and I just wanted my bed, and for this day to be a distant memory. But I would not be getting my bed until I went back downstairs and got my key. 

I sat on the bench, trying to work up the courage to move, when I heard the elevator ding at the end of my hall, followed by muffled footsteps on the plush aubergine carpet approaching me. I didn’t want anyone to see me sitting here; looking like an angsty teen, slumped in a dark hall, as if her crush had asked someone else to homecoming. I peeked through my fingers and saw Tom sauntering smugly down the hall. I tried not to laugh bitterly at my vibrant metaphor, and the true meaning of irony, watching him approach his door, in total and absolute control. Well, at least I knew he would be in his room and I wouldn’t have to deal with him back at the concert when I left to get my purse. I closed my fingers to shut him out. But it was too late. He didn’t go directly to his room like I had hoped; I heard his continued steps all the way up to me, standing close enough that I could see the shine on his black dress shoes. 

I decided I had to face the inevitable, so I pulled my face out from my hands, and looked up at him. “May I help you?” I asked, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. 

Tom didn’t smile at me. His face was blank, bordering on sadness, but I ignored that. “You’ve asked me twice today if you could help me, and you’ve yet to do so. Why continue with the same inquiry when you are less than sincere to follow thru with what you offer?”

I shook my head, laughing viciously, and I stood up in front of him. “I see you haven’t stopped your habit of answering my question with another goddamned question, excuse me,” I replied tersely, turning to shoulder my way around him. I began walking down the hall when I felt his warm hand circle my wrist, stopping me. My bottom lip began to quiver, remembering all of the times he had enjoyed keeping me from going places I needed to be, and the familiar gesture made all of my emotions simultaneously sharpen and completely lose focus. 

“I really wish you would stop running away from me, Rebecca. If you don’t stop, one day, I will cease to follow,” Tom whispered, his voice low and earnest. And he was right. Despite all of my bullshit emotions and girly feelings, I needed to stop running away from this, and work our issues out together, one way or the other. But not this second; for now, it would have to wait. I needed to get back into that ballroom and get my purse.

I turned to face him again, his hand still wrapped around my wrist. I had to surrender to him, at least for this moment. Every second that ticked by was another second given to a potential thief that could discover my possessions under that table. And I desperately needed everything in that tiny black clutch. I sighed, shrugging, “You’re right. You are absolutely right. But right now, I have to go. I left my purse at the concert and I can’t get -”

“You mean this?” Tom asked, the strap of my little black clutch dangling from the end of his other forefinger. I looked up at the ceiling, not knowing if I should be thrilled or upset, so I settled on annoyance with a sprinkling of relief. Oh, the beautiful irony...

I forced my lips into a polite and strained smile, holding out my other hand. I was asking Tom for my salvation; and I ignored the thought of it being more than just the room key inside my clutch. “Thank you, Tom; I appreciate you finding it for me. May I have it?”

Tom’s face transformed slowly from sad concern to cheeky upper handedness, and he pulled his arm back, a small, wicked smile spreading over his face. Oh hell no... “Hmm...my goodness, what shall I do? Should I hand this over to you, only for you escape to your room, shutting me out yet again this evening, or should I hold this hostage while you and I actually sit down like adults and work through your resistance?” 

I felt my mouth drop open in shock, not knowing if I should make a grab for my purse, or stomp on his foot, or both. But, dammit, he had rescued it for me and brought it back with him, and for that I was grateful. He was also being an ass about it, and I was too tired to deal with him any longer. 

I sighed heavily, seeing only one resolution to this. I had to give up and give in. “Thomas, if you allow me to have my purse, you are welcome to come in, and we will talk. Nothing more, do you understand?” I explained, exhaling sharply through my nose, and waiting on his decision. His face relaxed into a pleased and genuine smile, and he handed the purse to me, letting go of my wrist. And with our tenuous truce, I dug inside for my room key and opened my door, motioning for him to enter.

As I shut and locked the door behind me, I knew this was a terrible mistake. I had no idea what was going to come of this little meeting, but I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. But it was either this or a showdown in the hallway, and I didn’t want that. I tossed my purse onto the desk, kicking off my ballet flats under the chair, and going to the bed to sit. Tom had taken up residence in my lavender chair, sitting back with his ankle propped on his knee. I wasn’t sure how I should get settled; I felt uncomfortable as hell, so I folded my ankle under my knee and propped myself up on my elbows onto the bed, feeling like I was failing at looking casual. We watched each other silently, neither of us wanting to go first. I knew I didn’t want to initiate this conversation; I was having this under severe duress, and all I could think about was kicking him out, jumping into my jammies, and burrowing under my covers for a good hard cry.

His elbow was propped on the chair arm, and he kept rubbing his upper lip, looking contemplative and calculating. I began swinging my foot, narrowing my eyes at him, and waiting for him to say something. This was his big idea; I wish he’d just get it over with already.

After sitting and watching each other for god knows how long, Tom finally moved. He rose from the chair, walking the short distance to the bed, and standing right in front of me. I kept my eyes on his face as he approached, inclining my head and not breaking my eye contact with him. I was going to stand my ground at any cost. I just didn’t know what the cost would be... He sank slowly to the floor in front of me, his face serious as a heart attack, and kneeling quietly between my knees. I sat up a bit, still leaning back on my hands, and keeping a wary eye on him. I frowned with confusion as I watched him; his eyes were wide and his right eyebrow was slightly raised. As I sat waiting, he slid his forearms onto the bed around me, but didn’t touch me. 

“Rebecca, I’m so sorry, I -” he began, and then ceased talking, turning away and clearing his throat as if to regain his composure. After a moment, he began speaking again, “I just – I just want to apologize to you, for everything. It was selfish of me to keep my distance from you for that long. I told you before, I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was so wrong. I should have allowed my heart to guide me, but instead, I failed despicably. I told you about those other women because I wanted to be honest with you. I don’t want any secrets between us, not now, and not ever. And, just so you know, there were only two. And I only went to dinner with them, nothing else. It was only dinner. They wanted more, of course, but I didn’t. Believe it or not, I’ve not been with anyone, intimately, since I left you. So, no, my darling girl, I have not filled my bed with nameless and faceless women, trying to forget about you. That never ever happened.”

I wanted to believe him, and a tiny part of me did. But it bugged the hell out of me that perhaps there was some small ounce of truth to all of those nasty rumors of his reported cavalier attitude when it came to his laundry list of nameless and faceless women. And it made me sick with fury that I was featured as one of his latest guest stars. My eyes narrowed at him, watching his crestfallen face. “Thomas, you are a healthy, single, thirty three year old man, who happens to be quite famous. You honestly mean to tell me that these two women, of whom you claim you only shared a meal with, did not find some clever way to charm themselves into your bed? Do you really expect me to believe that? Just how stupid do you think I am, really?” I asked, my voice slowing and quieting with my anger. And, just like that, I was furious with him, yet again. 

Tom’s face morphed from kicked puppy to stern incredulity. He said nothing as I sat up all the way, pushing on his shoulders to move him, and sliding off the bed. I knew this would happen. All he wanted to do was re-hash all the crap we had been back and forthing about all goddammed day, and I had had enough of it. I walked to my door, and placed my hand on the knob. “I’m sorry, Tom. I was wrong. I thought I could do this, but I can’t, not right now. If you would please be kind enough to leave,” I said, my voice clipped short.

Tom rose from the floor and moved to the front of the desk, crossing his arms in front of him. “You invite me in and agree that we will talk about this like civilized adults. I begin making amends with you; to be completely honest with you, and you immediately negate what I say? Why do you refuse to give me a chance to explain? Why won’t you hear what I’m saying to you? And why don’t you believe me? Are you that far gone that you and I have no chance to work this out between us? What?” he asked heatedly. 

I removed my hand from the door and went to stand in front of him. My jaw was clenched, and it ached from my frustration. I wanted no more of the bullshit, and I wanted him to know that I was through with all of it. “You really are an idiot, do you know that? You know, your publicist should really learn how to do his fucking job properly. Do you even realize what is being said about you out in the real world? Jesus Christ, Tom! You show this public façade of being this kind and giving soul; so charming and sweet, thoughtful and generous to a fault. But in reality, you are made out to be some sleazy lothario, doing his awkward best to fuck anything with tits wherever he goes! That shit is being published out on the internet for all to see! And I’ve READ it! I read ALL of it! At first I didn’t believe that MY Tom would do something like that, be someone like that, but you give me this bullshit line about love and regret and loss, and yet these horrible stories just keep on coming! How the HELL can I believe you LOVE me when, thru your own bloody words, you almost confirm these horrible stories? Silence my lily white ass. You were busy, and by what I read, there were MANY keeping you quite entertained while you were working out your “so-called” feelings for me!” My face was hot with fury, and I could feel my nails digging deep into my palms as I yelled. 

Tom’s face flushed, matching my own. His eyes glittered down at me, and he snorted strongly thru his nostrils. He quickly grabbed me by the shoulders, bringing his face close to mine. “You mean to tell me, that you would rather believe slanderous gossip and hearsay over what I’m saying to your face?” he exclaimed, his voice seething with his own rage. His fingers were digging into my arms, and it hurt. “What do you want me to say? That they are all lies? Well, guess what, my darling, they are! And I will stand here and tell you the truth until I am blue in the face, but it’s up to YOU to believe me or not. I’ll admit, I’ve had my fair share of checking out the local talent, and I’ve indulged in the past. But not since I met YOU. Not ONCE since you, Rebecca. So, believe what you want! Believe all of those vicious people that get off on spreading monstrous lies about the man you CLAIM to love. Let THAT color how you feel about me, and welcome to it!!”

I had had enough, and I shoved his hands roughly off me. I felt close to frenzy, and I took a step back, raising my hand to slap him. His eyes darted quickly to the side, and as it dawned on him what I was attempting, Tom grabbed my arm as it whirred between us, not reaching its mark. He spun his fingers rapidly around my wrist, pulling my arm neatly behind my back, wrapping his other arm around my waist, and jerking me towards him. His forehead went to mine, and shades of that horrible night in October, when he had thought I was only with him because he was my rockstar, sobered me up quickly, causing me to gasp for air. Tom’s eyes were dark blue in the shadow of my room, and my breasts were crushing painfully against his chest. “Let. Go. Of. Me.” I spat at him thru clenched teeth. I wasn’t afraid of him, and I knew he would never hurt me. 

Tom’s eyes shift angrily back and forth as he stared into mine. I could feel his body shaking with love, anger, fear - who knew. All I knew was we were back in that damned hotel room in October, having what seemed to be the same damned conversation. I could feel Tom’s heavy exhalations thru his nose hot on my cheeks, as if he were a race horse who had been beaten to win. I also felt a frustrated heat radiating off of him as he held on to me. “No. I will not let you go, Madame. Not until you realize that I am trying my damnedest to be honest with you, and to make things right! Goddammit, Rebecca, what else do I have to do? Do you want your sanctimonious pound of flesh? Is that what you want!? Jesus Christ, Rebecca, what’s past is past. We’re together again, and all you’ve done is push me away! Is that what you want?” As Tom spoke and held onto me in a steel grip, his voice descending from an angry booming timbre, to a strained and rough pleading. “My god, Rebecca, my darling, beautiful, willful Rebecca. I love you with all of my heart, please. Please just stop. Stop trying to ruin something you and I both want with all of our hearts. Just – just stop.” Tom finished, his voice dropping into a plaintive whisper.

As I listened to him pleading with me, the shame of reading all of the lies, and allowing them to fuel my already dejected state as we were apart, rushed thru me, and I was suddenly mortified that I had allowed it to become my truth. In the end I couldn’t blame Tom, for any of it. I was right; he was a healthy single male of the heterosexual persuasion, and famous to boot. If he had casual sex on the sly, then so be it. But my expectation of him to pine away for me after my fumbling confession of love stung, and I was embarrassed. He was absolutely right, yet again. I did love him, and I needed to give him a chance to explain and to apologize. With this revelation, I slowly relaxed in his arms, and my body went limp.

As I went loose in his arms, he relaxed his grip around me, but didn’t let me go. “Rebecca, I’ve not been with another woman since you. That is the truth. Yes, I had dinner with two women in London. No, there was nothing sexual. The end. I want you, and only you. Period.”

As he spoke, and with the naked truth evident on his face, I could feel all of my negativity begin to quietly melt away. I was sick and tired of the doubt and the worry and the pain and, in the end, I just wanted him. I wanted what we had so many moons ago, and I was tired of this dark and brooding thing I had become. He kept his eyes on me; his face was full of sincerity, and a tiny flicker of hope. If he had looked at me like this an hour ago, I would have enjoyed finding some way to crush him, but now that he had sincerely apologized, and I actually heard him this time, I didn’t have the heart to do it.

I pushed towards him gently, standing up straight in his arms. Tom leaned away, sliding his hands from around my back to rest on my hips. I took a deep and shaky breath, coming down from my tantrum, and I pulled out of his arms, going to my bed again and sitting heavily. I was wrung out, and I just wanted to sleep. I closed my eyes, my head dropping into my hands, and I pushed my thumbs into my temples. I could hear Tom moving in the room, and I felt him drop to the floor in front of me again, his hands resting shyly on my knees. I sat back up, pulling my hands away from my flushed cheeks and into my lap, and I looked away, not able to face him.

We sat like this for a while, the silence of the room deafening as I shoved away the negativity, and tried to shore up the damage I had done to myself in his absence. I did not hate him. I loved him with all of my heart, and I needed to just accept that, and try to find a way to move forward. As I sat, pondering what in the world to do next, I felt Tom’s hand cautiously covering mine, and he began to spin the ring on my thumb slowly. “The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service; there resides, to make me slave to it. They weren’t just pretty words, I meant what I said. I wanted you to carry them with you, know that they were true, and know that they came from my heart and my soul too.”

My own heart leapt into my throat, hearing him recite the line that he had chosen to inscribe onto the ring he had given me. I felt my eyes close slowly, and I inhaled as my insides quivered. There is a fine line between love and hate, and all it takes is a decision; one step in either direction, and I found myself stepping quietly over to the other side, despite all of the ghosts of my foolish misgivings and mistrust. I gave into his words, and his intent, and I exhaled slowly. And as I mulled over what he said, I laughed unexpectedly, turning to look at him. “You rhymed,” I whispered, smiling sheepishly down at him.

He glanced away, recalling his own words, and he laughed quietly as well, his tongue peeking out over his teeth. I felt myself begin to find a fragile peace begin within me. He sobered up, his cheeks pink with his own amusement, and he shook his head as he cleared his throat, his eyes widening in surprise. “Wow, I guess I did. That’s me, “Walking Talking Shakespeare”, good lord.” Tom shook his head again and chuckled to himself before turning back to me and squeezing my hand. “Oh, Rebecca, my darling, I do love you. Please, let’s not do this anymore; I don’t want to quarrel with you. I want to spend the time we have together just being with each other. I’ve missed being near you so much, my god. Can we start over?” he asked, smiling sadly up at me. 

I relaxed, finally, after what felt like months. In fact, it had been months. But before we could begin the dance of working towards forgiving one another, I felt I had to have my two cents. “Tom, I think I should start by apologizing to you.” He frowned, looking confused, and I smiled, embarrassed, and went on, “I’m sorry for being an ass earlier. I was angry and hurt and I just wanted you to hurt like I did. It was wrong and childish, and I’m - I’m sorry. That doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t smart, knowing you were traipsing around London, having a grand ole time with those other girls, but sharing that with me right after telling me you loved me was a little...well, it sucked, to be honest.”

Tom nodded, his cheeks flushing red from his own embarrassment, and he looked ashamed. “Yes, I wasn’t thinking, I shouldn’t have said that to you quite at that moment. That was unthinking on my part.”  
“Yes it was,” I said, taking a deep breath. I didn’t know where we went from here, and at the moment, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to think past right now; I was way too tired. We both had jobs to do tomorrow, and I was finally coming out of my haze of misplaced rage and whiskey. 

Tom smiled soberly up at me and squeezed my hands. “I have something else that I want to say to you,” he said, his face going quite serious once more. Uh oh, good lord... I hoped it wasn’t anything new that I hadn’t heard already. I wasn’t sure I was mentally or emotionally stable enough for another bomb to drop on me today. But, since we were in the mood for honesty, I guessed it was now or never. I nodded, encouraging him to go on.

He looked away for a moment, and then back up at me; his eyes were glittering emerald, taking my breath away. “It’s not so much something I want to say to you, but something that I’m going to do.” He slid his hands out from under mine and began to move towards me slowly and deliberately, resting his warm hands on my knees once more and skimming them slowly up my legs and under my skirt. I felt my eyes widen as his touch sent a thrill up the insides of my thighs, and I leaned back as he crawled towards me, his eyes glinting with a familiar predatory gleam that set my heart racing. He continued forward until he had me on my back, removing his hands from my legs, finally resting them around my head on his elbows. “I’m going to have you, my love. You have denied me for far too long, and I have decided that you are through playing with me. Now, my beautiful darling, it’s my turn to play with you.”

The breath caught in my throat, and I swallowed. Through all of the hate and worry and doubt, he still wanted me, and I certainly wanted him. I shyly reached up, placing my hands on his cheeks and feeling the soft stubble against my palms that I would have to get used to. He was not the smooth shaven idol I had shared a bed with a few months ago, and for that, I was glad. Tom may have wanted to play with me, but I wasn’t going to just give in and let him. I was going to exert as much control over the situation as I could, and damn the consequences. 

Tom’s eyes were heavy lidded and searching mine. And with a heart wrenching moan, I curled my fingers behind his ears and tugged him towards me, sliding my tongue deep into his open mouth. I removed my hands, placing them against his shoulders and pushing him over and onto his back. I didn’t care anymore, I stopped thinking, and I refused to let my brain ruin this. Tom fell back into the mattress, his eyes going wide with surprise as my thighs straddled his waist, and I leaned over, taking his mouth with my own once more. His hands thrust deep into my hair, holding my lips onto his as his fingers curled through my strands, pulling my mouth closer. I could feel his cock harden quickly between my legs, and I smiled against his mouth, breaking our kiss, my lips trailing down along his stubbly jaw and to the long column of his neck. His breaths were deep and shattered, and the moans that vibrated through his throat as my teeth grazed over his flesh fueled me onward. My anger from moments ago redirected into unrequited lust, and I was drunk with it. I raked my nails over his chest, unbuttoning his white dress shirt and opening it carelessly, my lips and teeth trailing down and down as I revealed more and more of his smooth bare skin. I felt frantic as I lay on top of him, undulating my hips slowly against his, and running my nails deep down the flesh of his exposed chest once more, beginning to work at his trousers. He cried out, arching his own back, his beautiful mouth open and his eyes squeezing shut. I smiled wickedly and bent to take a nipple between my teeth, biting down gently, and sucking the puckered skin. As I freed the button on his trousers, I slid my other hand to his waist and began unzip.

In one fluid motion, Tom sat up, wrapping his arms around my waist, and held onto me, his hands cupping my bottom as our heated breaths mingled with the other. “I told you it was my turn to play with you, my love,” he said, his eyes widening wickedly. 

I laughed, pushing my breasts against him and resting my forehead against his. “Who said I was finished playing with you anyway?” I replied, raising my eyebrow in cheeky inquiry, rolling my hips against his again for emphasis. 

Tom’s mouth fell open again, exhaling a wanton moan of his own and then grinned quickly, his tongue peeking out over his teeth, “I see, is that how it is now, eh? Well, my beautiful darling, let’s play.”  
I chuckled with wicked intent, and then suddenly, I realized one very tiny, yet important detail. I closed my eyes and began to laugh, but with complete and utter regret. I pulled him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck as he began to work his hands up my waist and under my grey blouse. “Uh, Tom? Can we put this on hold for about ten minutes, please?” I asked, my voice wavering as I felt his fingers on my skin.

He looked at me, confused. “What? Why? Don’t you want to - ?”

“Yes, yes, of course. It’s just, well. It’s stupid, but I have been dancing and sweating all night, and I’ll be damned if the first time we have sex again that I’m a complete mess. I don’t want to be, I think the term you used was, minging,” I replied, feeling more than absurd. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did to me. 

Realization dawned on his face, and he smiled, closing his eyes. He nodded, his hands ceasing their trek up my back, and he held onto me, his chest heaving against mine. After a few moments of holding each other, so we could both catch our breaths, he opened his eyes, narrowing them at me. “Alright, Madame. You have ten minutes. And when you are finished, you come across the hall to me, do you understand?” he asked, looking up at me quite sternly. 

I was relieved that he was going to allow me to freshen up for him, and I nodded, kissing his forehead. “Absolutely. I will be all yours as soon as I can manage it.”

Tom moaned low in his throat, taking my lips with his own and kissing me quickly. And in one fluid movement, he lift me off of him and set me on the bed next to him. I scrambled off the mattress, going quickly into my bathroom, turning on the taps and yanking my blouse over my head. As I was about the shimmy my skirt over my hips, I felt hands around my waist, and I turned to look in the mirror. Tom was wrapped around me, and I grinned, seeing him behind me. He spun me around, kissing me deeply once more and taking my breath away. He backed away and smiled. “Nine minutes, and I am counting, better get on with it then,” he said, and with a wink, he was gone.

I hurriedly stripped off the remainder of my clothes and took the shortest and hottest shower imaginable. I hated to stop what we were about to do, and perhaps it was vain of me to do so, but I did not want our first time after so many months of being apart to be unpleasant, for anyone involved. I dried off as quickly as I could and ran stark naked into my room, rubbing the towel over my wet head. I dug around and found another plain white t-shirt and my black shorts and yanked them on quick as a flash. After getting dressed, I grabbed my clutch with my room key and phone, hurriedly tossing my towel into the bathroom, and then left my room to go across the hall.

No one was about, thankfully, so I tip-toed over, barefoot, and knocked loudly on his door. My anticipation had grown as I had showered, and I was getting anxious as I waited for Tom to answer the door. I longed for the days when our rooms were connected, making it easy and private for us to do as we pleased, and I kept a wary eye out for anyone that could be up on the floor, just in case.

Tom opened his door, still dressed in his white shirt of sex and dark blue trousers. I quickly threw my purse past him into his room, grinned, and then crashed into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing him backward into his room. He tried to speak, but I silenced him, pulling him to me in a deep kiss. I wrapped tighter around him, standing on my tiptoes, and I turned, shoving him into the same wall he had pushed me into earlier that morning. Tom was making strangling noises in his throat as I kissed him, and as I continued pressing my body into his, I heard someone behind me clear their throat uncomfortably. I immediately froze. 

I ceased kissing him and I slowly pulled away, glancing into his eyes briefly. His troubled blue eyes darted past me, indicating silently to me that we were not alone. All of my pent up frustration and desire evaporated instantaneously as my head slowly swiveled to see Luke perched on the edge of the couch with an open laptop in front of him. Holy shit, I wanted to die. I turned back to Tom, closing my eyes, and exhaling quietly. It fucking figured. I disentangled myself from around his neck and backed away from him, running my hand nervously through my still wet hair.

Tom cleared his throat and made no move to touch me as I stood in the darkness of the short hall in front of his still open door. “Rebecca - “ he started, and then immediately stopped. 

What could he say, really? I smiled nervously, wishing very much that I could leave, and in fact, I decided that would probably be best. “I - I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you were busy, my mistake,” I said hurriedly. I glanced frantically around my feet, and seeing my purse, I reached for the wrist strap. As I bent over, I stole a furtive peek at Luke, and the look on his face unsettled me. He seemed disappointed, annoyed, and pensive as hell, and I was glad I would be leaving soon. I stood up and walked myself out the open door and back towards my room.

As I dug into my purse for my key card, cussing under my breath and beginning to shake with my mistake and humiliation, I felt someone come up behind me. I turned to see Tom, his face embarrassed and hurt. “Rebecca, I’m so sorry. Luke was there when I got to my room. He needs to go over some business details with me, and I had no idea - “

“It’s alright. No need to apologize. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have gone over there half-cocked and assuming you’d be alone. I’m not your handler this go around,” I mumbled, feeling defeated and ruined. All I had done was embarrass myself and make myself look like a complete ass in front of Luke all day, and I was appalled that his only impression of me was a blithering lust-crazed fangirl who enjoyed crashing blindly into people. I smiled sadly up at Tom, touching his cheek. “Go. Please, go take care of your business. I can wait, I’m good at it, remember?” I whispered, trying to lighten the mood, and feeling like I was failing. 

Tom pulled me to him in a quick squeeze, kissed the top of my head, and then went back to his room. I turned, pulling out my room key, and went back inside, wanting very much to hit something. I slammed my door, throwing my purse into my room, and it landed awkwardly onto my lavender chair, bouncing onto the floor. It figured. It was just my fucking luck. Tom and I had reached some kind of shaky truce, and were again interrupted by fate and awkward circumstance. 

I gave up. I wasn’t going to deal with this anymore tonight. I went to my purse on the floor, pulling out my phone, and walking it over to my night stand to plug it in to charge overnight. I then shut off all the lights, shoved in my ear buds, turning my MP3 player on shuffle, and burrowing deep under my covers. It didn’t matter if Tom was going to phone me when he was finished with his business. I refused to get in his way anymore. I couldn’t. I was too exhausted and emotionally wrung out to care anymore, and I needed sleep. I drifted off, eventually, listening to Centrefolds, and clutching my Tom Pillow tightly to my chest.


	14. Dark Paradise, Chapter XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, just a quick note from me. :) I just want to thank ALL of you for your patience. I have had a LOT of real life things going on for the past six weeks: became a grandmother, helped organize and put on a convention, and dealt with tax extension deadline at my real world job. So, its been a little hectic. :P BUT! I have CHAPTERS written of DP that need some TLC and a bit more spit and polish before I set them out into the wild just yet. :P I will be going thru what I have and writing so I can get this back on track. :D THANK ALL OF YOU AGAIN, seriously. :)

I woke in the middle of the night, with my heart pounding fiercely, and in another cold sweat. I had been dreaming again, and this time it felt much worse. My mind had decided to add Luke as a major character in my nocturnal teleplay, and as my faceless Tom screamed and yelled as he searched for me, Luke was doing his best to keep my head shoved deep under the earth with his foot, holding me trapped within. I bolted up in bed, clutching my pillow tightly against my chest, and my breath was coming in quick and panicked gasps. And as I sat up, tangled in my bed sheets and willing my heart to slow down, I had a sudden disturbing feeling that something in my room didn’t feel right. This dark fact, coupled with my nightmare, set me on alert. I pulled the ear buds out of my ears as I felt a warm hand wrap around my arm in the dark of my room. A jolt of immediate terror shot thru me, and I jumped with a choked off scream trapped in my throat. I tried tearing myself away from whoever was in bed with me, and I was suddenly grabbed by both arms.

“Shh...Rebecca, love, are you alright?” I heard Tom ask worriedly. My fear ebbed into instant confusion, and I woke completely, my mind filling with jumbled questions.

“Tom!? What in the hell are you doing in here? How did you get into my room!?” I hissed at him in the dark. I heard him chuckle quietly to himself, and he pulled me gently down and into his arms. I was still shaken from my dream, and of being frightened half to death, finding him unexpectedly in my bed, but I lay down with my back to him, still tense and trembling.

After relaxing for a moment, feeling Tom’s arms wrapped awkwardly around me, he said, “Our favorite matchmaker, young Stephanie, had an extra keycard for your room. She thought I could make good use of it, so I decided to come for a visit,”

I took a shaky breath, and I entertained the thought of either strangling Stephanie, or thanking her. I let out a strained laugh, struggling with finding all of this terribly amusing or wanting very much to cry with frustration. I didn’t know yet. But as I lay curled against Tom for the first time in months, I felt my body relax completely and I scooted my bottom closer to him as he did his best to squeeze me to him. After a few failed attempts to slide his hands along my waist, and finding it obstructed, he laughed quietly, his breath warm against my neck.

“What is this?” he asked, poking at the pillow I still had clutched to my breast. I let my security pillow go, and Tom pulled it out of my arms, tossing it to the floor, and turning my shoulders to face him in the dark. “You don’t need that any longer, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

I smiled cynically, reaching up and touching his stubbled cheek. “Hmph...are you sure Luke isn’t going to barge in here and whisk you away for some random meeting in the middle of the night?” I asked, trying not to sound facetious. I didn’t want to come off that way, but we were both here for a job and we had both been very spoiled, spending our time together in October.

I felt his cheek lift with a grin against my palm, and he turned, kissing it, and pulling me tightly against his chest. “No, dove. He will not. After I let myself in, I locked the door and put out the Do Not Disturb. No one is getting in this room unless there is a fire or an explosion or something else incomprehensibly tragic. It’s just you and me. No interruptions, no schedules, and nowhere to be, but here, alone.”

I rest my forehead against his, and the memory of my bad dream vanished. We lay still, just holding on to the other in the darkness of my room. If anyone had told me a week ago that we’d be together again, I’m not sure what I would have said to them. But it didn’t matter. We were here, finally alone, and that’s all that mattered.

After lying in each other’s arms in silence for a while, Tom whispered, “Boo,” and I felt him smile against my palm once more.

“Boo, back.” I replied, laughing quietly and wriggling closer to him, allowing my body to get used to feeling him around me once more. I felt amazing to be alone with him again after such a long time, and I was thankful for yet another one of our stolen moments. I just wished we didn’t have to steal brief snippets of time, and that we didn’t have to be such greedy thieves. “So, did you break into my room for a bit of late night slap and tickle or - ?” I asked jokingly.

Tom’s sudden laugh resonated in the darkness of my room as he squeezed me against him. “Well, yes. However, I did want to just hold you and talk for a while. I missed talking with you, Rebecca.”

I closed my eyes, pleased as all hell that he missed our conversations as much as I did, and I took a deep breath. “Well, what would you like to talk about?” I asked.

Tom shifted his head on his pillow, lifting his chin away from me and making a thinking noise low in his throat. I could feel his fingers wiggle and tap against my lower back, and I smiled, thinking he really couldn’t think unless his body was moving. “Let’s see. Well, I would like to catch up with you; find out what you’ve been up to while we were apart, you know, before I ravish you.”

I giggle-snorted unexpectedly, in a most unladylike manner, and quietly shook with my laughter as he held onto me. “You want to know what I’ve been doing for the last five months before you ravish me, I see. How terribly polite and considerate of you Mr. Hiddleston. A bit of a chat up before the sex commences, hmmm.” I said, coming up for air from my giggling. I sighed, getting a grip, and began to think about what I should say. I didn’t want to rehash all of my sad and gloomy days without him; we had done that already. So I decided to tell him the truth. “Well, to be quite honest, not much of anything. When I got home, I was let go from my job, so I had to move back in with my parents, and I’ve been there since early December. Lots of internetting, bad television, and casually following your exploits. It - it was hard in the beginning, but it helped, a little. Anyway, that’s really it. I’ve been looking for another job, but I’ve not found anything yet. Seems you need to have a degree to do anything of substance these days, and I certainly don’t have one of those. I thought about school again, but my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t think I’d be able to commit to something like that, especially in the state of mind I was in.” 

Tom lay quietly, listening to my brief tale of woe, his fingers making tiny, imperceptible movements along my spine, making it difficult for me to think straight. He shift his head again, moving close to mine, his body sighing against me. “I’m sorry you were having such a difficult time. I suppose much of that was my fault.” 

“No, it wasn’t. Well, it wasn’t entirely your fault. You were busy with work, and going thru your own self-induced malaise. However, if I would've known that you were going thru the same thing I was, then I think it would have made it a little easier for me, then again, maybe not. However, if we were speaking to each other, I’m sure the last five months would have been very different, for both of us.” I sighed, turning in his arms and onto my back to look up at the ceiling. Then again, would it really have been much different? He had been busy with his film promotions and beginning to work on Coriolanus; he wouldn't have had much time for wooing long distance. Then again, perhaps if we had continued our connection, we would have had a chance to get to know each other even better, more so than we had in the few days we had spent together in October. But, the stubbornness on both our parts kept us from doing that, so neither of us would ever know that answer. 

“Yes, it would have been very different, I think. I would love to have shared my adventures with you, even if it was a silly five minute phone call. But, I think, truth be told, that if we had stayed in contact with the other, it would have been very difficult for me to not try and eventually convince you to come to me in London,” he said quietly. 

I slowly turned to face him again and bit my lower lip. Oh god, that little confession made my long-sleeping butterflies spring into action, and I rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes. “Are you serious?” I whispered. I had to know. I didn’t want him to just say something he thought I wanted to hear. Not that I thought he would lie to me; but sometimes a girl just likes to hear it out loud.

Tom took a deep breath and exhaled sharply thru his nostrils, sliding his hands from my waist and fanning them across my shoulder blades, pulling me towards him. “Oh yes. I was serious when I said I wanted to change flights in Chicago, that wasn’t a lie. I think the only thing that kept me from it was I had no idea what your address was, at least not until your package arrived while I was away for the Dark World tour. And even then, I knew I shouldn’t come to you. I had no idea if your feelings had changed or not. Yes, you told me you loved me, but after the weeks started to go by, without us speaking, I figured you might’ve given up on me and tried to move on. You didn’t send me anything from you in your parcel, so I had no clue the turmoil you were going thru, or even if you had given me a second thought. I figured you’d send a note or something, but there was just nothing.” Tom took another deep breath at this, and I felt a sting deep in my gut. I had no idea he had expected anything from me, and I knew I probably should have sent something. At least a thank you for the letter and the gift he had snuck into my bag. It was rude of me not to, and I felt shameful for assuming. He continued, “I tried to move passed it, but I failed. Something about you kept spooking me back, and I knew I would need to somehow try to come to terms with the fact that what we needed to do was forget one another,” Tom finished, his voice trailing off a bit. He turned over onto his back again, letting go of me and running a hand thru his hair. I followed him, laying my cheek on his chest, and looking up at him in the darkness. I lay still and listened. Finally, I was able to get his honesty, after so many months of wishing to hear it. After rubbing his face and placing his other hand back on my shoulder, Tom went on, “But, in the end, I didn’t want it to be over. I knew I shouldn’t have wanted that, but whenever I thought about you and us and everything, it felt right. And by the time I came to that hefty conclusion, Coriolanus had begun, and I didn’t have time to think about it anymore. But damned if you weren’t in the back of my mind, haunting me.” 

I sighed against his chest, a quick bitter laugh escaping me. “Well, you certainly looked like you were having a good time in all the interviews I saw.” I said. And he did. I had no idea he was even giving me a second thought at the time, and that knowledge stung when I had begrudgingly watched him back in October and November for his promotion tour. Watching him sing and dance his way across Asia, Europe, and the States, was bittersweet for me, and the memory of the nights I spent, watching him, made my throat tighten with fresh despair.

Tom was quiet; then finally after a few moments, he tightened his arm around me, his lips brushing my forehead, he whispered, “My dove, you forget, I AM an actor. Just because I appeared happy and content, didn’t mean that my heart wasn’t in turmoil over losing you.” 

I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and felt my cheeks flush warm. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and humbled, all at once, and I was overwhelmed with love for him. I didn’t know what to do next. I felt embarrassed for assuming he wouldn’t want to hear from me ever again, ashamed for thinking the worst of him with his silence, and humbled that despite all of this, he still wanted to pursue some sort of relationship with me. I rubbed my cheek against the cotton of his t-shirt, running a finger over the planes of his chest, feeling very small. Stephanie had been right, and I shouldn’t have selfishly assumed that Tom should have been the one to reach out to me. I should have trusted my heart, and contacted him. It wasn’t right of me to have laid that responsibility at his feet, and blame him for all of my pain and self-loathing.

“I - I’m sorry I didn’t contact you. It was selfish of me, and rude, and I should have -” I started, but was silenced with his forefinger on my lips. I closed my eyes, and after a moment, kissed the tip of his finger, and he removed it, wrapping both his arms around me once more.

“It’s alright. I think we can both try to forgive ourselves, and each other, and forget how we have both been foolish twats thru all of this. At least now we both know how the other feels, and it’s just us now,” he said to the top of my head. I relaxed against him once more, enjoying the warmth of his chest, and letting the last of the bad memories of the last five months fall away into the night.

I shift in his arms, leaning up on my elbow, and slowly and shyly placed my lips against his. It was a small kiss, and he took my bottom lip and nibbled gently. I felt the familiar thrum of desire unfurl slowly inside me, and I deepened our kiss, my tongue touching his softly. His hand slipped down to my lower back, and pulled my hips towards him as he turned his head, slanting his lips over mine as his tongue went deeper between my lips. I shoved my arms up over our heads as my leg draped over the top of his, and I pushed him gently back into the mattress, lying on top of him. Tom’s hands went to my waist, and slipped under my t-shirt, his fingers were warm on my skin as the tips dragged lazily up my spine, giving me goose bumps all the way down to my toes. I broke our kiss, giggling, and I rest my forehead in the crook of his neck. He chuckled quietly, squeezing me to him, and then sliding his hands back under my t-shirt with purpose, yanking the offending garment up and over my head. But he didn’t pull it off completely. I wiggled, trying to free myself from my shirt, but I heard Tom laugh wickedly, popping me over onto my back, and holding me down, my arms up above my head, my shirt half on and half off my face, and I was trapped. 

Tom held me down with one arm, as one hand lazily slid up from my waist and slowly over my breast, making me gasp and wriggle to get free. I began making lazy noises of protest, trying to work the shirt off. I felt him lean towards my ear, and he whispered, “I told you, it was my turn to play with you, my love. Now, hush your pretty mouth, or I’ll give it something more interesting to do.”

My breath left me in a surprised rush, and I lay quite still, and waited for him to make his next move. My shirt was only covering half of my face, and I felt him shift again, feeling his tongue dart out and sliding along my bottom lip, making it impossibly wet. There were other parts of me becoming impossibly wet as well, and I tried not to shift too much under him, lest he think I was protesting. His mouth covered mine quickly, his tongue thrusting deep between my lips, and I returned his kiss, my body arching eagerly against his. Tom moaned low and deep in his throat, taking his time kissing me thoroughly as his hand found my breast once more, his palm sliding lightly over my nipple and his fingertips resting on my flesh. My mouth broke away from his, and I sighed, squeezing my eyes tight. My body was getting anxious, and I could feel my skin flush with heat. It had been so long since we had been with the other, and I was absolutely tired of waiting. 

“Tom...” I gasped quietly, my words were breathy, and I moaned again, arching my back into his hand. I could feel each of his fingers, pressing into my breast singularly. He chuckled low in his throat again, and removed his hand, tracing his fingertips down the valley between my breasts and covering the other one, giving it the same feather light treatment. 

“Oh, no. Not yet, my love. I want to touch every inch of you at my leisure. Now, I’m going to let you go, but you need to keep your arms above your head, do you understand?” Tom asked, sounding quite serious. 

I stilled my body, despite wanting very much not to, and he removed his arm, pulling the shirt slowly off of me. I looked up at him in the dimness of my room, and I held my arms over my head, wrapping my wrist with the other hand. Tom leaned towards me, placing a kiss on my nose, and then threw the covers off both of us, exposing my skin to the chilly air of the room. He was still straddling me, and he slid his hands leisurely down my arms, over my breasts, down the slope of my belly, and to my hips, hooking his fingers into the top of my shorts, pulling these off as well. Tom then moved off of me momentarily, shedding his t-shirt and whatever else he was wearing, and then slid back on top of me. His skin was warm and smooth to the touch, and I shift impatiently on the mattress underneath him.

Tom placed his hands gently on the sides of my face, looking down at me. It wasn’t pitch black in my room, but with the dim light, I could still make out a long limb or the subtle curve of his hip. His hands were warm as they rest against my cheeks, and he just looked down at me, his face sober and happy. “Rebecca, my lovely, beautiful girl, oh how I missed you. Oh god, help me, I missed you so much. I missed touching you, tasting you, and smelling the warmth of your skin as you slept. I didn’t know it at the time, but you made me feel whole, did you know that?” he asked, continuing to look down at me in earnest. His subtle gear switch from playful and wicked bully, to soft romantic startled me, and as his words sank into me, I bit my lower lip hard to keep it from trembling with emotion. “I don’t care that it was only a few days, but I know what is real in my heart. I know that with certainty, now. I can’t see anyone else in my life but you. I want you, Rebecca, all of you. Will you have me?” Tom asked. I was struck completely dumb with his words. My mind and heart began jumping to conclusions, and I had to reign in what it sounded like he was saying.

I swallowed thickly, my mouth was dry, and I mentally slowed down my breathing. “Tom, what are you saying?” I whispered, not wanting to make any assumptions on anything he was trying to communicate to me. He was echoing all of the thoughts I had when speaking to Stephanie last night, and having him voice everything that I had shared with her, and what I had in my own mind, was uncanny.

Tom smiled gently at me, and he leaned towards me, taking my bottom lip between his, and kissing me briefly. “What I’m asking is if you will take me for who I am, for as long as you would have me? Rebecca, I want you in my life. I want to get to know you, even more than I know now. After all of this is over, and it’s just you and me, I don’t want you to go back home. I want you to come to California and stay with me while I'm here; give us a chance to spend some real time together. And then, if things go well, perhaps join me in Toronto, and then when I’m finished, I want you to come home...with me.”

My heart began to pound fiercely inside my chest, and I felt dizzy with his words. I was speechless with a million questions and doubts swirling thru my head, and I could find no words to express them. I had no idea what to say to this, so I continued staring at him in the dark, saying nothing.

Tom nudged between my knees, and they parted on instinct. I hooked my ankles around his calves, and he rest between my legs, our bodies melding into the other. “It’s a yes or a no, Rebecca. Here I am, just me, lying in the dark, in the only place I want to be, waiting for your answer.”

I swallowed again, trying to remain calm. Never in my life had I ever expected Tom to ask me this. Of course I had played the game with myself, many times, wishing and hoping. But now that he had voiced exactly what I had dreamed and wanted with all of my heart, I was overcome. I kept my arms over my head, and as I lay beneath him, as he nestled comfortably between my legs, I felt exposed and more naked than I had ever felt in my life. “You mean, go with you to California, then Canada, and then...to - to London?” I asked, blinking up at him in the dark.

He chuckled, dipping his head toward me and kissing the tip of my nose. “Absolutely. I know I have a few days left in the States, but I won’t be too busy. And then I’ll be off to Toronto to finish up Crimson Peak, and I won’t be working the entire time. My dove, I want to spend all of my free time with you. I want that very much. I want this to work out, and I know now that to do that, we should be together, getting to know one another even more. Will you come with me?” he asked quietly. 

All that was between us now, was my answer. I closed my eyes, watching all of our memories parade by behind my eyelids; from our first shy and strained hellos, to our first and last night’s together, and all of the many lonely nights that followed. And a simple word from me would seal both of our fates. 

“I - I don’t know what to say. I didn’t pack for such a long journey, I’d have to go back home and get my things together and let my parents know what was going on. My god, I just - this is so unexpected, I don’t know, I -” I stumbled and stammered over all of the thoughts and emotions that were coming at me a million miles a minute. I was stunned that Tom had opened up this opportunity, this possibility, of the two of us beginning something that I had dreamed and wished for ever since I had laid eyes on him. 

He laughed again softly at me, bringing his forehead to mine. “Well, my darling. If you are planning on what you need to pack, I will have to take by your sudden and immediate plan machinations that your answer is yes. Is it? Are you saying yes, my love?” Tom asked me, his voice cracking into another hopeful whisper. I could feel his warm breath against my lips as our hearts beat against the other, matching each other’s rhythm. And I had my answer.

“Yes.” I whispered, simply. Because it was simple, in the end. I opened my eyes to look at his shadowed features, and allowed my decision to weigh between us. I felt his entire body exhale, and relax further onto me, and he smiled against my lips. 

“I love you,” was all he said, and then his lips touched mine gently. I was still at a loss for words, and I let go of my wrist, bringing my hands to his cheeks, and returned his kiss. There were no tears or regrets, just Tom and myself; alone and together.


	15. Dark Paradise, Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok...this chapter is what you would expect, pure fluffy smut. :) Just a heads up if that's not your thing, but here it is. <3

Tom broke from me, leaning back a bit, and frowning comically. I was still holding him, and I could feel his body begin to vibrate with amusement. He cleared his throat, doing his best to stifle a wicked smile that threatened to erupt on his face. “I wasn’t aware that I had given you permission to remove your hands from above your head, Madame.” Tom said this with such absolute seriousness and conviction, that I forced my lips shut to keep the unexpected giggle to erupt. I harrumphed my protest quietly, tapping my fingers softly against his cheeks, before dutifully sliding my arms above my head and holding onto my wrist once more. My body rolled subtly underneath him, bringing my ankles tight against his legs and pushing my chest against his. “Threaten to play with me, sir? Ha! I dare you to do your worst.” I said, smirking.

Tom’s face transformed in the dark, like magic, and he narrowed his eyes at me. I recognized the man he had suddenly become, and I felt my own eyes widen, the breath catching in my throat as I stared up into the face of my villain. I exhaled quickly, my entire body beginning to tremble, as I realized he had let his Loki slip, and I knew I was absolutely done for. I was contemplating whether threatening a god was a good idea, when Tom laughed low and menacing, doing a bit of shameful wiggling of his own. I could feel him harden quickly against me, and my eyelids fluttered closed and I bit my lip, sighing quietly. “Oh, my darling, I don’t plan on doing my worst, I plan on doing my very best. Now, hush,” he said, his voice husky against my lips. 

I clamped my lips shut again, fighting with whether I should call his bluff or put an end to his game. But, in the end, I lie still, waiting. Good lord, the man enjoyed making me wait, in more ways than one. Tom slid quickly off me, lying next to me, and propping his head in his hand. I turned to watch him, and he was still grinning mischievously at me. He reached towards me, his fingers sliding gently along my cheek, giving me goose bumps all the way down to my toes again. His fingertips slid slowly along the length of my jaw line and over my neck, laughing quietly to himself once more. This laugh wasn’t dripping with malicious intent, as it had before, but a genuine subtle laugh of joy. “Do you know what I missed the most about you? I missed touching your skin. You have the most beautiful skin in the world, and I love the way it feels it against my fingers. Especially when I know you enjoy it as well,” Tom said, his hand pausing at the base of my neck. His fingers draped around the column of my throat, his thumb pushing softly at my pulse. I stilled my normal retort, wanting to deny that my skin was anything special, but I remained silent. Now was not the time for self-deprecation, and it wasn’t wanted, especially for Tom. My innards clenched with my gut reaction to negate what he said, and I grudgingly took his compliment, still not able to speak.

He slid his hand from the column of my throat, dragging his fingertips lazily down the valley of my breasts, and he stopped, making a pleased sound in his throat. “Paradise can be found on the back of horses, in books and between the breasts of women. And I have found that with yours in particular, my love,” Tom whispered, and I gasped quietly, feeling his fingers slide slowly up the slope. I was doing my best not to have a negative running commentary in my head as he went thru his verbal appraisal of my attributes, and I found myself ashamed that I had gone immediately to that default mode. I needed to relax and listen to him; Tom loved me, and he loved all of me, and I would have to just get over my low-self esteem nonsense and enjoy myself. He fanned his fingertips around the circumference of my breast, dragging them slowly inward towards the nipple, making the breath catch in my throat. 

Tom leaned towards my chest, and he placed his lips softly on the tip of my breast. His mouth was amazingly warm, and I could feel my eyes flutter closed once more as the tip of his tongue swirled lazily around my nipple. I grit my teeth as my head pushed back into my pillows, and my back arched forward slowly towards his very wet mouth. I could feel his body move over mine, his knees straddling the outside of my hips, his lips never leaving my breast. Tom lift his mouth away from me as he got settled, and quickly paid tribute to my other breast. I fought hard to keep my hands above my head, despite wanting very much to grab a hold of him.

I opened my eyes as his lips lift off me once more, watching him scoot lower down the length of my body. His knees nudged my legs closed tight, and I groaned quickly and softly, being forced to keep my legs shut when I very much didn’t want to. Fiend. I felt his breath warm on my belly as he slipped down lower, his large splayed hands roaming the sides of my rib cage, his thumbs curled over and running lower down my belly. God, his hands were massive; one small detail that I had forgotten, and one that I relished in remembering. Tom paused in his descent, and I felt his nose circle softly around my belly button, causing me to squeak involuntarily. I could feel his soft laugh against my gooseflesh skin, and I bit my lip to keep quiet.

“Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor...” Tom said breathlessly, before swirling the tip of his tongue along the outside of my belly button, making my eyes cross, and I didn’t know if I wanted to cry out or laugh. I decided on both, my lips falling open, arching my body towards him, and almost moving my hands to stop him. He lowered his lips to the flesh of my stomach, his tongue continuing to tease my belly button, and emitting a low moan. His lips vibrated against my skin and I arched towards him again. This was getting to be impossible, I was struggling to keep my hands away, and he was doing his best to make sure I broke my promise, the bastard. 

Tom had finished servicing my navel, finally, and he shift himself down my body, his hands sliding down along my hips and over the tops of my thighs. He sat back onto my legs, and I peeked down at him, having an idea of what he was up to next, but not really sure what to expect. 

Tom slid his hands back up the length of my body, his long fingers spread out over my skin, and he wrapped his hands around my hips and held onto me. “That cloth on her glorious hips melted away in the heat of the moment and with weak words she urged me... And oh, my darling lady, you do urge me. Now, I want you to open for me,” he said, shifting his knees between mine and finally releasing my legs. I held my breath, feeling him slide between my thighs, and I parted my legs, resting the soles of my feet along his calves. 

Tom didn’t move. His hands had slipped from my hips and up to my knees as I had repositioned myself, but he made no move towards me. I felt open and completely exposed, and never more naked and vulnerable at any other time in my known history, other than a few moments earlier when he had asked me to run away with him. And I was surprised I could even think straight, what with Tom’s words placing me in this defenseless and accessible position. I lay very still, trying not to move as he looked down at me in the dimness of my room. I could feel my instinct of wanting very much to curl into a ball and roll away, but I remained motionless thru his dark appraisal. This was nothing like our shared shower back in October, and so many things had changed since that innocent and playful time. I took a deep breath, and tried to control the trembling that threatened to erupt thru me.

After what felt like hours, Tom finally moved, sliding his hands slowly down my inner thighs as he leaned towards me. “And to my lips', Bright crimson rim, The passion slips, And down my slim, White body drips, The shining hymn. And still before, The altar I, Exult the bowl, Brimful, and cry, To you to stoop, And drink, Most High...” His words were warm and heated against my thigh, and as I listened to him, I could feel my lips part, my breathing become shallow, and my heart beat slow and heavy inside my chest. Christ, the man had snippets of poetry for, what seemed, every goddamned occasion, and he had me enthralled. The stubble on his cheeks rasped pleasantly against the crook of my thigh, and I could feel his warm breath at my juncture. He moved his hands around and under my hips once more, and tugged me gently towards him, and I bit my lip again, waiting. “Now, my beau violoncelle, I want to hear you sing,” he said against me. The breath caught in my throat as his lips descended upon me, kissing me as he would kiss my mouth, and I rolled my hips towards him, wishing to whatever god may be listening, that I could touch him. I had no idea what would happen if I slipped, and I decided it was best not to find out. 

Tom held tightly onto my hips as his tongue delved deep within me, going quite slow and taking his sweet time. He alternated from thrusting his tongue slowly within me, to pulling out and swirling his tongue lazily around my clit. My breaths were leaving me in hurried gasps, and I began thrusting my hips towards him, urging him to go deeper inside of me. Feeling my desperation, his tongue slithered within me once more, and I cried out, working myself against his face. I could feel the tension begin to build deep within my belly, and I shoved my head back into my pillows, my mouth falling open into loud and breathy moans. And then he stopped. His face moved away from me, and I could feel the stubble on his cheek against my leg once more, as he placed a trail of kisses on my inner thigh. I almost bolted up off the bed, my eyes wide and glazed with lust and frustration. Tom chuckled wickedly to himself; I could feel it against my leg, and I groaned, wondering why in the hell did he just stop!?

“Oh no, not like this, my love. I want to feel you come around me as I’m buried deep inside of you. Now, hush and lie back. I believe you are quite ready for me, what do you think?” he asked, the smugness of his voice made me want to leap on top of him and finish us off on my own terms. 

“Yes -” I whispered, gritting my teeth and lying back, and awaiting his leisure. I took a deep breath, trying to still my heaving breath as my heart raced within my chest. Tom let go of my hips and began the slow crawl up my length, finally settling between my parted legs once more. He lay on top of me, his forearms sliding under my shoulders as his hands cradled my head, and he looked down at me.

“You’ve been so good, and you’ve waited long enough. Now. Kiss me,” he stated plainly. I complied immediately, lifting my head and placing my lips on his, taking his bottom lip between my teeth and biting down. Tom chuckled wickedly, pulling away from me, his lower lip popping out of my mouth. He writhed against me, and I felt his hard cock push forward, seeking entrance. I arched my back into him, spreading my knees wider, encouraging him to enter, and pushing my forehead into his. He dipped his head towards me, capturing my lips with his own, and as he thrust his tongue deep into my mouth, he plunged himself forward into me, his cock and his tongue entering me in one fluid motion. The moan of triumph that flooded the inside of his mouth was almost inhuman, and I tore my lips away from his, so he could hear me sing a bit more. I pulled my arms down towards the top of my head, and Tom grasped my wrists in his hands. His fingers clamped tightly onto my arms, guaranteeing that I wouldn’t break and reach for him. He began moving slowly inside of me, and I met each of his thrusts as he slid deep within me. 

“My god, you are tight, Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, his breath leaving him in a hot gasp against my neck. There was no flowery poetry slipping from his lips as he moved within me. I didn’t know if I was allowed to speak, so I answered his statement, leaning into his cheek, and taking his earlobe between my teeth. He growled, his voice resonating against my skin, and he began thrusting into me faster. I lift my hips, hooking my ankles up around his waist, and positioning my head so I could kiss him once more. 

Tom’s lips were strong and very wet on mine, our tongues sliding against the other as we both groaned breathlessly into each other’s mouths. And, for the first time with any man I had ever been with, I felt the beginning of my climax during normal intercourse, and I continued to thrust my hips towards him wantonly. Tom must have sensed this, and he shift his body forward so each of his thrusts moved closer against my clit, pulling down on my wrists, and wrapping his fingers tighter. And it didn’t take long, feeling him rub his cock against me as he entered, I felt my orgasm bloom within me, and I squeezed my eyes shut tight, my mouth opening wide as I cried out in a gut-wrenching moan that filled my hotel room. 

Tom laughed evilly between his own breathy groans, increasing his speed once more, and as I began coming down from my own orgasm, I felt him grow larger within me, stretching me. I shift my head towards him, his forehead pressed painfully into my own, with his quick and warm breath on my face. I could see his eyes in the dimness of my room widen suddenly as he shoved his cock deep within me one last time, and his beautiful mouth opened and he let out a heartbreaking high-pitched keen of his own. His hips rocked against mine as his orgasm overtook him, and I slipped my ankles from his waist, hooking them around the tops of his thighs, pushing my heels into his ass and holding him deep within me. Tom’s eyes closed finally, and he sucked in his lower lip, biting down hard as he finished. He moved his head to my shoulder, the sweat from his brow slick on my skin. 

We lay quietly for a few moments, unmoving, as his cock continued to twitch intermittently within me, finally breaking his spell and making me laugh. I felt him give a short chuckle against my neck and I lift my shoulder, pressing my cheek towards his. I slid my ankles down the length of his legs as his fingers unwrapped from around my wrists, and he shift against me once more, placing a brief kiss in the hollow of my throat. He pushed himself up over me, and smiled. “Well, that was a bit of fun, wasn’t it?”

I wiggled under him and made an acknowledging sound in my throat. He laughed once more, dipping his head and gently kissing my lips. He slid his hands from under my shoulders and rolled over onto his back, taking me with him. I didn’t know what to do with my arms, so I placed them over his head. Seeing my struggle, Tom rolled his eyes and moaned in his throat, smiling. “Alright, you can move your arms.”

Being released, I grinned mischievously, sliding my hands towards his waist, and I began tickling him in the ribs. Tom yelped, bucking up against me, and exclaiming his surprise quite loudly in my ear. He wrapped his arms tight against my middle, and we rolled around in my sheets as he fought off my tickling advances. “A bit of fun...is that what you called it? Next time, it will be your turn, mister,” I exclaimed between clenched teeth, and thru our rolling around, he popped out of me, sending him into a laughing fit as the sheets tangled around us. 

He grabbed my hands and rolled me over onto my back, his happy laughing ceasing. He held my hands down towards my sides, twining his fingers with mine and straddling my hips. “Oh, Madame, if you think you can best me, I would be thrilled to see you try.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and gave up, laughing despite myself. “Now, that is a challenge I would love to take you up on.”

Tom let go of my hands and rolled back over, taking me with him once more, but I lay with him with my head on his shoulder. Our laughing went quiet as we lay together with my arm draped across his waist. He rubbed my shoulder, and bent to kiss my forehead. I didn’t check the time, but I knew it was getting quite late, and we both needed to sleep. We both had a busy day ahead of us, and as much as I wanted to spend the rest of the night rediscovering each other, I knew that needed to be put on hold. And as I remembered, it may be sooner than later. I bit my lip, remembering what Tom had said to me before he began sweetly torturing me, and I fought with whether I should bring it up right now or not. He didn’t want me to go back home; he wanted me to go with him on his adventures. But, I decided, now was not the time, and we would have time tomorrow afternoon when the show was over for the both of us, and we could work out the details then. So, I lay with my limbs draped over him, and let the thoughts of our fragile and tenuous future slip off into the night, and I quickly fell deeply and contentedly asleep.


	16. Dark Paradise, Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 17 – Dave Matthews Band – Crash - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7in-9E3ImQ

I woke up groggy as hell and feeling like I was crawling out of some forgotten underground tomb. As I struggled to pull myself out of my unconsciousness, I vaguely recognized the lyrics of an old Dave Matthews Band tune being sung softly behind me. Tom’s voice was sleepy and breathy, as he accompanied the song that was playing on my alarm. My eyes cracked open from my drowsy haze, and I could feel Tom’s lips moving lightly against my neck right behind my ear. “Touch your lips just so I know, in your eyes, love, it glows so, I'm bare-boned and crazy for you...” Tom’s arms were wrapped tightly around my waist as he sang along with the words. Once I realized what he was doing, I burst into sleepy giggles as he pulled me back tighter against his chest.

“What are you doing?” I asked, turning in his arms and grinning sluggishly. I placed my hands on either side of his face, feeling his soft early morning stubble even more pronounced against my palms.

Tom was grinning, his tongue peeking over the top of his teeth, continuing his earnest early morning serenade, singing as melodramatically as he could, and making faces at me. I rolled my eyes at him, as he rolled onto his back, pulling me against him. 

“Good morning, my love. Did you sleep well?” He asked, kissing the top of my head, taking a break from the current lyrics. I nodded, and he rubbed my arm in acknowledgement. And I did sleep well; I hadn’t slept as deeply or as peacefully in months. And after our late night…well. I was surprised I was awake and coherent. He continued singing softly to the top of my head, and I continued snickering quietly against his chest. His hands skimmed up and down my naked back as he sang, making my skin into gooseflesh, and I pressed my cheek into his chest. But I didn’t laugh for long. I needed to check the time, and to make sure I hadn’t missed any texts from Steph or Dmitri. They each had separate panels today, and their day really didn’t begin until eleven am, but I didn’t know if they wanted to meet for an early breakfast or not. I rubbed his chest, rolling away and groping awkwardly for my phone. 

“Oh I watch you there, through the window and I stare at you, you wear nothing, but you wear it so well...hey, where are you going?” Tom asked behind me, reaching playfully for me as I moved away from him. I snatched my phone and checked the time as I felt warm grasping and eager hands drag lazily down my naked back. 

He had me giggling once more this morning, and I leaned on my propped elbow with the phone in my hands. “I have to see if Steph or Dmitri messaged me, and I need to check the time..!” I replied, squeaking breathlessly as Tom grabbed me, pulling me back into his arms, and I lay on my back with my head cradled in his shoulder, looking at my phone. It was a little before eight am, and we both needed to get a move on. Dmitri had a panel at eleven am, and Steph’s was right after his at noon. I couldn’t remember when Tom’s panel was today, but I knew Luke was most likely on the hunt for him, finding him not in his room. I sighed, and the happy mood from moments ago evaporated, being swiftly replaced with the same regret and frustration from the night before. And there was no message from Steph, at least not yet. 

“You should check your phone as well, I’m sure Luke is looking for you.” I said soberly, trying my best to face the inevitable. We would most likely not spend much of the day together, except for the autograph session in the afternoon. And I had no idea when he was leaving to go back to LA, but he did say he wanted me to go with him. That tiny nugget of knowledge made the butterflies in my tummy wake and begin to flap about, and I grinned despite trying to be responsible this morning. 

Tom squeezed me to him, and then let go, sliding away and flipping over onto his stomach to his side of the bed, and reaching towards the floor. He was leaning over precariously as he foraged about for his phone; the sheet had slid down and there was an impressive display of lean hip and thigh on display, and I bit my lip, contemplating a surprise attack, but I relented. I knew if I did anything, we would never leave this room, and I knew we both had to get out of my bed eventually. He pulled himself back up and lay down, adjusting the sheets around his hips, but not without a mischievous eyebrow wiggle, and then proceeded to unlock his phone. He slid his arm across the top of our pillows, reaching for me, wiggling his fingers in invitation, and pulling me to him once more as he checked his own messages. I closed my eyes, not wanting to intrude on his personal business. As I lay there, I could feel the tension begin to build in his chest, and he took a breath, sighing deeply. 

“Well, it seems I am most certainly late for a conference call that started about ten minutes ago,” he said, resting his head against mine. I could feel my brow wrinkle, and my happy butterflies were unhappily chased away by an irritated Luke, threatening them with Raid. Tom raised his other hand away from my shoulder, and I felt the muscles in his arm shift and rise as he responded to a text. Dammit, it was easy to forget our real lives in the middle of the night, and I cringed, knowing I had yet again successfully distracted him for the umpteenth time at this convention. I was truly getting sick of this, and I was thankful that it was almost over.

Tom finished his message and tossed his phone to the floor, wrapping me up in his arms once more, and squeezing me. “I have to go.”

I nodded, rubbing his arm, and pulling away from him. He slipped out of the bed and began quickly rummaging around the floor for his clothes. I rolled back into the bed, tucking the covers up under my arms, and sent a message of my own to Steph to inquire if they were up yet. I set my phone down next to my side, glancing up at the ceiling with one of my arms thrown above my head. I smiled wickedly to myself with heated memories of our nocturnal activities, and I bit my lower lip to hide the grin that slowly bloomed on my face. But as my mind began to wander, thinking about a few of the most heated and vivid details, I felt the sheets covering me jerked away, exposing my still very naked self to my grinning culprit at the end of the bed. Tom was full of sassy smolder this morning as he began to crawl slowly up the length of the bed, and lie on top of me, fully clothed. He dipped his head, kissing each of my breasts in turn, his tongue swirling slowly and meticulously around each of my nipples, and making me seriously consider phoning everyone that we were indeed very ill and could not be disturbed for the duration of the day.

When each of my nipples were erect enough to his liking, he lift his head, grinning at me, and moaning quietly in his throat. I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I will miss you today,” I said quietly, squeezing him to me. 

Tom kissed the tip of my nose, and then pressed his forehead into mine. “Only a few hours to go, and then...” He widened his eyes at me mischievously, and then slid off the bed, and left my room. I kept staring towards the direction of my hotel door as he left that unbelievable thought with me, and I took a deep and shaky breath. I glanced back up at the ceiling and could feel my nerves erupt. I felt like I wanted to laugh and cry, and I squeezed my eyes shut, not believing any of this. I rolled over, and took another shaky breath. My phone began to buzz on the bed next to me, so I dug thru the covers, grabbing it and unlocking my screen. Steph and Dmitri were both up and ready for breakfast and would meet me at the suite when I was ready. And it was time. I needed to put away the amazing thoughts of our new beginning for now, and get my day started.

I showered quickly and pulled my hair into a loose braid over my shoulder. I left the bathroom after applying minimal makeup, and decided I would dress for comfort today. I pulled out a grey close fit t-shirt and paired this with a pair of my skinny jeans, my ever present black blazer, and black flat strappy sandals. After adjusting the strap on my last sandal, I texted Steph and let her know I’d meet her for breakfast in about five minutes. I pulled all of my necessaries out of my little black clutch, shoving these back into my messenger bag, clipping on my badge, and left my room for breakfast.

I made it up to the suite and found Steph and Dmitri getting their plates filled with their own breakfasts. Steph looked up at me, her face pinched with worry, and pointed over to one of the tables near a window, and I went to stow my bag under one of the chairs. I was puzzled at her look, but then I recalled that last she knew, Tom and I were still arguing like ninnies. I had no idea what happened at the concert after I had tore off and ran away from him, or even if Steph and Dmitri had witnessed any of our heated interchange on the dance floor. I stifled the smile that kept trying to erupt on my face, and I went soberly up to grab my own plate and gather my own meal, doing my best to keep my face as blank as possible. I loaded my plate down with two soft boiled eggs, slices of cold cuts and cheese, a still warm croissant, and a cup of yoghurt. I was starving, finally, after many months of having no real appetite to speak of, and I was looking forward to eating happily. I went to sit with my guests after grabbing a huge cup of coffee, and I proceeded to get my cream and sugar in order. Steph was picking at her food and giving me what I had officially deemed her “anxious mother” look. I knew she wanted to discuss Tom, but I was also enjoying drawing out the inevitable and making her suffer a bit. 

As I took a bite of my warm, and now properly buttered croissant, I heard the loud clatter of a dropped fork on Stephanie’s plate. Startled, my eyes rolled to her, and I finished taking my bite. Her eyes were narrowed and she was looking at me with deeply furrowed brows and pursed lips, and I tried not to snort with laughter. “What?” I asked innocently, chewing enough to clear my mouth for my question.

Stephanie inhaled sharply thru her nose and her eyes glittered at me. “You know damned well what. I’m getting dreadfully tired of this whole cat and mouse thing you are doing with Tom. I do not understand how the both of you don’t just get over yourselves. The two of you are acting like absolute twits, and I want you to know -” she trailed off, seeing the wicked grin spreading slowly across my face. Hearing her launch into her daily speech, I felt it was time to let her in on the update she was so desperate to hear. And I really wasn’t in the mood for another speech, not this morning, especially since it was absolutely unnecessary. I could feel my cheeks go quite warm, and I took a sip of my coffee, giving her a cheeky look over the rim of my cup and winking. Her face cleared of her worry and was quickly replaced with suspicion and inquiry. “Rebecca, what is your face about this morning? What in the hell is going on?” She asked, tilting her head, and slowly reaching for her fork to continue her meal.

I chewed another bite of my croissant, savoring its buttery and flaky richness, and thought of how to share my news with her. I swallowed and looked at her thru narrowed eyes, trying to look as thoughtful and contemplative as I could. “You know, I wonder what the weather will be like in LA tomorrow. I’d hate to have to go out and buy new clothes. Is it normally warm in March?” I asked, and left it at that. I rolled one of my cold cuts together with a thin slice of cheese and took a bite, my eyes rolling casually over at Stephanie and winking at her once more. Her eyes were as wide as a deer trapped in headlights, and her lips were puckering with a growing smile. She shook her hands in what I could only describe was a restrained flail and I heard her feet stomping on the carpet below her chair in excitement.

“Are you serious!? Oh my god, Rebecca, well done! Details! I want details!” She exclaimed, ignoring the rest of her breakfast, dropping her fork once more, and propping her elbows on the table. Her excitement was palpable, and I giggled with her, despite myself.

I shrugged, “Not much to tell, yet. But, it looks like if everything goes our way, I might be going to LA with Mr. Hiddleston after the convention is over. And then, when he is finished with his business there, and if it all works out, and if we don’t end up strangling each other, then I may be going on to Toronto for a bit. Then after that - maybe London.” Saying the words out loud made it all amazingly real, and I took another sip of coffee, not believing any of this was coming out of my mouth. 

Steph’s eyes grew even wider, her cheeks going quite pink, and she grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “Aaahhh! Oh, that is excellent news! Oh, I’m so excited!!” She pulled me towards her in a bony hug and I relaxed into her, grinning.

“Now, please don’t say anything, not yet. It was just something we said last night; we haven’t worked out any of the details -”

“Doesn’t matter,” she exclaimed, pulling away from me and letting go of me, and began on her own breakfast again with gusto. “Tom will have Luke take care of everything; you two won’t have to worry about a thing.” 

I felt a sudden and unsettling twinge at the mention of Luke’s name, and for a brief moment, I wasn’t sure he would take care of everything, at least not happily. I pushed that thought away and smiled politely at a glowing Stephanie, and continued to finish my breakfast. 

I finished everything on my plate and was about to crack into my yogurt, when I heard Stephanie make a noise in her throat. “Well well, speak of the devil -” I glanced up, and saw a harried and strained Luke and Tom enter the suite with Stephanie waving at them from her seat. Tom had chosen his black shirt of sex today, paired with black trousers, and I stifled a grin behind my cup of yogurt. Luke seemed detached, with a touch of restrained annoyance at his employer, and Tom looked as if he had gotten quite the tongue lashing from his handler. But when he noticed Stephanie waving, his eyes lit on me, and his face softened, his very blue eyes smoldering, and the dark cloud over him lift away. I felt my cheeks go very warm and my insides did flip flops as he walked towards our table and made his morning hellos. 

I cast my eyes down to my yogurt, grabbing my spoon and began eating, not looking at Tom. I didn’t want Luke to see any type of reaction from me other than polite indifference. I knew it was silly and ridiculous, but I was weary of getting Tom into trouble. And there was no way that Luke had any friendly feelings towards the major distraction at this event for his employer; he couldn’t. 

Steph stood up to hug Tom, and they held onto each other a bit longer than necessary. I took a spoonful of the creamy smooth yogurt, biting into a tangy bit of strawberry, and casually glanced at the two of them with vague interest. She was holding on to his shoulders and whispering in his ear, and he kept nodding and responding with his own whispering at whatever she was saying to him. I could only imagine what was coming out of her mouth, but Tom soon pulled away and winked at her. Steph reached for her coffee, her face red with excitement, and indicated to Dmitri, who was quietly sitting back in his seat and playing with his phone, that it was time to leave. 

“We’ll meet you in front of the elevators at half ten, alright?” Steph stated, and my guests left the suite. This left me alone with Tom and Luke. I glanced up at Tom, and he was doing his best not to give me a heated once over. 

Dammit, I needed to say something, and I needed to be polite, especially with Luke hovering nearby. “I’m sorry; would you two like to sit? I’m almost finished, and -” I started, when Tom interrupted me.

“Of course we would. I’m going to grab a plate and we will both join you,” Tom said pointedly, looking over at Luke and then turning to wink at me. Luke smiled wanly, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and I noticed. I nodded, smiling cordially as well, and I thought it was too early in the morning for all of this stiff and awkward politeness.

I frowned as I watched the two of them leave and walk over to the tables holding all of the breakfast items. Oh no, Tom wanted to have breakfast with me, and Luke was going to join us. I felt suddenly panicked. An overwhelming nervousness flood thru me, and I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down. I hadn’t felt this kind of anxiety since I had met Tom for the first time, and now, he wanted to share a meal with the three of us together. Luke, the permanent handler, who was considered a brother and a friend. And little nobody me; the temporary handler, who had gotten a little too close to her borrowed guest. On one hand, I was excited to finally sit down and get to know Luke as a human being, but on the other hand, I had done nothing at this convention but be a huge embarrassment to myself, and to Tom, in regards to his scheduling and responsibilities. I had no idea what Luke thought of me, but I guessed I was about to find out. 

My phone buzzed next to my plate, and I unlocked it to see a message from Stephanie. “I need you to do me a favour; will you secure a car for me after the autograph session? I have some errands to run before we go out tonight, and I want you to go along with me. Thank you! :)” I looked up from my phone, puzzled. What errands would she need to run with me tagging along? And what was she up to in regards to tonight? She had mentioned a few weeks ago that she wanted to head out onto The Strip for some Vegas nightlife, but I didn’t know exactly what she had in mind. She hadn’t shared anything with me since she had mentioned it in passing a few weeks ago as we negotiated my trip out here. I mentally shrugged, and cleared her message, and began a new text message to Richard to see if we could get a volunteer to drive us to Stephanie’s mysterious errand location after the autograph session this afternoon. I sent the text, and placed my phone next to my plate again as I felt my new table mates sit down with their morning meals. Tom sat to my immediate left and Luke sat next to Tom. I glanced shyly over at Tom, and he grinned, leaning towards me, and planting a small kiss next to my ear. I pulled quickly away from him, my eyes as wide as their breakfast plates at his open affection towards me. I tried not to feel panicked, but after our middle of the night confessions of love, I had to remind myself that his small affectionate gesture in public could now be the norm if everything worked out between us. I blinked, feeling my cheeks go suddenly quite red, and I cleared my throat as I fidgeted with the napkin in my lap. 

I didn’t know how this was going to go. I had no idea if I needed to be the one to open up the conversation. Thankfully, Tom took the lead. “Rebecca, I want you to know that I waited until we were all together to discuss your coming to LA with me after the convention,” Tom said, his eyes narrowing at me, as I felt my stomach fall to my knees. For fuck’s sake, how about that for subtlety? I swallowed, feeling my face drain of color, and I blinked at Tom. My eyes darted quickly to Luke, and he seemed nonplussed about what Tom had said. He took a sip from his mug as I felt Tom’s fingers lace thru mine in my lap. “Now, I know I have another few days left in the States, and then I’m back to Toronto, but I think that will be more than enough time for Rebecca to fly back with me and spend some time together. Luke, I need your assistance to get everything settled for us; will you make the necessary arrangements?” Tom asked, his eyes on his publicist. 

Luke set his mug down next to his plate, his face a mask of professionalism. I recognized this face; I had made this face at a star before myself. It was the look of service; going above and beyond even what you felt was right or wrong to make sure you did your job to the fullest extent. But he looked perplexed, his brow wrinkled as he sat and began to slowly nod. “Yes, I think that can be arranged. What exactly do you need me to do?” Luke asked, sitting back in his chair and pulling out his phone. My own phone had chosen this time to buzz with a new message, and I pulled my hand away from Tom to see who was messaging me. It was Richard, telling me there would be a car waiting for Steph and me outside the hotel after the autograph session, and he gave me the name and physical description of the volunteer that would be taking us. I messaged him my thanks, and then proceeded to send a text to Stephanie that our ride to her mystery errand was taken care of. I set my phone down, and tuned back into the conversation.

“- see about a work visa. Rebecca would need to apply for it, of course, but we’ll have to make her an offer. I’ll need to speak with Audrey to see what we are able to do, but it will take time. Details like this aren’t completed overnight Tom.” Luke said, finishing his statement. 

I glanced back and forth between the two of them, confused. Seeing my bewilderment, Tom took my hand again, grinning. I felt like I had missed something very important, and I went very still. “I’m sorry, I was taking care of something for Stephanie, what were you saying?” I asked carefully, hoping I didn’t look dim.

“Luke is going to speak with his firm to see if they have something open for you, as a full time personal assistant for when you decide to move to London permanently.” Tom explained, his eyes were lit up and he looked pleased as punch. Wait a minute...WHAT!? A full time personal assistant? At a PR firm? At Tom’s PR firm? For WHEN I decided to move to London permanently? Oh dear god... I was stunned beyond speech. I felt my mouth fall open in absolute shock, and I quickly snapped it shut again. Tom never said anything about coming to England permanently; only that we’d spend more time together and see how it went, but now…

“W - Wait a minute. What are you saying? We only discussed me visiting LA and Toronto and then London, but only after we found out if we - “ My voice faltered, and I cleared my throat to get a grip. This was all very sudden and I could feel an uncertain future with Tom begin to overwhelm me. After taking a quick breath, I continued, “You said nothing about a permanent move last night. We only talked about me tagging along and seeing if we-” I paused in my speech, clearing my throat again, and trying to arrange the myriad of doubtful questions that were flooding willy nilly thru my brain into something polite and coherent. “You think I can move to London, do this, and be a professional handler, for a living? But I don’t have a degree! I don’t have any formal training! I’ve only volunteered a few weekends a year. And I don’t know if I can just up and move to England forever! I can’t -”

Tom smiled at me, shaking his head. “Rebecca, don’t sell yourself short. You have real life experience, and you did an amazing job with me last fall. And I know everything is going to work out between us, I can feel it. And this way you and I can spend even more time together. You can do this, isn’t this something you’ve always wanted?” Tom asked, looking at me incredulously. His mask of disbelief at my negative outburst flowed into another heartbreaking smile, and he squeezed my hand, trying to assure me. “Rebecca, you have had nothing but glowing reviews and reports of how amazing you are at your job. Why not take a chance and do what you love for a living? With me, at my side?” he asked.

My eyes shift from Tom to Luke and then back again. Luke was watching our little back and forth, silently. And then the brevity of what he said hit me like a ton of bricks. He sounded like he wanted ME to be his personal handler, and that could only mean that Luke…oh dear god… “Wait a minute, what about Luke? Tom, it’s HIS job to accompany you to events. Did you discuss this with him at all – “ My voice trailed off, looking at the two of them incredulously. Luke’s eyes widened slightly, but he quickly got his own face back in check quickly. Well, well. It appeared Tom had said absolutely nothing about this little detail to Luke whatsoever, and I felt a stab of guilt at Tom’s brazen statement. I wanted to defend Luke; especially since he had no idea Tom was going to put him on the spot like this in front of me.

“Luke can’t go everywhere with me; he does have other clients. Besides, this will allow him to be able to take care of them just as well as he has taken care of me. And it’s not like he won’t accompany me like he has in the past; you will be joining us, and helping us both. It’s a win-win, Rebecca, seriously.” Tom stated, squeezing my fingers for emphasis.

This was almost too much. I had everything I had ever dreamed of having, handed to me by Tom, in a less than twelve hours. Not only did I have Tom, for as long as I would have him, but he had also begun to pave a road for me to do what I always wanted to do for a living. When he asked for us to spend more time together in the wee hours of this morning, I had no idea that he meant for me to come to London indefinitely, or to become his personal assistant. And logically, it was the most practical way for me to be seen with him out in the open. He had been publicly single for so long and there would be a severe backlash from all of his fans if I were to pop onto the scene out of nowhere. And there was always the fangirl dream of running away with him, but now that the real opportunity presented itself, I wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to rush into something like this, especially at Luke’s expense. If what Tom and I had was real love, then I didn’t need to run away with him. And now that we both knew how we felt for one another, we definitely needed to spend some real world time together to see if what we had was the real deal, and not at a convention. We needed to experience some kind of private normalcy, as normal as it was for someone like me to embark on a relationship with a rock star actor. But the fangirl inside me was screaming at my logical side yet again, and I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or laugh. I didn’t do either. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, and I glanced back at Tom. “My god, I don’t know what to say -”

“Yes you do, you know exactly what to say. It’s a yes or a no, Rebecca,” Tom said quietly, his eyes widening suggestively at his last statement, and the memory of him lying on top of me last night, quite naked, and saying the exact same thing, made my eyes widen in embarrassed surprise. Tom stifled a laugh from escaping, and then narrowed his eyes at me, waiting. And he was right, again. I had to shove both the adult and the fangirl away and look at this in its simplest terms. I loved Tom, and he loved me. And there was nothing in this world that could threaten to keep us apart; not now. Not when we had both gone thru the bullshit and the emotions and the doubts, only to find ourselves once more. It was a simple decision, and again, I gave myself permission to be myself, and give in to what I wanted more than anything in the world.

I glanced over at Luke as he was continuing to watch the two of us, sitting quietly. He was holding his phone, looking from Tom and back to me. I felt so bad for him, with Tom requesting that I take over his job, only to keep me at his side, hidden in plain sight. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and made a wish. “Yes. When do we start?”


	17. Dark Paradise, Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18 - BRMC – Red Eyes And Tears - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4E3SNWxCmk  
> 19 - Jim Sturgess – Something - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9lfzgEYIs  
> 20 – The Cure – Just Like Heaven - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS_ux2H473I

The three of us finished breakfast with Tom giving Luke instructions on getting my flight home changed and upgraded to Tom’s return flight to LA. I sat listening quietly, still completely dumbstruck that this conversation was even happening. But Tom continued to hold my hand, and smile at me encouragingly. This was all so sudden, and it felt unreal that I was sitting and having this frank discussion on how Luke was going to work out the details of Tom and I’s happily ever after over coffee and eggs.

After the flurry of plans, and Luke sending off a few texts, I excused myself from the table. It was getting close to time for me to retrieve my own guests and get them over to the convention center for their panels. Tom followed me out of the suite and walked me to the elevators, waiting with me as I pushed the button to go back down to my floor. He took my hand in his, kissing the tips of my fingers, and grinning devilishly at me. 

“Not long now,” he said, sliding his hand along my waist and pulling me close. He kept our fingers interlaced between us as he squeezed me tightly against him, and he rest his forehead against mine. I felt giddy and happier than I had in months, and my head was spinning from the last twelve hours. I smiled up at him, closing my eyes and sighing with contentment.

My eyes popped open at the ding announcing the arrival of the elevator, and I moved out of his arms. Tom gave me one of his lopsided smiles, looking quite pleased with himself. I stifled a laugh as I squeezed his hand before releasing it, and entered the lift, pushing the button for the eighth floor. He winked at me as the doors closed and I was taken below to gather Steph and Dmitri for their morning panels.

As I descended to my floor, the overwhelming feeling of awe and excitement at the speed of events began to quietly wane, and logic began to slowly creep in. True, it was unbelievable that Tom and I had reconciled, but why, after five months of silence, would he want me to run away with him so suddenly? We barely knew each other. Well, we knew each other enough to have what I thought was the beginnings of a deep friendship for the other, and to be undeniably sexually attracted to each other, but what he was asking for had the possibility of forever. Forever, forever. It may only be a few weeks of test driving a relationship, but thru his words and actions, he was certainly implying forever. Especially with his firm requests to Luke about finding an opening at his PR firm for me. To have the ability to travel with him to any event, undetected and completely hidden from the public. On the surface, it seemed to be a wonderful and logical solution, but the suspicion of why he wouldn’t want me to appear with him as his partner began to rub me in the wrong way. I knew it wasn’t possible for me to do that, not now, but if I was just a PA publicly, and then we went public with our relationship, what would that mean?

As the elevator stopped at my floor, I felt myself frown with the beginning of doubt. But this was how it always was when Tom and I were together. It was all perfect and magical, and when we were apart, my mind would begin racing with the negative. I didn’t doubt his feelings for me any longer, but what niggled in the back of mind, on top of all the second thoughts and suppositions, how would we succeed in the day-to-day? How could I adjust to being the plus one to someone as famous as he was becoming? Would we be able to overcome all of the weird and odd habits we each had, habits that made us who we were? And what if it was discovered that he had found The One, if everything worked out between us in the end, and she just so happened to be one of his biggest American fans?

The elevator doors opened and I rubbed my forehead, the myriad of questions and thoughts spinning drunkenly in my head. I stepped out and my guests were not waiting for me as they had promised. I checked the time on my phone, and I was a little early, so I couldn’t fault them. I began the trek down the other wing to their room, and tried to get my head together. I needed to focus on work for a few more hours, and then I would be able to ask Tom all of these questions, and more, when we finally had some time alone. 

Stephanie and Dmitri’s room was one of the mirror image suites in this wing, and it was identical to Tom’s in our wing of the hotel. I knocked on the door tentatively, and waited. I checked the time on the schedule for their panel, verifying that it was, indeed, getting on to half ten, when I noticed I had missed a text from Tom. I opened his message and read, “Red eyes and tears no more for you my love. ;)” I looked up, confused, and then re-read what he had sent me. It sounded familiar, and I was curious that he had sent...wait. I stifled an immediate burst of giggles and recognized his text as a line from a song; one particular song that I had listened to over and over, that is up until last October, in eager anticipation of a particular vampire movie he was starring in, and I shook my head with his goofiness. I got myself back under control, knocked on Steph’s once more, and responded to his message, “My good sir, are you quoting lyrics from a song off of a soundtrack from one of your movies at me, you scary vampire you. :)” I hit send and the door to the hotel room opened. Dmitri smiled at me, waving his invitation to enter, and I pocketed my phone. The suite truly was a mirror image of what I had seen of Tom’s, but far messier, due to straggling Stephanie odds and ends. 

“Steph’s on the phone in the bedroom, but she should be done shortly,” Dmitri explained as he passed me and went to sit on the white leather sofa. I joined him, removing my messenger bag and setting it at my feet. Dmitri sat back amongst the various shades and textures of purple pillows littered over the couch, and busied himself with his phone. My own pocket buzzed with a text, and I pulled it out, unlocking the screen. Tom had responded to my message, “...maybe. Perhaps something a little more romantic, and not dark, scary, or disturbing? Unless of course you’d like a bit of the scary vampire when next we meet? ;)” I bit my lower lip, hiding a sudden grin, and answering him, “Oh don’t you dare, it is too early in the morning for that, perhaps when we are finished working. And if the mood moves you to be more romantic, my beautiful vampire, absolutely. However, I do quite enjoy dark, scary, and disturbing. Bring it on, my love. :D” I hit send, sighing to myself. After the heady poetry from our overnight tryst, I was curious to see what his definition of texting romantic lyrics would be exactly, or if he would choose to send me dark and forbidden prose.

“I do not give a damn that it is late notice, please, just be sure they are available, thank you,” Steph exclaimed heatedly, exiting the bedroom with her cell phone to her ear. I turned, hearing her voice, and for one split second, her eyes widening in surprise seeing me sitting casually on her couch. She recovered her features quickly enough, and she ended her call, her cheeks pinking adorably. “Sorry, I was finishing up something for the errands this afternoon.” 

I grabbed the straps of my messenger bag. “No worries. You two ready to get over there?” I asked, standing up from the couch. Stephanie nodded, and Dmitri hopped up with me, sliding his phone into his hip pocket. I gave them each a discreet once over to verify they were both wearing their convention badges, and I followed them out of their room and down to the elevators. 

As we stood waiting for the lift to reach us, I felt Stephanie link her arm thru mine, and squeeze me towards her. “I can’t wait for you to visit London, you will love it. It’s so beautiful. And I can’t wait to take you shopping when D and I are there!” she exclaimed. 

I glanced at her as she beamed up at me. “I think you’re more excited than I am, Steph,” I replied, trying not to laugh at her excitement. Our lift arrived and we piled in with a few of the attendees, taking it to the hotel lobby.

We didn’t chat for the rest of our journey over to the convention center, focusing rather on getting across the street and into the building safely. The two of them wouldn’t be in the Central Hall for their panels; they each had smaller panels with different topics in the smaller meeting rooms on the upper level off the North Hall where the industry booths were located. We located the meeting room that Dmitri would be speaking about sound engineering in video games, and I got him settled at his table up front with a few of the other sound engineers from different video game titles. The convention had provided plastic cups and a couple of pitchers of water on their table, so I went to sit with Stephanie in the back row, to watch Dmitri’s presentation. 

As the panel kicked off, I pulled out my phone and I had missed a few messages from Tom. Since he had nothing going on until the autograph session later this afternoon, I was curious as to what he was up to this morning. A dark cloud of Luke cast over my heart as I unlocked my screen. I was sure he was keeping Tom busy with something terribly important and I hoped that after our brief breakfast meeting this morning, he could try and warm up to me. I liked Luke, and I knew he was more than a publicist to Tom. But I still felt a sinister suspicion that he really did not like me, and saw me as a negative influence on his favorite star. 

“A challenge, hm. I’ll have to give thought to dark, scary, and disturbing. But for now I will leave you with the following...” I slid my thumb across my screen, scrolling for his next text. “Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover, something in the way she woos me, I don’t want to leave her now... ;)” I smiled, covering my lips with my free hand. He had chosen one of my favorite Beatles tunes, and I felt a rush of warmth spread throughout my chest. I idly imagined him singing this to me softly, casually strumming a guitar on a rainy Sunday afternoon, and I bit my lower lip to keep from grinning like a fool.

“My goodness, bringing out the big guns early I see, what else have you got? :P” I replied, placing my phone into my lap. I glanced over at Steph, who was looking intently at something on her own phone, and I sighed, facing the front of the room where Dmitri was speaking, and not seeing or hearing any of the panel. My mind transported me back to the early hours of the morning, after the nonsense of my tantrum and my hurt feelings, to heated whispers in the dark and heady promises of our future. I was borne on the hope of optimism, and I was drunk on the possibility of a happy ending. It was too good to be true and, at the moment, I did not care one bit about any shred of practicality or logic. Tom loved me, and wanted me with him and, as I sat listening to the soft melodic drone of Dmitri’s panel, I felt loved, and alive. 

I broke from my reverie with Steph’s hand on my arm, silently indicating to me that she had received a phone call and needed to take it out in the hall. I shoved my feet under my chair and moved my knees so she could exit. After she made her way discreetly out of the panel room, my phone buzzed in my lap with another text from Tom. “Sadly, no lyrics at the moment, just wanted to update you. Audrey got back with Luke and said she could work something out for you if you decide to stay with me. :D” I screwed my eyes shut, trying to quell the squeals of happiness that threatened to disturb Dmitri’s panel. If I decided to stay… I allowed myself a few discreet foot stomps, and then responded to his message. “Noble sir, who appointed you as my knight in shining armor anyway? ;)”

I took a deep breath and let it out quickly, excited as all hell. I didn’t know if I could get thru the rest of this day without having to stop and giggle hysterically to myself a few times, but I cleared my throat, getting my head together. Now Tom and I both were doing a marvelous job of being each other’s distractions, and I needed to remind myself that I had a job to do. I only had a few hours left, but I wished they would speed by much faster than they were. Giving into my heart, as Stephanie had asked, was causing me to lose focus, and a small part of me really didn’t care.

I sat, not hearing Dmitri’s panel, and waiting for more missives from Tom, when Stephanie returned after a long while, her cheeks pink and her eyes glittering with mischief. I hardly noticed the time as I moved to allow her back into her seat, and she sat down, curling a blonde lock of hair behind her ear. Her chest heaved a bit, as if she had just finished running a marathon, and I wondered just what kind of phone call she had to take. I leaned over to her, whispering, “You ok?”

She glanced over at me, pulling a mask of indifference down over her face. “I’m fine. Had to run back across the street to the hotel for something. Just a bit winded.”

“You know, as your handler, I should be running errands for you, why didn’t you ask me? I would have been happy to -” I asked, frowning at her. I felt frustrated that one of my stars took the chance of being unchaperoned and feeling like they had to go take care of something on their own. I wished she would have asked me, but I chalked it up to her inexperience, and I would share this with her in detail, when we had a chance to speak more freely. And I admonished myself for not paying closer attention to her, to anticipate her needing to run over to the hotel for god knows what. I needed to push Tom to the side, for now, and not allow my oversight to happen again.

Steph waved me away, smiling. “It’s alright, you couldn’t have run this errand for me,” she replied cryptically. 

I felt my eyebrow rise as I pulled away from her and sat back in my own chair. She winked at me, folding her arms around her and looking quite pleased with herself. Steph had been acting very out of character since breakfast, and I made a note to ask her about it later after we were done for the day.

D’s panel wrapped up early, and I was thankful I would have time to gather him, and get the two of them next door to the other small meeting room for Steph’s panel. She was taking part of a presentation on one of her first acting roles in anime. As we entered the other panel room, I recognized one of the other panelists, who had once been a voice actor, but who had transitioned into an automated dialogue replacement director. She had been a guest at one of Brian’s shows a few years back, and I waved at her as she sat down with Stephanie at the front of the room. She waved back, recognition lighting up her face, and I sat down with Dmitri in the back row of the panel room, pleased as punch that she remembered me. It amazed me at times that so many of the talented people I had worked with in the past remembered who the hell I was. I always made it a point to do my job to the best of my ability, but I didn’t ever count on being memorable. Maybe Tom was right, perhaps I did have it within me to do this as my career. Of course, with him at my side, it would make that reality unbelievably amazing. And as I sat, listening to the beginning of Steph’s panel, I quietly began to believe my own press.

My mind zoned out once more, but I was brought back with a nudge at my side from Dmitri. I turned to see if he needed anything, and he crooked his finger at me. I leaned in towards him, and he whispered, “Steph tells me that you may be leaving for England after a test run with Hiddleston, how do you feel about that?”

I pulled away; surprised that he had asked me this. Dmitri had been quiet all weekend, and I was amazed that he had been paying that much attention. I smiled, giving him a small shrug, “It’s a dream come true, really. A bit unexpected, but nothing is set in stone just yet; we need to spend some time together that doesn’t involve us at a convention,” I replied, suddenly feeling on edge. I wasn’t annoyed with his question, but someone from the outside asking me about my feelings on the speed with which Tom and I were moving shifted the situation into focus, and gave me pause.

Dmitri smiled, leaning toward me again, “Must be something about the British that make us naive Yanks fall madly in love with them at first sight,” he said into my ear. I stifled a laugh and nodded, agreeing. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Becca. England is farther away than you think.”

His last statement was so true; I felt my stomach do a back flip. He was right, in more ways than one. England WAS far away from everything I knew; home, family, and my mundane life. The doubts from earlier came tumbling back, and the idea of what Tom had said to me gelled in my mind. Could I leave the country to be with him after we got to know each other better? Could I give up everything here, where everything was familiar? Could I go back on the promise of a better life that my grandparents sought after for their future generations? The apprehension must have shown on my face as Dmitri leaned towards me again. “Look, I know I’m one to talk, what with being in the middle of my own whirlwind relationship with Steph. And if I’m overstepping my bounds, just say so. Just give it more thought before you make any rash decisions, eh? It’s a big choice to make, especially when you’re caught up with seeing him again. You’re a smart girl, Becca, and I think you’re brilliant. I may not know you well enough, but neither does Tom. Think about it, and go with what your gut tells you.”

Dmitri leaned away, smiling sadly at me, and nodding. He was right, he didn’t know me well enough, but, then again, neither did Tom. I also couldn’t deny how I felt when I was with him; how Tom and I were when we were together. But D’s words rang true, and he left me with sobering thoughts. I reached over to Dmitri, patting him on the knee, and leaning back towards him. “I won’t do anything stupid, and thank you. But I will have you know I’m going out to LA with him for a few days, and then on to Toronto for a visit as he finishes filming before we set sail for England. We’ll have time to get to know each other better, just like you and Steph. And I am taking this very seriously, I promise,” I whispered, cutting my eyes towards Stephanie as she laughed, answering a fan’s question. Dmitri followed my gaze, and his eyes softened, a wicked smile curving his full lips. The love he radiated for my little friend at the front of the room was apparent, and he made me smile once more, secure in my heart that I had finally found in Tom what Dmitri had with Stephanie.

He sat back in his chair, unlocking the screen of his phone, shaking his head. “That little English firecracker will be the death of me, I swear,” he muttered as another heartbreaking smile broke across his face. 

My phone buzzed with a new message, and as if on cue, it was from Tom. I bit my lower lip as I read his newest romantic lyric, “I have self-appointed myself as your knight in shining armor, my lady. ;) And I have found the perfect romantic lyric! Daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for days, and moving lips to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes, and found myself alone, alone above a raging sea, that stole the only girl I loved, and drowned her deep inside of me... ;)” As I read the words, the old melody crept back into my consciousness, taking me back to my younger Goth days, and I did my best to keep from laughing out loud. Ah bless, the only band that I knew of that we had in common, and he had quoted one of my favorite Cure songs to me. God, I loved this man. I waited a few moments to text him back, trying to get my giddiness under control. If he didn’t cut it out, I truly felt that I would explode all over this convention center.

“I was wrong; you waited until NOW to bring out the big guns. :P Dipping your toe into a little of the dark, scary, and disturbing I see. Be careful, my love, or you and I may need to find a storage room sometime soon. ;)” I hit send, placing my phone in my lap. My cheeks were warm to the touch, and I felt that I was radiating everything that I felt for Tom thru my skin. I felt foolish and sappy, and I hadn’t felt better in months.


	18. Dark Paradise, Chapter XVIII

The panel finished and I checked the time.  I had ten minutes to hustle Stephanie and Dmitri to their last autograph signing.  Luckily, the meeting rooms for these smaller panels were in the same building as the industry booths, but it would still take a bit of maneuvering to walk them down to the lower level and thru the crowds.  Especially today; the attendance was significantly higher on a Saturday.

I made sure Dmitri had a hold of Steph’s hand, and we made a beeline out of the upper level panel rooms; zooming quickly down thru the stairwell, and out into the North Hall.  The stairs were located on the same end of the building as one of the North Hall entrances, so I lead them thru the doors and straight thru the crowds across to the Marvel booth.  The line was ridiculously long once again, and I delivered my guests to Elena with two minutes to spare.  She got them seated, and I pulled out their sharpies, last packs of gum and mints, placing them on the table between them.  I also noticed that the booth had provided water bottles for the talent, finally, and I stood behind the two of them, blowing the bangs out of my eyes and quietly catching my breath.  

As I watched Elena and the handful of Marvel minions scurry around me behind the tables, I glanced down the row ahead of me, seeing Tom and Luke walking hurriedly towards the booth, surrounded by a handful of rather large security personnel.  The autograph line erupted as they arrived, and Tom, seeing me standing sentry behind Steph and Dmitri, gave me a quick  lopsided wink as he took his seat at the table with the others.  I stifled a grin, covering my mouth.  He was next to Steph again, being the last in line once more.  I watched Tom get situated in his seat, but not before leaning over the table and waving at the waiting attendees in line, causing another uproar of giddy screams and cheers.  He leaned back in his chair, laughing.  I rolled my eyes discreetly, watching him being his cheerful and charming self, feeling a secret thrill of giddiness myself.  

Elena let the handful of Marvel volunteers know the stars were ready, and the autograph session, take two, commenced.  I kept watch, as I had the day previous; keeping an eye out if Stephanie or Dmitri needed anything, only this time allowing my eyes to roam discreetly all over Tom as he signed.  I knew I wouldn’t be getting any more texts from him as he worked, but that was totally fine by me.  We only had two more hours of official convention business, and then we could forgo any texting, and spend some one-on-one time together.  I was looking forward to spending some down time with Tom; the both of us under no obligation to be anywhere or do anything, and just be with the other.  But as I watched Tom taking a photo with a young fan, I remembered that Stephanie had requested my presence to accompany her on her mysterious and secretive errand this afternoon.  I felt myself frown with disappointment, realizing that I would have to postpone the thought of Tom and I relaxing in his hotel room until much later today.  I was still Steph and Dmitri’s handler, and I needed to do as she requested for the duration that I was here.  I just hoped whatever it was she wanted wouldn’t take too long.

As I stood discreetly behind my stars, I felt someone move to stand next to me.  I kept my face polite, but inside I was startled beyond belief.  Luke smiled stiffly at me as his thumb slid over the face of his phone.  I didn’t know if I should initiate conversation or not, so I returned his smile, hoping he would make the decision for us.  As I watched the stars in front of us work their magic; signing and taking photos with their fans, I felt my sight blur and all I was aware of was Luke standing at my side.  I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to feel anxious, but my overwhelming sense of the unknown began to get the better of me.  

“I hope you don’t think me rude, but do you think you’re ready for all of this?” Luke murmured softly into my ear.  I turned quickly, not having noticed him lean so close to me, and I blinked, staring into his very brown eyes.  Luke really was beautiful up close, and having him a few inches away from me, was unsettling to say the least.  He smiled down at me once more, and then nodded over at Tom, who was busy taking a photo with a young female Thor cosplayer, who was wielding her hammer and pretending to knock some sense into her wayward “brother”.  

I leaned towards him, not taking my eyes off of the autograph table, “Ready for what exactly?”  I asked, doing my best to keep my voice light and polite.  I had no idea what he was referencing specifically, and I wasn’t about to guess.

Luke glanced down at me again, his smile a bit more genuine as he casually slid his phone into the front pocket of his trousers.  “Well, ready for doing this full time.  It’s not an easy job, as I’m sure you already know.”  

I tried not to blink at Luke again; I really didn’t want him to think I was absolutely dim, so I opted for a nervous and lopsided smile.  “Yes, I have a small idea of how hard it could be.  But it’s something I would love to do.  I enjoy helping,”  I said, feeling a little more comfortable around Luke, despite feeling apprehensive at my insipid remark.  Having engaged me in a conversation after all of the mishaps and embarrassments over the weekend, I felt a tiny flicker of hope that he didn’t think I was an absolute ass after all.

Luke nodded at this, turning to watch the autograph table.  “It certainly does entail a bit more than that, but I suppose if you do condense it to the main goal, then it is helping.  And, for the record, Tom did speak of you briefly when he returned home.  He was, shall we say, charmed with your handling abilities.”  

I kept looking forward, fighting to keep my face as emotionless as I could, even as I felt my cheeks stain a bright crimson with the uncertainty of what in the world Tom’s definition of charmed could have been.  I decided I wouldn’t ask for clarification, opting instead for polite and wary acceptance.  “That is very kind of him to say.  I was glad I could help out with the event.  The convention director and I go way back; we’ve known each other for a long time.  It was my privilege, truly.  Especially knowing Tom’s originally assigned handler had ulterior motives.  It was probably best that it worked out as it did.”  I saw Luke nod in the affirmative out of the corner of my eye, and I took a deep breath, trying to relax into the conversation with him as best I could.  

“Oh yes, that woman is not unknown to me.  Of course she is one of many who have tried to manipulate something out of him.  It’s his trustful good nature that draws people to him in the beginning and, in the end, could be his complete undoing.  Of course as his publicist it is my duty to make sure he stays safe, and do my best to make sure that nothing tarnishes his reputation.  But as his friend, sometimes I wish I could just punch him up the bracket for some of the foolish things he has allowed to happen.”  Luke stated.  I noticed the edge in his voice building as he spoke, and I glanced sharply at him.  I could feel my nerves threatening to erupt at such a frank statement; I hoped he wasn’t referring to me.  Luke had to have felt my eyes on him and he turned to me with another smile, giving me what seemed to be a genuine wink, simultaneously jarring me and easing my nerves, for now.  “Present company excluded, of course.”  

I nodded, not able to add anything.  Luke had revealed so much information in such a short amount of time, it was going to take me a moment to process all of it.  After a quick glance at the autograph table, seeing that Steph and Dmitri were well and truly fine for a moment, I excused myself and went to sit in one of the chairs lined up along the wall at the edge of the Marvel booth.  I pulled my messenger bag off of my shoulder and shoved it under my seat, keeping my eyes on my guests, but not really seeing them.  So, Luke knew about Julie, and had made reference to “many”.  Other fans who had tried to get close to Tom, and had failed.  Or had they?  He did mention his child-like trustworthiness, and had referenced things Tom had done that warranted a swift kick in the pants by Luke.  My mind began spinning on the verge of paranoid panic, and I wondered just what in the world Tom had done, or had allowed to happen that would make Luke say such a thing.  Then again, Luke could have been referring to me, but I chose not to think about that.  Even if Luke felt that way about me, it didn’t matter, at least I hoped it didn’t.  I knew, in my heart, that Tom loved me, and we were finally getting to a fragile point that we could start getting to know one another better and build on what I hoped would be a lengthy relationship.  But as I watched Luke standing behind Tom, now chatting animatedly with Elena once more, I wondered idly if I was being grouped in with the nameless and faceless others, and what that would mean to any future that Tom and I wanted to pursue.

The rest of the session went by quickly enough without any remarkable incident.  After sitting in my chair for a few moments, mulling over everything Luke had said to me, both verbal and non-verbal, I got up and stood watch over Steph and Dmitri once more until the last of the autographs.  I had sneaked in a few looks at Tom as he signed, and he was very professional each time he caught my eye.  I was thankful that he behaved himself.  Dmitri and Steph both stood up from their chairs and waved their goodbyes, along with the other stars, and I went forward to gather up all the sharpies and to clean off any straggling miscellanea that was left on the signing table.  I shoved the markers into my bag and grabbed the half empty water bottles from the table, walking them to a trash bin on the side of the Marvel booth.  As I turned to go and gather my guests and head back to the hotel, I noticed they had gathered in a group with Tom and Luke, along with four of the very large security personnel.  As I approached, Tom winked at me, and the group began their exit.  I fell in step behind Steph and Dmitri, with two of the guards flanking me on either side.  I had never been part of this kind of entourage, and I felt strangely on edge despite my absolute safety.  The security guards made sure that Tom, Steph, and Dmitri were not accosted, despite a few ardent fans trying to push thru to Tom.  They were politely pushed away as we made our way out of the convention center and back over to the hotel.  When we entered the lobby of the hotel, a manager met us near the front doors and escorted us back behind the hotel desk and down a short hallway I had no idea even existed, and lead us to a service elevator.  I bit the inside of my cheek, the memories of another service elevator from a hotel in the Midwest flooding thru my mind.  I was glad we would have a safe ascent, and not be forced to use the elevators that were packed full of attendees.  The five of us boarded the elevator, leaving security behind.  

Once the doors snicked closed, I felt long warm fingers twine thru mine.  I glanced up at Tom and caught him grinning down at me.  It was over.  The event was officially finished for me, and all I had left to do was begin my adventure with Tom.  A knowing smile began to bloom over my face, and I squeezed his hand, moving closer to him.

“Becca, I need to run to my room first before we leave; what time did you say our ride was arriving downstairs?” Steph said, breaking thru my thoughts.  Oh for gods sake...I had forgotten again.  Mystery errands with Stephanie.  

“Uh...he should be down there at any time, at least that’s what Richard said in his text.” I replied.  I really didn’t want to go with Steph, having much more important things on my to do list.  The top priority was currently massaging my palm with the pad of his thumb, and he was silently helping me add many more things to my invisible list.  But I owed it to Steph to go with her; I had promised.  

“Fabulous!  I’ll meet you in front of the elevators in 10 minutes, ok?” Steph said as our elevator reached our floor.  We disembarked our lift and walked down a short hall to a door at the end.  The door opened, and I noticed we were down Steph and Dmitri’s wing.  We parted ways, and Tom, Luke, and myself went down our wing to our rooms.  We stopped at Tom’s door, with Luke opening up the room, and he went inside.

“Luke, I’ll be back in a few minutes and we’ll go over that contract that came in, alright?” Tom said, not entering his room.  I glanced inside, and Luke nodded, closing the door.  

Tom dragged the two of us to my room, and I pulled out my key, and we both entered.  As soon as I closed the door, I was spun around, my messenger bag pulled off of me, and I was up against the door in a crushing kiss.  I snaked my arms around his neck as I felt Tom’s hands slide down my back, over my hips, and he lift me up.  I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he turned us, carrying me deeper into my room.  

I tore my mouth from his, giggling breathlessly against his ear.  “Good lord, you are stronger than I thought.” His chest vibrated with his laughter, and he stopped at the foot of my bed, his hands firmly anchored under my thighs.  

“Hey, I may be a bean pole, but I’m absolutely positive I can hoist you around, if necessary.” Tom said, for once looking up into my eyes instead of the other way around.  

I grinned down at him, bringing my forehead against his.  “I’m sure you can, my love.” Tom’s eyes widened and lit with joy at my words, and his lips found mine once more.  As his mouth opened under mine, his tongue slid into my mouth, and the faintest of contented moans escaped his throat.  I tightened my arms around his neck, crushing my breasts against his chest.  Tom then slid his hands to hook behind my knees, lowering us both to my bed.  As I sank into the soft white down of the duvet underneath me, I hooked my ankles tighter around his waist.  I could feel his erection harden against me and I pulled my lips away from his, planting small kisses and nips along his jawline.  I slid my hands from around his neck and down to his chest, beginning to work at the buttons of his black dress shirt of sex.  As I undid his buttons, I rolled my hips towards him slowly, working myself against him in eager invitation.  Tom answered with a subtle thrust of his hips, his head falling back, and his eyes fluttering closed.  His lips parted, forming a perfect oh as my lips met the flesh of his neck, biting him gently.

I continued my gentle assault on his neck as I got the rest of his shirt unbuttoned, and parted the smooth fabric, running my nails down his chest.  Tom exhaled quickly, his breathy moan mixed with a throaty laugh, and I chuckled wickedly as I began to pull the fabric out of his trousers.

“Rebecca - my love...don’t you have to - “  Tom asked breathlessly as my tongue snaked out, flicking his ear lobe and my teeth grazing the tender flesh.  

“Do I have to what?  Make love to my favorite rock star?  Yes, my darling, I have to do that, thank you for asking.” I responded brazenly, running my hands up the smooth skin of his back, dragging my nails lightly along his skin, causing gooseflesh to erupt.  

Tom laughed, putting his full weight on top of me.  “No, you silly woman.  Don’t you have an errand to run with young Stephanie?” 

He might as well have thrown a bucket of cold water on me.  Dammit, he was right.  I stopped my hands moving along the muscles in his back, and ceased squirming beneath him.  I exhaled, frustrated that I did indeed have something else to do, and I was quickly running out of time.  I closed my eyes, groaning in exasperation, and held onto him.

“Yes, yes I do.  Dammit, I’d much rather spend my afternoon holed up in my room, finding clever ways to play with you.” I replied, laying my head back on the mattress and grinning up at him.  Tom returned my smile, placing his forehead against mine.  We both sighed in unison, causing us to erupt in frustrated laughter.  He slid his arms under me, and he rolled us over on the bed, with me straddling his waist.

Tom reached up, placing his palms on my cheeks, and I leaned into one of his hands.  “Oh my beautiful tenacious Rebecca.  I’m not going anywhere, and we certainly have loads of time to find clever and interesting ways of playing with one another.  But now you have to go.  One last favour to our fairy godmother, and then you’re finished, my love.”  He smiled at me, and I nodded.  He was right.  We had all the time in the world to explore and get to know each other as long as we wanted.  I took another deep breath and lowered my head towards him, kissing him softly on the lips.  Tom slipped his hands from my face, running them over my sides and resting them on my backside.  His fingers pressed into my behind, tugging me towards him.  It was my turn to moan breathlessly into his mouth, and he finished our kiss, shaking his head back and forth as I playfully rolled my hips against him one more time.

“Oh no you don’t.  Be gone with you, my beautiful succubus.  I’ll be waiting here for your triumphant return.” And to emphasize his point, he slapped me playfully on my backside before popping me neatly off him onto the other side of the bed.  I laid next to him, my head turned to watch him re-button his shirt.  I sighed, watching him, and reaching for his hands, doing my best to hinder him from completing his task.  Tom laughed his ehehehe, playfully shooing my hands away.

“Stop!  The sooner you leave the sooner you will return, now go.” He exclaimed, still laughing at me.  I hauled myself off the bed with a groan and went to my bathroom to see if I needed to repair my face before leaving.  I brushed some powder over my nose and reapplied a touch of lipstick and left my bathroom.  I picked up my messenger bag and set it on my desk, pulling out my wallet and placing this in my little black clutch.  As I was loading my little purse, I felt hands snake around my waist and warm lips on the side of my neck.  I zipped up the clutch and turned in his arms, smiling up at him.

“I hope you have a wonderful time this afternoon,” Tom stated, smiling smugly down at me.  I truly didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to.

I nodded, “I will do my best.  Have fun with your contracts.” I said, stretching up on my tip toes and placing a small kiss on his nose.  I went flat footed and giggled, reaching up and thumbing away the tiny smear of lipstick from the end of his nose.  He scrunched his face, laughing at me.

“I’m not sure how much fun I’ll have reading over contracts, but it’s certainly something I need to take care of.  Now, off with you lass, don’t keep Steph waiting.” And with that, Tom moved away from me, opened my door, and motioned for me to exit.  I made sure I had my room key, phone, and purse.  

I left my room and made my way backwards towards the elevator, with Tom blowing me kisses along my way.  I laughed, dramatically slapping my cheeks as I received them, and as I turned towards the elevators, I heard Stephanie behind me.  “Aw!  Oh my god you two are adorable, sheesh!  I was wondering what took you two so long.  I thought I’d have to come storming into your room to detach you from him.”  

I felt my cheeks flush bright red, and I glanced down at my feet, grinning and blushing furiously.  I saw Steph out of the corner of my eye, lean over and wave back down towards the hall.  “Don’t worry, I’ll bring her back in one piece!  Maybe!” 

“You better, young lady.  I have plans for her later.” I heard Tom say down the hall.  I stifled a laugh, turning and seeing him leaning comically out of his hotel room, his arm extended and holding onto the door frame.  I turned back, pushing the elevator button to go down, and taking a deep and happy breath.

“Oh, I can only imagine you do, old man.” Steph said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  

I could hear Tom down the hall, his voice low and menacing, “Oh ho ho...watch it young lady, or I’ll ring your mum and inform her of your wicked and slanderous tongue!” 

Our elevator arrived and I boarded, waiting for Steph to finish with her verbal jab and parry down the hall with Tom.  “Ha!  Veiled threats, my good sir.  Like she doesn’t know already.  Go back in your room and find something better to do than be cheeky with me, old man!” And with that, Steph boarded the elevator with me, and she stuck her tongue out at him as the elevator doors closed in front of us.  She giggled to herself as we descended and I shook my head, smiling at her.  They really did act like brother and sister, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt a sense of family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I just wanted to thank everyone that is sticking with this story. I know my posting has been sparse and erratic, but I am in the middle of some major life changes that require my time in the real world. I am now a full time college student, and I am in the process of downsizing all of my possessions in preparation of moving to a smaller space. But rest assured gentle readers, Part II is complete, but still needs to be beta'd and possible re-writes, and I will post the remaining chapters when I can. Thank all of you for your kind comments and lovely feedback. It means so much to me when I get a notification telling me someone else has enjoyed my silliness. ;) And if you're following me on tumblr, I've had a URL change to hiddlesdame, so if you wanna reach out and talk to me, please do! :D Again, thank you all for your patience and understanding, and I love all of you for reading my silly story. :P


	19. Dark Paradise, Chapter XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I have to apologize for the lateness of this latest chapter. Luckily, we'll be moved in a week or two, and I'll be able to post a bit more regular. :) But it's still all written, just needs tweaking. :P
> 
> 21 – Goldfrapp – Ooh La La - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uco-2V4ytYQ

We exited the hotel and I noticed a dark blue Kia parked out front with a skinny red-haired volunteer in a convention staff shirt standing next to the the drivers door.  He matched the description that Richard had sent to me, and I gently poked Steph on the shoulder and pointed.  His face lit up as we approached, and I introduced Steph and myself.  He nodded, telling us to call him Jamie, and smiling shyly.  We piled into the car, with me sitting up front and Steph perched in the back, but not before she squeezed thru the front sets and handing Jamie a small slip of paper.  I could only assume it was an address.  After folding it and shoving the little slip into his jeans pocket, we buckled up and sped off into the Las Vegas afternoon.  I wished I knew where we were going;  I really wanted to spend the afternoon with Tom.  I didn’t know if he had anything else going on this afternoon, and being off duty from official convention business, I was antsy to fill up his free time.  

Our trip wasn’t long.  We meandered thru the streets of Las Vegas briefly, until I noticed turning onto South Gate, and the ornate arches of the entrance of the Wynn, where Jamie parked his car.  I glanced up at the fancy entrance, and then turned to look at Steph in the back seat, and her face was lit up with an overly bright smile.  “We going on a gambling a jaunt or -?”  I asked, confused.  

Steph shook her head, saying nothing, her face pink with mischievous excitement as she exited the back seat.  I had no idea why her super secret errand had anything to do with coming to another bloody hotel, but I grabbed my little black clutch, smiled, and thanked Jamie for the ride.  I closed the door behind me, and Steph brushed past me, shoving her way thru the open passenger window into the car to speak with Jamie once more.  I turned and looked at the elaborate entrance.  I tried not to feel uncomfortable as I watched people of various walks of life walking to and fro.  I could hear the tiny blue Kia speed off behind me, and felt Steph’s arm link thru mine.  “Ok, let’s go or we will be late!”  she exclaimed, and then proceeded to drag me behind her.

We walked into the entrance and I did my best not to gawp.  I was struggling with trying not to seem uncultured or simple, but the outlandish elegance of all of the places I had been to in Vegas were truly elegant and beautiful.  As I looked around, I noticed the shops that were located within its doors.  Immediately to my right was Cartier, and further ahead of me I could see an elaborate walkway, illuminated by natural lighting; the floor looked to be an intricate pattern of Italian mosaic, lined with living trees and tall exotic plants in squat terra cotta pots inside the building.  Steph continued to drag me behind her, and I shuffled after her, unwittingly slowing her down as I looked around, taking in the richness of the interior.  We approached what looked to be a huge ornate rotunda, decorated with colorful inverted parasols, adorned with multi-hued tassels hanging from the ceiling.  There were escalators that lead to the main floor of the hotel, but Steph continued pulling me past all of these, and we kept walking to our left, and down a richly adorned hallway with white marble floors strewn with lush wall-to-wall tapestry rugs.  I felt my eyes widen as I saw the sign to my right that said Louis Vuitton, and further down I could see the mall walkway curve to the right, with multiple glass store fronts with designer wares.  I got the sinking feeling that Stephanie had dragged me along to go shopping with her, and I felt a twinge of annoyance.  I had no desire to go on a high-end shopping trip, watching her spend money on expensive items, when all I wanted to do was curl up with Tom on the couch of his suite.  But, she did foot the bill to get me here, and reunite me with her old friend, the least I could do was oblige her with this little jaunt.

We didn’t walk much farther; Steph pulled us thru the sleek glass entrance of Alexander McQueen, and I struggled with trying to keep my gaping mouth closed.  I stared around the elegant boutique, feeling extremely out of my league, and I fervently wished we weren’t going to be here long.  As I looked over the asymmetrical white columns displaying a few articles of folded clothing, a tiny redheaded clerk came up to us, smiling brightly.  She was dressed immaculately in a stretchy black pencil dress, and as she joined us, I could smell subtle clouds of very expensive perfume.

“Ms. Stephanie Hale?” the tiny sales clerk asked, smiling and extending her hand.

Stephanie grinned, taking her hand.  “Yes, thank you.  This is Rebecca Wright.  I believe we are your three thirty?” she replied, smiling brightly.  My eyes darted quickly to Stephanie as the words she said sunk in.  We?  

The tiny sales clerk lit up, folding her perfectly manicured hands in front of her, her smile professional and polite.  “Fantastic!  I just rang off with Mr. Hiddleston, and your lunches should be arriving shortly.  Shall we get started?” The little sales clerk slid to the side, motioning us deeper into the store.  

I was a ball of wary confusion.  Wait a minute, she just got off of the phone with Tom?  And lunch was arriving as we shopped?  WE shopped?  What in the hell…  I stood frozen to the spot as Stephanie moved forward to follow the sales lady, but not before she turned, winking mischievously at me, and grabbing my hand, dragging me behind her again.  I didn’t understand, and I had an overwhelming feeling of apprehension.  The sales lady led us to a small sitting area in the back, located away from the main shopping area, and we sat in plush white leather chairs.  She left us, and I leaned forward, my eyes narrowing at Stephanie.

“Stephanie, what in the bloody hell are we - “ I began heatedly, when Steph waved me away and leaned in closer to me.  She said nothing as she looked me over, a smile blooming slowly on her face as it carried along with her silence.  I felt an exasperated frown wrinkle my own face as she kept grinning at me, and finally she blinked, stifling a giggle.

“Surprise,” she said in a hushed tone, her hands waving quietly in the air around her face for emphasis.  I felt myself shrug indignantly, still not understanding.  She rolled her eyes and leaned even closer.  “My errand is for you, Rebecca.  Tom and I arranged this, but it was absolutely his idea.  My dear friend, you and I have an afternoon of couture shopping and beauty, then the boys are taking us out for a night of luxury dining and dancing on The Strip.”

I just stared at Stephanie as she spoke, completely and thoroughly stunned.  Tom had arranged this, all of it.  I was sitting in Alexander McQueen, about to shop for clothes that probably wouldn’t fit me, and have a late lunch delivered.  Then afterwards we would be whisked off to god knows where for whatever Tom’s definition of beauty meant, and then we were all four to hit the streets of Las Vegas to paint the town red, as it were.  I was speechless.

Our little sales lady appeared again, carrying a paper sack emblazoned with Zoozacrackers Deli, and two bottles of fancy water, and set this between us on the small glass table between our chairs.  She disappeared again, and Stephanie dove into the sack, pulling out what I could only presume to be our late lunches.  She handed me a large paper wrapped something, and from the smell I could tell it was a hot pastrami, and my stomach grumbled in eager expectation.  I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast that morning, and I was grateful Tom had been thoughtful enough to order a late lunch for the both of us.

Steph peeled back the wrapper on what looked to be a turkey wrap, and took a bite of my own sandwich as our salesperson arrived with white plates for our meals.  She was followed by another pretty blonde salesperson who was pushing a rack of colorful garments in front of her.  I ceased my hungry chewing as I watched the rack halt in front of us.  There wasn’t much on it, but all of the garments appeared to be a selection of dresses at varying lengths and array of colors.  I swallowed my bite, and then placed my pastrami onto the plate next to me, reaching for a bottle of water.  I took a sip, watching Steph set her sandwich down as well, and after a quick wipe of her hands on a napkin, jumped up to inspect the contents of the rack.

“This is the selection that we have available for you in the store.  Mr. Hiddleston wasn’t much help on the sizing, unfortunately, so I pulled what we had available.  I have taken the liberty to choose sizes that I felt would be appropriate for you both.  Ladies, please feel free to try on anything you like, and if you need anything, we will be here to assist if necessary.”  The flame haired sales lady beamed encouragingly at us, and then walked to stand on the edge of the small private sitting room, fading into the background.  

Steph turned to me, her face lit up with excitement.  “You ready?” she asked, grinning excitedly.  I must’ve looked incredulous at her question, and she laughed sympathetically, leaving the rack and squatting down in front of me.  “Come on, Rebecca, what’s wrong?  It’s just clothing.  Just because it has McQueen on the label doesn't make you unworthy of it.  This is all for you.  Tom wants to do this.  Oh, my silly friend, just let him do this for you, alright?” 

I glanced up at her, blinking nervously.  I didn’t know what to think.  Steph had hit the nail on the head; she had guessed correctly as to why I was so hesitant, and I was surprised once again.  I had never had anyone do anything like this for me.  The generosity of Stephanie and Tom blew my mind, and I realized my trepidation was, in fact, the feeling of not being worthy of their generous acts of kindness.  But if I was to begin working on a solid relationship with my movie star boyfriend, I would have to learn to accept his gifts with humility and grace, and quell my immediate need to deny myself when it came to him.  I shook my head, laughing bitterly to myself, and then shrugged, defeated by love and friendship.  “Ok, let’s do this.” 

Steph and I spent the next hour at McQueen, trying on cocktail dresses and outfits that had been chosen for the two of us.  After a few issues with some of the garments, the sales ladies were able to pull out items that were true to my size, which surprised me since I wasn’t a perfect super model sized zero.  After some time later, Stephanie picked out a stunning white off the shoulder mini-dress.  It was simple and elegant, and she looked cute as a button in it.  She chose a pair of leopard platform heels to go with the simple dress, and I gasped as I saw the price ring up for her purchase.  I could have purchased a quality used car for the amount, and I flinched inwardly.  As for myself, after trying on multiple dresses, and receiving encouragement from our assigned sales ladies, and an exuberant Stephanie, I had chosen a simple black jacquard pencil dress overlaid with white lace detailing.  It clung to me in all the right places, and my eyes pricked with unexpected tears as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror.  I tried not to think about the fact that I was draped in an Alexander McQueen dress, even if it was part of the ready-to-wear collection, but I didn’t care; it fit me perfectly, and I was overwhelmed.  And holding with the simplicity of the gown, I chose a pair of simple black silk sandals to go along with it.  I had to admit, I looked pretty amazing as well.  After I had made my decision on what I would like, and it was my turn to ring up my purchases; I was informed that the dress and shoes were to be put on Mr. Hiddleston's account.  I tried not to snort with laughter as I heard this, opting instead to smile graciously and nod knowingly, giving Stephanie serious side eye.  She gave me a comical grin as our sales ladies informed us that our parcels would be delivered to our hotel within the hour.

We left McQueen and the Esplanade, after thanking our sales ladies for their assistance, and made our way thru the grand halls of the Wynn.  I walked with Stephanie in a daze, her arm linked again thru mine, and ignoring the crowds of people meandering around us.  I was overcome by the sights, the music, and my unbelievable afternoon of playing with high-end couture, courtesy of Tom.  It was overwhelming to think about in real terms, but this was the level he lived at, and I would have to shift my paradigm to follow suit.  When I thought about our future together, I imagined pittering around in our PJ’s on a lazy Sunday afternoon, finding something horrible on the telly, and snuggling up on the couch with a cup of tea; not extravagant shopping trips and fancy dinners out.  It seemed out of character for the Tom that I felt I knew, but perhaps it was his way of courting someone romantically, who knew.  

Stephanie and I finally reached our destination at The Salon, and once she announced who we were, an army of young ladies leapt into action.  It appeared we both had been scheduled for the works; we were both to have manicures, pedicures, along with hair styling and makeup application.  My head spun with the flurry of activity, and as I was plucked and waxed and shampooed into oblivion, I decided to stop thinking about all of this, and start enjoying myself.  Tom obviously wanted me to have a luxurious and pampered afternoon that would lead up to an exciting and lush evening out with him, and our friends.  I was in awe of his generosity, and more in love with him and his inclination to spoil me.

We had a team of ladies work on us for a good two hours.  My stylist recommended I get all of my dead ends removed, and I gladly agreed.  I had my long overgrown hair cut to below my shoulder blades, allowing the slight natural wave in my hair to be more pronounced.  After Steph and I had our hair styled and our nails manicured, we sat in glamorous make up chairs, and my front pocket buzzed with a text.  My aesthetician had stepped away for a moment, so I pulled out my phone, unlocking the screen.  I smiled, excited to see it was a message from Tom.  “So, princess, are you enjoying your afternoon surprise?” I bit my lip, giddy that he had reached out to me.  I glanced around furtively, making sure I still had time to respond to him.  “Good lord, Tom, YES.  :*  I can’t believe you did all of this for me, you didn’t have to, I know.  But, thank you so much, you have no idea. :D”   I sent my response and held onto my phone, sighing girlishly with contentment.  It was always too much when it came to Tom, but my simple ways would need to shift to accommodate living a little more glamorously.  My phone buzzed back with a quick response.  “You are quite wrong, you deserve nothing less than the best, and I’m only excited to see you happy.  I can not wait to see you for dinner, my love.”  My make up artist had returned, so I shoved my phone quickly into my clutch, and sat back in my chair, trying not to grin like a fiend.  

After our hours of beauty and pampering, Steph and I were finished a little after six pm.  We both looked like classic movie stars as we exited the Wynn and we piled back into the Jamie’s blue Kia.  He drove us back to our hotel, and as I daydreamed about getting dressed for the evening, I felt a sudden jolt of panic.  As I thought of the hair and makeup and the beautiful dress and heels I would be wearing tonight, I cringed thinking about wearing my ratty two year old bra and flowered undies underneath, and that just wouldn’t do.  I needed something that would complete the outfit.  It was silly, but I needed some decent underwear.

Jamie pulled up to our hotel and Steph piled out of the car.  I tapped on Jamie’s shoulder, asked him if he could stick around a moment because I needed to run off on another errand on my own.  He nodded, throwing his Kia into park, and I piled out of the car.  I walked with Steph to the lobby elevator, hugged her and thanked her again for taking me on our errand, and we parted ways.

I had Jamie run me to the Fashion Show Mall, and I ran into Macy’s for something I felt would be appropriate.   After making my purchase, I ran back out of the store and I hit the curb just as Jamie had pulled back around.  My heart was beating a mile a minute as I watched the early Las Vegas evening zip past me, and I felt better with my newly acquired undies.  Jamie got me delivered back to the hotel in record time, and I bounded out of the car, thanking Jamie as I tore thru the lobby and up to my floor.  I walked hurriedly to my room, slowing in my stride as I passed Tom’s door.  I considered knocking, but decided in the end not to, just in case he was busy with Luke or anything else.  I dragged my fingertips longingly along the wood of his door, biting my lip to hide a grin, and then went to my room to get dressed for the evening.  

I entered and found that my purchases from this afternoon had been delivered and laid out on my bed, and I exhaled nervously, doing my best to contain a pleased smile.  I decided I wanted music as I got dressed, so I plugged in my MP3 player and hit shuffle.  An old Goldfrapp tune began playing, and I began pulling out my dress and shoes from their packaging.  I laid everything on the bed, including my modest new black satin undergarments, and I stared down at them in awe.  I had never owned anything as elegant as the McQueen before, and I felt intimidated that it belonged to me.  I stripped slowly out of my grey t-shirt and jeans, careful not to smudge my airbrushed make up and carefully styled hair.  After I was completely stripped of my clothing, and quickie sponge bath, I slipped into my new black satin demi-bra and matching pair of satin black undies.  Enjoying the feel of my newly acquired lingerie, I trotted off to the bathroom to freshen up my perfume, singing along with the music on my player.  After a quick spritz of my perfume, I went back and sat on my bed, slipping into my strappy silk sandals.  I then shimmied my new dress over my head, pulling it down around me.  It was super stretchy and comfortable as hell, and clung to me like a second skin.  After I got my dress pulled on, I went to the floor length mirror in front of the bathroom to see how I looked.  

I flipped on the overhead light above me and began my appraisal.  My dress and shoes were simple, but I looked very elegant as I critiqued myself in the mirror.  The Salon had styled my hair loosely, allowing my natural waves to curl loosely about my shoulders, while volumizing my hair at the crown to give it a bit more height.  My makeup was natural, but I had requested a glamorous dark wisp of eyeliner with dewy cheeks and a deep blood red lip stain.  I had to admit, I hadn’t looked prettier, and I had Tom to thank for that.  I smiled at my reflection, and tried not to laugh at myself.  I walked away from the mirror, and went to shut off my music, making sure everything I needed for the evening was stowed away in my clutch, and then left for Tom’s room.


	20. Dark Paradise, Chapter XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: I feel like I need to apologize to all of my readers. It's been WAY too long since an update, and hopefully that will be rectified. The last chapters are written, and are currently going thru the beta process with my gracious new beta. ;) So, to celebrate, I am posting this freshly edited chapter to hold you over until the last two, possibly three chapters are completed. THANK YOU ALL again for your patience; life change isn't easy. ;)
> 
> 22 – Pale 3 – In My Head - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfCplQsgLHs  
> 23 - NIN – Perfect Drug - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJiEhzBepw  
> 24 – Jonathon Davis – Slept So Long (Kross Mix) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYnKMPEBeCg  
> 25 – Gary Numan – Love Hurt Bleed - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46kXvXV42Qk  
> 26 – New Order – Confusion (Pump Panel Reconstruction mix) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z56Gp0h0NGI

I left my room and walked across the hall, knocking on Tom’s door.  After a few moments, Dmitri answered, wearing a fancy charcoal grey suit with a plum colored dress shirt and matching gun metal grey tie.  The dark tones of his suit complimented his olive skin and raven black hair; he looked stunning.  Dmitri shut the door behind me after I entered, and I noticed Tom was nowhere to be seen.

“Tom’s finishing up, but he said he’ll be out shortly.” Dmitri offered as he sat down next to Steph on the couch.  I nodded and went to Tom’s bedroom door.  Knocking softly; I leaned in to hear his OK to enter.  Hearing silence from his room, I knocked once more.  After a few moments, and still no answer, I decided I would just go in on my own.

His room was quiet, save for soft masculine humming to my right, coming from what I could only assume was a second bathroom.  The room itself boasted a huge king sized bed, an elaborate TV armoire, and a plush lavender chair in the corner that was a twin to mine.  I peeked into his bathroom, and saw Tom standing in front of his mirror, finishing with his tie.  The air hitched in my throat, as I recognized the smoky blue suit ensemble from TIFF 2013.  Tom paused as he knotted his tie, his eyes rolling to me.  He stood completely still, his face lighting up with surprise as I stood watching him.  He finished with his tie quickly, keeping his gaze fixed on me and a smile slowly curling on his lips.  I was tickled to see that he liked what he saw, and I felt my cheeks go quite red.  

He finished in the bathroom and shut off the light as he came slowly towards me.  In my new heels, I was a good four inches taller than I normally was, putting me much closer to not having to tip my head back to look up at him.  Tom reached for me, sliding his fingertips lightly along the outside of my arm, turning my skin into gooseflesh, and I shuddered involuntarily.  He smirked, seeing my reaction, and he continued the slow descent, finally lacing his fingers thru mine.

“Rebecca, you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met, but this - “ he paused in his speech, giving me a heated once over, his fingers tightening around mine.  “You look absolutely stunning.  I am proud and honored that you will be with me tonight, and I cannot wait to show you off to the world.”  I quelled the initial denial of his words, thinking of a list of women he’d been seen or photographed with, and silently allowed him to just compliment me.  He raised his arm, taking my hand up with his so that my arm was outstretched, and he took a step back, giving me another once over.  His brow furrowed slightly, but it quickly dissolved into a genuine smile.  “A little too much make up for my taste, but you do look absolutely magnificent in it.” 

I stifled a sarcastic laugh, thinking of all the other times he had seen me - either in my handler outfits or in complete make-up free deshabille; I thought for once in my life I finally looked like someone worthy of who he was.  I returned his smile, pulling our arms down and moving towards him, placing my other hand on the breast of his jacket.  “I wanted to look my best for you; you deserve that, Tom.”

He smirked, his eyes closing briefly before opening them again, cocking his head to the side and his face breaking out into a full toothy grin.  “Rebecca, what I deserve is only you.  It doesn’t matter what clothes you wear or fancy make-up you have painted on your face or whatever.  I love you for who you are inside, my darling.  I just wanted to spoil you a little this afternoon; I suppose to apologize for everything again.  Believe it or not, despite what you might see on the red carpets of the world; I do live a very modest life.  I don’t go shopping for expensive clothes or throw on a three piece suit to make eggs and coffee in the morning.  Today was just a very special treat for you, that’s all.  Believe me, it’s not like this every day in my life.”

I squeezed my mouth shut tightly, trying to hide the knowing grin from exploding on my face.  I knew exactly what he was talking about; the man who only owned two trusty black cardigans, a handful of t-shirts, and one pair of badly faded black jeans.  Instead, I nodded, squeezing his fingers tighter in mine.

“Now, I won’t lie, you do look absolutely amazing, my love.  And if you ever want to prepare eggs and coffee for me in your new frock, feel free,” he said, teasing me, and dropping his forehead to mine.  His eyes blurred together into a shadowed blue, and I smirked at his joke.

“I’m not sure I’ll wear it again past tonight, but thank you for the Sunday morning visual.  And if you keep up with the compliments, my dear sir, we won’t make it to dinner.” 

Tom leaned away laughing, and as he finished, he dipped his forehead to mine again, his eyes going quite wide and full of mischief, a soft moan vibrating thru his throat.  “Mmmm, well then, we should leave soon before I strip all of these fancy clothes off of you and find clever and creative ways of complementing you further.” 

My eyes widened at his lurid suggestion, and for a brief moment, I was absolutely ready to take him up on that.  But I knew we had our friends to think about, and a planned night on the town, wherever the hell it was we were going.  “After dinner, and what other plans Stephanie has concocted for us tonight, I’m sure after you will do your very best when we are finally alone.” 

Tom pulled me gently towards his bedroom door, opening it, and allowing me to exit first.  As I walked ahead, he said quietly, “That, Madame, I can guarantee.” 

With the heady promise of later, we joined Stephanie and Dmitri in the main room.  We all gathered our things, and head downstairs to the hotel lobby.  It was still busy with wandering attendees in various stages of cosplay and loose groups standing and chatting, but no one paid much attention to us as we exited the hotel doors.  Waiting for us under the awning was a sleek black Acura SUV, complete with driver.  We piled in, with Tom and I sitting in the very back, and Steph and Dmitri directly in front of us.  We got buckled in, and took off into the Las Vegas night.

After a very short and uneventful drive, we arrived at our destination on The Strip, and as the vehicle came to a stop, I recognized the exterior of Caesars Palace.  “Oooh, Caesar’s Palace!  I haven’t been here since I was with my parents on vacation eons ago!  Wait, are we eating at Abercrombie & Fitch or Louis Vuitton?”  I asked, teasing Tom as I followed him out of the SUV.  He turned, laughing, and handing me out of the car.

“Close, but no, my dove.  You’ll see.” Tom winked at me as he closed the passenger side door.  I had to hold my immediate gasp in check as we entered the building.  It was garish Roman opulence at it’s height, and I was stunned and amazed at the rich colors and architecture of this new addition.  Tom took my hand, smiling down at me, and I blinked, taking a deep breath.  “This was not here when I was here last; it is truly beautiful,”  I said, returning his smile.  He cocked his head towards the spiral staircase, and the four of us meandered past the fountains, thru the crowds, and towards the stairs.  But they weren’t stairs after all; it was a spiral escalator, and I laughed as we boarded and it took us up up up to the top floor of the building.  Once we reached the top level, we walked towards a restaurant called Sushi Roku.

Dinner was a rollicking affair; my three famous friends swapped different stories about the convention, and what they had done all weekend.  Tom shared that he was anxious to get back to LA for a couple of days for some mysterious business, and then he had to get back to Toronto to complete shooting Crimson Peak.  He told what tales he could about his new movie, without revealing too much information, and I was enthralled listening to his adventures as I munched on a smoked salmon roll.  I was pleased that he had shot a lot of his part already, to allow him to come to this event.  And I laughed with the others as he told funny on-set stories about a few pranks he had pulled on his co-star’s and of his incognito adventures in downtown Toronto. 

“So, Tom, after you’re finished shooting, you’re off home to London for High Rise, did I read that right?”  Dmitri asked as he placed a dot of wasabi on his spicy tuna roll.  

Tom nodded, swallowing the last of his yellow-tail, and his face lit up with excitement.  “Oh, yes.  Once I’m finished in Toronto, I’m headed back for a few days to sleep and wash my socks, and then I have to prepare for pre-production work.  Principal filming won’t begin until June, but I’ll have some time to take a breath or two.”

“So you won’t be going back to Reykjavik on holiday then?  I thought you had talked about doing that while you were doing your Coriolanus run - “  Stephanie interjected, taking a sip of sake.  I watched this back and forth between them, surprised to find out that he had planned on going back to Iceland for some R and R.  

Tom shrugged and glanced over at me, “No, not now.  I was planning on a week or two, but with the new movie coming up, I’m not sure I’d have the time.  Maybe I can escape for a few days and drag Rebecca along with me.”  He winked at me and I felt my eyes widen.  Take me, on vacation with him, to Iceland?  

I was speechless, and I felt my cheeks flame red, and not from the sake.  His hand found mine in my lap, and he squeezed my fingers.  “Would you like to go with me to the Land of the Gods?”  he asked.  

I choked off a surprised laugh, “Of course!  That would be amazing!”  I was overwhelmed, again, and I felt my stomach fill with my ever faithful happily fluttering butterflies.

Tom gave me a reassuring squeeze and then released my fingers.  “Good, I know a number of places I’d love to show you.  We can take a drive out to Thingvellir where the tectonic plates meet above ground, and see the Oxararfoss waterfall.  Then we can go to the Blue Lagoon and splash about there for an afternoon, and then I can take you horseback riding at midnight.  We’ll have a grand adventure, just you and me.”  He gave me a lopsided wink as he reached for the last lobster roll with his chopsticks.

The rest of dinner went by in a hazy blur as my imagination began to race at the thought of going on holiday with Tom.  Hell, just being with the man made my blood race, and I had a strange feeling of excitement, tinged with healthy fear.  I pushed away the reality of Tom Hiddleston: Superstar, and concentrated on the here and now.  And after a decadent dessert of green tea profiteroles smothered in chocolate sauce, I was buzzing nicely on sake, company, and amazing food.  I sat back in my seat, sipping at the last of my warm sake, and feeling blissfully content.  I didn’t know what else the evening held for me, but I was certainly looking forward to it.

As the last of the colorful plates, assorted dipping cups, and chopsticks were cleared, Stephanie looked over at the two of us, her eyes glittering with her own intake of sake, and exclaimed, “So, are we ready then?” 

I glanced at Tom, and he turned to wink at me.  “Oh yes, I think we are ready.  So, Rebecca, how would you like to go dancing?” 

I smiled at him, feeling very full from dinner, and not completely sure I could dance with such a full stomach, giving him my own wink.  “As long as we don’t have a replay of last night, I’m all for it,” I replied, my thoughts returning briefly to last night, and of the two of us not being very nice to each other at the concert.  

Tom nodded gravely, and then leaned towards me, his eyes narrowing suggestively.  “Now, you don’t mean ALL of last night, do you?” he asked quietly, implying much more than I wanted the rest of my table mates to know about.  

I felt my eyes widen, and I reached out, shoving his shoulder.  He leaned away from me, chuckling to himself.  “I didn’t think so.  Come on, let’s get going.  I want to dance with you properly.” 

We left our private dining room, and made our way out of the Forum shops, and back out the way we came.  Our SUV was waiting for us, and we piled in and were whisked off to our mystery dance location.  I had no idea where we were going, but knowing Stephanie and or Tom, it had to be somewhere trendy and exciting, and at this point, I was open to almost anything.  As I sat next to Tom in the back of the SUV, he took my hand in his, lacing his fingers thru mine, and running his thumb along my palm.  Part of me wished we had all just retired back to our hotel after dinner.  I peeked out past Tom, seeing all of the late night foot traffic on the sidewalks, and all the flashes of neon and glitter that lined the street.  It was true, this city never slept.  The streets were teeming with every walk of life, and we sped past them on to our mystery dance club.

As I looked out the window of the SUV, I felt Tom lean towards me, his lips caressing the delicate flesh of my ear, and he whispered, “I was serious about the trip to Iceland.  I want to whisk you away, just the two of us.”  His breath was warm on my neck, and I felt a shiver go down my spine.  

I leaned back, turning to him and smiling softly.  “June cannot come fast enough,”  I said, returning his whisper.  We stared at each other, not saying much of anything, his thumb continuing to slide suggestively against the palm of my hand.  His touch sending a wave directly below my bellybutton, and I slid the tip of my tongue over my lower lip, lowering my eyes demurely, and then glancing back up at him.  I felt brazen; fueled by sake and his company.  Tom raised his right brow slightly, a knowing smirk fleeting across his face.  

Our ride took us off The Strip and to what looked like an old mid-century theater of some sort, and we piled out.  Tom took my hand and helped me out of the car, and he didn’t let go.  I smiled up at him as we made our way up the walk.  As we approached, I could hear faint thumping coming from the interior of the building.  Oh the bass must have been heavy as hell in there, and I felt my pulse quicken with excitement.  I hadn’t gone out dancing at a proper club in so long; I couldn’t remember the last time.  Raves at conventions didn’t count.  

The exterior doors opened and I could feel the bass from the club thrumming thru the soles of my feet.  The interior was done in deep blood red velvet flocked art motif wallpaper with rich dark woods and shiny brass fixtures.  It looked like we had time traveled back in time to a turn of the century underground bordello.  The artwork on the walls were old classic horror movie prints and Gothic art, and I could feel a wicked smile begin on my lips.  As we approached the main entrance to the club, I gasped in surprise as I recognized an old techno remix that I hadn’t heard in forever.  The name of the club was calligraphed onto an old tea-stained placard in dark red neo-Victorian script above the door, Cabaret Macabre, and my smile grew even wider.  Now, this was going back to my roots.  Two extremely attractive topless men stood on either side of the heavy scroll worked wooden doors.  They were dressed in black pin striped trousers, black braces, combat boots, and bowler hats.  Their faces were made paler with makeup, and their eyes were lined heavily with black kohl.  I tried not to show my excitement as they bowed theatrically, with fingertips on the brim of their hats, opening the doors for us. 

We entered the club, and the song flowed into something I thought sounded like a hard remix of a Nine Inch Nails tune, and I was giddy that I recognized the music.  I was also stunned at the interior.  It was most definitely a dark alternative club, and for a moment I wondered if the rest of my group would be comfortable here.  I, for one, felt like I had come home.  The club was packed with a wide range of colorful people undulating on the dance floor, to small clusters standing in small groups.  There were some old school goths in here, but also the regular mundanes, come to play with the beautiful creatures of the night.  But it wasn’t the crowd I was staring at.  The small refurbished black box theater was transformed into what appeared to be a turn of the century nightclub and the decor ranged from Victorian to the roaring twenties.  The walls were covered in lush deep red velvet draperies with gold fringe, along with more of the classical art prints in heavy gold Baroque frames.  There was an antique wooden stage that lined the back wall that continued with the rich velvet drapery, bright round art deco footlights, and stylized and grotesque carnival art displayed on the back walls, showcasing various contortionists and sideshow acts.  The large bar to our immediate left was done in rich dark wood and crystal and brass and looked as if it had been pulled from a posh hotel from 1910.  Plush Edwardian couches, settees, and chairs in a myriad of jewel toned velvet and tapestry were scattered in little intimate groups along the walls and on the floor.  It also smelled amazing, a heady mixture of what smelled like old books, candle smoke, and warm honey made the air perfumed with darkness and mystery.  Many of the larger tables had towering glass water pipes with multiple hoses for people who chose to sit and enjoy a little shesha as they looked on.   As we stepped deeper into the club, there were also tiny one-person stages scattered along the edges of the main dance floor with brass poles fastened in the middle, festooned with their own tiny footlights.  There were topless dancers of each sex, dressed in a wide variety of turn of the century deshabille, all of them with the darkened eyes and pale makeup.  We had truly stepped into a neo-Victorian Goth club, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  It was elegant and a bit over the top, as only Las Vegas can do, but I was in awe.  

We made our way to a small circular seating area and sat down in one of the red velvet upholstered booths that lined the dance floor.  A tiny waitress dressed in a black and white striped corset, lace and ribbon trimmed bloomers, and black Louis-heeled granny boots came and took our drink orders.  Dmitri ordered a bottle of single-malt scotch for the table, while Steph and I each ordered a modest glass of white wine.  After our tiny waitress left to fetch our drink order, we sat back, listening to the music and watching the dancers.  I looked over at the rest of my party, curious as to how they were taking all of this in.  Dmitri wasn’t phased, but not much of anything phased him in the slightest, but Stephanie watched the dancers with wide eyes, and appeared to enjoy the darker dance music.  Tom on the other hand, was only watching me.

I grinned, leaning over to him, and raised my voice so he could hear me, “Dark, scary, and disturbing, eh?  Well done.  Makes me wonder how you found this place.”  He laughed, his eyes widening dramatically.  I was, of course, referring to his texts from earlier in the day, and I was pleased he would finally be exposed to a little piece of my past that I held dear.  

“I knew you would love it, that’s why we are here.  And what makes you think this would be my first time here, my love?” he said, his own voice raised just enough over the music for only me to hear, leaning away from me and into the plush cushion of the booth, his lips curling with an enigmatic grin.  I had no idea what he had meant by that, but I was certainly surprised, and devilishly pleased.

Our drinks arrived and Dmitri poured a shot for Tom and himself.  Steph sipped at her drink, shifting anxiously around in her seat with the music, and I grinned as I sipped at my own wine, recognizing the next song as it flowed from the one previous.  It sounded like a dark dub-step version of something I recognized from a movie, and I knew I had to get up and dance.  

I took a huge swallow of my drink, and scooted past Tom and out of the booth.  I turned to him, wiggling my fingers in invitation, and he downed his shot, following me out of his seat.  I took his hand, smiling devilishly at him, and I turned, pulling his hand up to rest on my shoulder, and we both went out onto the dance floor.

I let the music flow over me as I walked out with Tom tagging along behind me.  Finding a spot close by that was unoccupied, I stopped, turning to face him, and began moving to the music.  It was a challenge to dance in my heels, but my body remembered how to move, and I began to move my hips and my eyes fluttered closed.  The beat was heavy and sensuous, and I did a subtle body roll, my hands sliding along my neck and up thru my hair, slowly swinging my hips.  I didn’t care who was watching, I let the music course thru me, and I began to lose myself on the dance floor.  I slid my hands down slowly along the sides of my breasts, and then opened my eyes, immediately seeing Tom, dancing in front of me, leveling me with a look that could have set something on fire.  In fact, something had caught fire, and I returned his stare as I continued slipping my hands past my breasts and over my hips, crossing them over my belly, and reaching out to him, my fingers slowly fanning in his direction, silently beckoning for him to come closer to me.  He smiled as he just continued to watch me, executing a few interesting and exotic hip rolls of his own as his eyes heated something deep inside me as we moved together on the dance floor.

The song flowed into one of Gary Numan’s new tunes, and I recognized this one as well, my pace picking up with the industrial beat of the song.  I swung my hips wider and turned my back on him, dragging my hands up thru my hair again.  I closed my eyes as I faced away and undulated, my serpentine body moving with the heavy back beat.  I could feel the multicolored lights hit my eyes from behind my lids, and I became one with the music.  I let my head fall back and continued to move without thought.  

The song mixed seamlessly into one of New Order’s remixes, and I pulled my head up giggling momentarily as I recognized the popular and cliched vampire tune.  Good lord, I was feeling old as hell, and I didn’t care one bit.  I found Steph and Dmitri close by, who had finally decided to make it to the dance floor.  They were moving together in ways I wasn't sure I should be watching, so I smiled and looked away. 

Suddenly I felt smooth hands slide around my waist spinning me quickly around.  Tom held me close as the song beat heavily around us, his eyes glittering down at me.  I ran the tip of my tongue over my lips, as I wrapped an arm around his neck, the other at his waist, and began to roll my hips against him.  His lips puckered with a naughty grin of his own, and he pulled me in closer with his knee between my thighs, and his body moving and answering the question I had asked.  He placed his hand in the middle of my chest, sliding it slowly up my neck, and I bent away in his arms, arching my back as his hand circled the column of my throat, his thumb pressing lightly against my pulse.  My eyes fluttered closed as his thumb slid up and over my chin and ran lightly over my lips.  My mouth opened, taking his thumb into my mouth, and began sucking softly.  I raised my head, looking him straight in the eye as I worked my tongue against the pad of his thumb, his mouth opening slightly as he watched me.  Tom’s eyes darkened as he slipped his thumb out of my mouth, sliding it over my wet lips, and I leaned into his hand, looking up at him.  His breath was coming deep and even, and I could feel his arousal begin.  

I smiled wickedly, and then pressed my hips to him again.  Tom’s hand slipped from my waist, down and over my ass, his fingers gripping me strongly against him.  He held me fast to him, until I decided that was quite enough.  I spun in his arms, turning my back to him again, and wrapping an arm up around his neck.  He slid a hand along my waist and held onto me as I rolled my body, from my shoulders down to my hips, taking my time down the length of him, finally grinding my ass into his hips.  I could feel his erection against me, and I smiled wickedly to myself.  Reaching behind me, I grabbed his other hand and guided his touch on me as we danced.  I placed his hand along the column of my throat, dragging it down and over my breast as my hips swiveled against him.  My eyes closed as I guided his hand over me, and I could feel his lips near my ear, his breath quickening as I moved with him on the dance floor.

“Rebecca, if you don’t stop soon, I will have you on this dance floor, mark my words, my love.” Tom said, his voice husky with want.  

I smiled, pleased as hell that I had gotten to him, and turned to face him.  I draped both arms around his neck, placing my lips on his ear, “What makes you think that isn’t part of the plan?” I leaned back, my left brow raised in wicked inquiry, and continued to undulate against him.  His tongue was peeking out between his lips, and he pulled it slowly into his mouth, followed by his lower lip, his teeth piercing the flesh.  I slid my hands from his neck, pressing my nails into his chest, my hips gyrating slowly against his, and I slowly blinked my eyes, dragging my hands down the length of his chest and down his belly, sliding my fingers into the top of his waistband.  Even in the multicolored flashing lights, I could see his cheeks blotched red, his jaw clenched, and his body beginning to vibrate.  

I laughed, the sound escaping me was low and malicious, and I hummed, looking up into his eyes.  “Seems someone likes what he sees.”  I stated boldly, pulling him to me with purpose.  He gripped me tight at the waist crushing me against him, and leaned toward me, his lips taking my mouth in a slow and crushing kiss.  His tongue slid deep into my mouth and I pulled my fingers from his trousers, and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him impossibly close.  Tom kissed me deeply; deeper than I was normally comfortable with while out in public, but I didn’t give a damn who saw the two of us.  

I pulled out of his kiss, and we continued dancing thru the night; taking turns tormenting the other, until we had both worked ourselves into a fever pitch, fueled by heavy industrial beats, liquor, and the freedom to be ourselves.  Steph and Dmitri headed back to the hotel an hour after we had arrived at the club, but Tom and I stayed much longer; dancing and drinking and generally teasing the other with outlandish dance moves and shameless sexually charged caresses as we sat in our booth for a break.  At one of our breaks, and after I had playfully pulled Tom’s hand out from the inside of my thigh, I checked the time on my phone and noticed it getting to around three am.  Despite wanting to stay much longer, I knew we had to head back, and I said as much to him.  I didn’t know when our flight left for LA later, but I sure didn’t want to take a chance and have to rush for it last minute.  He pulled me close, and sent a message from his own phone to our driver to come and retrieve us as I nibbled playfully on his ear.  After Tom sent his message, we sat in our red velveteen booth, watching the remaining dancers on the floor, and Tom slid his hand back to the inside of my thigh as his lips met mine.  And as my eyelids dropped closed, and this amazing evening drew to a close, I knew in my heart that for the first time, in a very long time, everything was absolutely perfect.


	21. Dark Paradise, Chapter XXI

We arrived at the hotel, stumbling out of our SUV, giggling and tipsy as hell.  It was very late, or very early to other peoples standards, and we did our best to keep our snickering subdued to a minimum.  Tom couldn’t keep his hands off of me, and as he walked close behind, with his arm loosely draped around my neck, I had to do my best to keep a straight face.  He was being quite bold with this public display of affection, but I felt I should roll with it to make it across the lobby as discreetly as possible.  Luckily, there were hardly any attendees or other hotel patrons littering about; only a handful of the overnight hotel personnel minding their own business in their duties.  I pushed the elevator button to go up, and Tom spun from behind me, sliding his hands onto my waist and pulling me towards him.  

“When we get upstairs, I want you to pack up that room of yours and come stay with me.  And then, my love, I believe there is a shower with our names on it.”  Tom exclaimed in hushed tones, his eyes widening for emphasis, and utterly failing at hiding a wicked smirk.  

I bit my lower lip, remembering another shower that we had shared, so long ago, and I returned his wicked grin.  “A shower is most definitely in our future.  I have plans for you, or did you forget?”  I asked, my left brow cocked with inquiry.  The elevator doors snicked open, and Tom dragged me inside as I chuckled quietly.

“Oh?  And what plans would those be, my mischievous darling?”  he asked, his back bouncing against the mirrored wall of the lift as he hauled me against him as the doors slid closed.  He held me locked tightly in his arms as I leaned awkwardly to push the button for the eighth floor.  Turning back to face him, I slid a hand down his chest, hooking my fingers into the waistband of his trousers and tugging him closer.  Tipping my chin so I could look up at him as directly in the eye as I could, I crushed my breasts against his chest, allowing my lips to part softly, and exhaling gently on the tender skin of his neck.  Tom’s eyes dilated slightly as he looked down at me, and I slowly pulled in my lower lip, my teeth grazing the plump flesh.  

“You had your fun last night playing with me.  I think perhaps that it’s only fair that I get a go at you, don’t you think?”  I asked him boldly as my fingers slipped out of his waistband and crept lower demonstrating, without any doubt, what my intent was.  His fingers dug into my hips, his long fingers pushing into my flesh and trapping my wandering hand between us.  

“Oh - I can not WAIT to see what you have planned for me.  In your words, bring it on,”  he chuckled, his voice faltering a bit as my fingers kept moving rhythmically between us.

We arrived at our floor, and I detached from him long enough to exit.  I backed out of the lift, my fingers returning to his waistband and dragging him slowly with me, when I backed right into a wall of someone.  Tom’s face sobered up in a flash, and I pivoted awkwardly, finding Luke standing at the entrance of the elevator.  I pulled my hands back to myself and loudly cleared my throat, stepping out of the way.   Oh, but of course it would be Luke that I ran into, yet again at this bloody event.  Wonderful.  I smiled apologetically at Luke and moved completely out of the way so Tom could exit on his own.

“Hey, Luke, what’s going on, man?  You headed somewhere?”  Tom asked, straightening his striped tie.

“I was off to find you actually.  Have you checked your phone in the last thirty minutes?”  Luke asked bluntly.  I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as I looked everywhere in the hotel hallway but at the two of them.  Luke’s tone put me on edge, and completely deflated the happy mood.  But I couldn’t think ill of him; Luke was only doing his job, and I needed to stop having an opinion about how he did it.  

Tom’s brows wrinkled in confusion as he dug in his pocket.  “No, we were out, and last I was on it was to summon a cab.  Why?  What’s going on?”  he asked, turning on his phone to check to see if he had missed anything.

“We need to get back to the room and phone Louise; your contract renegotiation has hit a bit of a snag, and she wants to go over a few things with you before she coordinates with LA and returns her draft of their revisions.”  Luke explained.  And as he spoke, the two of them turned and began walking down the hall, with me in tow.  I felt like a third wheel as I followed, and with the news of Tom needing to get in contact with his UK agent, I had no idea where that left us and our continuing plans for the evening.  

The three of us arrived at Tom’s door and Luke pulled out a key card, opening it.  He entered, and kept the door open, waiting for Tom, and I hoped to presume, me.  

“Go on and get Louise on the phone, Luke.  I’ll be there in a moment.”  Tom said over his shoulder, as he took my elbow, steering me gently towards my room.  I moved to lean with my back against the door and Tom took both my hands, bringing them swiftly above my head and pinning me.  I hummed with surprised satisfaction as he pushed his hips into mine once more, and quickly re-igniting any mood Luke felt compelled to squash.

“Alright, Madame, I have a bit of work to do, but once I’m finished, I’m all yours.   You get that room packed as fast as you can.  I want you with me as soon as you can manage it.”  Tom exclaimed between tiny kisses on my cheeks, lips, and chin.  With Luke and Tom’s late night meeting with the UK forgotten momentarily, a wanton smile bloomed on my lips.

“A little taste of your own medicine, my goodness.  Tsk tsk, we certainly can’t keep you waiting, can we?”  I said, my face softening as the words left me.  

Tom’s eyes closed, the intensity of the moment momentarily diffused, and he nodded, smiling. “No, no more waiting; for either of us.”  Tom opened his eyes and looked down at me again, his eyes darkening.  “Now, get on with it, I need you.”  

He let go of me, finally kissing me strongly on the lips in farewell, and was gone.  I reached into my little black clutch to pull out my room key.  As I fumbled around, I noticed the tell tale blinking from my phone of a message received.  I pulled it out as I unlocked my door, and noticed I had missed a few texts.  Richard, the guest liaison for the convention, had messaged me a few times, asking for Steph and Dmitri’s binders to be dropped off with him as soon as possible.  Dammit…  Sighing heavily, my mood doing a one eighty degree turn; I dropped my phone back into my purse.  Disappointed in myself, and frustrated that even though I had their paperwork signed early in the weekend, I had failed at delivering the binders to Richard on time.

I tossed my clutch onto the bed and stood at the foot, rubbing my forehead in frustration.  I sent a quick text to Tom, explaining that I would be much later than anticipated, and that I needed to get my last convention responsibility taken care of before I could come to him.  Despite all of my careful planning, I was swiftly reminded that Tom had distracted me at a show, yet again, and I forgot to do my job.

Annoyed with myself, I sat down, kicking off my sandals and verifying the time that Richard had sent his message.  It had come in only twenty minutes ago, and I messaged him back, hoping that I could arrange a time to get the paperwork to him before I got packed and headed over across the hall to Tom.  I hit send and began getting down to business.  I stripped out of my McQueen and pulled on a pair of leggings and a white t-shirt.  I wouldn’t be in them long; only long enough to get packed and hopefully get Richard what he needed.  

I had successfully packed up my bathroom when a response from Richard came.  I was thrilled to see that he was still awake at this god awful hour, and he replied that he’d be happy to meet me down in the hotel lobby.  I exhaled with relief as I messaged him back, informing him that I’d be on my way in a few minutes.  I hit send, and went to my desk where the binders were sitting.  I opened them both up individually, double checking that all signed paperwork was present and accounted for.  Closing the binders, I went back to the bathroom and fetched my packed toiletry kit, walking it back out to the main room and tossing it on the bed.  I went to the closet and pulled down my carry on, and began shoving things inside willy nilly.  

I got everything packed and ready to go, and after a thorough walk thru of my room to make sure I had gotten everything that I came with, I shoved the binders into my messenger bag.  I threw this over my shoulder, and left my room.  As I approached Tom’s room, I smiled to myself, hoping that my liaison with Richard wouldn’t take up too much time.  I was looking forward to a very hot shower, and a very hot Englishman, to cap off my amazing day.

Once down the elevator and across the lobby, I saw a portly man with messy brown hair and round spectacles standing just inside the sliding glass doors speaking to Jamie, my driver from earlier this afternoon.  It had to be Richard, even though I hadn’t even laid eyes on the man this entire event, so I took a chance and approached the two of them.

“Richard?”  I asked tentatively.  The man in question turned at my question, looking exhausted, but very happy to see me.  “I’m Rebecca Wright, Stephanie Hale and Dmitri Largo’s handler for the weekend.  I believe I have something that you need.”

Richard smiled in recognition of my name, “Ah ha!  Yes, you most certainly do.  How has everything been?  I feel terrible about not coming to introduce myself earlier but, as you can probably guess, I’ve been swamped all damned weekend.”

I laughed, “Oh, I completely understand, believe me.  I’ve got your two binders; all signed and in order, ready to go.”  I pulled out the binders, handing them off to Richards waiting hands.

“Thank you so much for these.  You know, I forgot to get these from you until I was starting to go thru paperwork of guests that have already left.  I’m just glad you were still awake.”

“Oh, no worries at all.  And yes, I was still awake.  I had just gotten back from off-site.  So no inconvenience at all.”  I said.

Richard placed the signed binders in his own messenger bag, “Listen, thank you so much for your hard work this weekend.  It was nice, for a change, not to have to worry about one of my volunteers slacking off and not doing their job.  I didn’t hear a peep out of Stephanie or Dmitri all weekend.  Did they have a good time?”

I nodded, keeping my grin as polite as I could; without trying not to look like a fiend as I thought about just exactly what all happened over the weekend.  “Oh, I think they had an amazing time.  Thank you again for having them.  And thank you for allowing me the opportunity to come take care of them.”

“No problem, I’d say you did an excellent job, even though I didn’t see any of it.  But I guess that’s the point, isn’t it?”  Richard said, winking at me.

I laughed again.  I knew this conversation was important, even though I wanted to tear ass back upstairs and get back to Tom as quick as I could, but I needed to take this time to play the polite political game that we all played in the business.  “Yes, yes, that is exactly the point.  And if you ever need me to come in for anyone else, please keep me in mind.”

“Absolutely!  I will do that.”  Richards replied.  I could feel our conversation coming to its natural end, and I was thankful.

“Was there anything else you needed from me before I head back upstairs?”  I asked, sliding my hand along the strap of my bag readjusting it on my shoulder..

“Nope, not that I can think of.  Unless you need Jamie to take you somewhere.  Were you headed on your way out?”  he asked.  

“Oh, no, that’s ok.  I’m not leaving until later this morning.  I do appreciate it though.  I hope the two of you have a good rest of your morning, and at least a few hours of sleep.”  And with a wave and a smile, I went back to the elevators and back up to the eighth floor.  I was finished with all of my convention responsibilities, and I could now focus on Tom, and our future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know...I am almost done editing and doing a bit of spit and polish on the remaining chapters. Keep an eye out for all of them in the next few days. ;)


	22. Dark Paradise, Chapter XXII

As I arrived at the eighth floor and began down the hall, I saw Luke standing outside my door.  Puzzled, and a little concerned, I quickened my pace, calling out to him quietly.  His chin rose in silent acknowledgment, watching me approach..

“I’m sorry, Rebecca, but may I have a word with you?  Preferably in your room?” he asked, looking perplexed.  This was odd and strange.  I didn’t know why he would need to speak with me, but I wasn’t in the mood to quibble.  

“Of course, is everything alright?”  I inquired politely as I fished out my hotel room key and unlocked the door.  I pushed open the door and we entered into darkness.  I switched on the lamp, placing the key on the desk and my bag at the foot of the bed.  I could feel the beginning of a confused frown, and I kept my face under control as I sat.  Why in the hell did Luke need to see me at this ungodly hour of the night?  I could only guess that it had something to do with the arrangements he had been busying himself with today on my behalf, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions.  Whatever the hell it was that Luke needed from me alone, and in the middle of the night, I certainly hoped it wouldn’t take too long.  I had a lusty and impatient Englishman waiting for me across the hall, and it had been almost an hour since I was supposed to have been naked and wet in his hotel shower.

When he entered, Luke had walked to stand in front of my window.  He was still fully dressed in his casual suit and his arms were folded behind his back.  He had to have heard my question, but he didn’t turn to acknowledge me.  It was silent, save for the whir of the air conditioner, and I was tense and pensive, wondering what he needed, and why in god’s name he didn’t just spit it out already.

“There is a difficult matter that I need to discuss with you that cannot wait.  I have something to tell you, and I need to do it with as much delicacy and tact as I can.” Luke said, never looking at me.

I frowned, despite trying to keep my face expressionless, and I remained silent, my toes digging nervously inside my shoes.  I had no idea what this could be about.  I knew it was a definite possibility that he still didn’t like me; he had given me no indication of anything other than polite indifference the entire weekend.

Luke finally turned and watched me quietly as I tried to keep my suspicions to a minimum, but it was certainly hard to do when Luke Windsor was staring you down in the darkness of the early morning hours.  Luke finally nodded to himself, his lips pressed together in a grim line.  He moved to sit in my lavender chair, and I kept my hands folded in my lap.  The silence yawned around us, unnerving me; I felt on edge, and I wished I knew what his visit was about.  But he just continued to look at me, his beautiful brown eyes boring into mine.  He blinked once, twice - taking a deep breath, breaking the spell.  “I hope you can forgive me for my bluntness, but because the hour is late, I must tell you that Tom is gone; on his way back to LA.”

I felt my heart clench with his words and the slow drip of panic began deep in my gut.  “Wh - what do you mean?” I asked.  My voice wavered, and I tried to keep it steady.  My heart had resumed its beating, albeit quite strongly and loudly against the wall of my chest.

He glanced up at me finally, his face stern and serious.  “The conference call with Louise?  It was more important than we had anticipated; his LA agents need him in person for the re-negotiation of his Marvel contract.  The draft that came in didn’t meet Tom’s updated terms, and they need to go over it with him bright and early as soon as possible.  But that is beside the point.  What I am here to tell you is that it would be in your best interest not to follow him.”

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my feet, leaving me chilled and on the verge of shaking.  This was completely unexpected and felt absolutely wrong.  Not after the last few days; not after today and this evening.  If Tom was to leave for LA unexpectedly, he would have come to find me; not scurry off in the night without a phone call or text...

“But that doesn’t make any sense!  Wh - why?  I don’t understand, he couldn't have just left to get on a plane!  He was just here - “  I started, my throat squeezing with heightening anxiety.

“The arrangements were made before the two of you returned from your...date.  Louise informed us both when we spoke with her.  I know you don’t understand, and I am sorry for this; I really am.  But, Rebecca, there is  - there is something else we need to discuss.”  I watched Luke’s eyes narrow slightly, giving him the same steely edge I noticed on his face at the private Marvel party on Thursday evening.  I could see his jaw clench, the muscles flexing as I could imagine him grinding his teeth.  He cleared his throat and continued, “After I sent the message to Louise this morning about Tom’s request to bring you to London, I went thru my work email to confirm something that has been bothering me since you and I met.  I had had my suspicions once I heard your name, but once I found what I was looking for, everything began to click into place.”

If Luke didn’t have my full attention before this point, he certainly had it now.  Confirmation of what?  Suspicions - ?  “I don’t understand - “  I started, when he held up his hand, indicating that I needed to be quiet.  I began to worry my lower lip as my quiet panic began to escalate within me.

“Rebecca Wright, known to her friends as Becca.  Volunteer guest handler from the Midwest, known reputation for becoming a little too familiar with celebrities she works with to gain their favor.  A known pariah who uses her body to manipulate and seduce unsuspecting actors to work her way up to bigger and more lucrative events.  Someone who should not be trusted to work with high profile entertainers due to her lack of professionalism and discretion.  Rumored to be an extortionist - does any of this sound familiar to you?”  Luke asked, his head cocking to the side as his dark brown eyes bored into mine.  And oh hell yes it did.  It sounded all too familiar to me.  My stomach did flip-flops as flashes of a green room bathroom, Tom’s suite, and Julie’s maniacal laughter ringing sharply in my ears.  What I thought were childish and empty threats had turned out to be very real.  Julie had found a way to contact Luke and spread the lies she herself was guilty of.  And her petty deception had followed me all the way out to Las Vegas.  

I could feel my throat constrict, and I swallowed, doing my best to get a grip.  I had to choose my next words with Luke very carefully.  I pulled myself up and became the professional I knew I had to be in this situation.  “Yes, Luke, unfortunately it does sound familiar to me.  These are all false accusations made by a former colleague of mine, who was quite hostile when she was unable to fulfill her duties when she asked to volunteer at Brian’s convention last October.  Ms. Miller made these accusations and shared them with Tom at the convention, and after Brian and I found out what she had done, the four of us talked about this, and Ms. Miller was escorted off-site.  I assure you that -”

“Please, just stop.”  Luke said, interrupting me.  I snapped my mouth shut and blinked.  I was hoping I would be allowed to get more out in regards to a better explanation, but with the look on Luke’s face, he was not buying it, and looked to be in no mood to hear anything I wanted to say in my defense.  He sat back, sliding his palms along the arms of the chair, worrying the edge of a seam with his thumb.  “Last October before Tom left for his Dark World promotional tour, I received numerous emails from Ms. Miller, explaining to me in graphic detail what had happened.  She was able to provide credible references in regards to your, shall we say, reputation.  At first I didn’t pay any attention to what this woman was referring to, but once I met you and heard your name, I followed up with her, and her references.  You’ve been a very busy lady, Ms. Wright.”  

I felt my spine go uncomfortably rigid, doing my best to control my breathing, and fighting the urge to jump up and scream, but I retained my calm.  I had to, for Tom’s sake; and my own.  It galled me to think that his first impression of me, after Stephanie had introduced the two of us, that his first instinct was to run and find out if I was this horrible person that Julie had painted for him, and not allow any of our personal interaction over the weekend, or Tom’s endorsement of me, give him any cause to question her motives.  I cleared my throat quietly, “References?  What sort of references are you implying, Luke?”  I asked.  

He stopped picking at the seam on the chair and leaned towards me, resting his elbows on his knees; almost looking chummy.  All I could think about was tearing ass out of this room and flying to LA on my own, finding Julie at whatever convention she was working at this weekend, and tearing her limb from limb.

“Ms. Miller was able to provide the names of a few associates of hers that could corroborate her story.  After I spoke with a few of them today, I had all the answers I needed.  You do understand that you and I are in an extremely awkward situation now, don’t you?  I mean, what kind of publicist would I be if I was to give my blessing to a fame-hungry stalker fan who only wanted to get close to my employer for her own agenda?  Like I told you earlier this afternoon, it is my job to protect Tom, and his image, at all costs.  Do you understand?”  Luke asked.  His face showed no emotion, only the hard edge of a man, left to do a very dirty and necessary job.

It was my turn to clench my own jaw with frustration.  Of course I remembered that brief conversation we had earlier in the day at the autograph signing.  “...as his publicist it is my duty to make sure he stays safe, and do my best to make sure that nothing tarnishes his reputation…”  I had only a few cards left in my hand, and I had to be very careful of how I played them.  I got my face under control, and looked directly into his eyes.  “Of course I see that.  And you are absolutely right.  It IS your job to protect Tom, and his reputation, at all costs.  And I completely respect that, and agree with you.  But you mean to tell me that you are taking the word of someone of whom you’ve never met, who wrote a few slanderous emails about me, and my alleged reputation, without asking Tom or I about it first?  That night, Tom and I both spoke to her, individually and together, and he knows that she was lying.  Julie is guilty of these horrible things herself; I have never done any of the things she might have said that I am guilty of.  I take my job very seriously.  If anything my reputation of professionalism precedes me!  And if you want to be fair about this, perhaps you’d consider speaking with some character references of my own.  I’m sure they’d say something quite different than what you were told by Julie and her supposed references, up to and confirming Julie and her own tarnished reputation as a handler.”  I finished my speech and mentally crossed my fingers.  Luke just kept watching me, his face betraying absolutely nothing.  He gave me no indication that anything I said had any effect one way or the other, and I waited for him to give me his verdict.  He had to see that I was correct, and that it was only fair to get the entire story, and not just rely on hearsay and false vitriol from one unhinged woman he had never met.  But I didn’t know Luke, and I had no idea how the man did his business, so I continued to wait, praying that he would be reasonable.

He smiled, his lips curling into an icy sneer and he nodded, almost laughing.  It didn’t sound pretty.  “Perhaps.  However, based on the information that I have obtained from Ms. Miller, I have been instructed by Louise that under no circumstances are you welcome to come work for Public Eye.  You see, when Ms. Miller sent the emails, Louise and every other partner in the firm was copied in every message.  So, as a precaution, and because the potential for scandal is too high, there is no way that we can have you join our firm whatsoever.  Especially if it got out who you were exactly.  You, my dear, would be a liability.  Even with the so-called love you and Tom have for one another, I have severe doubts that you could survive the backlash that Tom would receive in regards to you at his side; whether you are his handler or his lover.  And besides, the suspicion would always be there in the back of Tom’s mind, despite anything you’ve said to convince him otherwise.  Tom is such a trusting and naive soul, you know.  He falls so easily into these situations.  How else can you explain your supposed whirlwind affair?  Intimate relationship after a few days?  At a convention?  He gets so caught up in his own loneliness that he forgets the most important thing to him which is his public image.  He knows he needs to protect that; he just forgets until it’s too late.”

I glanced up at Luke, my insides boiling and heaving with anger.  For someone who knew Tom so well, he sure didn’t seem to know his employer well at all.  And as I thought about this, a snide little voice in my head reminded me that I, myself, had only known Tom for a grand total of a few days, and it was I who really didn’t know him very well.  Despite all of our intimate conversations about everything under the sun, the question remained of whether I truly knew Tom as well as I liked to think I did.  Perhaps Luke was right.  Would the suspicion of my motives always be in the back of Tom’s mind?  Because I was a fan first?  Would that stupid fact as the foundation of our relationship come into question later down the road to come and bite us in the ass?  All of my evaporated doubt began to coalesce once more, swirling like a thick black fog in my head.  I felt dizzy, and my newborn confidence in my fragile relationship with Tom shattered into tiny pieces.  Luke had succeeded in making me question myself all over again, and whether it was a good decision or not to continue with Tom.  And as I sat, wrapped up in self doubt, and my rage for Julie, I found I had no other cards to play but one.  I pulled out my phone and dialed Tom’s number.  It began to ring, and then continue to ring several times after that.  No answer.

“Rebecca, he’s not going to answer.  He’s in the air - he’s gone.”  I heard Luke say this as I heard Tom’s voicemail pick up.  I ended my call.  Annoyed that Luke guessed exactly what I was doing put of desperation embarrassed me, so I shut off my phone and bit the inside of my cheek.  

“So, what now Luke?  Tom has vanished back to LA.  You think I’m only after him to add another notch to my non-existent super special edition starfucker headboard, what now, Luke?  What do I do?  The one person I know, other than my friend Brian, has conveniently taken off in the middle of the night without a word, and I can’t even ask him to defend me against the lies that you have chosen to believe.  And it certainly sounds like you’ve made your decision, and you are outright refusing to consider my side of the story.  So, what do I do?”  I watched him, torn between wanting to scream in frustration at this stupid situation, or just chucking it all in and going home to hide under my bed.  And as I thought about it, the idea of home bloomed inside of my mind, and I felt amazingly homesick.  I wanted to run.  I wanted to get out of this room with Luke and go home to get my head together.  

Luke stood up from his chair and straightened the cuffs on his sports jacket, not looking at me.  “That, Rebecca, is entirely up to you.  I’ve told you what is and what is not going to happen on my end.  And once Tom has his business concluded in LA, I will speak with him and let him know of Public Eye’s wishes.  You, my dear, are not welcome.  Unfortunately, I will have the unhappy task of informing him that it is in his best interest not to pursue anything with you on a public level, as it is my job to do so.  Oh, he may keep in contact with you, but with his schedule filling up with new movie roles keeping him busy for the rest of the year, I’m not sure a long distance relationship will work; especially with someone with your limited income.  You wouldn’t be able to afford flying all around the world, chasing him down on his movie sets.  Tom will realize, in the end, that this is all for the best.  You’ve both had your fun, but now it’s time to pay the bill.  You’ve made this bed, Rebecca, I suggest you get comfortable and lie in it.”  And with that, Luke Windsor nodded silently, and left my room.

I sat in a blinded daze, feeling as if I had been hit with a ball-peen hammer smack between the eyes.  I had never in my life been so insulted by thoughtless ignorance, nor dismissed so cleanly.  I was not welcome, and I was not wanted; not in Tom’s real life.  Luke had also played his hand very well.  He did not tell me what I should do at all.  He left that hefty decision to me.  Clever, very clever indeed.  I could phone Stephanie and Dmitri, to tell them what had happened, and to have them go speak with Luke on my behalf, but what would it matter, in the end?  I could call Brian, even at this ungodly hour, and have him talk to Luke for me, but Brian was just a voice on the phone, and again, what would it matter?  It didn’t.  And that realization was a bitter pill I had to swallow.  Tom was gone without a word, and Luke was left to take out the trash.  

I stood up.  I couldn’t sit anymore; I had to move so I could think.  I went to my window and looked out at the Wynn, the lights twinkling as a beacon in the darkness.  I had done far too much walking and thinking and gazing out of this goddamned window at the bloody Wynn to last a lifetime, and all due to Tom.  My heart hurt so much, I felt I couldn’t speak.  I didn’t want to accept Luke’s dismissal, but it seemed I had no choice.  Luke’s words, flowing thru me like a slick blackness, took root in my heart, and I felt absolutely wretched.  What Luke said was true.  Tom was getting a lot of offers, and his fans were rabid and fiercely loyal.  I would know; I was one of them.  If it were to ever get out that he had chosen one of us above the others, especially with my alleged reputation; it had the potential to shatter and sour the rest of his blossoming career.  Even if I were to hide in plain site, I would be found out eventually, and the public relation nightmare that could validate any and all rumors; it would devastate any chance of Tom’s success.  And after promises of forever spoken in the dark, it wouldn’t be enough to hold us together in the day-to-day.  I took a deep breath and nervously twist the ring on my right thumb.

I couldn’t be here anymore; I had to run.  I wanted to damn this entire weekend straight to hell and I just wanted to disappear.  I had to do some serious soul searching and thinking of what to do next.  I willed myself not to cry.  Tom and I had fought so hard back and forth over the last few days to reach this point in our relationship, and it was all in vain, ripped away by Julie and her foul intentions.  This hurt stung deep; deeper than when Tom and I had said our goodbye’s in October.

With my guts in knots, I went to the bathroom and began to wash the make-up off my face.  I wanted no trace of this evening on me any more, and I scrubbed until my skin was shiny and pink.  I then brushed out my hair and swept it up into a clip.  After I was finished, I went back into my room, not sure what to do next.  My phone was lying on the bed with no tell tale blinking of any new messages or voicemails.  But I really couldn’t expect any.  Tom was twenty thousand feet in the air, and most likely with no wifi, so it didn’t matter.  And with that thought, the cold reality of what my next logical step would be settled uncomfortably inside me; I knew exactly what I needed to do.  

I sent a text to Richard, praying that he was still up and around, and asked him if Jamie was still available.  While I awaited his response, I unzipped my carry-on, pulling out the McQueen and the strappy sandals, shoving them into the Macy’s bag that had earlier held my new lingerie.  And, in a last minute decision, I slowly slid Tom's ring off of my hand, dropping it into the sack.  My thumb felt bare and cold with the ring’s absence, and I felt my cheeks flame with the finality of abandoning the gift.  I couldn’t have something of his on me when I went home to get my head together, and figure out what I was going to do next.  I wanted to have a clear head, and any reminder of his would do nothing but complicate my thought processes.  Yes, Luke informed me that he and Public Eye had no intention of bringing me on board, but Tom wouldn’t be up in the air and unavailable forever, and I would have to speak with him about what had happened while he was off to LA, especially the glaring fact as to why he had left with no word. I struggled with understanding exactly why he didn't phone or send a text before he left, but I didn't have the energy to continue thinking about that. After I got home and took a few weeks of hiding under my covers and trying to work out what to do; then I might have the emotional strength to think about that.  And then, we would see.  But not now; not after being on the receiving end of a verbal and emotional assault, executed swiftly and politely by Luke Windsor.  Just the thought of his name sent a thrill of panicked adrenaline thru me, and I was embarrassed and pissed off all over again.

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I swiped my screen, seeing that Richard was indeed still awake, and he had sent a message to Jamie, who would be waiting for me downstairs in the lobby in ten minutes.  The swiftness of how everything had been handled left my mind spinning.  I swallowed again, my throat was constricted, and my knees felt weak.  I sniffed, sending Richard a text of thanks.  I wiped the tears that were beginning to pool in my eyes, and I gathered my luggage, leaving my room.

As I walked down the hall, I paused outside Tom’s hotel room.  I could see a faint glow under the door.  I took a chance, swiping at my face, and knocked.  I knew Tom couldn’t be in there, but I also knew who possibly could be.  I didn’t have to wait long.  Luke answered, finally disrobed out of his stuffy casual suit, and in a t-shirt and pair of dark sweatpants.  I was a little surprised he was in Tom’s room, to be honest.  Especially dressed as if he was off to bed.  He looked harmless dressed so casually, but that didn’t belie the fact of what he had done not twenty minutes earlier in the safety and privacy of my hotel room.

Without ceremony, I thrust my Macy’s sack at Luke.  “Here.  Make sure Tom gets this.  And just so you know, it is the very expensive dress and heels Tom purchased for me earlier.  I do not want them, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to take them with me.  Despite what you think you know, I’m not a gold digger, nor am I a thief.  So - just take them.”   

He nodded gravely, taking the sack from me, and saying nothing.  I just stared at him, a myriad of emotions bubbling and forcing their way to the surface.  I still fought with myself whether Luke was telling me the truth or not, but I knew in the end, it didn’t matter.

“Luke.  Just one more thing before I leave.”  I started, keeping my voice as level as I could muster.  He watched me quietly, and I could see his body sigh, waiting in anticipation of anything and everything that could come out of my mouth.  “He may come after me, you know that, right?”  I said boldly.  I knew now that since Tom and I had gotten past all of the walls of our defense, he would stop at nothing to keep me at his side.  And once he had found out what had happened, and what Luke had told me, he would quite possibly tear the world apart to find me.  I took cold comfort in this as I watched Luke’s face for any inkling of a reaction.

After staring at me for a few moments, his face finally cracked into a begrudging smirk.  “This is true.  However, you and I both know that you will do the right thing, in the end, don’t we?”  

I grit my teeth, holding back the urge to slap his smug little pixie face.  “What I do tonight, I do for HIM; not for you.  I love him, more than you will ever know, and no matter what trumped up lies you choose to believe about me, that will never change.  But, you and I both know that Tom does what he wants.  You can’t run his life forever.  Whether you can control him, well.  I guess that is up to you.”

I tried not to shake with heartbreak and rage, and Luke continued staring at me.  He broke our eye contact briefly, glancing quickly at his bare feet and then back up at me, his face back under control, but the satisfied smile never left his eyes.  “You are a good match for him.  You aren’t good at taking a load of bullshit, are you?  Rebecca, make no mistake.  I have absolutely no doubt in your abilities as someone who could work in this field, to do what I do.  Under the circumstances though, well -”  

I could feel my eyes narrow at him.  And without another word, I turned on my heel, making my way down the hall to the elevator, denying him, and myself, the ability to say anything else on the matter.  I was finished speaking with Luke Windsor.

Once I exited the sliding glass doors of the hotel, I saw Jamie pull up in his blue Kia.  He had some very drunk celebrities in the back seat of his car, and it looked like he was doing a drop-off after a roaring good time out on the town.  I didn’t recognize anyone that piled out of his car, whooping and laughing, and generally making enough noise to wake the dead.  But once Jamie made sure they made it inside safely, after a few of them teetered about and attempted to molest one of the potted palm trees out front, he came over to me, smiling.

“Need a lift?”  he asked.

“Yes, can you please take me to the airport?”  My voice cracked on the words, and he nodded, going to the trunk and loading my carry-on and messenger bag inside.  I got in the front seat, not knowing exactly the state the back seat might have been in after that rowdy crowd, and clicked into my seat belt.  Jamie got in shortly after, starting his car.  I stared up at the hotel as his Kia pulled away, placing my hand on the cool glass of the window as it quickly fell in the distance behind me.


	23. Dark Paradise, Chapter XXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for Chapter 23:
> 
> 27 – Florence + The Machine – Cosmic Love - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EIeUlvHAiM  
> 28 – Jozef Van Wissem – In Templum Dei - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHy_AsV7UQ8  
> 29 – Van Morrison – Into The Mystic - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0DJ8hWgNes  
> 30 – Al Green – Let’s Stay Together - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COiIC3A0ROM  
> 31 – Elton John – Your Song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13GD78Bmo8s

The next few hours went by in a red hot blur.  Jamie got me dropped at McCarran Airport without any questions or fuss.  I got my original return flight changed, and I was able to board soon after. As I got my bags stowed away and secured my seat belt, I shoved my earbuds into my ears with shaking hands and curled up against the wall of the fuselage, burrowing deep into my plain black hoodie and drowning out the world.  I closed my eyes, feeling the vibration of the pre-flight checks, and the deep black pit that had recently formed in my gut beginning to spread and overwhelm me.  I had thought, only a few hours before this moment, the next time I’d be on a plane, I would be at Tom’s side, on our way to LA.  But now, after hard truth and learning that there was no way in hell Luke would allow me to come along, here I was, running back home in the early morning hours.  I could feel a sick chill begin to sink heavy into my bones, and I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying my best to shrink away into nothing.  I hated myself and everyone else at the moment, and I wished very much I had never answered my phone on the that long ago October day.  If I hadn’t, I would never have met Tom, never would have fallen in love with him, and never would have gone thru any of this shattering torment.  I’d be home, happily and ignorantly scrolling away on my dash, and pretending that there would be a chance of meeting my favorite British actor.  Fate, it seemed, thought it was much more fun to allow the lowly house servant to attend the big ball at the castle, and now it was time to pay the price.  There is no such thing as a happily ever after; fairy tales are for children, and Tom and I were definitely not children. As I turned up the volume of a Florence + The Machine tune as loud as I could stand, I felt the gentle hand of the flight attendant on my shoulder, asking me silently to put away my MP3 player.  I nodded weakly, shutting it off and shoving it into the pocket of my hoodie.  As she made her way down the aisle to other passengers, I pulled my hood farther over my head, and the let beginning of bitter tears roll down my cheeks.

After a few hours of sleeping fitfully on the flight to Denver, I made my way thru the exit into the airport.  I slept poorly, and felt completely disoriented.  I fumbled in my messenger bag, locating my crumpled boarding pass, and double checking the gate of my connecting flight home. As I looked over the flight board, I noticed many of the flights being delayed or outright canceled.  I found mine and saw that it too, was delayed.  I pulled my head together, finally noticing the bulging human traffic swarming around me, and of the weary travelers who were all slumped in their seats with looks of exhausted resignation.  I moved away from the flight board and found a bit of unoccupied wall, and slid my phone out of my bag.  Checking the weather, I saw that Denver had issued a winter storm warning, and the snow storm was developing and moving in the direction of where I lived.  This was the cherry on the top of my day, and I rearranged my messenger bag over my shoulder, and dragged my carry-on behind me to the gate of my connecting flight, joining the rest of the travelers as we waited for the storm to clear.  At this rate, and at the slow movement of the storm, I had no idea when I would ever get back home.  I very much wanted to be home and in my bed.  I found one unoccupied chair at the end of a row furthest from the gate counter, and I shoved my carry-on under my seat, and pushed my earbuds back into my ears, pulling my hood back over my head.  I turned on my MP3 player, and closed my eyes, being met with In Templum Dei, and I took a shaky breath, letting the chords wash over me.

After many hours stuck in Denver, I arrived at my home airport just before ten pm and I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically.  I didn’t want to dwell on what had happened over the weekend, up to and including Luke’s whiz bang finale, and all I wanted was my bed and a few years of sleep.  After spending the majority of the day slumped in a hard unforgiving plastic chair, waiting for the weather to clear enough for my connecting flight to take off; my back hurt, my soul hurt, and my heart ached beyond belief.  But, as I sat in the waiting area with all of the other weary passengers, waiting for the snow to let up enough so we could take off, I choked away my tears, and swallowed all of my regrets.  There was nothing that could be done, and nothing else I could say, or do, to fix anything.  Having nothing to do while waiting over nine hours for a flight home, I played more 2048 on my phone than I cared to admit.  As I waited, I received no texts or emails from Stephanie, asking where I was or what I was doing, or why I had disappeared in the middle of the night.  And no calls or messages from Tom.  I didn’t have the strength to phone him in the middle of a bustling airport, asking for answers.  He was most likely wrapped up in his renegotiation’s, or perhaps Luke had flown out and explained that the “help” had finally gone home, and he was not to contact me.  I had no idea, but the silence bugged me, but I couldn’t let it get to me.  I didn’t have it in me to talk to anyone about anything.  I supposed it was for the best.

The weather wasn’t as bad at home as it was in Denver.  The freak spring snowstorm was dropping large flakes, but the ground was too warm for any of the snow to stick and cause any major travel problems.  I meandered aimlessly thru the bustling airport, walking like a zombie, dragging my hastily packed carry-on behind me, and I hailed a cab to take me home as I got outside to the curb.  As I got in and gave the driver my address, I stared blindly out of my window, watching the familiar sights of home flash by me unseen.  All I could see were flashes of Tom’s face over the weekend.  My heart squeezed tight in my chest once more, and I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead on the cold glass of the cab window.  Did he miss me? Did he even know I had gone on home? Was he so busy that he didn't even think to message me? Did I even matter to him, in the end? I didn't have these answers, and I fervently wished Tom would just come find me and make things right. But I knew that was impossible, not in the real world. The real world held meetings, responsibilities, and publicist's who had to meddle in the lives of their talent. I pushed my dreary thoughts of Luke away from me; I had given that man way too much thought, and he had completely worn me out.

The drive wasn’t long, and as I opened my eyes, we were pulling onto the street of my parents house.  I looked up at the old turn of the century refurbished four-square that had originally belonged to my grandparents, and I smiled sadly.  I was home, and soon I would be buried deep under my covers, shutting out the world, and disappearing for a while from this horrible situation.

I handed the driver his fare, tipping him well, and pulling myself wearily out of the cab.  The car drove off into the night, and I stood in front of my parents house with the snow falling silently around me.  The yard was covered in a thin blanket of white, and the street lights danced on the flakes, making them sparkle cheerfully.  But I wasn’t in a generous mood about the beauty of the snow.  I wanted to get inside and forget this weekend ever happened.  I pulled my carry-on up the walk and lifted it up the steps onto my parents porch.  I could faintly smell someone’s fireplace in the distance, and I smiled weakly, hoping that whomever had decided to light their last fire of the year, that they were enjoying it with someone they loved.  I set my luggage next to the front door, and dug around in my messenger bag for my house keys.

As I closed the front door behind me, struggling with my luggage, I froze.  I could hear a small fire crackling in my parents fireplace in the living room, the dining room light glowed in the distance, and the light from the kitchen blazed down the short hall into the darkness of my parents house.  The smell of garlic and earthy tomato sauce wafted thru the rooms, and I could hear that my father’s sound system had been turned on in his den; a classic Van Morrison tune was playing thru the house.  My mind began to immediately calculate what day it was, and the last I knew, my parents wouldn’t be home until late Monday or Tuesday.  It was possible they could have come home early, due to the weather or what not, but still, someone was in my house cooking, and had turned on my father’s stereo.  But, just in case it wasn’t them, I walked in as quietly as I could, lifting my carry-on and placing it next to the entryway of the living room.  I didn’t see any movement, but I kept my eyes fixed on the hallway leading to the kitchen as I rummaged in my bag for my phone and positioning my keys in my fist to punch someone senseless if necessary.  I crept softly down the hall, giving quick and furtive glances into my father’s den to my left, and to the living room on my right.  Both rooms were indeed empty, save for the fire that crackled away in the fireplace.  I continued my silent trek towards the kitchen, quickly eyeballing the stairs leading up to the bedrooms.  The stairwell was dark, and I saw no sign of movement there either.  I swallowed nervously, my heart pounding loudly in my chest, moving closer to the kitchen.  It could very well be my mother in there, making dinner, but she didn’t usually cook anything right after getting home from a long trip.  I also did not hear my father pittering about, muttering to himself as he sift thru the stacks of mail that would have arrived in their absence.  My house was quiet, save for the music.  I crept down the hall that lead into the kitchen, and I peeked slowly around the corner to see if I could see anyone that didn’t belong there.

Standing at the stove, stirring bubbling tomato sauce in one of my mother’s pans, was Tom.  I felt all of the blood drain from my face as a shot of excited and panicked adrenaline raced thru me, watching him casually cooking at my mother’s stove, as if he belonged there.  He was in a soft lightweight grey sweater, dark jeans, and his trainers. He was comically wearing one of my mother’s white aprons, and looking down intently at the simmering sauce in front of him.  My arm fell to my side as I began to shake in earnest, and I felt my house keys slip from my numb hand, clattering loudly to the floor.  Tom glanced up at me with wide and startled blue eyes, and he stopped stirring, an immediate and heartbreaking smile erupting on his face.

“Boo,” he said, quietly.  

I felt all of the air rush out of my body as my body turned to jelly; silently weeping with exhaustion, ugly laughter, and utter relief.  

He let loose his wooden spoon and walked quickly over to me, pulling me into his arms.  “I’m glad you finally made it, I was worried about you flying in this weather, I’m relieved to see you made it home safe,” he said to the top of my head.  I wrapped my wobbly arms around his waist, his spicy and clean scent enveloping me, mingling with the homely smells of his cooking.  Tom came for me.  Tom somehow found out what had happened and came to find me.  I was astounded that Tom was in my kitchen, in my house, and cooking what smelled like spaghetti.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream at the situation, so I decided to just stand there awkwardly with him in the entryway of the kitchen.

After a few moments, Tom finally pulled away from me and brought his warm hands to my chilled cheeks.  “How was your flight?  Did you have to wait -”

“Tom, what in god’s name are you doing in my house?!  You are supposed to be in LA!  I – I don’t understand, what are you doing here?!”  I asked, my voice cracking from misuse as it rose with my question.  I could feel my eyes going quite wide and my shaking began to ebb into a quiet tremble.  

He grinned mischievously at me, placed a small warm kiss on my forehead, and went back to my mother’s stove to check on the meal he was preparing.  Watching him in this domestic setting, preparing a simple meal in my mother’s kitchen was surreal, and I wasn’t sure what to think about this.  How did he get in my house?  He sure as hell didn’t kick the door in - when the hell did he get here?  Who let him in?  Did he break in like some common criminal?  And why wasn’t he in fucking LA?  All of these questions swirled in my head, and I felt dizzy.

Tom flipped off the burner, picking up two of my mother’s flowered pot holders and grabbing the huge bubbling stock pot off the stove.  He walked it over to the sink to drain the pasta.  “Why don’t you go get cleaned up, dinner is almost ready,” he said over his shoulder at me.

“No.  This isn’t happening.  You should not BE here - “  I began, finding my voice somewhere amidst all of the confusion I felt.  He set the now empty pot on the counter next to the sink and turned, tossing the pot holders into the drawer and walking over to me.

“Yes - yes I should.  Now, no more questions.  Your answers are coming - “

“Tom, I want my answers now.  You have no idea the amount of bullshit I’ve been thru since you left my room this morning; I need answers from you, and I need them now,”  I interrupted him; the edge to my voice surprising me.  I was exhausted, in more ways than one, and I pulled up the last of my emotional reserves to try to find out why he was in my house after what Luke had told me.

He watched me warily, his jaw clenching and unclenching, but his eyes were soft and held no malice or hurt.  This confused me even more.  I watched his hands move up to my shoulders out of the corner of my eye, hesitantly at first, but then his warm fingers curled gently around my arms, rubbing them up and down slowly.

“I know, my love, I know.  Please.  Just - just allow me to explain everything after you get settled, alright?  You sound exhausted and starving.  Just, please, let’s get some food in you before I explain, ok?”  he asked, his right eyebrow rising, again with the kicked puppy routine.  

I looked up at the ceiling of the kitchen, not knowing what to say.  But he was absolutely right.  The emotional roller coaster I had been on the entire day had worn me down to a frustrated and tender nub, and I needed to take his advice if I wanted to know the truth.  I nodded finally, taking a deep breath and left, blinking away my tears of exhaustion, frustration, and disbelief.  I walked back down the hall to the living room, grabbing my luggage, and hauling it up to my room.  

As I got up the stairs, I noticed my bedroom door was ajar, and I pushed it open, seeing that there was a familiar large black carry-on, a leather messenger bag, and his horrible black quilted coat sitting next to it.  So, he had found my room.  I snorted, not really believing any of this was happening, and I pulled my suitcase over next to his and set my bag on top.  I sat on my bed, removing my hair clip and running my fingers thru my hair, scrubbing my scalp briskly.  I was still in shock that Tom had followed me.  A part of me was devilishly pleased and thrilled beyond belief that he had found me.  So unlike October when I came home to an empty apartment, filled with smoky black pain and regret.  And the fact that he was in my kitchen, and not in LA at his contract renegotiation’s, spoke volumes.  I took a deep breath, and tried to smile. I swept my hair back up into its clip and as I got up to leave, I accidentally bumped into my desk for the millionth time since moving back home, making my monitor spring to life, showing me the photo of Tom and I crossing the street at Brian’s event in October on my desktop.  Wearily, I switched my monitor off, rubbing my thigh where I knew a glorious bruise would soon begin to bloom, and went to the upstairs bathroom to wash my hands and face for dinner.

I exited the bathroom after using the facilities, trying my best not to get too excited that Tom was in my house.  Leaving with no word to me, in the middle of the night, and after his publicist had delivered the news of my rejection; it made absolutely no sense why he was here, and I was both anxious and suspicious to hear his story.  I reached the bottom of the stairs and began heading towards the kitchen, but stopped as I heard a whispered, “Hey” come from the dining room.  Tom had dimmed the lights on our modest chandelier, and had set the dining table with one of my grandmother’s white linen embroidered table cloths, two place settings out of my mother’s china cabinet, which included both water and wine glasses, a few taper candles, and a small, yet cheerful, bouquet of white daisies in one of my grandmother’s fat-bottomed vases.  He was standing next to one of the place settings, flicking his wrist to extinguish the match he used to light the candles, and smiling at me over the glowing flame.

“Hungry?” he asked, and I inhaled sharply, biting my lower lip.  Goddammit, he was beautiful in the candlelight, and in my exhaustion, I could think of nothing better than curling up with him on the hard wood dining room floor and falling fast asleep.  He set the still smoking, yet extinguished match on a small plate next to one of the candles and pulled out the chair nearest to him.  Holding onto the back with one hand, and crooking his finger at me, he beckoned me to come and sit.  I closed my eyes briefly and clenched my jaw.  I was too exhausted to argue with the man.  I walked around the table and sat heavily in the chair, and Tom moved behind me, but not without dragging his fingertips slowly along the back of my shoulders.  His touch shot straight down into my stomach, and I shivered involuntarily as I watched him leave the dining room, grinning at me over devilishly his shoulder.  I felt tense and uneasy, and he just kept smiling at me, as if absolutely nothing horrible had happened to us in the last seventeen hours.  

Tom returned, carrying two plates filled with naked and steaming spaghetti noodles.  He removed the homely container of parmesan cheese that he had tucked under his chin, and placed this between the two plates.  I watched him warily as he left again, and returned with the pan of rich tomato meat sauce, and another plate with sliced and buttery garlic bread.  After the table was filled with our meal, he grabbed my plate and scooped a few spoonfuls of the sauce onto the noodles.  Watching him serve me out of the corner of my eye, I was torn between getting up and hiding in my room, and wanting to scream.  After the second spoonful, and a potential third, I put up my hand to indicate that was plenty, and he set my plate back in front of me, and then proceeded to load a hefty portion of sauce onto his own.  I watched him covertly, slowly pulling one of my grandmother’s snowy white linen napkins from under my fork and knife, and placing this on my lap.  Tom began to pull his napkin as well, but stopped abruptly and hopped back up, disappearing back towards the kitchen.  I looked down at my spaghetti, feeling tired and agitated, and I fought against the fatigue of the last seventeen hours.  I wanted answers from him, but I also wanted very much to not talk at all, and curl up with him in front of the fire in my living room as he held me and I drifted off to sleep.  I shook my head, clearing it of that heady visual, and feeling a sudden stab of deep sorrow.  I couldn’t think about that now.  I had to find out why he was here, especially after his sudden emergency trip back to LA and all of the rotten things Luke had said to me.

Tom sauntered back into the dining room, sans white apron, holding a bottle of wine, and a carafe of ice water.  He poured our waters, and then dark red wine into each of our glasses before sitting down once more.  He acted as if we were playing house; he was the dutiful house-husband after I had returned home from a hard days work, and not acting at all as if he had made an immediate disappearance in the wee hours of this morning from his hotel room, bound for LA and mysterious Marvel meetings.  I kept watching him as he looked over at me, placing his napkin in his lap finally, giving me one of his heartbreaking smiles.  He reached for the parmesan cheese, popping the lid open with his thumb, and handing it to me.  “Cheese?” he asked.  

I felt like I couldn’t take this tedious dance anymore.  I turned to face him, my balled up fist coming down hard on the linen covered table..  “Enough! Tom, for fuck’s sake, what are you doing here!?  You are supposed to be in fucking LA futzing with some bloody Marvel contracts!  I don't understand, Luke told me - ”  My voice trailed off as his smile deepened as I spoke and he shook his head, not at all phased with my weak assault on my grandmother’s dining room table.  He placed the parmesan back on the table and sat back in his chair, reaching for his glass of dark red wine.  His fingers slid under the bowl of the glass and he brought it to his lips, taking a small sip.  I could hear the music from my father’s den, this time an old Al Green tune was playing.  Tom must have heard the melody, and he chuckled quietly to himself, placing the wine glass back on the table, his eyes narrowing at me.

“I will regale you with my adventure if you promise to eat as I tell it,” he said, giving me a look that he would brook no further arguments.  I kept watching him, silently, and he continued staring at me, his right brow raising upwards slowly, his mouth puckering as if trying not to smile.  Defeated, I reached tentatively for the cheese and sprinkled a heavy portion onto my saucy noodles.  I finished, scooting the container back towards him, and I nodded, encouraging him to begin.  Tom smiled finally, taking a deep breath, and reaching for his fork and stirring his noodles together to mix it with the hefty portion of sauce.  I reached for my own fork and did the same, waiting.

After a few silent and tense minutes, along with a few bites for each of us, he finally began.  “After I left you to pack, I went to my phone meeting with Louise.  She and I spoke and I told her what she needed to know, and we were finished within five minutes.  I did get your message about meeting with Richard, by the way.  I’m sorry I didn’t respond.  Perhaps in hindsight I should have, but that’s neither here nor there.  Anyway,  Luke left and I got changed into something more comfortable.  When I finished, my stomach was growling a bit and I got the idea to go up to the con suite to see what I could find.  I don’t know about you, but I had worked up quite the appetite on that dance floor with you,” he said, separating a few strands of his noodles, and beginning to twirl the spaghetti onto his fork.  The colorful images of our last night together flashed fresh and raw in my mind.  Watching him as I placed my own forkful into my mouth, I felt the pang of regret sitting like a slimy toad in the pit of my stomach, making my appetite threaten to flee.  I chewed tentatively as he cut his eyes at me, and continued, “I got my shoes on and was on my way out when I met Luke coming back in thru my door.” 

I choked on my noodles.  Hearing Luke’s name, in tandem of Tom's side of my earlier nightmare, sent my stomach in an upheaval, and left a bad taste in my mouth.  I felt I couldn’t continue eating.  I reached for my water glass and took a strained sip, my eyes cast down and not meeting his.  Tom had gone quiet, and as I sneaked a look at him, I noticed he was chewing, his face placid, showing no sign of anger or hurt.  He swallowed, and went on, “I told him where I was off to, and asked him to let you in when you arrived.  So, off I went. Once there I gathered some sandwiches and a bottle of wine.  I also found an unopened bag of chips, a vegetable plate, and a handful of cookies.  Anyway, one of the attendants noticed my load getting heavier and heavier as I kept finding little nibbly bits to take back down, so she went in search of a sack for me to carry everything down.  Waiting on her took a bit, maybe five or ten minutes?  I’m not really sure how long it took; I didn’t have my phone on me and I forgot to put my watch back on.  Well, when I was on my way back down, I ran into Steph outside the elevators.  We talked for a while, and I properly thanked her for her little scheme to get you to Las Vegas.  I’m not sure how long we chatted; I think I was up there for quite some time.  She told me when her flight was back to LA with Dmitri, and we made dinner plans for Monday night, for the four of us, as a thank you from me to her.  After we said our good night’s, I came back to the room and you still hadn’t arrived.” 

I took a deep breath, biting my lower lip hard.  Knowing the reason why he hadn’t answered his phone when I tried to call him and hearing about the plans he had made with our friends, broke my already shattered heart all over again.  The tears wanted to come, but I couldn’t allow them, not now, not in front of him.  I had to listen to what he had to say.  I curled an escaped lock of hair around my ear and looked up at him again.

“So, you were up talking away with Steph, holding a sack full of food from a midnight raid of the con suite?  And there was no emergency trip back to LA in the middle of the night for you then?”  I asked, my voice gravely and cracking with misuse.

Tom’s eyes darted quickly to me, flashing with briefly with anger, and then softening again.  “No.  No, there wasn’t.  Once I got back to the room, I noticed you still weren’t there, even after me being gone for such a long time.  So, after I unloaded our bounty, I went across the hall to see if you were alright and what the delay was.  I thought perhaps you were still waiting on Richard, but when I went over and knocked, there was no answer.  As I was headed back to my room, I saw Luke come out of the elevator.  He had changed his clothes, and looked like he was headed to bed, which I thought was odd with him running around the hotel in his flannels. Anyhow, I waited for him and asked if he had seen you, and he said yes.  We went inside, he sat me down, and told me that you had decided to leave.”

I felt my body go completely still.  That rat fink liar.  Luke must have concocted the sudden emergency trip just to prey on my insecurities to get me to leave.  But for what reason?  He couldn’t have known about the trouble we had had with Julie unless she had reached out to him, which she obviously had.  And how would he have guessed that that would be the trigger to get me to leave?  I couldn’t remember recalling if Tom, or he, had mentioned hearing Tom’s side of the situation at all.  My god, he had mentioned references, who else had he spoken to?  Everything he said certainly seemed credible, but why?  I was confusing myself, trying to work out just how Luke could have known any of what had happened, and had chosen to use it against me, or why he would.  I stopped thinking about it; I had to hear the rest of what Tom had to say.  Perhaps he would have the answers I needed.  I remained silent as he went on.

“Needless to say I was alarmed.  I went back across the hall to your room and used the extra key card. I went in and all of your things were packed and gone.  I asked Luke if he saw you leave, and he said yes he had.  He told me that he was in the lobby, and had watched you get into a blue car and drive away.  I went back to my room and Luke followed me, telling me that you had come to realize that you couldn’t be with me, based on what you had done in the past, and you didn’t want me to get hurt.  I asked him why he didn’t come find me so that I could talk to you, and he never answered that question; just reiterated that it was your decision.  And as he spoke, I realized for the first time in our professional relationship, that he was lying.”  This last statement startled me, and I felt my eyes widen.  Tom stirred a few noodles around his plate, frowning briefly as he inhaled sharply thru his nostrils.  I set my fork down on my plate, any semblance of an appetite had completely vanished.  I couldn’t believe he had seen thru Luke’s subterfuge, and I was secretly pleased that he had.  Tom hadn’t gone anywhere, but Luke had desperately wanted me out of the way, so much so that he fabricated a malicious story, forcing me to turn my back on the man I loved.  I had no idea why still, but I was sure as hell interested to find out the reason.  I tried my best to stomp on the tiny flicker of hope that lit within me, and I folded my moist and shaky hands in my lap.  Tom took another bite and was silent for a moment, taking a long swallow of his wine to clear his mouth.  “So, I asked him point blank where the hell you were and he tried to deter me from the truth, but in the end, he admitted to me what he had done.  He told me about what that slag Julie had said in her emails, and I informed him that it was all fabricated bullshit, and that he should have known better to ask me first before going off half-cocked.  He said that when she emailed him, he contacted Brian and got confirmation of the truth. He also knew that you and I were not in contact with one another, so he forgot about what Julie had said. But when Steph introduced the two of you on Thursday, he put two and two together. And when I told him I would be bringing you home with me, he felt that any whiff of scandal would be too devastating if Public Eye was to hire you, or if you were seen in public on my arm.  I informed him that he was full of shit, and he needed to stay the hell out of my private life.  By the way, you really should eat, I know you must be starving,” he said, topping off more wine in his glass.  I didn’t know if I could eat, but I hadn’t had much throughout the day, and, as if on cue, my stomach grumbled quietly, demanding sustenance.  Tom’s right eyebrow raised, having heard my stomach, and I looked down at my plate, taking up my fork, and twirling a few noodles on my fork as Elton John crooned softly in the background.  I took a bite and chewed, listening to him go on.  

“I packed my things with Luke behind me.  We, uh - well.  Let’s just say we did not see eye to eye on the situation, and I had to inform him over and over that you and I were none of his fucking business, and I had to remind him that I was, in fact, his employer, and that I would do as I pleased.  It was not an easy conversation, and one I never thought I would never have with him.  He is more to me than just my publicist; he is my friend.  I know he may have thought he had good intentions, but he definitely crossed a line, and he won’t be crossing it again, ever.” Tom said this with absolute conviction, but his voice was tinged peripherally with pain, and it hurt me that I was the cause of trouble between the two of them.  Well, not me directly; Julie had a pretty hand in this nightmare, and Luke had used this to get rid of me, to save Tom and any hint of impropriety. He cleared his throat forcefully, and finished the rest of his meal, finally sitting back in his chair with his glass of wine resting in his hand near his lap.  I continued to eat, distancing myself from the situation long enough to get the simple meal of spaghetti into me after a hasty and untasted meal of Frito’s and a Snicker’s bar in the late afternoon of the Denver airport.

Tom sighed deeply, and then went on with his story.  “Well, after I got packed up, I hailed a cab to the airport.  When I arrived, you were no where to be found after having you paged, so I booked a flight to follow you after calling up your home address on my phone.” He glanced up at me, and I swallowed my last bite, feeling a flush race up my neck.  Tom had my home address in his phone, but how did he - ?  Oh lord, of course.  The package I had sent after our first convention had my return address on it.  And he had to have saved it.

Tom sipped at his wine, smiling secretly to himself.  “I suppose it was a blessing that I missed you; the flight I booked routed me thru Houston and not thru Denver, and the snowstorm was no where near where I was flying thru.  So, I arrived here around three, and immediately took a cab to see if you had arrived home.” 

Oh lord, he had been here most of the day!  How the hell did he get in?  Christ, he really must have broken in like a common criminal.  Immediately I wondered if I had left a back door unlocked, but I knew I hadn’t.  He went on, “When I got here and knocked on the door, there was no answer.  I went around the house, peering into some of the windows, but saw that it was still dark inside, so I thought you were either trying to ignore me, or you hadn’t made it home yet.  By the way, Mrs. Mackenzie is an absolutely delightful woman,” Tom said, winking at me as he grinned and finished off his wine.  My eyes widened again at this, and I closed them slowly, feeling my stomach do flip flops.  Mrs. Mackenzie had a key to the house.  Oh for chrissakes, of course...

I cleared my throat.  “Mrs. Mackenzie.  How did you happen to meet Mrs. Mackenzie?” I asked, reaching for my wine, despite my inner protestations.  Screw it, I needed a drink.

Tom chuckled to himself, filling the remainder of the bottle of wine into his glass and cutting his eyes at me.  “She was outside covering her flowers for the impending snow storm.  She saw me knocking on the door and lurking about on the property, and came over to inquire who I was and what I wanted.  So, being the well-mannered and proper half-Scottish lad that I am, I introduced myself, and she and I had a wee chat.” Tom finished this last of his sentence in a thick Scottish burr, and I inhaled sharply, trying not to let the surprisingly sudden and immediate fangirl moan escape, hearing him slip casually into his Scottish heritage.  He continued, “After hearing my accent, she seemed intrigued and delighted to find a proper kinsman so far from home, albeit traipsing around like a criminal around her neighbor’s home.  Seems she grew up in Inverness, so I shared that my father hailed from Greenock, and we spent a few good moments chatting about the Auld Country and ribbing each other in regards to Lowlanders versus Highlanders.  She is quite spirited once you get her going,” he winked at me again, and I smiled shyly despite myself.  Spirited wouldn’t be the word I’d use for Mrs. Mackenzie, but I was sure having the chance to speak with a fellow countryman after such a long time, along with Tom’s undeniable charm, Mrs. Mackenzie most likely fell completely under the Hiddles Spell, and I laughed quietly despite myself.  

“Are you all finished?” Tom asked, seeing that I had finally cleared my plate.  I nodded.  The few sips of wine from dinner, combined with my exhaustion, were making my limbs warm and my joints like jelly.  Tom set down his glass and rose, gathering our plates and taking them to the kitchen.  I stood up, taking the remainder of the serving dishes to the kitchen as well.  Tom was rinsing off the plates in the sink, and he took the saucepan from me, shooing me out of the kitchen.  “Go and sit;  I’ll continue my story once I’m finished here,” he said, smiling at me once more, and banishing me to the living room.  I left, taking a detour to the dining room, stealing a small remaining piece of buttery garlic bread, and carrying my wine to the living room, munching on my small slice of crusty bread.

The fire had died down a bit, and I set my glass on the coffee table in front of the couch, and poked a few smaller pieces of wood onto the fire, stoking it back up into a cheery blaze.  The yellow light from the flames danced on the walls of the darkened room, and I sank into my plush couch, resting my feet on the edge of the coffee table, both of my hands wrapped around the bowl of my wine glass, and finishing my last bite of the bread.  I stared into the flames, thinking about Tom’s story so far, and I was both surprised and relieved.  I had hoped and wished beyond all wishes that he would come after me, and he did.  It hurt that he and Luke had quarreled over me, but Luke had Tom’s best interest at heart, and I guess I couldn’t blame him for that.  Luke was his friend, and he wanted only the best for him.  Luke didn’t know me; he had no idea how much Tom loved me, or cared about me.  In his own words, I was just some stalker fan, who had gotten the opportunity of getting a little too close to his employer.  I couldn’t fault him for thinking that he was only doing his job. And I was relieved that he did, in fact, know the truth of that weekend.  I was also pleased that Luke wasn’t as stupid as I took him for; he did reach out to Brian to get the truth; he just twisted it for his own strange reasons.  The events of the early morning hours still stung like hell.  And everything he had told me rang with the truth; Tom and I really shouldn’t be together, it just would not work.  Despite how much I loved him, and how much Tom loved me, it was career suicide to be with someone of my stature.  If it ever got out who I was and what I was, it would devastate his fans, and the backlash would be monumental.  Tom was not an A-lister yet, and for him to make a decision to be with some crazy American fan, whom he had met at a convention, who was nothing more than a frothing fangirl, it would destroy his reputation, and I couldn’t have that.  I loved him too much to see his star burn out and disappear over me.  It killed me inside, but I couldn’t have this be about me.  I had to do this for him.


	24. Dark Paradise, Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for the last chapter of Dark Paradise:
> 
> 32 – John Lennon – Woman - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-x1FsvOAz4  
> 33 – Denise Lasalle – Trapped By A Thing Called Love - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7qvvJWkUXk  
> 34 – The Beatles – Norwegian Wood - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvTnX-KzmTY  
> 35 - Stevie Wonder – I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0Y9P45XYUc
> 
> A/N: So, late in 2012, I read a prompt over on tumblr on THF, to write a story about Tom falling in love with his assistant. I have no idea who made the prompt, but it was enough for me to put fingers to keyboard, and write out a story that I wanted to tell. Being someone who has worked at conventions of all kinds; from volunteering, all the way up to running and being in charge of a few, I felt I was able to take that prompt and turn it into something that I could be proud of. I hadn't written anything since I was in high school, and that was EONS ago. Getting married and having children and going thru a chaotic life had me in a creative rut. But, as we all know, Tom inspires people to do things they either thought they couldn't do, or allow them the hope to give themselves permission to do something they've always wanted to do, but were afraid to do it. I've always wanted to be a writer, and even though it's RPF, this little story has given me so much to be thankful for, and I can feel absolutely no shame in that. :) I am now a full time college student, after being away for over two decades, a new best friend, and a career path that I've always wanted. If I could thank each of you personally, I would hug you and probably cry, then ask which part was your favorite. ;) THANK YOU to all of you that stuck it thru to the end of this silly tale. Your words of encouragement kept me buoyed, even when I wanted to chuck it all in and forget this story. But you helped push me to get it to completion, and for that, I will forever be grateful. If you want to come follow me on tumblr, my URL is in my profile. And PLEASE drop me a line and say hi! I want to chat with each of you, and get your take on this madness I've unleashed onto the world. :P Thank ALL of you again, and I'll be seeing you. ;)

I heard Tom walking into the living room as an old John Lennon song began playing, and I smiled wistfully to myself.  Tom must have been the one who turned on my father’s music as he, apparently, had pittered around in my house for hours on end, finding my father’s taste to be something he enjoyed.  He came to sit next to me, setting his glass on the coffee table in front of us, and sank back into the couch, turning towards me with his arm draped along the back.  My head swiveled, levelly him with a non-committal look, and he grinned at me.

“Ok, so after you charmed and dazzled Mrs. Mackenzie, did she invite you in for tea and biscuits, or did you just chat her up over her sheet covered flowers all afternoon?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even and emotionless.

Tom threw his head back and laughed, scooting about on the couch so his back was against the arm.  “Why, yes, yes she did.  She invited me in for a cup of tea, and I explained to her exactly who I was and what I was doing here, and inquired if she had seen you today.  She informed me that no, she had not seen you, but was expecting you.  And after a few Hobnob’s and some proper Earl Grey, she agreed to give me access to your house so I could wait for you out of the cold and the impending doom of the oncoming storm.” 

I didn’t know if I should be annoyed with Mrs. Mackenzie or not, but I decided that was absolutely pointless.  Tom was obviously not a crazed ax murder, even though he was quite talented at playing a psychopath.  Mrs. Mackenzie must have concluded that he was mostly harmless, and obviously knew me quite well, so she had decided it was safe enough to give him the key to my parent’s house.  I shook my head and sipped at my wine, the tart sweetness swirling on my tongue and making my head swim with dangerous possibility.

“Once I got inside, she showed me around to let me know where everything was, and after I unloaded my luggage, she also very generously, after a scan of the meager contents of your refrigerator, carted me off with her to the market for some grocery shopping for supper,” he said, his eyes twinkling in the firelight.

I laughed despite myself, shaking my head.  My god.  Tom’s story was becoming ridiculous and unbelievable.  Tom had spent his afternoon with my elderly Scottish neighbor, tutting around my local market, while I was trapped in Denver, waiting out the snowstorm, feeling wretched.  I was stunned.

“And, after she had deemed me worthy of being able to work a stove on my own without burning the house down, and that I wouldn’t make off with the family silver; she left me to my own devices, and I got on the computer for some detective work.  I hope you don’t mind, but I used the one in your room,” he said, cutting his eyes at me with a knowing look.

My head snapped up out of its wine haze at this, knowing he had to have seen my desktop photos.  I felt my lips part in surprise, and I immediately snapped my mouth shut, blinking at him in embarrassed silence.  His eyes smoldered as a cheeky grin bloomed slowly over his face.  He glanced away finally, almost bashfully, and then back at me, biting his lower lip.  “Why didn’t you tell me there were photos of us together from that convention?” he asked quietly.  

Tom’s question startled me, along with his discovery of them on my computer.  It didn’t bother me that he used my computer, but knowing that he saw our photos - photos of the two of us at the beginning of all of this madness - secretly pleased me, and also made me feel guilty that I hadn’t shared them with him.  I shrugged, feeling my brows wrinkling and my eyes misting over.  “I - when I received them, it didn’t occur to me to forward them.  I - I didn’t know if you’d want to see them.” I knew my answer was lame, after all of this.  And I felt myself failing at my original plan of pushing him away and out of my life.  But being near him, being with him, any thought of separating myself from him just flew out the window, as did all logic and reason, as usual.  

He gave me proper sexy side eye, sliding his foot towards me on the couch and pushing gently on my thigh.  “Of course I would.  It was a beautiful surprise, and I loved seeing them.  I watched them change on your desktop for a bit, so much so that I forgot why I was on your computer for a while.  But, after I saw all of them, I looked up possible flights that you could have been on and once I found one, I kept track of your status.  Once they finally got up in the air is when I began to make preparations for supper.  I thought about meeting you at the airport, but I thought you coming home to a hot meal was better.” 

I nodded, choking back the bubbling emotions that threatened to erupt, and I took a deep swallow of my wine.  I set my glass down on the table in front of us, and leaned back into the couch, turning to look at him.  Now that he was finished with his story, I knew it was time.  I had to steel myself against my own desires, and his charm, and do my best to convince him to leave.  I silently prayed to anyone who was listening to give me the strength to do it.  “So, here you are.  Having braved the elements, and you came after me, unlike last October.  After everything Luke had told me, and of our apparent awkward situation, why would you do such a thing?” I asked, clenching my teeth and preparing for his answer.  

Tom’s face went blank for a moment, and he turned towards the flames of the fire.  He stared into them for a moment, his eyes wide and unblinking, and he ran his hand thru his hair, making the shortened curls stand on end.  I glanced down at my lap, not being able to face him.  I began to worry the edge of my thumb as the silence of the living room began to yawn around us.  Finally, I looked up at him, and he was now staring at me, his eyes smoldering in the firelit room.  The look on his face took my breath away, and I forced myself to stay on my side of the couch, rather than launch myself into his arms and forgetting all of this foolishness.

He shrugged, exhaling quickly, “Because, I know how deeply you feel about me, and love like that isn’t erased within a few hours and eradicated by a misguided publicist ,who now knows better to stay the hell out of my personal business. After all we said to each other Friday night, I could not believe that you would throw all of that away; not after everything we had been thru, my love.” Tom said this with such conviction, my breath hitched within my throat, and I could feel it squeeze and tighten with emotion.  I bit my lower lip once more and closed my eyes.  He was right, I couldn’t throw this away.  But I felt I needed to convince Tom that even though Luke’s actions were misguided, that we truly could not, under any circumstances, be together.

I opened my eyes, releasing my swollen lip, and narrowed my eyes.  “What exactly did Luke say that I had told him? Before I supposedly got cold feet and left?” I asked.

Tom shrugged again, “He said that you thought we shouldn’t be together because of who you are, and what had happened in October, and the possible damage that -”

“But isn’t it true?  Think about it, Tom, seriously,” I interrupted, sitting up straight and turning to face him.  “Let’s just pretend for a moment that I do follow you home, and you and I embark on this epic love story, and we are blissfully happy.  I follow you around, as your invisible handler, and no one is the wiser.  We keep it quiet for a bit, but then you feel it’s time to reveal me to the world, and you talk me into taking me to a public event as your date.  You and I would be photographed, and then the backlash and the hate and the threats will begin. I saw what happened in the fandom last June when you went to Wimbledon, you didn't. It was not pretty, and you have no idea what was said.  Your fans will do their best to find out just who in the hell I am, and I will be torn to shreds. And once it’s found out that I’m just some dumbass American stalker fan, who was some pathetic volunteer -”

“Don’t - don’t you dare,” he said, interrupting me this time.  He sat up straighter as well, his face as serious as a heart attack.  His jaw was clenched again, that air escaping quickly thru his nostrils.  “Don’t you dare insult yourself in front of me, or behind me for that matter.  I do not give a furious fuck what other people think about you.  You, my dear lady, are my choice.  Mine.  It is my life to lead, not what anyone expects of me.  I am beholden to no one’s expectations, other than my own.  What, am I to remain some celibate monk, and not find happiness with someone that I love and care about?  Someone I want to spend my life with?  My god, if I gave into all of that bullshit, I wouldn’t be allowed to be who I am.  And that, my love, will not do.  I will continue to live my life as I see fit, not according to what everyone else seems to think it should be.”  Tom blinked at me, his face softening after he delivered his speech.  He moved towards me on the couch, his face a few inches from my own.  His eyes shift back and forth as he looked down into my face, and I could feel my cheeks flush hot as he watched me.  “I love you, Rebecca.  And nothing and no one is going to come between us ever again.  Do you hear me?  Not Luke, not any of my fans, and not even ourselves.  I’ve made my decision, and there is nothing you can say or do that will deter me from it.  Nothing. Because I know what lives inside your heart. You didn't spend months in agony over a weekend fling.” 

His bold statement hit me right in the gut.  Tom kept watching me, his eyes were intensely dark in the firelit room, and the muscles worked in his jaw as his teeth clenched.  I swallowed nervously, trying my best to pull as much of the strength I had left in my weary bones. But, damn him, he was right. And no matter if it was the truth; the fact remained that I had to what what needed to be done.  Denying him would most likely kill me, and at this moment, I would have welcomed death with open arms.  I had to hurt him to save him, deny him so he could flourish, and push him away so he could succeed.

The silence between us was broken only by the crackling of the dying fire, and with the opening drums and horns of an old Denise LaSalle song.  Fate’s wicked sense of humor had decided to be funny during a not so funny situation.  Recognizing the song, and damning my father’s taste in classic R&B straight to hell, our eyes both widened impossibly.  A wicked and surprised smile bloomed slowly on Tom’s face as I could feel mine fall in between the couch cushions.  

“Oh hell no - !  I am not going to sit here, having this conversation with you, while a song from one of your fucking movies becomes a permanent part of our personal soundtrack!”  I exclaimed, not feeling the anger in my words.  I bolted off the couch and tore out of the living room and up the stairs to my room.  I threw on the switch, making a beeline to Tom’s carry-on, messenger bag, and horrible black quilted jacket.  I grabbed all of his things and carted them back down; the carry-on bumping loudly behind me as it hit each stair.  I had to do this.  I couldn't sit in my parents living room with a romantic fire crackling and meaningful music playing softly in the background.  I needed to get Tom out of here and now, before I broke down and gave in to him, and to myself.  

Tom was standing in the shadows of the hall outside my living room, his brow wrinkled in confusion.  He watched me approach, hauling his luggage behind me, and his face erupted in protest.  

“What are you doing -”  He began, and I raised my hand, the look on my face forcing him into silence.

“I’m putting an end to this - to all of it.  I won’t do this anymore, Tom.  Luke is absolutely right, and you know it, in your heart.  I don’t want to draw this out any longer.  I truly appreciate what you’ve done today; coming after me and making me dinner and all of that.  But its time for the both of us to face reality.  Please, just - go.”  I said, holding out his tired black coat.  Tom stared at me, his eyes widening with incredulity.  I could see his throat move with what looked like a choked swallow, and he reached out, taking the jacket from me.  His arm fell and he looked away, his head shaking back and forth.  I crossed my arms in front of me, taking a deep breath and allowing my eyelids to drop.  I couldn’t watch this, and I didn’t want to.  

Suddenly, I heard his coat hit the floor and felt Tom’s hands gripping my shoulders roughly, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh.  I was glad it hurt, I wanted it to hurt.  I wanted it and I needed it to keep my focus.  My eyes popped open, and I saw his face; so full of pain, loss, and resolve. I could feel tears sting the backs of my eyes, and I blinked, my lids burning.  I couldn’t look at him and do this.  I wanted to take the cowards way out, but I had to face the fact that I would have to hurt Tom; hurt the man I loved more than anything, and I felt wretched and overwhelmed.

“I - I can’t, please.  Thomas, we can’t.  It’s for the best, Luke is right.  We shouldn’t - ” My shaky speech was interrupted by Tom sliding his fingers thru my hair and pulling me closer, forcing my hair clip to pop off and rattle to the floor. My hair fell around my shoulders as his forehead met mine and his palms gently cupped the back of my head.  The subtlety of our position was not lost on me, and I reached up with shaky hands to cover his.  I blinked up at him, my tears finally coming and sliding down my cheeks, and I nodded at him as his own eyes narrowed at me, shaking his head in the negative.  “Yes, Tom, please.  It is for the best, and you know it.  Despite all of our feelings, you know this is right.  You know this wouldn’t work.  If your fans found out, it would be devastating, and I will be damned if I will be the reason for your reputation, or your career, being destroyed.  I - I love you too much, to shatter your dreams of success.  Please, Tom, for your sake, let me go - ”  My voice wavered near the end, and I couldn’t go on.  The deep grief of what I was doing took a hold of me, and my body gave into it.  I squeezed my eyes shut, and my belly clenched and shook with my tears.  Tom’s hands slid from the back of my head and down my back, wrapping his arms around me as I finally broke down.  I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to be in this position of sending him away, but I felt I had no choice.

Tom said nothing as he held onto me, our bodies moving against the other with our own grief, and I held onto him for dear life, clutching the front of his very soft sweater.  I felt the smooth planes of his back as he held me, memorizing his body against mine so that I would never forget.  As I slid my arms down around his waist, the memory of our tearful parting in October oozed silently within me, and I grit my teeth, recalling that horrible time.  We had both been so desperate, knowing our time was finite, and now, Tom was offering me forever, and I was giving it all up, just to save him.

“Did you hear nothing I said earlier? Were you not listening at all? Rebecca, you listen to me now! It does not matter what anyone thinks! The fans don't matter; Luke doesn't matter! No one but you and me. It doesn't matter how we met or under what circumstances. It doesn't matter that I'm supposedly some famous bloody actor, and you are just a girl from the Midwest. This isn't bloody Notting Hill, for fucks sake! And I won't insult you with that speech, but god damn it, it's true! With you, I am only Tom, and you, my beautifully selfish girl, are my Rebecca. And I love you, with all of my heart and soul, why can't you see that?!”

As he spoke, and the mention of that amazing movie, I laughed unwittingly thru my tears. And it was just a silly movie; but this was reality. I said nothing, but I didn't need to. He continued, “The only people allowed to have an opinion about our relationship are the two of us, Madame. And if you can just stop and think; stop trying to sacrifice our happiness together for this moronic notion that you can't be in my life, perhaps you can see that we can face anything. Just the two of us - together.”

Suddenly, Tom pulled away from me, his palms sliding onto my cheeks.  “Look at me,” he said.  I opened my puffy eyes as twin tears dropped and rolled down my cheeks.  His beautiful blue eyes were red rimmed, but no tears fell from them.  “No,” he stated, just looking at me.

I was confused, but deep down, I knew what his “No” meant.  I took a deep breath, and as I began to shake my head at him, he stopped me, holding my head still.  

“No.  Rebecca, just - no.  You are lying to me, and to yourself.  Please stop this.  I know better, and I know you know better.  Just tell me one thing, do you love me?” he asked, his face was still and serious.  I blinked up at him, my lips dipping into a deep frown.  I didn’t want to lie anymore, I didn’t want to do this anymore.  I was exhausted, and I wanted to give up on this so badly.  “Rebecca, answer me, please.  Do you love me?” 

Fresh tears cascaded down my cheeks, and I bit my lower lip as I blinked, sending my new tears falling over the backs of his hands. My god, could I do this? Could I stand with him and face the inevitable? Could I honestly think that what we had started only a few months ago could be a strong enough foundation to keep us going? Even thru the bullshit? Was it enough? Would it ever be enough? But as I stood, with Tom's hands holding on to me, staring down at me with that beautiful face I had fallen for so long ago, imploring me to take a chance on what he was offering. Damn him, and damn all logic and reason. My inner fangirl was on the sidelines, holding her own breath, waiting for my answer. And I had done quite enough waiting to last a lifetime.  “Yes,” I replied weakly.  

Tom’s face relaxed, but his eyes remained focused on me.  They narrowed as he nodded.  “Then that is all that matters.  Because I have bad news for you, my dove.  I love you, with all of my heart, for whatever that is worth.  And there is absolutely nothing in this world that you can say to me that will change that.  And if you feel you need to send me away, then I will sleep out in the snow if only to catch sight of your beautiful face.  I will stay here, until you relent in this madness.  I don’t care that I have obligations or commitments, I will stay here, and wait for you, as long as it takes.  Do you hear me, my love?  I will wait for you.” 

All of the air in my lungs left me in a rush as his words fell around me, and what he really meant.  I had done my waiting, and now, he was selflessly offering to do the same for me.  I gripped the muscles of his back, holding on to him as the tiny flame of hope that I had done my best to extinguish, blew up into a blaze that burned thru my bones and blinded me. What choice did I have, really?  I surrendered.  I looked up into his eyes as I pulled him towards me, crushing him against me.  I had no words for this man, there was nothing else I could say.  I closed my eyes and nodded.

After what felt like a millenia, I felt his lips slowly cover mine, taking my bottom lip between his in a shy kiss of resolution.  We were already crushed against the other, but I moved towards him, my body pushing into his as my mind renounced all logic, and I succumbed to what we both wanted.  Despite only knowing the other for no more than a grand total of a week, we knew the other better than we knew ourselves.  As my body yielded to him, Tom deepened our kiss, as a moan of triumph vibrated in his throat.  Knowing that we would be together, facing all of the negativity and the backlash together, gave me a giddy hope that what Tom was offering just might work out in the end.  

Tom pulled away from me, breaking our kiss, and taking my hand in his, pulling me behind him back to the living room.  We huddled close to each other on the couch, and he began to dig awkwardly around in his front jeans pocket.  He grinned at me, his face blurring and melding thru the last of my tears.  After he found what he was looking for, he turned towards me and took my right hand into his.  Tom opened his fingers, revealing the silver band that I had left with Luke, and I bit my lip, seeing the gift he had left me with so many months ago.  He slid this back onto my thumb, and curled my fingers into his, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.  “I know that you left this, thinking you didn’t deserve to have this.  And a small part of me is glad that you did, because now I have the pleasure of placing it back upon your hand, where it belongs.” 

My chest tightened, and I laughed nervously, my insides shaking with the release of all of the pain and anguish over the day. And as we sat, both of us staring into the fire, I thought to ask something I always wanted to know since my arrival home in October.

“Tom, when in the hell did you find time to get my ring that weekend? I was with you almost every second. When did you get it?” I asked. Tom chuckled deep in his throat as we leaned wearily against the other; the words of an old Beatles song falling around us.   

He squeezed me to him and sighed, his laughter dying out as he spoke. “Well, my pensive darling, do you happen to remember when we were in the dealer's room on the last day of the show? And I was chatting about my silly figurine, and you were looking at the jewelry vendor? Well, I had excused myself to the loo before the auction, do you remember? And you sent young Nick along to look out for me? I slid him some money, told him what I wanted, and he went and had it made that afternoon. You'll recall there was also a mysterious visitor at my hotel room right after dinner that night? Yes, my darling, Nick was delivering your gift. I didn't say anything to you because I wanted to surprise you.” 

As he told me this, I was speechless. He took the time to get me a silly and very thoughtful gift, and was sneaksy as all hell about it. Tom was certainly turning out to be quite the romantic softy, and I squeezed him to me, overcome by him once more.

“My god, I had no idea. I'll have to ask Nick about it if I see him again. Smooth, Hiddleston, very smooth.” I said, giggling and snuggling closer to him. There was no other place in the world that I wanted to be, and as the horrible plan of sending this man away from me and out of my life faded away, all that was left in the end was us.  

“Look, no matter what happens, no matter what we have to go thru, it’s you and me now,” Tom whispered to the top of my head.  His statement was simple and, in the end, it was simple.  Just as he had shown me a few nights before, when he had asked if I would have him. The truth of what we both wanted, was boiled down to this.  I nodded and my body sighed wearily against his.

After a few moments, I pulled away.  He looked down at me, his features were soft, and his eyes were at peace.  I smiled up at him, tightening my arms around his waist.  “Before we move forward, there is something important I need to tell you,” I said, my voice was steady and even.

Tom’s brow crinkled, and he cocked his head to the side.  “What’s that, love?” he asked.  

If we were to embark on this crazy journey together, defying distance and expectations, there was one thing he needed to know.  I looked up at him, at my Tom.  Finally, after all of the months of loss and regret, finding each other again, and all the miscommunication and stupidity, I felt more love for him than I had at any other time since I even knew he existed.  And I knew that our path was going to be difficult, but if we had each other, then nothing else truly mattered.  I tried to not giggle at what I knew I was about to say, and I cleared my throat, “I love you, Thomas Hiddleston, with all of my heart and soul.  And I know that times are going to be hard for us.  But there is one thing you need to know, something about me that could possibly come between us.  And that is, that I absolutely hate spaghetti.” 

Tom glanced down at me, his face serious, but as it dawned on him what I actually said, he burst out laughing, throwing his head back, and pulling me against his chest.  I could hear his glorious ehehehe resonate against my ear, and I finally began giggling with him.  

“Well, my darling, thank you ever so much for the information.  I will endeavor not to prepare it ever again.  However, that is only one of a few dishes I do know how to prepare.  I hope you know how to cook, otherwise, we’ll both starve,” Tom said to the top of my head.  

“Of course I know how to cook. Quite well actually.  And I could always teach you, then I wouldn’t need to cook - you could do it.” I replied, wiggling closer to him.

“Oh, and you think I have time to learn how to cook?” Tom pulled away, looking down at me incredulously.

I grinned up at him, watching the firelight flicker across his face.  “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot.  You’re a big famous rock star actor that can’t learn how to cook something other than spaghetti.  I seem to recall from some interview that you and Hemsworth prepared culinary masterpieces while you were holed away in Iceland, or was that all just a lie? Some bit of trolling to feed to the thirsting fangirls - ” I began giggling as Tom cut off the last of my sentence, pushing me back onto the couch, his fingers digging deep into my ribs. I gasped for air as his hands mercilessly ran over my ribs and under my arms.  His deep and wicked laugh vibrated thru my ear as he took my earlobe between his teeth, biting down gently.  I twist and turned in his arms, trying to escape his onslaught, but Tom was much stronger than I was.  

“Stop!  Oh dear lord, Tom!  Cut it out!!  STOP!!” I yelled in between gasps for air.  But he was relentless with his hands roving over me.  He had also decided to play dirty.  His teeth left my earlobe and he began to take nips at my neck, his lips attaching to my flesh, causing me to gasp for a better reason than his fingers wiggling along my ribs.  But I wasn’t going to let him get the better of me.  I wriggled my knee between us and pushed against Tom’s belly, causing him to lose balance on top of me.  His head jerked up for a split second, and as he toppled off the couch onto the floor, he grabbed me by the shoulders, taking me with him.  I landed on his chest with an Oof!, and I straddled his waist, locking my ankles around his legs.   

I looked down at him, both of us heaving for air as our laughter subsided.  Tom reached up, his fingers sliding along my cheeks, holding me gently as we watched the other in the dimness of the living room.  The silliness between us evaporated, and Tom took a deep breath, pulling me towards him so our foreheads touched.  His eyes fluttered closed, and I could feel his brow furrow against mine.

“Don’t ever leave me again, please.  I said forever, and I meant it.  Just - don’t,” he said, his voice serious.  His statement made my heart clench in my chest, and I nodded as his eyes opened once more.

I leaned back so he could see my face. “Never.  You’re stuck with me, Hiddleston.  I’m not going anywhere.  And I’m done waiting, I’m ready.” My words were bold, and I meant every word I said.  

Tom’s face softened, and he laughed low and deep.  His hands slid deeper into my hair, looping around the strands and yanking me gently towards his face once more.  Our lips were a breath apart and his eyes glittered dark green in the firelight.  “Mmmm...when do we start?” he asked, menace and mischief dripping with each word.  

My eyes widened, seeing he had let his Loki slip, and I returned his wicked laugh as my hands slid between us, my fingers digging into the flesh of his chest.  His eyes fluttered briefly as my nails bit thru his very soft sweater.  “Immediately, my good sir.” 

Tom moaned quietly, his throat vibrating with the sound.  And with a quick tug, his lips were on mine.  I returned his moan and deepened our kiss, as an old Stevie Wonder tune played quietly in the background.


End file.
